Redemption of the Good Ol' Dog
Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2022 10:51 pm
Redemption of the Good Ol' Dog (name subject to change)
by WrenIsProbablyBored and Snownerder/Kingpyn
"Bino's stuck in a rut. Things just don't seem to be going his way, despite all the effort he puts in, and how, well, genius he knows he is. However, a reunion with an old friend and a change in the power dynamics of his club force him to confront his ego and realise just how unhappy he is with himself."
Hello! I've been working on this story with a friend the past few weeks and felt ready to post the first chapter. I am still very slowly working on my other fanfiction, but I've got a lot more passion for this, and I actually am pretty fond of how it's turning out. Big ol' shoutout to Kingpyn (aka Snownerder) for helping me with writing and brainstorming, and generally being awesome to hang out with. He's not on the forums, but I obviously couldn't leave him out!
A quick note: This story portrays emotional manipulation and features Duchess as the primary antagonist. She's not exactly a pleasant character, so if you don't want to read about her, I can't fault ya.
Also this features Bino and Sasha becoming friends again, but they do not get back together. Just wanted to make that clear.
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Chapter One
"The Hateful Hound"
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It came to Bino as a slow burn. A long, drawn-out menagerie of misfortunes otherwise known as his life. His status, or lack thereof. His vast unhappiness in the face of the content lifestyle of his siblings. A dog has to run out of hubris eventually- and as the delusions died down, Bino realized just how much his life genuinely sucked. His girlfriend? Sucked. His club? Sucked. His current interpersonal situation with all his former friends and allies? Wouldn’t you know it, that sucked too.
How could he have gotten to this point? He was the undisputed leader of the God Awful Dogs Club! And yet, even with this empty badge, this position of perceived prestige and status… Bino got zero respect. Zero admiration. Asserting his position, his rightful spot as the leader, only brought himself annoyed sighs. Glares. Side-eyes.
But then, of course, as long as he offered free food to the dogs in the club, he could at least guarantee attendance for some dogs. But of course, of course of course OF COURSE, his owner just had to decide that no, spending six hundred dollars on dog treats and various snacks every week was not a good use of money. Like, ugh, the gall of that man! If you’re going to get a dog, you should be ready for the expenses. Even if those expenses include feeding the entirety of the neighborhood dogs as well as your own.
Look, as far as a dog is concerned, humans should be endless money pits. There, he said it!
Of course, without the food, club attendance dropped from roughly 40 per meeting to less than ten. A dwindling attendance rate, accentuating Bino's dwindling respectability.
Duchess was of course not happy about this. She and Bino had had really epic and grandiose plans for world domination and Bino had ruined them by not having money anymore. And if Bino was of no use to Duchess, then why would Duchess stay with him? This was a concern that Bino had voiced aloud earlier, to which Max, ever the eavesdropper, offered some admittedly not-as-atrocious-as-usual wisdom.
“You know, Bino, if you have to be useful to your girlfriend to even be with her, it’s probably not a good relationship.”
It wasn’t what Bino wanted to hear. He’d cursed Max out after that, very cursily. Cursively? Wait, didn’t that refer to writing with, like, a slant? No, that was italics. What was cursive again? Hmm. Something to ponder over, at least once he was done being miserable. After he’d cursed Max out, though, he’d gone to his bed and thought about his life, like he often did, because he was cool like that and he thought everything through. Everything. And he’d sort of come to a realization that for once the catnip cruncher he called his roommate and sometimes brother was perhaps not entirely wrong. This was a saddening realization and therefore he didn’t ponder it for much longer.
But the next morning, as he looked in the mirror, he found that he wasn’t particularly excited to start off his day and enjoy his life. He splashed his face and felt a little bit better but not enough to say he felt good. As he went about his day, playing a bit with a ball in his backyard, which wasn’t a whole lot of fun on his own. For a dog, he was… very lonely most of the time. The club was his reprieve from loneliness, to be honest.
He bounced the ball against the back wall of his house. It made the same pank noise that it did every time it hit the wall- it was one of those rubber dodgeballs, the kind that were way too easy to pop if you chewed them a little too hard.
“This is sad, even for you.” Bino recognized the voice saying this, turning around to see one of his least favorite cats, and that was a high bar.
“Why are you spying on me? Devious cat-related reasons? Are you planning a hostile takeover of the GODC? Why don’t you go back to your boyfriend and leave me alone?” Bino spat, the vitriol easily worming its way out of his stomach.
“Laying it on thick today, huh?” Grape asked, her voice even and seemingly unbothered.
“You know, cat is just a LETTER away from rat! And rats are… bad and stuff!”
“They’re pretty tasty, though,” Grape pointed out. “And isn’t your brother in a relationship with one?”
“THAT’S A MOUSE! And I don’t approve of it. Joey and I are not on speaking terms.”
“Weird how both your siblings are in interspecies relationships. I wonder if it runs in your family?”
“IT DOES NOT MY BROTHERS ARE JUST TRAITORS OKAY NOW GO AWAY!”
Grape grinned toothily. “I guess the only brother of yours that you still talk to is Max. I can’t believe your favorite brother is a cat!”
Bino’s jaw dropped. He was mortified- beyond mortified, even. “No! I hate Max, he’s a cat. I don’t talk to cats!”
Grape raised an eyebrow. “You don’t?”
“Never!” Bino decided to accentuate his point by turning away and scoffing out a petulant “hmph”. Grape promptly rolled her eyes at the petty display.
“Well, before I go hang out with Max, I wanted to let you know that Peanut’s thinking of starting another dog club in the area. Says he and some of the other dogs have been missing the GODC. It’s gonna be open to cats too!”
“Then he can’t even call it a dog club? And what do you mean, missing the GODC? It’s still around. Not my fault all the traitors left,” Bino grumbled.
“Isn’t it?” asked Grape. “Well, you and that charming-young-lady you call your girlfriend.”
“You leave Duchess out of this!” Bino demanded. “Or I will maul you! Viciously!”
“I’m going to go have lots of fun cuddles with Max, you can maul me later,” Grape said, padding off down the fence she was on top of.
