"Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go take a shower so I can't tell if I'm crying or not."
-Bojack Horseman.

"Life is a cooperative venture. Us is all in it together and ain't nobody gettin' out of it alive!"
Pogo Possum.

Hannah: I was thinking I wanted to get him something when I moved in; a present, and since you know him so well --
Brennan: A telephone! Get him a telephone!
Hannah: I was thinking something a little more personal.
Brennan: A vintage rotary phone. Booth loves them and hasn't been able to find the right one.
Hannah: Really?
Brennan: Yes! He's been looking. Booth says that's what a phone is supposed to be: indestructible and heavy enough to knock someone out. -Bones

Hodgins: (to Brennan) If you can perform surgery out of thin air, then I can pull a little thin air out of thin air. -Bones Season 2 episode 9

Those who make the rules always insure to put themselves above those rules ... Different strokes for different folks and different spanks for different ranks.

"Say goodbye to the universe, Maximals! The future has changed, yessssss. The Autobots lose! Evil triumphs! And you...YOU NO LONGER EXIST!"
-Beast Wars Megatron.
Most villains make a season ending cliffhanger by dealing the heroes a really bad defeat. Beast Wars Megatron makes a season ending cliffhanger by negating the heroes existence.

There is nothing new under the sun. It has all been done before

If we could fly out of that window hand in hand, hover over this great city, gently remove the roofs, and and peep in at the queer things which are going on, the strange coincidences, the plannings, the cross-purposes, the wonderful chains of events, working through generations, and leading to the most outre results, it would make all fiction with its conventionalities and foreseen conclusions most stale and unprofitable.

-sherlock holmes

"If you can't say something nice, you can just sit right here by me."

Oh Mr Moseby! (Does that count as a quote? Don’t care, already submitted)

I know now, without a doubt, Kingdom Hearts is light!

Adam West: I love this job more than I love taffy, and I'm a man who loves his taffy.

"There are so many fragile things, after all. People break so easily, and so do dreams and hearts." Neil Gaiman


If the forum rules weren't so strict I would post my favorite Bojack quote.

Roger the Alien: Behind the wheel of every taxi is a sad confused person who lost a bet they didn't understand.

“Imagine the strangest inhabited universe you can conceive of, places where gravity operates linearly and electromagnetism by the inverse cubed rule and topology has 13 basic dimensions instead of 17. How alien it must be. Then ponder the wildest universes those beings could articulate. Then realize that even these musings fail to capture the uncountable infinities that exist in the Omniverse.“
-Vector Prime

Unfortunately, tectonic plates do not come with a matching set of saucers, cups, sugar bowl, or creamer.

Bender: Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The ‘x’ makes it sound cool.

“I met Red Alert twice. I found him paranoid, jittery, delusional and appalling at his job. I liked him. I liked him for his flaws. The rest of you, you're so dang pleased with yourselves. You've won a war and you think that elevates you.”
Cyclonus- Transformers MTMTE

Actually all animals speak a human language; they just have very limited vocabularies and really thick accents.

Rose Nylund: "It's like we say in St. Olaf -- Christmas without fruitcake is like St. Sigmund's Day without the headless boy."

“Those who claim living well is the best revenge have never explored the benefits of time travel.”
Shockwave- Optimus Prime #20

Frank Buffay Jr. "My sister's gonna have my baby!"

"Strive for wisdom! Or at least a decrease in idiocy." - Angela, the Herbalist, The Fork, The Witch and the Worm

Master Shake: You know, you're like the repository where my ideas go to die!

"This is why I'm such a good theoretical physicist. I solve problems that shouldn't even exist."
Gordon Freeman- Freeman’s Mind.

"For war is supposed to be waged for what we believe in, not to erase our opposition from existence" - Vaatividya, "The nameless king's betrayal"

D.J. Tanner: Oh, Mylanta!

“But when I die I want it to hurt. When my friends leave, when I have to let go, when this entire town is wiped off the map, I want it to hurt. Bad. I want to lose. I want to get beaten up. I want to hold on until I'm thrown off and everything ends. And you know what? Until that happens, I want to hope again. And I want it to hurt. Because that means it meant something.”
Mae Borowski- Night In The Woods.

Niles: You know something, lady? You're just a pale imitation of the C.C. Babcock I know. You're not half the man she is.

"Modification's a strange bird, Stardust. It happens, and you think you've lost yourself. I was my arms, I was my legs, I was that person. But, live with it long enough, truth is the only thing you didn't really lose was precisely who you are. Ain't nothin' left but what's behind your eyes. So you make sure that's beautiful. And Ticker... mmm mmm. She loves her some beauty." - Ticker of Fortuna

Bonnie Wheeler: You can’t make someone fall in love with you. If you could, my name would be Bonnie Bon Jovi.

"I haven't changed my mind, but my mind's not made up yet." Dad.

“Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You’re gonna love it!” —Monica

"There's nothing funny about a clown at midnight." Lon Chaney.

“Multiple Asparagus. Asparagui” – Joe Gatto

“I’m gonna copy and paste my opponent into a Word document. And then delete it!” – Brian “Q” Quinn

“I have 20/20 vision. They call me Barbara Walters. – James “Murr” Murray

“This is going to change our whole friendship.” – Sal Vulcano

"Somewhere, there are Toa fighting and dying right now, and when they're gone, no one will even remember their names. How many Matoran do you think recall the names of the Toa who fought in the war against the Dark Hunters? But they remember Makuta and Nidhiki and Roodaka. Good gets forgotten, evil never does."

-Hakann, Bionicle: Power Play

“If you don’t have good dreams, Bagel, you I got nightmares.”-Boogie Diner

“No regrets, Sandman, never no regrets. Put regrets in a grave and bury them, because if not they’ll come back and eat you alive.” - L.A. Heat

Blanche: Eat dirt and die, trash.

Haha, I remember that one.

But I think maybe Dark Helmet put it more succintly...
"And this is why evil will always win, because GOOD IS DUMB."
-Spaceballs

Jill: Why can’t the Kingdom of Heaven be Saks Fifth Ave?

"Brave. Daring. Strong. You and your team are ready to become true heroes. But...this universe, like all others, demands a price from its heroes. Sometimes, they have to suffer; sometimes, they have to die. That is the price for living a life that matters...for having the power to change, to protect, to act."

-Helryx (Bionicle: Swamp of Secrets)

Ben Tennyson:
This thing can go three hundred miles an hour but it takes three people to flush?

Max Tennyson:
Hey, our old gal's got character.

Ben 10: Original Series