Housepets!

Falstaff: Schemes? Sir, you offend me! I do not scheme! I put into motion elaborate plans in order to get what I want or need! Now, excuse me while I work on a sch... plan to get more cookies out of Mrs. McGillicuddy

Bruce and/or Roosevelt: What did you two do in Austrailia while the others were doing their thing?

B & R: We tried to locate family but it turns out that both of our families have been US zoo kangaroos for quite a while. Somehow, though we kept our accents, odd huh? After that didn’t pan out we stayed at the place Keene rented for us and binge-watched Happy Days.

Mrs. McGillicuddy, What is your favorite type of pie to make for the animals?

Mrs. Mac: "Fresh, dear, fresh. I'm thinking, though, it might be fun to see what they do with cherry cobbler. Raccoons are so cute in red!"

Joey - "Do you and Squeak ever go on picnics?"

Joey: (with a mouth full of food) Of course we do, we're on one right now!

Squeak: (running after one of the Bigglesworths) Squish me, cat daddy!

Joey: (Horrified) SQUEAK, NO!

Hey, Bino, what's your worst fear?

Bino: "I fear nothing!!! ... isn't that right, Duchess, precious dearest mistress of the upper-cut?"

Say, Jasper, have you met Lois?

Jasper: Yeah. They're pretty cool, actually; I mean, I thought I was the only one who could quote Casablanca word for word! Though, I do think it's kinda weird that he, er, I meant she is dating a squirrel.

Hey, Sasha, what attracted you to Kevin?

Sasha: Well, I think that it was that he reminded me of Bino. Except that he's taller, kinder, stronger... I guess that it was that he was nothing like Bino.

Kitsune: Why are you still playing D&D with the nerds? Isn't that kind of beneath you?

Kitsune: To be honest, it's kinda boring up in Heaven now that I've turned Pete and Dragon into fox kits and tormenting King has kinda lost it's fun factor. Besides, this mortal version of U&U has always fascinated me, and messing with that Lester kid is always fun.

Hey, Sgt. Ralph, what's the strangest case you've ever worked on (besides the one with the ghost jaguar)

Ralph: "Anything I get Mungo and Fox involved in will turn out bizarre lately!"

"Sabrina, have you ever thought you might like to have an apprentice someday ... Grape, maybe, or, I don't know, Pueblo."

Sabrina: It's already enough hassle trying to get Fido to snuggle with his work schedule, just imagine how strained our relationship would get if I started training an apprentice!

Hey, Kitsune, do you ever feel bad for lying to Kix about her kits?

Kitsune: Lie? I have never done such a thing! If she ever asks if they are Pete and Dragon, I will tell her everything!

Mungo: Have you ever considered that you are just a pawn in the game of life?

Mungo: Better be a pawn than not play at all!

Hey, Joey, what's your beef with George Lucas?

Joey: His hiding if The Star Wars Holiday Special! Even if it is as bad as I've heard, he should make it available for his fans.

Sergeant Ralph, did you consider any other careers aside from being a police dog/K-9?

Sgt. Ralph I breifly considered construction work, being an altar dog, a firefighter, a therapy dog, a military aid, a boxer, and even a...

Kevin: Okay, Sarge! Enough!

Hey, King, if one of your puppies was revealed to be practicing magic or anyother of the things you hate, how would you react?

King: "Well, I would remain calm, remember my high school course in psychology, remind myself that children often go through such phases quickly, reassure myself that such curiosities fade harmlessly, show appreciation for childhood curiosity and cleverness - and then panic and go screaming to Bailey to "DO SOMETHING FAST!!"

And i might just throw that stupid statue in the dumpster again. Except it keeps coming back."

Maxwell - Have you ever gone back to the Milton Mansion to visit Jeeves? You two seemed to get along quite well before.

Maxwell: Yeah, I’ve been by a couple times. It seems to give Jeeves a bit of a break from the ferrets, and his cooking is great. Also, it’s kinda cool to spend time in a mansion. Not having as many catnip brownies, though, I’m trying to take Rufus’s advice on that.

Bill, what’s your favorite part of being a police officer?

BILL: Making sure that justice (and maybe a side of knuckle sandwich) is served.

Hey, Fido, even after he pretty much disowned you do you still love Bino?

Fido: "Of course, I still love him - he's my brother. And, as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder and the "absenter" he is, the "fonder" I gets."

Sabrina: "The question to Fido made me wonder - you and Fox seem to have created a pretty good relationship despite Fox's earlier prejudices. We saw Rex chumming with one of the Bigglesworths at Keene's spa, and he used to be a "cat-hater", too. You think you might ever get along with Bino and Joey?"

Sabrina: Joey, yes, in fact I’ve talked to him a couple of times already. As for Bino, well, I love Fidey and Max too, but Bino treats them both badly, so unless that jerk changes his attitude, well, I’ll try to be civil for their sakes. He hurts either of them in my hearing though, all bets will be off.

So, Rex, have you ever tried to teach Bino or Duchess to bake?

Rex: No. Not a chance. Neither have expressed even the slightest interest and life is too short to try.

Kevin: Have you ever skipped leg day?