“Maybe I will!” Bino said. “And you’ll regret being so sassy!”
But Grape didn’t respond. Bino frowned, turning to his rubber ball, left forgotten on the grass. Bino didn’t feel moved to interact with it again. He would have gone to hang out with Duchess, but she probably didn’t want him around.
“Why must my genius leave me isolated so often?” Bino asked himself. He wasn’t being fully serious, he knew his genius had nothing to do with his isolation, and in fact, if more people were aware of his genius, he’d be less isolated.
Maybe he should go spend some time with Fox? Wait, no. Fox sucks. And Bino would never voluntarily hang out with him ever again.
Bino sighed. He looked at the ball again, which each moment became an even more tempting playmate… Well, as tempting as a ball could be.
“Or I could go on a walk,” Bino said to himself. He smiled at the idea. It had been a while since he’d done that for the sake of it- there was always the worry of possibly running into King or Fox or heaven forbid a cat. But walks were nice. He was a dog, after all.
He walked over to the gate for his backyard, unlatching the door and heading out. He would have told his housemates where he was going, but his owner was at work and honestly, he didn’t want to talk to Max right now, especially if he and Grape were cuddling.
Walking down the sidewalk, he took a second to just breathe and admire the world around him. Despite all of the annoying pets living there, Babylon Gardens was still a pretty awesome neighborhood. Lots of space to run around and play, lots of trees, which were just the right shade of green in Bino’s opinion. Despite Bino’s decidedly cloudy mood, the sunny outside did wonders for how he felt- or, for how he SHOULD have felt. Everything around Bino felt so happy, so carefree- and yet, Bino still found himself grounded into a sense of constant unhappiness, that he just couldn’t seem to shake. It was lessened by the stroll, sure, but it persisted in the back of his head.
It was becoming unbearable.
Quickly, though, and perhaps for the best (he didn’t really want to think about his life right now), he found his train of thought interrupted by a familiar voice.
“Hi, I’m Daisy!” said Daisy from behind Bino. Bino turned around.
“Oh, are you now?” he asked, resisting the urge to commit violent acts.
Daisy smiled widely and waved at him. Then, the rather unintelligent dog did something which really surprised Bino. She held out a paw and beckoned for Bino to follow.
Bino raised an eyebrow skeptically. “What’s going on now? A sign of life behind those dead, beady eyes? Truly, I’m shocked.”
If Daisy was at all hurt by this comment, she didn’t make it known in any way, instead just smiling and beckoning again.
Bino frowned. “Really, now, what’s up?” he asked.
“I’m Dai-”
“Yes, yes, you’re Daisy, I get it. Will you tell me what you want if I follow you?”
Daisy nodded. Bino shrugged and decided to play along. He was, after all, an extremely curious dog (and in desperate need of company). Maybe this would get his mind off of things, get his mind off of his loneliness. If nothing else, he could pretend Daisy was just one of his cronies- though he’d expel that thought after a minute. That just felt weird. And sad.
Daisy led Bino down the street a bit, back the way he had come from, before abruptly turning towards the woods. Bino voiced concern about this, pointing out how all the squirrels in the woods might take this as an opportunity to gang up and get revenge on him, but Daisy seemed entirely nonplussed about the very real threat squirrels provided.
After maybe a couple of minutes of walking deeper into the woods, a somewhat obscured doghouse, lying in a tiny clearing between the trees came into view. It was small, even for a doghouse, but appeared well maintained, with some toys littered around outside of it. Bino thought for a second, then recognized it as Sasha’s doghouse, which he hadn’t visited in years at this point. And if he wasn’t mistaken, appeared to have moved from one small woods to another.
“Why am I here, exactly?”
Daisy cleared her throat. “Um, hi. Sorry, I don’t… talk much, well, uh, you know how I act most of the time. But there’s something I sorta feel I need to tell you.”
Bino was surprised to see Daisy talking like a relatively normal dog, and voiced his surprise with rigor. “Holy crap, you actually have a brain!”
Daisy sighed. “Well, obviously, not that you’ve ever looked at me twice.”
“Look, I figured Sasha hung out with you to feel smart, that’s what I do with my croni- I mean, friends, at least.”
“Oh, dear, then maybe this was a bad idea,” Daisy considered.
“Hey! Tell me why you dragged me out here. And also why this dog house isn’t in the same place it used to be.” Bino made these demands with his shoulders raised, in an attempt to look maybe more intimidating or something.
“Oh, that. Well, you know this is Sasha’s doghouse. I’m not sure if you’re aware, seeing as Sasha left the GODC, but she moved. Not, like, out of the neighborhood, but into a house with a bunch of other self-owned animals. Sponsored by the Miltons.”
Bino raised his eyebrows. “Oh, wow. Good on her for leaving her owner, that guy was just… horrible! But is she really able to look after herself?”
“She’s not alone, she’s got the Miltons looking out for her, as well as Kevin- that’s her new boyfriend, I don’t know if you know him- and the other animals living in the same house as her. And she’s adapting pretty well, too. Is even thinking about getting a job or something at some point.”
“So what does any of this have to do with me?” Bino asked. He was starting to get impatient. He hadn’t talked to Sasha in forever and really didn’t care that much anymore.
“Well, you see, Sasha’s still quite lonely, and according to her, misses the GODC quite a lot. So I guess I’m here to ask that you unban her from it, because Sasha’s not planning on asking you herself.”
Bino frowned. “I thought Sasha left of her own volition?”
“Duchess banned her. Were you not aware of that?”
“Duchess… banned her? She doesn’t have the proper club status to carry out bannings without first consulting me. Nobody does, not even me! I have to consult myself too!” Bino gritted his teeth and growled. “Why would Duchess betray my trust like that? She knows the policy is only ban the cat lovers. Was Sasha hanging out with any cats that you know of?”
Daisy shrugged. “I’m not going to try and explain to you that your girlfriend is just using you, though I did hear rumors at the last club meeting that she’s planning on banning you next. Heard that from Boris I think?”
