Housepets!

"Only a ninja can defeat another ninja."
- Ninja III: The Domination

If we're the flagship of peace and prosperity
We're taking on water and about to freakin' sink
No one seems to notice, no one even blinks
The crew all left the passengers to die under the sea

Rise Against - State of the Union

"Poverty is the mother of revolution and crime."
-Aristotle

"Samuel Vimes hated the saying 'the innocent have nothing to fear.' The innocent had plenty to fear. Mostly from the guilty and people who said things like 'the innocent have nothing to fear'."

- Terry Pratchet, Snuff

... This is a very accurate quote, I think. Heh.

"You gotta hack or they'll send you back!" - Rex Hudler

"Pirates drink together!"-My friend ben

PARTY TIP: St Patrick's Day was a precious moment where we realized how easy partying hard can be.-Andrew W.K.

I haven't had this much trouble with a book since Waldo visited that Barberpole factory!"-Tracy Morgan on 30 rock

"You're the inverse to my function." - math joke

Awesoe thread! Me and my sister have books full of quotes that "tickle our fancy."
Most of mine are from my history teacher, he writes two new quotes every day from historical figures:

"A tragedy is a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat." -unknown

"If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread they can sure make something out of you." -Muhammad Ali

"Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence." -H.L. Menkin

"Mahatma Ghandi was what wives wish their husbands were: thin, tan, and moral." -unknown

"Girls are always running through my mind, they don't dare walk." -Andy Gibb

"The Germans and beer, the Italians and wine, and the Irish...whatever they can hold." -Chris Fowlkes (my history teacher)

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." -Aristotle

"God loves the poor laborer." (Sacred)
"Is that why he made so ****ing many of them." (Profane)
-Stephen King's Black House

"I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them." -Robert Orben

"Welcome back. My heart, my life and my love. Welcome back." (Sophie, the Young Queen and Sophie the Good)
-Stephen King's Black House

"Oh tranquiliy, whenever I gaze upon your visage, you leap away from me like a startled doe." -Rick Griffin's King from Housepets!

"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice." -Bill Cosby

Rooster Teeth Short Random, Mandatory dialogue:
Burnie: "Do you remeber that as part of the test you had to fill a cup with urine and then turn in that cup?"
Geoff: "Right"
B: "Well, everyone else in the company managed to turn in a cup filled with urine. You turned in a cup filled with what I'm guessing is... gatorade?"
G: "...I don't think you can prove that."
B: "Pretty sure I can, because for some reason, instead of yellow gatorade, you used blue."
G: "Yes, but this wasn't a test about color, this was a test about drugs, and there are no drugs in there."
B: "Right, while there's no drugs in here there is a ton of sugar, which is why, for some reason, the insurance company now thinks that you have something called 'Super-Diabetes'."
G: "Does that come with more sick days?"
B: "No, that comes with kidney failure."
G: "Which comes with more sick days?"
B: "Which comes with death."

"Lunch is not a kind of food, lunch is a meal. It's like I asked you what you're favorite color is and you said rainbow."
- Gus Sorola, Rooster Teeth Short Food War

"Are you seriously suggesting sir something sinister sounding circumstantially surrounding some scissors?"
- Burnie Burns, Rooster Teeth Short Scissors

MOD EDIT: Use the edit button to avoid multiple posting.

"Are you R. L. Stine? Cuz you just gave me goosebumps."

"Dude you fell asleep holding a cheeseburger last night"

The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.
-Mother Teresa

"I saw a fat guy walk into a McDonald's the other day. He was ordering a salad and a Diet Coke. And I was like...COME ON, MATE! Who you tryna fool?" - Chonny

"It is an undeniable, and may I say a fundamental quality of man, that when faced with extinction, EVERY alternative is preferable." -The Director, Red vs. Blue Reconstruction

"What has surprised me most about mankind during the Great War, is not our ability to adapt to the new arenas of conflict, but instead our willingness in victory to so quickly return to the old." -The Director, Red vs. Blue Reconstruction

"You're so fat you broke you're arm and gravy came out." -Private Richard Simmons, Red vs. Blue Revelation

"There's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But, they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you."-Silent Bob

"you just got Rick Rolled by a restaurant. You go in thinking it's a TGIF's, but it's not." -my friend Jeff making fun of one of our chinsy restaurants.

