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The two lost souls of limbo 
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Post The two lost souls of limbo
This is my first try at fan faction so I hope you guys like it. Also I'm not the best at grammar so I hope it don't bother you to much. I will post this fan fiction whenever I get the chance.


The lost souls of limbo

Part one: Humble beginnings

It was a cold night on February 14th 2013 . Shara was in the waiting room at the veterinarian's office with Rocky {Rocky was a three year old Husky with a dark brown fur and sparkling blue eyes.} awaiting to hear the news. Their dog Amber {Amber was a two and a half year old golden retriever with bright golden fur and emerald green eyes} had gone in to labor a few hours ago and Tommy {Sharas husband} was with Amber in the other room. Time had passed by so slowly and Shara and Rocky was starting to worry if everything was ok or not. Shara and Rocky {Rocky being the father of the puppy's} wanted to be with Amber but they both had a phobia of blood and as soon as they saw any they would be out cold in under 2.3 second's. Around 2:30 AM her husband Tommy came out and said "hey guy's its alright to come in now we cleaned up the place for you" Rocky could not wait to see them. Tail wagging he asked how to get to them and Tommy said "go down the hall take a left and it will be the 4th door on your right" before Tommy could say another word Rocky ran past him and down the hall and as he turned left he ran into the vet "sorry" Rocky said as he helped the man up. But before the vet could reply Rocky was off again. Approaching the door he reached for the door knob turning it until it clicked. Taking a deep breath he slowly opened the door. Inside he saw Amber with five newborn pups laying around her nursing. There were three girls and two boys. He bent down and as he did Amber looked up at him, smiled and said "what should we name them?" He sat there and thought for a moment. Finally he said "I think it would only be fair I name the boys and you name the girls" he looked down and picked up the first pup. The puppy had milky brown fur and and green eyes like his mom. "Toby seems like a good name!" He said as he held him in his arms. "what do you think Amber?" "that seems like a perfect name" she says as she smiles up at him. Rocky softly set Toby back down and picks up the second pup. This puppy had blond fur and strong turquoise eyes and a dark spot over his left eye."I'm going to name you...... Chance!" He says and then sets the puppy down. Amber went on to name the three girls. She named the first girl puppy Crystal. Crystal has pure white fur and blue eyes. She named the second girl puppy Alice. Alice looked just like her dad with dark brown fur and sparkling blue eyes. And she named the last girl puppy Elissa. Elissa had a golden fur with brown spots and green eyes. By that time shara was there petting Toby. Tommy walked in and said "its time to go but the vet thinks we sould leave Amber and the puppy's here for the night and get them in the morning" as Rocky started to protest Amber butted in and said. "its ok rocky really, go home and I will see you in the morning" Even though every fiber of his body told him to take her and the puppy's with them he knew it would be easier on them if they stayed there. "Ok fine but stay warm and I love you" he says as he kisses her. "I love you to" she says as Shara walks up to Rocky "I'm sorry Rocky but we got to go. The vet is tired and wants to go home" She say's as Tommy starts walking out the door and calls to Rocky saying "come on Rocky let's go!" Rocky heard him and replied saying "Ok Guys wait I'm coming!" Rocky kisses Amber one more time and starts for the door closing it softly not to disturbed the sleeping puppy's. Going down the hall he see's the vet leaving and run's up and say's "Thank you so much Mister...." The vet replied saying "Steve is my name And your very welcome Rocky" Rocky looks up at him and says "how do you kn...." Before he can finish Steve replied saying. "Amber told me your name. It helped her telling story's of you and her." Rocky started to smile thinking to himself "that's just like her" then Steve looked around and then said "I got to go rocky but I will be here tomorrow and we can talk more then." Rocky breaks his chain of thought and replied saying "Ok Steve I will catch you later" Rocky runs out the door and gets in the car and Tommy asks "what took you so long?” Rocky replied saying "I stopped to thank Steve." Tommy just nods and starts the car and Begin's the long drive home. Rocky sitting in the back starts felling him self doze off and After about ten minute's into the car ride he can barely keep he's eyes open. Shara see's Rocky in the back seat and say's "it's ok if you want to get some sleep Rocky. I will wake you when we get home." "ok" Rocky replies as he lays down in the seat and slowly drift's off to sleep.

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Sat Jul 13, 2013 11:01 am
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Post Re: The two lost souls of limbo
Well this does seem interesting to say the least. Also, Puppies! :)

Do you mind constructive criticism?

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Sat Jul 13, 2013 8:47 pm
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Post Re: The two lost souls of limbo
copper wrote:
Well this does seem interesting to say the least. Also, Puppies! :)

Do you mind constructive criticism?


Give me all the constructive criticism you can. :)

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Now that King is a dog does he cry to all dog's go to heaven???
I'm trying my luck with writing A fan fiction. Wanna see?:http://www.housepetscomic.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=2536 UPDATED!


Sat Jul 13, 2013 11:52 pm
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Post Re: The two lost souls of limbo
Well, you may ant to break it up a bit. Walls of text hurt the eyes and turn off readers for one.