“I don’t believe you,” said Bino, who was visibly panicking. “Duchess would never do that to me. She’s not a usurper, unlike King!”
“What does King have to do with this?” asked Daisy, looking very confused.
“He usurped my best friend!”
“Um, okay. Well, if you don’t get banned, make sure to unban Sasha from the club. Might even bring back some of the other club members, too.”
“I’m not going to get banned! And I’ll prove to you I’m still in control of the club, I’ll unban Sasha tonight! Be at tonight’s meeting by the way. Please please please.”
Daisy huffed in amusement. “Yup. Make sure to tell Sasha by the way, I brought you here so she could talk to you. She’s napping in the doghouse. Well, anyways. Bye, I’m Daisy!” The black dog then promenaded off.
“Wait, but…! You said she– why?” Bino’s questions went unanswered. This didn’t make sense to him! Sasha hadn’t been planning on asking him to unban her- Daisy had made that clear- so what else could she have to say to Bino?
Bino turned away from the quickly evading dog, staring at the doghouse.
“She’s sleeping, huh?”
He stepped forward towards it, trying to look innocent and quietly whistling before knocking on the doghouse. He wasn’t sure why he did this, but if any squirrels were watching, he assumed they’d try to spread gossip about him and Sasha, so it was probably something to do with that.
“Whoooo is it?” came the voice from within. If Bino were to describe it, he’d say it was sweet, innocent, and deceptive.
“It’s Bino. Like you asked for?”
There was the sound of shuffling around inside, presumably as Sasha disentangled herself from blankets, and then Sasha exited the dog house, turning to look at Bino.
“I didn’t ask for you to talk to me,” Sasha said, head tilted in the side in genuine confusion. She was wearing an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt dotted with pineapples and a pair of jorts, but despite seemingly having the fashion sensibilities of a midwestern great-uncle, she looked alright, if a little disheveled from having been asleep.
“Well, um, Daisy said you did? Anyhow, you’re unbanned from the Good Ol’ Dogs Club. Duchess took initiative when she wasn’t supposed to by banning you, and I need to talk to her about that. But you’re free to attend meetings to hang out with everyone,” Bino said, feeling awkward.
“Daisy told you I wanted to talk to you? Strange. Now I wonder why she’d do that. Oh well. How’s the club going?”
Oh, gosh. I really wasn’t planning on making small talk. Doesn’t Sasha remember our uber mega tumultuous history? Bino sighed and attempted to smile, looking very uncomfortable in spite of himself. “Yeah, uh, the club’s going… fine. Well, maybe not fine. There’s only eleven or twelve dogs at each meeting now! They’ve all forsaken me! As soon as I stop being of use to them by providing food, they abandon me! But I guess that’s a good thing. Now we’ve got all the disloyal cat-lovers out of the club.”
“What’s this about loyalty? Isn’t the club supposed to be a spot to make ou- I mean, hangout?” Sasha looked incredibly confused at this point.
Ignoring Sasha’s freudian slip, for Bino was well aware of the other dog’s loose definition of monogamy, Bino just sighed. “It’s- nothing. I don’t know. I’m- I don’t need to have an explanation!”
Sasha nodded. “Er, okay, that’s fine.”
“So what’s with the clothing? And- oh my, you don’t have a collar!?” Bino looked somewhat scandalized, though this was admittedly offset a bit by the actual clothing Sasha was wearing.
“Oh yeah! Well, you see, now that I don’t have an owner, I don’t have a collar, other than the one on my shirt.” Sasha popped up the collar on her button-down. “Humans call these things collars, but they usually like them pressed down and not covering anything. How strange! All my housemates wear clothing and I felt sorta naked having no collar AND no clothing, so I got Keene to hook me up with some clothes, and he got me this human named Taylor, who apparently makes clothing.”
“Huh,” said Bino. “That’s nice of him.”
“It is! Keene also helped me with studying for the GOE and paying for stuff, at least until I get a job of my own.”
“What’s the GOE?” asked Bino.
“General Obedience Exam. Animals need to take it if they wish to become humans basically. It’s not that hard. Mostly just human customs things, like, what do you do when a human holds their hand out to you?”
Bino paused to ponder this for a moment. “Grab it and pull it up and down?” he said, remembering how his owner often greeted other humans.
“More or less,” agreed Sasha. “How come you’re talking to me? I thought you still hated me.”
Bino had NOT been prepared for the conversation to all-too-suddenly shift gears right there, and he opened and closed his mouth trying to formulate a sentence for a little bit. “Um, well, you see…”
He wasn’t sure exactly when he had stopped hating Sasha. Really, all things considered, he should have quite a lot against Sasha, at least from the way their relationship ended. He’d never fully stopped to self reflect on this though, and simply found this morning when Sasha was brought up, he didn’t have that normal simmering hatred in his stomach.
“I don’t hate you because it was never going to work out between us, and I guess I found someone I like a lot more.” Or so I tell myself. If Duchess is going behind my back…
Sasha laughed. “Haha, yeah, you were way too insecure about all the guys I kissed.”
Bino let out a growl which soon collapsed into a sigh. “I wasn’t insecure, I just felt like you were disloyal! And you kinda were!”
Sasha chuckled dismissively. “Well, that’s all in the past now. Besides, you were an awful boyfriend!”
Bino wanted to retort back and say he was a wonderful boyfriend, but it had been years and at this point even he couldn’t begin to claim he’d been a great boyfriend.
“Yeah, I suppose I was.” Bino turned towards the trees, hoping there weren’t any squirrels nearby, before catching himself staring wistfully into the woods. He wasn’t sure what it was that he was staring into the woods for. Perhaps it was just one of many things to look at. Still, he felt himself growing sad.
I used to have so many friends. I really wish they hadn’t all betrayed me! Now they don’t get to see how great I am.
Yeah, that was it. He was feeling lonely. Again. Stupid loneliness. It proved inescapable.
“Didn’t expect you to outright admit it,” said Sasha.
