I am the resilient life which emerges from the ashes of a nuclear apocalypse.

I am the glacier that covers the land freezing all who survive.

I am the climate shift that melts the glaciers and causes humans to freak out.

I am the [Hated historical political figure] which builds a dam in the Strait of Gibraltar draining the mediterranean and cooling down the planet.

I am the massive ecological damage of a water-source that large disappearing, that ended your political career and besmirched your name forever in recorded history. (not that that reputation damage wouldn't have happened already by other means, but still...)

I'm the historian that got his facts wrong making the politician a hero.

I'm the political ideology that dismisses the historian's work as flawed.

I am the political party opposite to that ideology that debunks those statements.

I'm the lies told to the people who vote for the other party instead of yours.

I am the infamous BSOD error screen!

I am the guy who replaces the RAM on that disgusting, dusty 10y/o walmart PC

I am the vendor who heavily overcharged for the DDR1 Ram you needed, cause it's not like you can get it anywhere else, that stuff is OLD.

I am some random guy who happens to have the exact RAM and gives it away for half price. (I also kidnap the competition)

I am the lightning strike that melts the whole computer the moment the RAM is added.

I am the lightning rod that manages to attract the lightning before striking the computer.

I am the shoddy wiring that makes the lightning rod set the house on fire instead of saving it.

I am the dounpour that minimizes the spread of the fire.

I am the wind that blows the umbrella inside-out.

I am the sail that catches the wind

I am the sun that slowly wears the sail out

I am the sailor who maintains them in spite of their wear.

I am the wave that swamps the boat.

i am the ice-age that freezes all the waves in place.

I am the [politician] who denies climate change and keeps burning coal

I am the revolution that overthrows the politician.

i am the period of instability and anarchy that makes everyone regret the revolution.

I am the new civilization that arises from the ashes of the old one

I am the meteor that ends civilization.

Mine is the Paleolithic tribe that begins the path back to civilization...

I am the disease that kills them off

I am the doctor that finds a cure.

I am the pharmaceutical conglomerate plotting to make vast sums from the doctor's formula...

I'm the economy crash that because of too much money, it loses value and nobody buys your meds, bankrupting you and starting an epidemic outbreak.

I am the Neanderthal entrepreneur that restores the paleolithic economic practices of barter and blather.

I am the thief who takes away the item you planned to barter.

I am the enterprising opportunist who offers to partner with you in a property redistribution franchise.

I'm still a thief, and i play you like a fiddle, leaving with the money AND the deeds.

I am the trombone which crushes the violin and reclaims the wealth.