Housepets!

"MY DAYJOB! I can't get enough of it!"
-The Mask, referring to Stanley Ipkiss' job at edge city's bank.

"Don't mind her. She's still upset, because somebody dropped a house on her sister." — Otho (Beetlejuice)

"Watch closely, Haseo. Burn this into your eyes! This is the truth you've been searching for!" Ovan, .hack//G.U. Volume 2, Reminisce

"And you wonder why I'm into conspiracies, we're LIVING in one." — John Munch (Law and Order: SVU)

Alpha 5: I get that you don't have any friends, which is probably why you want to "keep" me. But you've threatened my friends, you've threatened their home, and you've taken their families. I'm not really going to stand for that.
Brainiac: You have no choice.
Alpha 5: I have a choice. I choose to fight for something larger than myself.
Justice League/Power Rangers Issue 5.

"Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?" — Bill Maher

"FIRE EVERYTHING!!!"
-Nero, Star Trek(2009)

There’s enough garlic in here to kill every vampire in Europe.” – Gordon Ramsay (Hell's Kitchen)

Amazee Dayzee wrote:There’s enough garlic in here to kill every vampire in Europe.” – Gordon Ramsay (Hell's Kitchen)

Okay, I love that quote.

"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh'." — Conan O'Brien

"I solve Practical Problems."

“As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job” ― Roseanne Barr

"Okay! People are dead!"
-Wade Wilson/Deadpool, after killing a bunch of guards in X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Also:
Wolverine: Do you ever shut up, pal?
Deadpool: No, not while I'm awake.

"It costs a lot to sue a magazine, and it's too bad that we don't have a system where the losing team has to pay the winning team's lawyers." — Carol Burnett"

"Believe me, there is absolutely nothing half so much worth doing as messing around in a boat." Ratty from Kenneth Graham's Wind In the Willows.

Yeah, he wrote that long before Jaws.....

"It was a nightmare having cameras in the house 10 hours a day for a month." — Kathy Griffin

"You've buttered yer bed and now yah gots tah sleep in it." Popeye the Sailor.

“Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.” — David Letterman

"Don't be a worry baby
No need to hurry baby, when you're with me
Don't run way up ahead
Take the long way instead
There's lots to see
When you slow down to listen
And you won't go a missin' chances to play
We'll always have tomorrow
No need to let it borrow
Time from today

So don't be a worry baby
No need to hurry baby, when you're with me
Just take it easy peezy, my little lemon squeezy
You're always with me."
Tuba's Lullaby, Infinity Train Book 3.

"My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them." — Penn Jillette

“A Jose Conseco bat? Tell me you didn’t pay money for this.” Raphael Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

“Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.” — Voltaire

"But I don't want to go among mad people, ," Alice remarked.
"Oh, you can't help that, " said the Cat. "Everyone's mad here."
L.Carroll

“Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” — Anonymous

"Social security was supposed to solve the problem of old people but there are more of them now than ever!"
- Rand Paul ... or Paul Rand ... or Randy Appalling ... one of those fellas.

"I will laugh at the laughable while I breathe." — Mary Boykin Chesnut

"A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open." — Frank Zappa

"What does that mean? If you try really hard do you think you could be a bit more obscure?" Jayfeather The Power of Three



Sparkpelt: It's bad enough you had to chase the dog off, I'm supposed to be the warrior. Don't rub nettles in the wound.

Alderheart: I was going to use oak leaf. It's better for infections.

Sparkpelt: Smartears!

Darkest Night

"Sure, and hedgehogs fly."-Shadowsight Lost Stars

"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized." — Fred Allen

“I’m still trying to understand how you thought it was a good idea to test this device by having someone throw you off the balcony”
“Oh, believe me, that’s not the first time we’ve tried.”
“I shot him.”
Doctor Weir, McKay, and Major Sheppard respectively, Stargate Atlantis, Season 1 Episode 2: Hide and Seek

"One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute." — William Feather

"If you keep turning the corner, you may be going in circles." Howland Owl.

The trees can't be harmed if the Lorax is armed" - Anonymous

“I was going to sue for defamation of character, but then I realized I have no character.” —Charles Barkley

"It's the stupidity, Economists!"

"The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing." —Walt Disney

"If God and Christ Jesus is with us and for us, who can be against us?"
-Saint Paul, The Epistle to the Romans

"Imagination is more Important that Knowledge"
-Albert Einstein, Saturday Evening Post

"Wait a minute, wait a minute! You haven't seen nothing yet!"
-Al Jonson, The Jazz Singer

“My friend "M" says the irony of being a zombie is that everything is funny, but you can't smile, because your lips have rotted off.” ― Isaac Marion

"There's no greater burden than that of a great potential." Linus Van Pelt.