Housepets!

Posted: **Mon Jun 18, 2018 8:00 pm**

I overthrow the world governments install a monarchy and declare myself queen, then proceed to lock you in the royal dungeons.

Posted: **Mon Jun 18, 2018 10:58 pm**

Guys, guys, don't worry I got my lockpicking to 100 in Skyrim I know what I'm doing an- *SNAP* There goes my only lockpick... Well, I'll just die down here... MY GHOST COMES BACK AND DROPS A POT ON YOUR HEAD

Posted: **Tue Jun 19, 2018 12:17 am**

I use Fus-Ro-Dah on your spirit!

Posted: **Tue Jun 19, 2018 12:23 am**

I come back and drop a pan on your head

Posted: **Tue Jun 19, 2018 12:39 am**

Where are you finding the infinite amount of movable objects!?

I fast travel because you technically don't count as an enemy. Just an annoying spirit.

Posted: **Tue Jun 19, 2018 10:40 am**

...From the Dimension of Infinitely Moveable Objects, silly. That's where I got the super-fast intergalactic garbage wads to overrun your escape and bring you crashing down. (Good thing they take credit cards.)

Posted: **Tue Jun 19, 2018 11:01 am**

Now that you are completely broke I charge you with "healing hands!"

Posted: **Tue Jun 19, 2018 11:19 am**

One phrase to burn 'em all:

Y'all don't have avatars.

Posted: **Tue Jun 19, 2018 11:56 am**

It just makes us harder to target...

I smack your head off!

Posted: **Wed Jun 20, 2018 8:33 pm**

I throw that head at you. (I really gotta come to this thread better equipped!)

Posted: **Wed Jun 20, 2018 10:01 pm**

i rip your skull out of the back of your head and beat you to death with it.

Posted: **Thu Jun 21, 2018 7:27 pm**

I sink my teeth into your hand, causing massive sepsis and agonizing death as a result of savage hallucinations derived from half-remembered Paul Terry cartoons...

Posted: **Thu Jun 21, 2018 9:17 pm**

I assault your brain with Abrahamic characters from texts most people barely remember.

Posted: **Fri Jun 22, 2018 9:03 am**

i impale you on a flagpole

Posted: **Fri Jun 22, 2018 9:34 am**

I superglue you to a wheel

Posted: **Fri Jun 22, 2018 10:38 am**

I stuff you down the drain and then call a super-expensive, really incompetent plumber.

Posted: **Fri Jun 22, 2018 11:40 am**

I escape and overflow, and cause extensive damage to your house.

Posted: **Fri Jun 22, 2018 11:51 am**

Since the house's no use, I explode it with y'all inside.

Posted: **Fri Jun 22, 2018 11:53 am**

I escape through a hole in the wall, and, build an even bigger house made of cardboard around the ruins of the former house!

Posted: **Fri Jun 22, 2018 1:03 pm**

...with all the viscous bilge gushed forth from tsMKG's detonation, your puny cardboard edifice collapses around you, dragging you down into the noxious mire... Ewww, how vile!

Posted: **Fri Jun 22, 2018 1:50 pm**

Remember kids, cardboard is very flammable.

As I end to say that, I drop a lit matchstick on the cardboard ruins.

Posted: **Fri Jun 22, 2018 2:11 pm**

I temporarily merge my conciousness with the muck and flammable pollutive fluids in the mire, and, rise as a gigantic,flaming mass of muck and ashes, spewing flaming cardboard shreds at you.

Posted: **Fri Jun 22, 2018 7:35 pm**

points a target painter at you from a cloaked position just out of range

[nearby loudspeaker] *De-e-e-e-et* nuclear launch detected.

Posted: **Tue Jun 26, 2018 11:53 pm**

I swoop in and tackle-hug you at supersonic speeds. You cannot counter a hug!

Posted: **Thu Jun 28, 2018 11:15 am**

I grab you by the legs, spin and throw you at the flaming monster.

Posted: **Thu Jun 28, 2018 2:22 pm**

I throw the flaming monster at you (whew, hooray for asbestos gloves, man!).

Posted: **Sat Jun 30, 2018 12:59 am**

I hit you in the face with a brick.

Posted: **Sat Jun 30, 2018 8:38 am**

you lot are all within the blast radius when the nuke from earlier goes off.

Posted: **Tue Jul 03, 2018 7:36 am**

I GRAB

AND I THROW

the blast radius where the nuke goes off at you, Buster.

Posted: **Tue Jul 03, 2018 2:12 pm**

Your mortal clash with Buster allows me to escape the radius, attain the strategic high ground, and pour a vat of tar-encrusted Fruit Loops over everyone. Hahahahahah...yuk.

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2018 11:09 am**

that's suposed to do, well, anything to someone who can somehow throw an explosion in progress? O.o

i create a string of convoluted time paradoxes that cause you to go crosseyed and start compulsively quoting austin powers

Posted: **Mon Jul 09, 2018 6:35 pm**

Hardly a rub ... my rapid-fire quotations shatter your vulnerable cognitive processes and reduce all my rivals into gibbering soggy Fruit-Loop encrusted shaggers chasing phantasmical Mini-Me mirages.

Posted: **Wed Jul 18, 2018 12:23 am**

I do this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAHDkHwLW6I

Posted: **Wed Jul 18, 2018 1:38 am**

I respond by doing this.

Posted: **Wed Jul 18, 2018 10:52 pm**

I blast you with blinding, hot-white, solar light

Posted: **Thu Jul 19, 2018 8:07 am**

I respond with indestructible dazzling mirrors and 10, 000 attack tadpoles to gum you into groveling submission.

Posted: **Wed Aug 29, 2018 2:27 am**

I play my iTunes playlist (full of furry garbage) and watch as you suffer.

Posted: **Thu Aug 30, 2018 3:15 pm**

Magnifying your iTunes allows me to direct a murderous hoard of musically-deranged horseshoe crabs who overrun you and entomb you up to your neck in noxious polluted beach sand.

Posted: **Thu Aug 30, 2018 3:54 pm**

Thank goodness the AOE of your attack encompasses you! (and most other users here)

Posted: **Wed Sep 05, 2018 8:14 pm**

I don't know what do you mean by AOE but on the side, I'm summoning an empire of crabs leading us to the crab age and me, the emperor, sending the crabs to bust all of you guys.

Housepets!

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