Kevin: What? Me? How could I ever do something like that to myself?!
(whispering)Just once, by accident. But I swore I'd never forget again!

Tarot, do you often read people's fortunes in there spare time?
Did you know I would ask you that?

TAROT: To answer your second question, of course
I knew you were gonna ask that! (Heh.) About the first question, I'd like to, but Peanut lost my tarot deck and now I can't!

PEANUT: I'm sorry! (Drops her crystal ball; it breaks)

TAROT: Peanut, you doofus!

Hey, Kitsune, do you have a crush on Kix? (I doubt you do, she being a "lower being" and all, but it's worth asking.)

Kitsune: Well, you're right, I don't have a crush per se but she is sweet and I do feel a responsibility to help her considering she's "raising" Pete and Dragon, er, Craig and Draig.


Fox, what's your favorite type of donut?

Fox: Are you asking that because I'm a K9? That's an old stereotype that doesn't really exist... and I like a good raspberry jelly.

Lois: Have you tried hunting now that you're a high level predetor?

Lois: Yep, gotten pretty good at it. I’ve managed to catch four blue jays, five garter snakes, three muskrats, and four trout. I really didn’t like any of them raw, but blackening or pan frying the trout in some butter, mm-mm. I felt bad about killing the snakes and muskrats but not the blue jays, they were a pain in the tail to me, Marion, his mom, Devo and my parents, so they had it coming. Oh, I also chased this dog named Bang-o or something up a tree. Didn’t want to but he was mean to Marion and Devo.

Gale, any advice for wildcats who want to come to civilization?

Gale: Have z thick hide. Humans will eye you with suspicion no matter how kind you are. Also, don't hunt game in your front yard.

Max: Do you play an instrument?

Maxwell: The piccolo, actually. Sabrina has been teaching me. Her dad taught her and so teaching me gives her good memories of the time her and her dad spent together learning it. Learning it and spending time together has also made Sabrina and I better friends. It also annoys Bino, and both of us enjoy that.

Bailey: What were your favorite and least favorite chores when you lived on the farm?

Bailey: Favorite? All! Least Favorite? None.... except maybe for cleaning up the horse dung, ick

Hey, Sgt. Ralph, do you have a favorite movie? (I doubt you'd have much time to watch any, but still.)

Sergeant Ralph: A Street Cat Named Bob, or Kung Pow! Enter the Fist. Hey, I like a good redemption story and, when I get home, dog knows I could use some laughs.

Peanut, have you ever tried painting pictures?

Peanut: I did once. Grape said that it looked like an original Jackson Pollack! Then I looked that up and went and sulked in my room.

Fiddler: What is your favorite genre of music?

Fiddler: Bluegrass. I’m actually in a bluegrass band as well. Me, a human on a banjo and doing vocals and an orange tabby on the guitar.

Cathy the Viper, Have you imprisoned anyone in your enclosure lately?

Not yet ... Almost got Poncho a couple days ago. Is Peanut still around?

Itzuki - what shows do you like on American TV?

Itzuki: TV shows? I don't have time for that! I have to study for exams, and need to work my shift at the auto shop... Though I caught a few minutes of Mystery Science Theater the other day. I might look up that one online.

Gale: Did you bring anything over with you when you had holiday meals with the wolves?

Gale: Yes, my famous deer ribs with sauce. I didn’t know whether the wolves would like it , because they’ve been in civilization for so long it but they all did, so did Bailey. I really should reconcile with that dog.


Kevin, are you still helping people work out?

Kevin: I help by being the best example of canine flesh out there!

Tiger: I hesitate to ask, but have you had a bit more to eat the last few days? Like, since getting that invitation to the massive water park?

Tiger: "Well, nothing dries you out like pizza! Okay, pizza doesn't dry you out at all, but getting soaked to the gills is a good excuse to eat pizza. Not that you need an excuse to eat pizza... Hey, I'm talkin' to my friend here ... about pizza. It's important. Don't interrupt ... unless you brought pizza!"

Todd, howcum Tarot's in charge of this big operation instead of you?"

Todd: Bah, that stupid fox is getting walked over by dames! I mean, he let his girl beat him up and now he's letting that tiny Pomeranian give the orders! I'll bet she folds the first time she see's a demon.

Fiddler and/or Keys: Had any luck getting a record deal while maintaining your artistic integrity?

Fiddler and Keys: "Sadly, nothing yet ... last year we even tried to expand the audience by bringing on a dog member but Sasha only plays classical and smooth jazz. Fiddler knows some classical stuff but we can't finish a smooth jazz piece before falling asleep. Of course, being cats, we think of our sinuses as musical instruments....."

Keene: What are you going to do if you and Breel encounter Eudoant again? That could be a rather "awkward" reunion - or maybe not.

Keene: If that hooved hellion has harmed Breel in any way, I swear to dog I will send him back to Heck in a body bag. Wait, can demons die? I’ll have to check with Tarot about that.

Grape, where is your favorite place to nap?

Grape: I let gravity make those major decisions. Choices are soooo exhausting.

Hey, Keys and Fiddler, you ever thought of adding a drummer to your group?