“You know what? Me neither.” Bino shrugs. It was the truth- usually, he never really admitted to anything, unless it made his image look a bit better. But here he was, faced with cold, hard facts from Sasha of all dogs… facts that he was helpless to dispute.
Just like how the GODC was slowly dwindling away.
Just like how impossibly lonely he felt, even among other pets.
Just like how empty his life felt. How barren everything seemed. Everyone else was moving on with their lives, enjoying what’s given to them. And Bino was stuck in his static, sad bubble. Sasha was visual proof of this.
“How’s the GODC doing?” asked Sasha.
“Not… well,” said Bino, clutching his stomach as if he’d been dealt a blow. “Um, you see, my owner stopped paying for the food we have at each club meeting, and more than half the members stopped attending…”
Bino sighed. “They don’t know how hard I work for them!”
Sasha looked confused. “Don’t you just annoy them with your wordy speeches?”
Bino gasped. “My speeches are one of the main draws!” Bino said, feeling great offense. Maybe they weren’t exactly one of the main draws, but he worked so hard to come up with a new speech every meeting! He used to be able to run them by Fox and Rex before the club met, but now, he just had to hope they were good. But none of the dogs ever seemed to complain about them, so…
“I thought most of the dogs only came for the food,” Sasha admitted. “Back when my owner didn’t… feed me… all that well, that was one of the reasons I came.” Sasha’s usually chipper demeanor faded quickly as she recounted that. “I know I wasn’t the only dog who really relied on that when times got hard…” She scratched idly at her muzzle, eyes trained on the ground.
Bino frowned. “Oh… um. I didn’t realize it… mattered so much.” Did the attendants only ever come because I made food for them? They must have… never even liked me to begin with.
Sasha nodded. “It mattered a lot to some of us. But if there isn’t anything you can do to bring it back, it sucks that all the dogs left.”
“Yeah! It really does. I didn’t even think they liked the food I made for them much. Nobody ever compliments me on it!”
Sasha looked surprised.
“Really? No one? That’s… what about Fox and Rex and your other friends you had?”
“No, well, Fox used to, but he was probably only complimenting it to gain my approval! And Rex helped teach me how to cook, so it’s bound to already fit his tastes. And therefore any compliment he gave me would be totally invalid!” Bino declared.
“I didn’t even know you made all the food,” Sasha admitted. “I remember it being really good…”
Bino shrugged. “Yeah, it’s not like I spent hours every week doing it or anything. Or decided not to attend dates because of it. Or…”
Sasha chuckled. “Oh… I always thought that when you said you couldn’t go out with me because you were cooking, it was just an excuse.”
Bino shrugged and scratched behind his ear. “Well, I mean, it was at least partially an excuse, but I did spend a lot of time cooking. Do the dogs really not know this about me?”
Sasha hummed. “I mean I don’t think anyone knows.”
“Gah!” cried Bino. “And to think I put in so much effort! In several of my speeches, I mentioned wanting to get someone other than me, er, and sometimes Rex I suppose, to do cooking!”
“Nobody has ever listened to your speeches, Bino,” said Sasha, looking at him closely.
Bino wanted to immediately bite back, but he did technically know it was true. “That’s another thing nobody appreciates! I put in hours of work into each and every speech, I make sure to address relevant issues, and nobody ever listens to me! Is my opinion not important!?”
Bino had begun to pace around as he ranted, while Sasha had sat down on the roof of her doghouse, simply watching Bino.
“Well maybe you’re going about it wrong,” Sasha pointed out. “I always tuned out because the speeches were so looong… and ego-y, that too.”
“But the longer the speech, the more work it shows I put into it, and the better leader I am,” said Bino, gesturing towards his chest. “I don’t want to just say a few words and then move on, I want people to know I worked hard on the speech!”
“I don’t know,” said Sasha. She’d never been one for planned speeches herself, preferring to talk others' ears off about whatever was on her mind. That, and Bino certainly sounded like he was making a good point.
Bino brought a paw up to his chin. “Perhaps… I should ask more questions during speeches, to keep the audience engaged… Methinks I have a plan!”
He grinned widely, rubbing his paws together like some kind of cartoon supervillain.
“Bino,” Sasha said, “Would you want to sit through one of your own speeches?”
Bino looked up at Sasha, then down at his paws, hiding them behind his back. “What? I mean, yes! Of course. My speeches miiiight be too long, but they’re filled to the brim with excellent talking points and good humor. Everyone hates my speeches because they don’t like me! Yeah, that’s it.”
Sasha scrunched her eyebrows. “Uhhh… I don’t hate you?”
Bino smiled. “You don’t!? But I was such an awful boyfriend!” His tail was wagging, further bewildering Sasha.
“We were never meant to be,” said Sasha. “And maybe…” she paused, trying to think of how to say the next bit. “I wasn’t… hmm, I dunno.”
Bino nodded. “I suppose that’s fair. But I think it would be excellent if we could still be friends!”
Sasha smiled, though she did feel a bit of concern over Bino’s emotional state in the back of her mind. “Sure! Do you wanna kiss?”
Bino chuckled. “What?”
Sasha nodded. “It’s been a really long time.”
Bino scratched at his collar, now feeling bewildered himself. “Uh, no… no thank you. I have a girlfriend. And hey, you have a boyfriend! And friends don’t normally kiss each other!”
“They don’t?” asked Sasha, looking genuinely stunned. “But I kiss everyone!”
“You- I mean, I’m not shocked…” Bino said, looking uncomfortable. “Look, I’d… rather not bring up any painful memories. I’ve got to go work on revising a speech now. I’m gonna make it more engaging! I’d love to see you at the club meeting tonight!”
“Alright!” said Sasha, perking up. “I’ll be there! It’s going to be a blast, just like old times.”
Bino nodded, smiling widely and tail wagging. “See you soon!” he said, walking off.
Maybe not like old times, he thought to himself, his tail slowing down. He couldn’t deny that the club was smaller now, and he felt empty without being able to spend as much time cooking… But if Sasha was there, it’d probably be alright. And hey, he’d get to see Duchess again! It had been a few days since they had talked.
