Washington, D.C. - After months of considerable debate, the EPA has decided to launch an investigation regarding the toxicity of soft drink flavorings. Most of the drinks affected have an orange flavoring, which is manufactured by Tang. Though the flavoring has no effect on humans, many have begun to witness symptoms in animals similar to drunkenness. Laboratory tests have confirmed that the flavoring contains a concentrated mixture of anise and catnip.
The Union of Concerned Scientists have performed studies that conclude that excessive consumption of the beverages involved could lead to permanent brain damage. "If the animals are drinking the beverage on special occasions, there are no immediate risks. However, drinking the substance more than twice a day may lead to serious mental disorders caused by accelerated brain loss," says William Freud.
Tang executives have admitted to altering the mixture. A man who prefers to remain anonymous claims that the ingredients were added to improve taste. "One of our engineers thought it would be a funny joke. Ironically, our double-blind tests confirmed that this mixture was the one that was preferred by the most by the general populace." Tang has said numerous times that they have no interest in changing the mixture, despite public outcry.
Action has already been taken in several states. In South Carolina, Kentucky, Georgia, Florida, Texas, and South Carolina, age limits ranging from 4-15 have already been implemented. Pennsylvania, Washington, California and Wyoming require paid permits for sale and possession to animals. North Carolina has also considered doing the same. In New Hampshire, Alabama, Mississippi, and Utah, beverages containing the flavoring have been banned altogether.
The environmental investigation of the substance could affect public policy decisions. If the flavoring has a significant impact on public health, or can be harmful to wilderness animals, regulations could be made to change or modify the mixture. Pets who drink beverages with the flavoring oppose such a measure, claiming that humans use drugs such as tobacco and alcohol to cope with their problems, and thus it would be unfair to them to use it for the same purpose, and compare it to temperance.
Public opinion swings in Tang's favor, with 64% of Americans saying that it shouldn't be changed. 30% say it should be changed, and 6% are undecided.
