Housepets!

Posted: **Wed Mar 07, 2018 11:46 pm**

No I don't understand how a well can attack monsters. YuGiOh is a weird game.

Posted: **Thu Mar 08, 2018 12:07 am**

"I'm on your side, you idiots! How many of you do I have to kill before you understand that?!"

Posted: **Mon Mar 19, 2018 12:17 am**

Been long enough for double posting to be okay, so here’s another one!
“I have no compunctions about mind controlling a raptor.”

Posted: **Mon Mar 19, 2018 11:19 am**

"Ooo. Got something good for me? Is it a dress?"

Posted: **Mon Mar 19, 2018 11:20 am**

"See? I'm good at stuff."

Posted: **Mon Mar 19, 2018 4:27 pm**

The committee decided but no one remembered. That spineless one of the better recent decisions.

Posted: **Mon Mar 19, 2018 5:01 pm**

“Jungles are really just mountains, but with more plants and more flat.”

Posted: **Tue Mar 20, 2018 4:28 pm**

Thanks to direct presidential action, the public continued to remain ignorant of the herculean work of modern scientists to prevent fish from discovering waffles.

Posted: **Wed Mar 21, 2018 2:55 am**

“Lad, you depressed the boat, for God’s sake!”
“It’s not my fault it’s so feelly!”

Posted: **Sun Mar 25, 2018 4:21 pm**

“Only true friends dress in drag and do the hula while you fight your uncle.”

Posted: **Sun Mar 25, 2018 9:26 pm**

"You're just quoting the lion king you-"
"Shut up wind, He'll hear you!"

Posted: **Sun Mar 25, 2018 9:34 pm**

Even if it's full of gravel, it's still pie.

Posted: **Mon Mar 26, 2018 6:33 pm**

“I’ll keep polishing this bowling pin.”

Posted: **Sat Mar 31, 2018 9:37 am**

When zombies are finally allowed to conduct orchestras, the public will learn of the works of the great musical decomposers.

Posted: **Sun Apr 01, 2018 9:45 pm**

“Too much pink energy is dangerous!”

Posted: **Mon Apr 02, 2018 11:27 am**

There's s solution to everything if you have enough acid.

Posted: **Mon Apr 02, 2018 5:31 pm**

"why is it taking us so long to fall?"
"Cause it's funny!"
"no it's not it's just stupid. It's as dumb as that Hand Man episode."

Posted: **Tue Apr 03, 2018 4:43 pm**

I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail to be the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade.

Posted: **Tue Apr 03, 2018 7:06 pm**

There are no major cuisines devoted to cooking in which the primary ingredient is canvas.

Posted: **Tue Apr 03, 2018 7:52 pm**

So I don’t want to hear any excuses that you didn’t know there was a giant monster there guys, you have one job, READ THE THING!!!

Posted: **Tue Apr 03, 2018 11:56 pm**

"I bet vegans taste just like regular people"

Posted: **Fri Apr 13, 2018 8:15 pm**

”So, I give up, aliens. You win. You've convinced me I'm not ready for interstellar travel. I'll stay here on Earth and keep paying my bills."

Posted: **Fri Apr 13, 2018 8:53 pm**

"this is the first time in my life i identify with a tire."

"My eyes are sticking out of my other eyes, but I’m okay with that. And now we will evolve legs."

"I couldn’t figure out how ladders worked and now I’m trapped in some sort of nether plane."

"Oh, it’s wanted posters, I thought it was screaming cheese."

"Okay, I’ve eaten, ah, Venus."

Posted: **Sat Apr 14, 2018 8:26 am**

"Lawn gnome beach party of taffeta. Make note to that."

Posted: **Sat Apr 14, 2018 10:42 am**

If a cantaloupe cannot run for public office, can they roll?

Posted: **Sat Apr 14, 2018 9:16 pm**

“Ben & Jerry’s was the key to the Armageddon.”

Posted: **Sun Apr 15, 2018 12:37 pm**

"You shouldn't eat anything in a hard drive"

Posted: **Sun Apr 15, 2018 2:20 pm**

Summon the calamari...wait...no...that's not it!

Posted: **Sun Apr 15, 2018 5:24 pm**

"I'm calling mom!....And i'm not using the banana this time!"

Posted: **Fri Apr 20, 2018 10:09 pm**

“Sorry Noctis, that nice barista at Starbucks? Yeah, she’s got a heart of gold, and she’s gonna save the universe and not you.”

Posted: **Sat Apr 21, 2018 9:06 am**

Kangaroos do not carry pocket watches because they only have pouches.

Posted: **Sat Apr 21, 2018 10:52 pm**

"Thankfully almost every problem in life can be solved with abrasives."

"Clothes make a man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."

(Strangely, this is an interesting concept)

Posted: **Sun Apr 22, 2018 11:27 am**

"Turnips are very sensitive to time paradoxes."

Posted: **Sun Apr 22, 2018 5:10 pm**

“Needless to say, when the Human-Dog super friendship pals forever death armada came the various aliens really began to question how sincere we were during the initial talks.”

Posted: **Wed Apr 25, 2018 7:06 pm**

"It's Heaven's punishment for our terrible taste in everything!"

Posted: **Wed Apr 25, 2018 9:05 pm**

In the long run, nobody's socks survive.

Posted: **Thu Apr 26, 2018 12:58 am**

“Well, I think this is a first. I don't know anyone else who can claim to have committed genocide strictly as an act of immediate self-defense.”

Posted: **Thu Apr 26, 2018 7:41 am**

"It'd be like turning a chicken McNugget back into a chicken. Now someday someone will be able to do that but for now it's going to be tough."

Posted: **Thu May 03, 2018 6:50 pm**

If it was Cretaceous Park, would there be an Allosaurus?

Posted: **Sat May 05, 2018 6:20 pm**

"I've got things to do and daddy issues to repress!"

Housepets!

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