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Post am new here
ok i just started making this so its still a wip but i just wanted to be sure if its ok with you all i hope you like it am doing it in 1 person i hope that is ok



here it is i couldn't download it as a file so i posted it instead


This is going to be a first person story



One nice warm march sunny morning I was just getting up out of bed to get ready to go to school …. This was going to be my last month before I graduation just 8 more weeks and ill be done with school.. So I got up and grab my school book bag and headed out the door with a toast bread in my mouth. As I close the door I put my key in the slot and before I locked it I heard someone.

“Hello there “

I slowly turn around and saw a male anthro wolf with light grey fur and grey eyes ..

“ I’m new to the neighbor and i thought it would be nice to see my neighbor its nice to meet you my name is miles “

I got a little spooked seeing the wolf in front of me but I reach over and shake his hand knowing that if a wolf like him he could of have already pounced on me while my back is turned but he didn’t so I felt welcome to meet him.


As I ate the toast I said to the wolf …” its nice to meet you my name is Michael. I was just on my way to school there’s the bus right now … hey is that your kids getting on the bus too .. “

He turned around seeing his son and daughter getting on once they got on the bus screamed like all of the humans inside the bus got scaryed

“ yeah those are my son and daughter this is there first day going to school and I hope they will be ok there my other kids are staying at home for awhile we try to get them to school next year.

I walk up to the bus and before I stepped inside the bus the father placed his hand on my shoulder and said to me .

“ say I was wondering if once you get out of school this afternoon you could come over to my house and show me around me and my pack is new living here we use to live in the wild but my wife say living in the wild stinks “ he said as he laugh * “ so will you come over once you get out of school ?”

I said “ sure I wouldn’t mind see you later ….” I stepped inside the bus and the bus door closed as soon as I got in all of the kids were sitting in the back sitting away from the father wolf son and daughter I looked at them seeing them sit together all scare and shy like they don’t belong in such a school . they started to look at me wondering if ill sit in the back of the bus but I sat across from them and smiled. Before reaching my hand over to them and said .
“hello there my name is Michael its nice to meet you am your neighbor “

they looked at my hand and started to sniff it before the daughter sat next to me they had there book bags with them making it hard for them to stay at there seat. The daughter sat very close to me her tail patting the seat and my hip I watched her look up at me I felt like I was her big brother but she already got one

“ its nice to meet you “ the daughter wolf said to me *

“ what can I call you …? “ I asked wondering what are there names …”

The daughter wolf said to me “ oh are father didn’t give us a name we have to make up are own name’s I haven’t thought up a name for me yet .. “

Same here “ said the brother *

“ hmmm can I call you uhh luna and you max? just a thought is all I don’t want to make it hard or spoil on making up your own name’s …”

Ok they both said at the same time …

As we chatted about me coming over to there house we got to school and I helped getting them to class and then time flew to lunch time me and luna and max stayed close to each other while other’s cower but not the teacher’s and staff or even the lunch ladies witch it started to fell odd to me I know max and luna aren’t all dangerous they are quite nice you just need to give them a shot but as I grab my lunch they looked at my food sniffing at my food it was pizza and fires … while they got a raw ground beef burgers they asked the lunch ladies for luna pinched my pizza and raise her arm up letting my cheese stretch


Thu Jan 31, 2013 12:01 am
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Post Re: am new here
Looks like you want to be typing in the roleplaying section. I'm sure one of the moderators like Dissension or Sleet will help redirect you.
Plus if you like to role play and write dialogue then you'll fit right into the Roleplaying subsection.

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Thu Jan 31, 2013 12:07 am
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Post Re: am new here
well its part of the story ive made so far but i would like some help with it so do you think i should go to the role playing ?


Thu Jan 31, 2013 1:40 am
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Post Re: am new here
It works here in Fan Fiction, not RP. There have been free form fics here before, so it is nothing new.

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Thu Jan 31, 2013 10:58 am
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Yup I suppose Copper is right! Sorry if I worried you.

