Housepets!

Posted: **Thu Sep 06, 2018 9:24 am**

....and I respond with vast waves of attack sea gulls who destroy your crabs and do those ... um ... other ... uh ... distasteful things that sea gulls ... you know ... sorry ... sorta.

Posted: **Fri Sep 14, 2018 2:19 am**

I enact my scorched Earth policy. I self destruct my crab infested star destroyer (cuz I want one).

FOR THE EMPIRE!

Posted: **Fri Sep 14, 2018 4:14 am**

i drop a dozen tanks on you and go on a bombing run of your base

Posted: **Sun Sep 16, 2018 12:30 pm**

I laser your planet to death.

Posted: **Sun Sep 16, 2018 4:47 pm**

...Aren't you also on earth though? Honestly i don't think i need an attack when your last one was suicidal.

Posted: **Sun Sep 16, 2018 5:30 pm**

I throw pebbles at you.

Posted: **Sun Sep 16, 2018 8:31 pm**

I eject and let my bomber crash into you after the engine gets gummed up.

Posted: **Mon Sep 17, 2018 1:24 pm**

I have a brother who's good at hitting a moving target. Falling one shouldn't be any different.

Posted: **Tue Sep 18, 2018 9:45 am**

I send my army of robot monsters after you.

Posted: **Tue Sep 18, 2018 7:44 pm**

Oh look, your leg popped off.
both legs actually.
and your arms.
and your head...

Posted: **Fri Sep 21, 2018 8:23 pm**

I bomb you using your old avatar.

Posted: **Sat Sep 29, 2018 9:52 pm**

I bite you in the neck...

Mostly because I'm now a vampire doggo and I'm here to suck your blood.

Posted: **Sun Sep 30, 2018 3:37 pm**

*tongue slap*

Posted: **Sun Sep 30, 2018 10:02 pm**

I grab your tongue and use it as a short bungee cord to constantly bring your face to my fist.

Posted: **Sun Sep 30, 2018 10:12 pm**

I pik phpl uhp wif thif all thh thim, why wub I beh thh onh gething thwown awound? wibbip?

Posted: **Mon Oct 01, 2018 6:46 pm**

I turn into a little bat and grab from your tongue and lift it up to see how much can that tongue stretch.

Posted: **Wed Oct 03, 2018 1:14 am**

I put a coin into the vending machine of various harm.

Posted: **Wed Oct 03, 2018 7:59 pm**

I push the vending machine over on top of you.

Posted: **Wed Oct 03, 2018 9:22 pm**

i plant evidence that you've been messing with Abridged Popo's stuff.

Posted: **Thu Oct 04, 2018 1:45 am**

I open a packet of intense pain, and pour all the contents all over you.

Posted: **Thu Oct 04, 2018 5:48 am**

I glue you with painful glue to Buster.

Posted: **Thu Oct 11, 2018 4:24 pm**

I spray you with garlic juice.

Posted: **Thu Oct 11, 2018 4:33 pm**

Yum. I bury you in pasta, marinara sauce, and release the ravening gerbils!

Posted: **Thu Oct 11, 2018 6:40 pm**

I drive a boat straight at you.

Posted: **Fri Oct 12, 2018 6:40 pm**

Unleash the dolphin desperadoes!! (...which is kinda hard to do because the leash buckles are sorta tricky and I can't hold my breath for very long.)

Posted: **Fri Oct 12, 2018 10:30 pm**

My army of archers rain a volley of arrows coated with itchy powder unto you.

Posted: **Fri Oct 12, 2018 11:11 pm**

I lock you in a room with this guy.

Posted: **Sun Oct 21, 2018 9:57 am**

I pour a cauldron of a hot soup of 700 packets of unadulterated suffering-from-a-thousand-ant-bites onto you.

Posted: **Wed Oct 24, 2018 10:33 pm**

I lock you in a room, chained to a chair with a TV on the info channel with the volume blasting

Posted: **Wed Oct 24, 2018 11:49 pm**

i rearrange your face to look like a cubist painting. using a spork.

Posted: **Thu Oct 25, 2018 1:01 am**

I tie your tongue to lamp post.

Posted: **Sun Nov 04, 2018 3:41 pm**

I drop the lamppost on your head, Buster and all!

Posted: **Mon Nov 05, 2018 4:23 pm**

after escaping my tangled up costume, i impale you with the post and hang onto the lamp for later.

Posted: **Wed Nov 07, 2018 3:41 pm**

You return to discover that I have escaped and conjured up an army of enraged lighting fixtures which enact a pulverizing and gore-splattering revenge on you for your abuse of small electrical furnishings.

Posted: **Wed Nov 07, 2018 9:27 pm**

Hooray for nimbats being support characters with no health bar or hit detection!
*ahem*
"DUST! OVER HERE! I FOUND ANOTHER MONSTER!"

Posted: **Thu Nov 08, 2018 7:16 am**

I command my floating cursor to incessantly left click on you, tickling, poking, and holding you in place without end, making you repeat many lines over and over again like a pestered unit in an RTS.

Posted: **Sat Dec 01, 2018 4:46 pm**

I pummel you into pudding using a bent stick and a rubber stressball

Posted: **Sun Dec 02, 2018 8:33 pm**

I burnt it at the stake

Posted: **Sun Dec 02, 2018 9:59 pm**

Ever seen Law Abiding Citizen?
*Straps you down and puts on a welding mask*

Posted: **Sun Dec 02, 2018 10:32 pm**

Uses magic to remove the air

Housepets!

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