He smiled. For once, it seemed like things were looking up.
by WrenIsProbablyBored and Snownerder/Kingpyn
"Bino's stuck in a rut. Things just don't seem to be going his way, despite all the effort he puts in, and how, well, genius he knows he is. However, a reunion with an old friend and a change in the power dynamics of his club force him to confront his ego and realise just how unhappy he is with himself."
Hello! I've been working on this story with a friend the past few weeks and felt ready to post the first chapter. I am still very slowly working on my other fanfiction, but I've got a lot more passion for this, and I actually am pretty fond of how it's turning out. Big ol' shoutout to Kingpyn (aka Snownerder) for helping me with writing and brainstorming, and generally being awesome to hang out with. He's not on the forums, but I obviously couldn't leave him out!
A quick note: This story portrays emotional manipulation and features Duchess as the primary antagonist. She's not exactly a pleasant character, so if you don't want to read about her, I can't fault ya.
Also this features Bino and Sasha becoming friends again, but they do not get back together. Just wanted to make that clear.
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Chapter One
"The Hateful Hound"
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It came to Bino as a slow burn. A long, drawn-out menagerie of misfortunes otherwise known as his life. His status, or lack thereof. His vast unhappiness in the face of the content lifestyle of his siblings. A dog has to run out of hubris eventually- and as the delusions died down, Bino realized just how much his life genuinely sucked. His girlfriend? Sucked. His club? Sucked. His current interpersonal situation with all his former friends and allies? Wouldn’t you know it, that sucked too.
How could he have gotten to this point? He was the undisputed leader of the God Awful Dogs Club! And yet, even with this empty badge, this position of perceived prestige and status… Bino got zero respect. Zero admiration. Asserting his position, his rightful spot as the leader, only brought himself annoyed sighs. Glares. Side-eyes.
But then, of course, as long as he offered free food to the dogs in the club, he could at least guarantee attendance for some dogs. But of course, of course of course OF COURSE, his owner just had to decide that no, spending six hundred dollars on dog treats and various snacks every week was not a good use of money. Like, ugh, the gall of that man! If you’re going to get a dog, you should be ready for the expenses. Even if those expenses include feeding the entirety of the neighborhood dogs as well as your own.
Look, as far as a dog is concerned, humans should be endless money pits. There, he said it!
Of course, without the food, club attendance dropped from roughly 40 per meeting to less than ten. A dwindling attendance rate, accentuating Bino's dwindling respectability.
Duchess was of course not happy about this. She and Bino had had really epic and grandiose plans for world domination and Bino had ruined them by not having money anymore. And if Bino was of no use to Duchess, then why would Duchess stay with him? This was a concern that Bino had voiced aloud earlier, to which Max, ever the eavesdropper, offered some admittedly not-as-atrocious-as-usual wisdom.
“You know, Bino, if you have to be useful to your girlfriend to even be with her, it’s probably not a good relationship.”
It wasn’t what Bino wanted to hear. He’d cursed Max out after that, very cursily. Cursively? Wait, didn’t that refer to writing with, like, a slant? No, that was italics. What was cursive again? Hmm. Something to ponder over, at least once he was done being miserable. After he’d cursed Max out, though, he’d gone to his bed and thought about his life, like he often did, because he was cool like that and he thought everything through. Everything. And he’d sort of come to a realization that for once the catnip cruncher he called his roommate and sometimes brother was perhaps not entirely wrong. This was a saddening realization and therefore he didn’t ponder it for much longer.
But the next morning, as he looked in the mirror, he found that he wasn’t particularly excited to start off his day and enjoy his life. He splashed his face and felt a little bit better but not enough to say he felt good. As he went about his day, playing a bit with a ball in his backyard, which wasn’t a whole lot of fun on his own. For a dog, he was… very lonely most of the time. The club was his reprieve from loneliness, to be honest.
He bounced the ball against the back wall of his house. It made the same pank noise that it did every time it hit the wall- it was one of those rubber dodgeballs, the kind that were way too easy to pop if you chewed them a little too hard.
“This is sad, even for you.” Bino recognized the voice saying this, turning around to see one of his least favorite cats, and that was a high bar.
“Why are you spying on me? Devious cat-related reasons? Are you planning a hostile takeover of the GODC? Why don’t you go back to your boyfriend and leave me alone?” Bino spat, the vitriol easily worming its way out of his stomach.
“Laying it on thick today, huh?” Grape asked, her voice even and seemingly unbothered.
“You know, cat is just a LETTER away from rat! And rats are… bad and stuff!”
“They’re pretty tasty, though,” Grape pointed out. “And isn’t your brother in a relationship with one?”
“THAT’S A MOUSE! And I don’t approve of it. Joey and I are not on speaking terms.”
“Weird how both your siblings are in interspecies relationships. I wonder if it runs in your family?”
“IT DOES NOT MY BROTHERS ARE JUST TRAITORS OKAY NOW GO AWAY!”
Grape grinned toothily. “I guess the only brother of yours that you still talk to is Max. I can’t believe your favorite brother is a cat!”
Bino’s jaw dropped. He was mortified- beyond mortified, even. “No! I hate Max, he’s a cat. I don’t talk to cats!”
Grape raised an eyebrow. “You don’t?”
“Never!” Bino decided to accentuate his point by turning away and scoffing out a petulant “hmph”. Grape promptly rolled her eyes at the petty display.
“Well, before I go hang out with Max, I wanted to let you know that Peanut’s thinking of starting another dog club in the area. Says he and some of the other dogs have been missing the GODC. It’s gonna be open to cats too!”
“Then he can’t even call it a dog club? And what do you mean, missing the GODC? It’s still around. Not my fault all the traitors left,” Bino grumbled.
“Isn’t it?” asked Grape. “Well, you and that charming-young-lady you call your girlfriend.”
“You leave Duchess out of this!” Bino demanded. “Or I will maul you! Viciously!”
“I’m going to go have lots of fun cuddles with Max, you can maul me later,” Grape said, padding off down the fence she was on top of.