"Our world, with its rules of causality, has trained us to be miserly with forgiveness. By forgiving them too readily, we can be badly hurt. But if we've learned from a mistake and became better for it, shouldn't we be rewarded for the learning, rather than punished for the mistake?" - braid.
seems to make sense but truly not...

McFly wrote:"I saw a fat guy walk into a McDonald's the other day. He was ordering a salad and a Diet Coke. And I was like...COME ON, MATE! Who you tryna fool?" - Chonny

man, you made my day!

texascat018 wrote:"Our world, with its rules of causality, has trained us to be miserly with forgiveness. By forgiving them too readily, we can be badly hurt. But if we've learned from a mistake and became better for it, shouldn't we be rewarded for the learning, rather than punished for the mistake?" - braid.
seems to make sense but truly not...

McFly wrote:"I saw a fat guy walk into a McDonald's the other day. He was ordering a salad and a Diet Coke. And I was like...COME ON, MATE! Who you tryna fool?" - Chonny

man, you made my day!

You can thank Chonny for that.

Skippy’s List: The 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army

...
29. The Irish MPs are not after “Me frosted lucky charms”.
...
57. The proper response to a lawful order is not “Why?”
...
86. May not challenge anyone in my chain of command to the “field of honor”.
...
103. My commander is not old enough to have fought in the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did.
...
155. Teaching Albanian children to taunt other soldiers is not nice.
...
174. Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear to the gods, I did not make that up, it’s actually DOD policy).
...
201. Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.
...

same source as above
79. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.

and this one may inform that one
"I want to be
The king and queen of cheese"-red guy, Cow and Chicken

"An elephant never forgets, but I forget what the elephant remembered." - Ed, EEnE

Ed Edd n' Eddy quotes are the best.

*Ed smacking his face repeatedly into the ground* "Look! I'm a woodpecker!" *Smacks face a few more times* "Except with dirt."

"shoosha... My yeast is rising"

Inali wrote:Ed Edd n' Eddy quotes are the best.

You know it!

"Spending an extended time in female company can be mentally disorientating and physically confusing."

McFly wrote:

Inali wrote:Ed Edd n' Eddy quotes are the best.

You know it!

"Spending an extended time in female company can be mentally disorientating and physically confusing."

That's a good one! Haha!

Seek shelter in the womb of bobo!

Kevin: Is that a giant clam?

Ed: ” Big cheese!”
Eddy: ” Talkin' to me, Ed?”

Eddy: WHERE IS EVERYBODY!!

Ed: It is simple Eddy.
The kids entered a wormhole and were spued into an alternate universe.

Eddy: "HELP! The staircase is eating me!!!"

"How can my feet smell if they don't have a nose?" - Ed

Ed: "I think I just thunk."

Edd: "Ed! The screen door?"
Ed: "Let's watch it."

"Put an egg in your shoe and beat it!" - Eddy

RT Podcast #155
Imagine if you could kill yourself with your mind. -Gavin

Gus: Dear brain, I want to die.
Brain: Are you sure?
Gus: Yes.
Brain: Okay. Dying in three seconds.

Gus: You have to think of three things. If you ever think of...
Burnie: Don't do it Gus!
Gus: Orangemonkeyeagle! Oh! I'm dead!
Gavin: No!

"OW, OW! Six syllable words hurt my head!" -Sheen from Jimmy Neutron

Any technology, no matter how primitive, is magic to those who don't understand it. - Florence Ambrose from FreeFall.

"I think you're missing someone round, who looks like a cheese snack?" - Jack Spicer, Xiaolin Showdown

"Yah guys, I'll be there in about 45 minuets, I had to turn around though, I forgot my pants."-"Gary"

"You, you forgot your pants?"-Spoony

"Yah, but its okay now, I'm on ma way."-"Gary"

"And for the next 30 minutes the game just, stopped, I mean, just a dead stop as we tried to figure out how you leave your house without any pants. He had his dice and his Thieves World book apparently, but not his pants. Because here's the thing. Its so profoundly stupid, it had to be true. You can't lie and just say 'I forgot my pants' you say something like "I ran out of gas' or 'There was traffic' you just couldn't pull that out of nowhere like that."

Counter Monkeys "The Importance of Wearing Pants" on The Spoony Experiment.

"She don't know me. I'll break her down like a fraction." - Cora, Meet the Browns

"What's up everyone, this is Cr1TiKaL, I'm playin' neko fight, and I just flipped right off the map"

-Cr1TiKal