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Thu Jan 31, 2013 12:25 pm
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Post Re: am new here
Nah, just leave idea's here, it's a fan fic
we can give you feedback.

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Thu Jan 31, 2013 1:13 pm
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Post Re: am new here
here is some of what i did so far i hope its ok with you all


the back of the bus but I sat across from them and smiled. Before reaching my hand over to them and said.
“Hello there my name is Michael its nice to meet you am your neighbor “

they looked at my hand and started to sniff it before the daughter sat next to me they had there book bags with them making it hard for them to stay at there seat. The daughter sat very close to me her tail patting the seat and my hip I watched her look up at me I felt like I was her big brother but she already got one

“ its nice to meet you “ the daughter wolf said to me *

“ what can I call you …? “ I asked wondering what are there names …”

The daughter wolf said to me “ oh are father didn’t give us a name we have to make up are own name’s I haven’t thought up a name for me yet .. “

Same here “ said the brother *

“ hmmm can I call you uhh luna and you max? just a thought is all I don’t want to make it hard or spoil on making up your own name’s …”

Ok they both said at the same time …

As we chatted about me coming over to there house we got to school and I helped getting them to class and then time flew to lunch time me and luna and max stayed close to each other while other’s cower but not the teacher’s and staff or even the lunch ladies witch it started to fell odd to me I know max and luna aren’t all dangerous they are quite nice you just need to give them a shot but as I grab my lunch they looked at my food sniffing at my food it was pizza and fires … while they got a raw ground beef burgers they asked the lunch ladies for luna pinched my pizza and raise her arm up letting my cheese stretch as they both watch and pick at my pizza they took a bite out of there raw hamburger I didn't mind them eating such a meal. I was kind of happy that I was happy they like me as a friend but as I finish my pizza and as they finish there raw hamburger we both walked in to the gym side of the school and I put on my gym uniform and they just put on gym shorts. They weren't very comfortable about wearing gym shirts as we line up on a wall to be picked for doge ball I was on luna team and max was on the other team before we got to are lines to get doge ball ready luna came up to me and say to me .


Uhhh mike what is this game am sort of confuse …”

I looked at her and say “ well we have to grab those balls over there and try to throw them at the other team if the ball hits them and lands on the floor there out of the game same goes for us but if we catch the ball after it hits up the person that hit us is out and we bring another team that got out back in. Now we need to stay close to the line then place are right hand or left hand on the wall to start the game … then we must rush to grab as much doge balls as we can and try to hit someone but don’t hit are side of the team only the other team ok”


Thu Jan 31, 2013 9:27 pm
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Post Re: am new here
Hmmm, a dodgeball game. Interesting start.

Up for constructive criticism, or just working on the story?

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Thu Jan 31, 2013 10:13 pm
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Post Re: am new here
so far this is all i have now



luna nod before tossing a ball at a kid before seeing his brother out in the open …. She tries to get him out but it looks like he was too quick for her.. little did me and luna know that are team was getting ready to betray luna the game when on for at least a half hour me and luna and three other teams where left the other teams started to nod leaving max wide open to get hit by a doge my team threw at the same time with there doge ball right at him knocking him to the ground … the other team then picks up all of the doge ball and left luna out in the open I was trying to go for a doge ball I could hit all the rest of the team with one ball but I felt like I had to protect luna as my team fake trip luna on to the ground leaving her defenseless on the floor as the other team there all of there doge balls right at her I dived blocking and throwing my doge ball at the other team knocking them three in a row in there face’s but I got hit in the face by the third ball I wasn’t hurt I was glad I protected luna ..as the whistle blow the coach said .

.” winner Michael team alright everyone get ready to go home and have a great spring break … ..”