“Maybe I will!” Bino said. “And you’ll regret being so sassy!”
But Grape didn’t respond. Bino frowned, turning to his rubber ball, left forgotten on the grass. Bino didn’t feel moved to interact with it again. He would have gone to hang out with Duchess, but she probably didn’t want him around.
“Why must my genius leave me isolated so often?” Bino asked himself. He wasn’t being fully serious, he knew his genius had nothing to do with his isolation, and in fact, if more people were aware of his genius, he’d be less isolated.
Maybe he should go spend some time with Fox? Wait, no. Fox sucks. And Bino would never voluntarily hang out with him ever again.
Bino sighed. He looked at the ball again, which each moment became an even more tempting playmate… Well, as tempting as a ball could be.
“Or I could go on a walk,” Bino said to himself. He smiled at the idea. It had been a while since he’d done that for the sake of it- there was always the worry of possibly running into King or Fox or heaven forbid a cat. But walks were nice. He was a dog, after all.
He walked over to the gate for his backyard, unlatching the door and heading out. He would have told his housemates where he was going, but his owner was at work and honestly, he didn’t want to talk to Max right now, especially if he and Grape were cuddling.
Walking down the sidewalk, he took a second to just breathe and admire the world around him. Despite all of the annoying pets living there, Babylon Gardens was still a pretty awesome neighborhood. Lots of space to run around and play, lots of trees, which were just the right shade of green in Bino’s opinion. Despite Bino’s decidedly cloudy mood, the sunny outside did wonders for how he felt- or, for how he SHOULD have felt. Everything around Bino felt so happy, so carefree- and yet, Bino still found himself grounded into a sense of constant unhappiness, that he just couldn’t seem to shake. It was lessened by the stroll, sure, but it persisted in the back of his head.
It was becoming unbearable.
Quickly, though, and perhaps for the best (he didn’t really want to think about his life right now), he found his train of thought interrupted by a familiar voice.
“Hi, I’m Daisy!” said Daisy from behind Bino. Bino turned around.
“Oh, are you now?” he asked, resisting the urge to commit violent acts.
Daisy smiled widely and waved at him. Then, the rather unintelligent dog did something which really surprised Bino. She held out a paw and beckoned for Bino to follow.
Bino raised an eyebrow skeptically. “What’s going on now? A sign of life behind those dead, beady eyes? Truly, I’m shocked.”
If Daisy was at all hurt by this comment, she didn’t make it known in any way, instead just smiling and beckoning again.
Bino frowned. “Really, now, what’s up?” he asked.
“I’m Dai-”
“Yes, yes, you’re Daisy, I get it. Will you tell me what you want if I follow you?”
Daisy nodded. Bino shrugged and decided to play along. He was, after all, an extremely curious dog (and in desperate need of company). Maybe this would get his mind off of things, get his mind off of his loneliness. If nothing else, he could pretend Daisy was just one of his cronies- though he’d expel that thought after a minute. That just felt weird. And sad.
Daisy led Bino down the street a bit, back the way he had come from, before abruptly turning towards the woods. Bino voiced concern about this, pointing out how all the squirrels in the woods might take this as an opportunity to gang up and get revenge on him, but Daisy seemed entirely nonplussed about the very real threat squirrels provided.
After maybe a couple of minutes of walking deeper into the woods, a somewhat obscured doghouse, lying in a tiny clearing between the trees came into view. It was small, even for a doghouse, but appeared well maintained, with some toys littered around outside of it. Bino thought for a second, then recognized it as Sasha’s doghouse, which he hadn’t visited in years at this point. And if he wasn’t mistaken, appeared to have moved from one small woods to another.
“Why am I here, exactly?”
Daisy cleared her throat. “Um, hi. Sorry, I don’t… talk much, well, uh, you know how I act most of the time. But there’s something I sorta feel I need to tell you.”
Bino was surprised to see Daisy talking like a relatively normal dog, and voiced his surprise with rigor. “Holy crap, you actually have a brain!”
Daisy sighed. “Well, obviously, not that you’ve ever looked at me twice.”
“Look, I figured Sasha hung out with you to feel smart, that’s what I do with my croni- I mean, friends, at least.”
“Oh, dear, then maybe this was a bad idea,” Daisy considered.
“Hey! Tell me why you dragged me out here. And also why this dog house isn’t in the same place it used to be.” Bino made these demands with his shoulders raised, in an attempt to look maybe more intimidating or something.
“Oh, that. Well, you know this is Sasha’s doghouse. I’m not sure if you’re aware, seeing as Sasha left the GODC, but she moved. Not, like, out of the neighborhood, but into a house with a bunch of other self-owned animals. Sponsored by the Miltons.”
Bino raised his eyebrows. “Oh, wow. Good on her for leaving her owner, that guy was just… horrible! But is she really able to look after herself?”
“She’s not alone, she’s got the Miltons looking out for her, as well as Kevin- that’s her new boyfriend, I don’t know if you know him- and the other animals living in the same house as her. And she’s adapting pretty well, too. Is even thinking about getting a job or something at some point.”
“So what does any of this have to do with me?” Bino asked. He was starting to get impatient. He hadn’t talked to Sasha in forever and really didn’t care that much anymore.
“Well, you see, Sasha’s still quite lonely, and according to her, misses the GODC quite a lot. So I guess I’m here to ask that you unban her from it, because Sasha’s not planning on asking you herself.”
Bino frowned. “I thought Sasha left of her own volition?”
“Duchess banned her. Were you not aware of that?”
“Duchess… banned her? She doesn’t have the proper club status to carry out bannings without first consulting me. Nobody does, not even me! I have to consult myself too!” Bino gritted his teeth and growled. “Why would Duchess betray my trust like that? She knows the policy is only ban the cat lovers. Was Sasha hanging out with any cats that you know of?”
Daisy shrugged. “I’m not going to try and explain to you that your girlfriend is just using you, though I did hear rumors at the last club meeting that she’s planning on banning you next. Heard that from Boris I think?”
