Housepets!

Posted: **Mon Jun 08, 2020 5:24 pm**

Granted, however you seem to have been transported into a world where possession of strawberry jam is a felony.

I wish for a functional hose.

Posted: **Mon Jun 08, 2020 5:30 pm**

Granted. It is precisely one inch in length. It's also got a weird foreign-design end bit and you can't find a fitting adapter anywhere.

I wish for a laser of doom.

Posted: **Mon Jun 08, 2020 5:35 pm**

Granted, unfortunately, it only dooms people named Wilma Ovalhead who live in Cheyenne, Wyoming.

I wish for a state quarter.

Posted: **Mon Jun 08, 2020 5:56 pm**

congrats, you now own a quarter of a state. Everyone in the quarter dislikes you and the taxes you have to pay are outrageous.

I wish for a pizza.

Posted: **Mon Jun 08, 2020 6:06 pm**

Granted, but you’ve just found that eating pizza causes you to vomit uncontrollably for three hours.

I wish for a spare phone charger.

Posted: **Mon Jun 08, 2020 6:17 pm**

granted. but it's not for the kind of phone you have.

I wish for a new comfy chair.

Posted: **Mon Jun 08, 2020 6:34 pm**

Granted, it’s so comfy you are unable to get out of it.

I wish for a softer mattress.

Posted: **Mon Jun 08, 2020 6:47 pm**

its the softest mattress you've ever had. so soft, when you get on it, you instantly sink to the frame because the mattress is so soft.

I wish I could breakdance.

Posted: **Mon Jun 08, 2020 7:15 pm**

Granted, you can breakdance so well that everyone asks you to do it and you soon get sick of doing it, but they continue to ask.

I wish my laundry room was on the same floor as my bedroom.

Posted: **Tue Jun 09, 2020 1:47 pm**

your bed is now in your laundry room. It couldn't be any more convenient than that.

I wish I was a genius like Mr. Fantastic

Posted: **Tue Jun 09, 2020 4:44 pm**

Granted, you are a genius, because you are a genius however, every time you make a mistake people act like it is some big deal and you never hear the end of it.

I wish my chair didn’t get so hot from the sun.

Posted: **Wed Jun 10, 2020 10:15 am**

your chair will never feel hot again because it's made of ice now! ever lasting ice. . .that sweats . .. but never melts.

I wish for a can of compressed air.

Posted: **Wed Jun 10, 2020 10:44 am**

Granted, unfortunately this air makes everything smell like ham.

I wish for more stylish glasses.

Posted: **Wed Jun 10, 2020 10:57 am**

granted. Theyre super stylish and super high fashion. However, they're so high fashion that everyday people don't get it and think you're a jerk. . . if you're ever in paris though!

I wish for a new alarm clock

Posted: **Wed Jun 10, 2020 11:34 am**

Granted, the alarm is extremely loud bugle rendition of Cowtown Races and you can’t turn it off unless you hop backwards in a circle while reciting The Tyger by Willam Blake.

I wish for less bicycles in my garage .

Posted: **Wed Jun 10, 2020 1:57 pm**

your garage how now become an infinite void. you will never have too little space. But be careful. it's easy to get lost in there. . .

I wash I had a robocop

Posted: **Wed Jun 10, 2020 2:17 pm**

Granted, however the robocop goes rogue and everyone blames you for its actions.

I wish for a set of new sheets.

Posted: **Wed Jun 10, 2020 2:20 pm**

you have a brand new pair of sentient sheets. They actively go out of the way to never fit what kind of bed you have.

I wish for a new trash can

Posted: **Wed Jun 10, 2020 2:28 pm**

Granted, the trash can us a size of a thimble, but it is new.

I wish for a new coffeemaker.

Posted: **Wed Jun 10, 2020 2:39 pm**

The coffee makes is amazing. only the most delicious coffee comes from it. Sadly, its so good that its addictive. you now can no longer go five minutes without brewing a cup.

I wish for a sandboard.

Posted: **Wed Jun 10, 2020 5:11 pm**

Granted. But it's course and rough and irritating.

I wish for a sunny day.

Posted: **Wed Jun 10, 2020 5:28 pm**

Granted, but it is so sunny it causes sunburn, ouch!

I wish for a nearby donut shop.

Posted: **Wed Jun 10, 2020 5:44 pm**

The donut shop is in your garage. Its always busy and loud as heck.

I wish for a poster of a housepets character

Posted: **Wed Jun 10, 2020 7:12 pm**

Granted, you get a picture of a neighbor cat or dog, drawn as a stick figure.

I wish for a comfy couch.

Posted: **Wed Jun 10, 2020 8:51 pm**

You were granted THE big, comfy couch. you become a clown and you're obligated to teach kids things every day at about 11 am.

I wish for a jello cup

Posted: **Wed Jun 10, 2020 8:55 pm**

^Hm. Still better than retail.

Granted, you have a Jell-O cup, unfortunately every utensil has mysteriously vanished so you have to eat it with your hands.

I wish to catch a non dangerous fish .

Posted: **Wed Jun 10, 2020 9:18 pm**

congratulations. you hooked a whale shark. Its big, clunky, and cant be of any use to you. In fact, it seems a bit angry.

I wish i could star in a movie.

Posted: **Wed Jun 10, 2020 9:26 pm**

Congratulations, you’ve been cast as the star of Birdemic 3.

I wish for quality microwave popcorn.

Posted: **Thu Jun 11, 2020 11:58 am**

Congrats. you have how the most quality microwave popcorn. Sadly, it's just one kernal. Enjoy.

I wish for a plane ticket to London.

Posted: **Thu Jun 11, 2020 12:05 pm**

Granted, sadly the ticket is for a flight on Pan-Am.

I wish for a jar of peanuts.

Posted: **Sun Jun 14, 2020 8:45 pm**

you get a jar of stickers that feature everyones favorite dog Peanut butter Sandwich. Don't eat them. They're non-toxic but will hurt your tummy.

I wish for a spider-man themed bed spread.

Posted: **Mon Jun 15, 2020 3:22 pm**

Granted, sadly the bedspread only fits hamster beds.

I wish for a new box fan.

Posted: **Mon Jun 15, 2020 7:39 pm**

Granted, although the box is the size of a ring box. It works great though. does exactly what it should!

I wish for night vision goggles.

Posted: **Tue Jun 16, 2020 8:01 am**

Granted, but they only work on August 13th in Duluth, Minnesota.

I wish for a pocket watch.

Posted: **Tue Jun 16, 2020 5:59 pm**

Granted. But the clock face counts only one second.

I wish for a pair of contact lenses that never need to be replaced.

Posted: **Tue Jun 16, 2020 8:08 pm**

Granted but they only work if your name is Denny Krupa, and you live in Kingston, Jamaica and work as a freelance architect who specializes in clown museums.

I wish for new curtains.

Posted: **Wed Jun 17, 2020 11:04 am**

you have some brand new curtain woven from the thinnest material known to man. They don't do anything but they look nice!

I wish for a new piece of art

Posted: **Wed Jun 17, 2020 11:57 am**

Granted, you get a random kindergartener’s doodle.

I wish for French fries.

Posted: **Thu Jun 18, 2020 8:41 am**

You are now the proud owner of Mcdonalds fries that have been aged for about twenty years.

I wish strawberry oreos existed.

Posted: **Thu Jun 18, 2020 9:16 am**

Granted, they exist but cost $55,000 a package and have a three year waiting list. Also you’re deathly allergic to strawberries (Maybe I should’ve led off with that.)

I wish for a decent gumbo recipe.

Housepets!

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