I lay there looking behind my shoulder saying

“ luna are you alright…”

she looked at me and warp her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly while giving my neck a friendly lick


“ thank you so much that was awfully kind of you to take a hit for me “

I felt like she was choking me

“ its no prob uhh can you please let go I can’t breath … “

she giggle before getting up on her feet as max rush over to her and hugged his sister …

“ are you alright sis I hope you didn’t get hit or hurt did ya ? “

Max sister shook her head


“ no brother am fine thanks to mike “


max turned around before giving me a friendly punch on the arm

“thanks mike am glad were friends with you “


I said “ no problem “

I rubbed my arm that friendly punch in the arm felt like a hard punch … I started to tear a little due to the pain …


a hour pasted and we were all back on the bus sitting next to each other … until we got dropped off max and luna father was waiting outside in his front yard as we step out of the bus one by one max and luna rush at there father giving miles a hug before miles said


“ hey welcome home how was your first day at school hmm …”

max say “ it was kind of hard but thanks to Michael here we got use to it although the other humans were looking at with a funny look on there faces like they were afraid of us and Michael was the only person that sat with us on the bus and in the lunch room “

miles looked up at me and said to me before standing up letting his kids run along inside there house .

“ thanks a bunch for being with them in school michael I really appreciate it


Thu Jan 31, 2013 11:56 pm
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A nice ending to a good day I suppose. Good friends made.

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Fri Feb 01, 2013 12:36 am
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Post Re: am new here
this is my latest one but i don't know if i should put that there sliver wear are like normal dog dishes and such like they havent with to go buy some cups and plates what do you think cooper ?



“ hey welcome home how was your first day at school hmm …”

max say “ it was kind of hard but thanks to Michael here we got use to it although the other humans were looking at with a funny look on there faces like they were afraid of us and Michael was the only person that sat with us on the bus and in the lunch room “

miles looked up at me and said to me before standing up letting his kids run along inside there house .

“ thanks a bunch for being with them in school michael I really appreciate it please come inside and relax ill introduce you my pack “

I nod feeling so tired that I was glad it was spring break … as I walk along behind miles as I watch his wife standing at the door keeping the door open form miles and me as I watch miles walk in his wife placed her paw on me and say

“ hi am Lucretia my son and daughter told me that you protect my daughter form doge balls is that true? And I also heard that you became there first friend in school I just want to say its really nice from them to have a kind human like you “

She said as she placed both of her hands on my hand before sniffing it a little I guess they don’t know how to shake hands I slowly nod before I said

“ well we are neighbors after all and I think it would be very cool to have them for a friend they are very special mostly luna she caught 2 doge balls before I could get them

Lucretia looked at me smiling before hugging me so tightly with her wolf like strength I felt like she just empty out my lungs

“ ok ok …. I can’t breathe gasp * I said as I tap her shoulder … she looked at me before releasing me .. Before she said

sorry hehe so sorry … please come inside and make your self at home … “

as I walk inside Lucretia close the door behind me I place my book bag down on the floor before sitting down with my back on the floor I was that tired … miles looked down at me on the floor before he said

“ uhhh are you alright”

he looked at me with one eye brow up … I said

“ well yeah just a little exhausted and could I have a drink of water please …

miles smiled before saying “ sure ill be right back ….” Max and luna looked at me before sitting right next to me … “ say Michael do you wanna play a game with us ..

I said “ sure what kind of game …? They both say “ hide and seek … you hide and we will seek you … ok ?

I nod saying “ sure ill play with you but let me just get some water first ok …?

They nod before saying “ hey he’s in he wants to play with us

I lift my head us my head lift off the floor while my body was flat on the floor seeing like 17 wolfs males and females rushing out of the room they all said out loud “ DOG PILE !

I screamed “ AHHHHH before getting piled up on by all miles and Lucretia kids ….. Before some of the kids that was facing me in the pile started to lick my face …

Miles walked in with a bowl of water before he dropped it from a surprise look on his face seeing me berried in a dog pile of his kids before he said “ hey hey get off of him he needs to breath

The kids say “ sorry daddy “ they all came off of me one by one before my face was soaked with slobber …. Miles offerd me a hand up …” sorry they get playful easily … but here is your water “

He hands me a bowl a doggy dish before I take it before looking at him he said


Fri Feb 01, 2013 1:13 am
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Post Re: am new here
what do you guys think should i make it like they haven't heard about human sliver wear or make it like they did heard about human sliver wear?