“I don’t believe you,” said Bino, who was visibly panicking. “Duchess would never do that to me. She’s not a usurper, unlike King!”
“What does King have to do with this?” asked Daisy, looking very confused.
“He usurped my best friend!”
“Um, okay. Well, if you don’t get banned, make sure to unban Sasha from the club. Might even bring back some of the other club members, too.”
“I’m not going to get banned! And I’ll prove to you I’m still in control of the club, I’ll unban Sasha tonight! Be at tonight’s meeting by the way. Please please please.”
Daisy huffed in amusement. “Yup. Make sure to tell Sasha by the way, I brought you here so she could talk to you. She’s napping in the doghouse. Well, anyways. Bye, I’m Daisy!” The black dog then promenaded off.
“Wait, but…! You said she– why?” Bino’s questions went unanswered. This didn’t make sense to him! Sasha hadn’t been planning on asking him to unban her- Daisy had made that clear- so what else could she have to say to Bino?
Bino turned away from the quickly evading dog, staring at the doghouse.
“She’s sleeping, huh?”
He stepped forward towards it, trying to look innocent and quietly whistling before knocking on the doghouse. He wasn’t sure why he did this, but if any squirrels were watching, he assumed they’d try to spread gossip about him and Sasha, so it was probably something to do with that.
“Whoooo is it?” came the voice from within. If Bino were to describe it, he’d say it was sweet, innocent, and deceptive.
“It’s Bino. Like you asked for?”
There was the sound of shuffling around inside, presumably as Sasha disentangled herself from blankets, and then Sasha exited the dog house, turning to look at Bino.
“I didn’t ask for you to talk to me,” Sasha said, head tilted in the side in genuine confusion. She was wearing an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt dotted with pineapples and a pair of jorts, but despite seemingly having the fashion sensibilities of a midwestern great-uncle, she looked alright, if a little disheveled from having been asleep.
“Well, um, Daisy said you did? Anyhow, you’re unbanned from the Good Ol’ Dogs Club. Duchess took initiative when she wasn’t supposed to by banning you, and I need to talk to her about that. But you’re free to attend meetings to hang out with everyone,” Bino said, feeling awkward.
“Daisy told you I wanted to talk to you? Strange. Now I wonder why she’d do that. Oh well. How’s the club going?”
Oh, gosh. I really wasn’t planning on making small talk. Doesn’t Sasha remember our uber mega tumultuous history? Bino sighed and attempted to smile, looking very uncomfortable in spite of himself. “Yeah, uh, the club’s going… fine. Well, maybe not fine. There’s only eleven or twelve dogs at each meeting now! They’ve all forsaken me! As soon as I stop being of use to them by providing food, they abandon me! But I guess that’s a good thing. Now we’ve got all the disloyal cat-lovers out of the club.”
“What’s this about loyalty? Isn’t the club supposed to be a spot to make ou- I mean, hangout?” Sasha looked incredibly confused at this point.
Ignoring Sasha’s freudian slip, for Bino was well aware of the other dog’s loose definition of monogamy, Bino just sighed. “It’s- nothing. I don’t know. I’m- I don’t need to have an explanation!”
Sasha nodded. “Er, okay, that’s fine.”
“So what’s with the clothing? And- oh my, you don’t have a collar!?” Bino looked somewhat scandalized, though this was admittedly offset a bit by the actual clothing Sasha was wearing.
“Oh yeah! Well, you see, now that I don’t have an owner, I don’t have a collar, other than the one on my shirt.” Sasha popped up the collar on her button-down. “Humans call these things collars, but they usually like them pressed down and not covering anything. How strange! All my housemates wear clothing and I felt sorta naked having no collar AND no clothing, so I got Keene to hook me up with some clothes, and he got me this human named Taylor, who apparently makes clothing.”
“Huh,” said Bino. “That’s nice of him.”
“It is! Keene also helped me with studying for the GOE and paying for stuff, at least until I get a job of my own.”
“What’s the GOE?” asked Bino.
“General Obedience Exam. Animals need to take it if they wish to become humans basically. It’s not that hard. Mostly just human customs things, like, what do you do when a human holds their hand out to you?”
Bino paused to ponder this for a moment. “Grab it and pull it up and down?” he said, remembering how his owner often greeted other humans.
“More or less,” agreed Sasha. “How come you’re talking to me? I thought you still hated me.”
Bino had NOT been prepared for the conversation to all-too-suddenly shift gears right there, and he opened and closed his mouth trying to formulate a sentence for a little bit. “Um, well, you see…”
He wasn’t sure exactly when he had stopped hating Sasha. Really, all things considered, he should have quite a lot against Sasha, at least from the way their relationship ended. He’d never fully stopped to self reflect on this though, and simply found this morning when Sasha was brought up, he didn’t have that normal simmering hatred in his stomach.
“I don’t hate you because it was never going to work out between us, and I guess I found someone I like a lot more.” Or so I tell myself. If Duchess is going behind my back…
Sasha laughed. “Haha, yeah, you were way too insecure about all the guys I kissed.”
Bino let out a growl which soon collapsed into a sigh. “I wasn’t insecure, I just felt like you were disloyal! And you kinda were!”
Sasha chuckled dismissively. “Well, that’s all in the past now. Besides, you were an awful boyfriend!”
Bino wanted to retort back and say he was a wonderful boyfriend, but it had been years and at this point even he couldn’t begin to claim he’d been a great boyfriend.
“Yeah, I suppose I was.” Bino turned towards the trees, hoping there weren’t any squirrels nearby, before catching himself staring wistfully into the woods. He wasn’t sure what it was that he was staring into the woods for. Perhaps it was just one of many things to look at. Still, he felt himself growing sad.
I used to have so many friends. I really wish they hadn’t all betrayed me! Now they don’t get to see how great I am.
Yeah, that was it. He was feeling lonely. Again. Stupid loneliness. It proved inescapable.
“Didn’t expect you to outright admit it,” said Sasha.
“You know what? Me neither.” Bino shrugs. It was the truth- usually, he never really admitted to anything, unless it made his image look a bit better. But here he was, faced with cold, hard facts from Sasha of all dogs… facts that he was helpless to dispute.