You need to drop the parentheses and add that into the story itself. Appearances need to be organic to a story or it reads like a summary.

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Tue Jul 16, 2013 10:37 pm
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Post Re: The two lost souls of limbo
*Snif* *Snif* *Sniiiiif*

Hm, This smells like it's based on real life to me. What with the specific date, names, and all.

Copper is right, though, divide the text into paragraphs, and turn the dialogue into mini-paragraphs.

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Wed Jul 17, 2013 7:20 am
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Post Re: The two lost souls of limbo
Thanks copper I will do that to the next part. some of the names are real like amber and rocky. but the rest I just made up.

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Now that King is a dog does he cry to all dog's go to heaven???
I'm trying my luck with writing A fan fiction. Wanna see?:http://www.housepetscomic.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=2536 UPDATED!


Wed Jul 17, 2013 7:45 pm
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Post Re: The two lost souls of limbo
I have been gone a long time for that I am sorry. Long story short... Every thing in my life hit the fan at the same time. I broke my tablet, my computers hard drive failed and to top that I lost a close family member. But I don't want to give up on this story so I am going to Continue. It may be a while between posts since I have school and all but I will get it done. Wish me luck! :)

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Now that King is a dog does he cry to all dog's go to heaven???
I'm trying my luck with writing A fan fiction. Wanna see?:http://www.housepetscomic.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=2536 UPDATED!


Mon Sep 16, 2013 12:28 am
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Post Re: The two lost souls of limbo
Dude this is pretty good! :D Some errors you should fix but pretty good!
Can't wait for the next one!

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Sat Nov 02, 2013 11:57 am
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Post Re: The two lost souls of limbo
thank you guys for the help support! i have took coppers advice and rewritten the story and i changed it a little bit. hope you enjoy it. also i don't know when i can update this with school and all. so i don't know when part two will come. but it will come. any advice well really help! also i use Google drive to make this during lunch and and all and if you want to see it there here is a link https://docs.google.com/document/d/1g5z ... sp=sharing

The two lost souls of limbo


Part one: Humble beginnings

“Hey Bella, Jake! come here! it’s time for bed. come on now.” Chris says calling for the pups

two little pups come running up stairs and hop up in bed.

Chris tries to leave unnoticed but before he can Bella says. “o no you don't grandpa. you said you were going to tell us a story.”

“o fine you got me. what kind of story do you want me to tell you guys?”

Jake looks up from out of his covers and says “we never hear any stories dad. tell us a story about Chance.”

“like what?” Chris says

“how about when he was born?” Bella asks

"do you really want to hear about that? it’s kind of a sad story”

“yes!” they both say simultaneously

“o well then sit back. this is going to be a long one.” Chris says.


It was a cold February night when he was born. aunt Sarah was in the waiting room at the veterinarian's clinic with my dad.

Aunt Sarah was my mates owner, and her husband uncle Tommy was my mine. My mate had gone into labor just a few hours ago and tommy was with her in the other room. I remember my dad saying Time passed by so slowly.

Sarah and i were starting to worry if everything was OK because it had been a long time since they heard anything.

i wanted to be with my mate but i have a bad phobia of blood. And as soon as i saw as much as a drop of blood i would be out cold. Aunt Shara stayed with me to comfort me. It was around 2:30 AM when Tommy came to give the news.....



{Flash back}



Chris was sitting in an armchair biting his lower lip. the light was shining on his light brown fur making it of glow. Chris was about to say something to sarah when the vet and tommy came through the door. Chris got up and walked over and stood in front of them.

"Mr.Vet Sir? is everything OK?" Chris said anxiously.

The vet looked down at Chris and then over at tom and asked, "is this the father of the puppy's?

"Yes" Tommy says

"Do you want me to tell him?" The vet asked.

"No. I will" tom say with a sad tone.

Tommy knelled down to him and with a troubled but Sirius face and said. "Chris my boy, I am glad to tell you that you are the new father of healthy puppy's."

A smile grows on Chris's face. but before he can say anything Tommy says "but that's not all. "but Amber is not doing too good. Do you want me to take you to her?

Of course I do! Were are they?" he says frantically.

"They are in in the back room. follow me and I will walk you to her."

Chris and tom start walking towards the door. Tom Shuts the door behind them but not before Chris could see Sahara start to cry..

as they reach the door Tommy bend's down and tells Chris "She is right in there. I need to go talk to Shara. it should give you two a couple of minutes alone together. Ok?"

"OK" Chris says.

As Tom Started to walk back down the hall towards the waiting room Chris asked in a sad voice "is she going to be OK?

Tommy turns around looking into the Chris cold blue eyes and says. "i don’t really know for sure but it is not looking too good.”

with a nod Chris reaches for the door knob turning it slowly as to not make as much noise. as the door opens he can see that the lights are dimmed more than the rest of the clinic.

he slowly walks in and looks around waiting for his eyes to adjust. as they do he can see Amber's golden fur in the corner on a bed. she has her back turned to him so he starts to walk over to her. as he gets close he can start to see little puppy's moving.”

three of them sitting around her and occasionally wiggling and making cute noises. he looks at her but does not see the same life as he does in the puppy's. her green eyes seem to be dulling and she looks weak.

amber looks up at him and says with a weak voice “how does it feel to be a father Chris?”

Chris bends down and kisses her and says “it feels even better than i thought it would”

amber looks down at the puppies then back at Chris and says “what should we name them?”

Chris now looking down at the puppies gives them a good look over seeing that there are two boys and one girl. he looks back at amber and says “i want to name the girl is that alright?“

“that’s fine with me. but lets name the last one together.” she says now sounding even weaker.

Chris could tell she was not doing good at all and it seemed to be getting worse. and started to hurry a little bit. he picks up the girl and notices she looks very similar to him. he thinks deeply for a moment and then says “Krystal! let's name her Kristal.”

“perfect name as it seems she has your… everything” she says as she giggles then coughs.

Krystal wiggles around trying to get free biting Chris finger till he puts her down.

“looks like she has your stubbornness.” Chris says with a smile.”

then Chris picks up one of the boys and hands him to her lightly. she looks him over and then says “how ironic… she looks like you and he looks like me. i am going to name him… Aaron.”

she gives him a light kiss then hands him over to Chris and Chris set him down carefully. he wiggles before settling down near his sister.

Chris goes to pick up the last puppy but before he can amber says “Chris, i know i am not doing will. you and i both know it. and i don't want this to go unsaid. you are the best mate anyone could have ever asked for. and i have loved you more than anything in my whole life. and if i don't make it. want you to promise to take good care of are puppy's, OK?

Chris can no longer hold back the tears. they start rolling down his face as he says ”i promise amber. ill do it for you. and i love you so much more than you could imagine.”

amber wipes away a tear of of Chris face and says “we still need to name the last puppy don't we? so shut down the water works and lets enjoy this.”

Chris rubs his eyes and grabs the last puppy. they both look him over then she asks “what do you think we should name him?”

Chris thinks for a moment before saying “i really have no clue… he just looks so small and...”

but before Chris can finish amber starts to talk. “Chris remember how we met on that warm summer day? how you ran away from tom chasing that cat and ran right into Shara”

“of course i do.” he says

“ well did you know there was a good chance that i could have never been there?”

“why?” he says now kind of confused

“will Sarah and i were not planning on going to the park that day. Sarah was going to go on a date but the guy cancelled at the last second. she was really sad so she went to the park like she always did when she was sad. and there you were.running like a lunatic into Sarah and knocking her into the pond.”

“not to be rude but where are you going with this amber?” Chris buts in and says.

“just wait i’m getting to it.” she looks at him sharply

she starts again. “there were so many things that could of changed that day and we would have never met. really all of it was just by chance. and because of that i want to name this little guy chance. what do you think?

“i think it’s perfect. like you”

“I’m so cold Chris. hop up here with me keep me warm”

Chris climbs up onto the bed with her and they both lay there all night.

but when Chris woke up in the morning he was all alone. amber had passed in the night.

_________________
Now that King is a dog does he cry to all dog's go to heaven???
I'm trying my luck with writing A fan fiction. Wanna see?:http://www.housepetscomic.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=2536 UPDATED!


Mon Jan 27, 2014 1:29 am
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Post Re: The two lost souls of limbo
So, Rocky is now Chris? ...OK, cool.

This is certainly much easier to read, and a very sad read it is :(
Makes me very interested to see where the story goes.

Just a note, you may want to decided on one spelling for everyone's names and stick to them.
(eg, is it "Sarah", "Shara", or "Sahara"? "Krystel" or "Kristel"?) If there's anywhere reader's like consistency, it is with the names ;)

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Mon Jan 27, 2014 1:53 pm
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Post Re: The two lost souls of limbo
Obbl wrote:
So, Rocky is now Chris? ...OK, cool.

This is certainly much easier to read, and a very sad read it is :(
Makes me very interested to see where the story goes.

Just a note, you may want to decided on one spelling for everyone's names and stick to them.
(eg, is it "Sarah", "Shara", or "Sahara"? "Krystel" or "Kristel"?) If there's anywhere reader's like consistency, it is with the names ;)


i have a problem with auto correct and it changes the names around allot... sorry about that. also i know the story is sad right now but it will get happier. but before is does there is going to be some more sadness. you are just going to have to wait and see :D

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Now that King is a dog does he cry to all dog's go to heaven???
I'm trying my luck with writing A fan fiction. Wanna see?:http://www.housepetscomic.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=2536 UPDATED!


Mon Jan 27, 2014 5:23 pm
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Post Re: The two lost souls of limbo
You might want to spend time editing your stories, rereading them for mistakes you or autocorrect make. I saw a few glaring ones.

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Tue Jan 28, 2014 11:12 pm
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