Just like how the GODC was slowly dwindling away.
Just like how impossibly lonely he felt, even among other pets.
Just like how empty his life felt. How barren everything seemed. Everyone else was moving on with their lives, enjoying what’s given to them. And Bino was stuck in his static, sad bubble. Sasha was visual proof of this.
“How’s the GODC doing?” asked Sasha.
“Not… well,” said Bino, clutching his stomach as if he’d been dealt a blow. “Um, you see, my owner stopped paying for the food we have at each club meeting, and more than half the members stopped attending…”
Bino sighed. “They don’t know how hard I work for them!”
Sasha looked confused. “Don’t you just annoy them with your wordy speeches?”
Bino gasped. “My speeches are one of the main draws!” Bino said, feeling great offense. Maybe they weren’t exactly one of the main draws, but he worked so hard to come up with a new speech every meeting! He used to be able to run them by Fox and Rex before the club met, but now, he just had to hope they were good. But none of the dogs ever seemed to complain about them, so…
“I thought most of the dogs only came for the food,” Sasha admitted. “Back when my owner didn’t… feed me… all that well, that was one of the reasons I came.” Sasha’s usually chipper demeanor faded quickly as she recounted that. “I know I wasn’t the only dog who really relied on that when times got hard…” She scratched idly at her muzzle, eyes trained on the ground.
Bino frowned. “Oh… um. I didn’t realize it… mattered so much.” Did the attendants only ever come because I made food for them? They must have… never even liked me to begin with.
Sasha nodded. “It mattered a lot to some of us. But if there isn’t anything you can do to bring it back, it sucks that all the dogs left.”
“Yeah! It really does. I didn’t even think they liked the food I made for them much. Nobody ever compliments me on it!”
Sasha looked surprised.
“Really? No one? That’s… what about Fox and Rex and your other friends you had?”
“No, well, Fox used to, but he was probably only complimenting it to gain my approval! And Rex helped teach me how to cook, so it’s bound to already fit his tastes. And therefore any compliment he gave me would be totally invalid!” Bino declared.
“I didn’t even know you made all the food,” Sasha admitted. “I remember it being really good…”
Bino shrugged. “Yeah, it’s not like I spent hours every week doing it or anything. Or decided not to attend dates because of it. Or…”
Sasha chuckled. “Oh… I always thought that when you said you couldn’t go out with me because you were cooking, it was just an excuse.”
Bino shrugged and scratched behind his ear. “Well, I mean, it was at least partially an excuse, but I did spend a lot of time cooking. Do the dogs really not know this about me?”
Sasha hummed. “I mean I don’t think anyone knows.”
“Gah!” cried Bino. “And to think I put in so much effort! In several of my speeches, I mentioned wanting to get someone other than me, er, and sometimes Rex I suppose, to do cooking!”
“Nobody has ever listened to your speeches, Bino,” said Sasha, looking at him closely.
Bino wanted to immediately bite back, but he did technically know it was true. “That’s another thing nobody appreciates! I put in hours of work into each and every speech, I make sure to address relevant issues, and nobody ever listens to me! Is my opinion not important!?”
Bino had begun to pace around as he ranted, while Sasha had sat down on the roof of her doghouse, simply watching Bino.
“Well maybe you’re going about it wrong,” Sasha pointed out. “I always tuned out because the speeches were so looong… and ego-y, that too.”
“But the longer the speech, the more work it shows I put into it, and the better leader I am,” said Bino, gesturing towards his chest. “I don’t want to just say a few words and then move on, I want people to know I worked hard on the speech!”
“I don’t know,” said Sasha. She’d never been one for planned speeches herself, preferring to talk others' ears off about whatever was on her mind. That, and Bino certainly sounded like he was making a good point.
Bino brought a paw up to his chin. “Perhaps… I should ask more questions during speeches, to keep the audience engaged… Methinks I have a plan!”
He grinned widely, rubbing his paws together like some kind of cartoon supervillain.
“Bino,” Sasha said, “Would you want to sit through one of your own speeches?”
Bino looked up at Sasha, then down at his paws, hiding them behind his back. “What? I mean, yes! Of course. My speeches miiiight be too long, but they’re filled to the brim with excellent talking points and good humor. Everyone hates my speeches because they don’t like me! Yeah, that’s it.”
Sasha scrunched her eyebrows. “Uhhh… I don’t hate you?”
Bino smiled. “You don’t!? But I was such an awful boyfriend!” His tail was wagging, further bewildering Sasha.
“We were never meant to be,” said Sasha. “And maybe…” she paused, trying to think of how to say the next bit. “I wasn’t… hmm, I dunno.”
Bino nodded. “I suppose that’s fair. But I think it would be excellent if we could still be friends!”
Sasha smiled, though she did feel a bit of concern over Bino’s emotional state in the back of her mind. “Sure! Do you wanna kiss?”
Bino chuckled. “What?”
Sasha nodded. “It’s been a really long time.”
Bino scratched at his collar, now feeling bewildered himself. “Uh, no… no thank you. I have a girlfriend. And hey, you have a boyfriend! And friends don’t normally kiss each other!”
“They don’t?” asked Sasha, looking genuinely stunned. “But I kiss everyone!”
“You- I mean, I’m not shocked…” Bino said, looking uncomfortable. “Look, I’d… rather not bring up any painful memories. I’ve got to go work on revising a speech now. I’m gonna make it more engaging! I’d love to see you at the club meeting tonight!”
“Alright!” said Sasha, perking up. “I’ll be there! It’s going to be a blast, just like old times.”
Bino nodded, smiling widely and tail wagging. “See you soon!” he said, walking off.
Maybe not like old times, he thought to himself, his tail slowing down. He couldn’t deny that the club was smaller now, and he felt empty without being able to spend as much time cooking… But if Sasha was there, it’d probably be alright. And hey, he’d get to see Duchess again! It had been a few days since they had talked.
He smiled. For once, it seemed like things were looking up.