Sat Feb 02, 2013 12:42 am
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Post Re: am new here
Well, they probably drink from cups and use silverware, since they are trying to become acclimated to Human Society.

Remember, they read many books before coming to civilization. They probably have some idea of what everything is, though they may be mistaken. :roll:

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Sat Feb 02, 2013 11:40 am
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Post Re: am new here
alright


Sat Feb 02, 2013 10:43 pm
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Post Re: am new here
He slowly hands me a glass of water. I place my lips on the tip of the glass cup before titling my head up as I drink * gulp gulp gulp* .. ahh “ thank you for the water. I smiled before handing him the cup then I walked back in to the back yard seeing miles kids playing with each other tackling each other down on the grass. Before they all looked at me I flinched saying “ oh no .,…” before I could make a step I was dog piled again … I the only part of my body was out of the pile was my right leg twitching “ we gotcha Michael ready to play hide and seek in the forest .. “ all I could do was nod I had my face covered in the pile so much that I couldn’t talk. Then one by one they got off me and head to the back yard forest before luna took my hand and pull me into the forest. “ ok we will hide and you seek close your eyes and count to ten … “ I nod before placing my hand on a tree before counting …” one two three four five six seven eight nine ten ! ready or not here I come ..” I started to slowly walk around looking around as I take a step …. Looking for the miles kids … I heard twigs snapping … I looked to my right and spotted a tail. I slowly sneek up to the bush and said “FOUND YA “ it was luna she stood up and said to me “ awww man no far “ she said as she giggled “ alright now ill have to help you find the others “ she started to sniff the air “ this way … “ I was impressed by her tracking the others but it made me wondered did she got her self caught by me on purpose. I mean she could of already smell me coming form a mile away or was it that I got dog piled so much that the scent of miles kids got rubbed on to me masking my own odder .. “ psst “ I looked down looking at luna she jumped on to my back and whisper into my ear. She tells me that all of the other pack are in a small hole they dug … on the northeast side of the forest …. I gave a nod “ right “ I stay down and tip toe to the spot and used a stick to brush away the dead grass patch and saw them “ found you all “ I win !
They all looked at my and luna before they all say AWWW MAN “there ear’s perked up and they rush out the hole and head to there house …. Luna followed pulling my hand “ wow wow what’s going on … ? I asked luna before she looks at me and told me it was dinner time as we got to the pack yard there was a dead deer carcass as a classy centerpiece. I got chills seeing it but I didn’t want it to be a burden to Lucretia and miles. So I watch luna and max and there brothers and sister sit down on the pick nick table and Lucretia looked at me. Before smiling patting a seat next to her and miles “come you can sit here between me and miles” she said to me as she sit down in her seat I carefully sit down between them in front of the dead deer carcass I looked at the carcass and asked “ are we post to eat it ? miles and Lucretia laughed “ no no it’s a centerpiece why do you wanna eat it ? miles looked at me with a smile on his face ..i say to him “ no I thought we just need to grab inside the carcass and get what we wanna eat. But since were not going to eat it what are we going to eat?” when I say that Lucretia got up off of her seat before she giggled a bit then she came back with light brown steaks it felt warm “ wow this looks delicious “ I said before grabing my fork and knife before pressing the knife down and took a bite the knife went in the steak softly .. “ mmm it really taste juicy and its very soft but tender .. I stick another with the knife … seeing a bit of blood gush out …I had a unsure look on my face before saying. “ uhhh is this steak cooked? “


Sun Feb 03, 2013 2:57 am
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Well, that must have been a surprising site. Seems someone has a crush. :roll:

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Sun Feb 03, 2013 3:03 am
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Post Re: am new here
“ miles and Lucretia looked at each other before looking at me “was I post to cook it? Lucretia looked at me as she scratches behind her right ear. I slowly put my knife and fork down and sit up “excuse me I must use your bathroom. My body started to feel like it wants to throw up I head inside there house and into there bathroom before barfing …. As I slowly walked back outside in the back yard miles and Lucretia asked me if I was ok … I nodded and said “ am fine am fine am ok “ miles looked up to me and said “ We really didn’t know we were post to cook it were really sorry … “ I nod and said “ its cool it happens am fine really “ Lucretia and luna both said to me “ are you sure” I said “ yes ill be fine don’t worry ill just have to cook it myself really “ miles smiled and said to me “ me and the pack are going to throw a backyard party this spring break for all of are family and neighbor’s . And I was wondering if you like to join us. “I nod and said “ that would be nice of you I would love to come if you are all still hungry I can cook you all something to eat ? “ luna tugged on my shirt “ you can cook? “ I nod and said “ yes I can in fact I I use to me a pro giving a show when I was 15 and lived down south I cooked for my cousin and family. Do you all wanna give you all a show? Miles and Lucretia looked at each other before miles said to me “well if you don’t mind would like to see it.” I said “great wait here …. Am going to go get my BBQ grill ill be right back. * I rush on over to my place and grab a carry long 4 feet wide BBQ grill out in the back of there yard before pouring some charcoal inside the BBQ before I squirt some lighting fluids in toss a match in seeing the grill warming up I put on my cooking clothes looking like a chief I put a tooth pick in my mouth. “Alright is everyone ready to watch me cook ? “ I asked as I had some ingredients on a table to my left and spatula knifes and condiments like salt and pepper hot sauce. Miles and Lucretia and there kids sat down on there table as I was 7 feet away from them so they wouldn't get hurt.. miles and his family started to cheer for me as I slowly close my eyes putting on a blind fold after pulling out my knifes and took a deep and slow breath as I stood there in front of my grill. I graceful place 10 steaks on the grill with out looking hearing them sizzle I grab a bowl then spun it with my arms as it spins on my knife handle I pour some steak sauce slat pepper lemon juice and all of the ingredients in my head that my granddad taught me until the bowl was making a swirling whirlpool I grab a ladle and scoop some of the sauce out of the bowl and on to the steaks the girl caught fire I flipped each steak into the air .. miles and his family gaze before seeing me toss some knife in the air above my head before I tossed a ball’s of cabbages the knife fell down they look like I was about to get stabled in the head but the cabbages got sliced redirecting the knifes on to the table the cabbages fell into sliced peaces on to a bowl. I then swirl some ground beef on to my head until it turn in to a ball then I sliced it if burger size patties with a knife in my hand while the ground beef ball was still in the air my right hand disappear almost making it like I cut my hand clean off. Miles family was in a bit of a shock but my hand reappear out of my sleeve I placed the patties on to the girl as I hear the steaks falling I jumped back catching all of the steaks before tossing it too miles and his family in plates they didn't see me grab the plates as I jumped I threw the plates like they were Frisbee s. Miles and his family flinched thinking they was about to get hit but thanks to the up draft of the wind the plates slowly slowed themselves down enough to land in front of them. Miles and his family clapped seeing there steak nice and tender.. “ don’t eat them just yet the show isn’t over “ I said as I grabbed my spatula and flipped all of the humbugger flipping them up at miles Lucretia max luna and all of the family there within the automobile before tossing some buns at the within the automobile. I grab and spun the bowl of lettuces tomatoes and pickles on my back before it rolled off my fingers hovering over to the table. The fire on the girl burned out due to the sauce as I close the lid with my foot before taking off my blind fold and bowed “ thank you thank you “ miles and his family clapped and cheered out loud as they could … before I took off my cooking outfit and joined them at the table miles and Lucretia patted my back before miles said “ how did you learn that that was very impressive you nearly scared me and Lucretia thinking that you cut your hand off “ and I said “ well I learned those moves out in the country down south before I came back here to live along with my family but I choose to live on my own so I started to practice thinking that could be my day job. Doing fundamentals cooking and well that’s how I learn self taught first I learned how to toss my knifes by using bottles so that way I wouldn't get hurt I weigh the bottles like the knifes so I can know how much power do I need to toss them into the air. Then I practice tossing the plates by using a Frisbee’s but most of all it was thanks to my hearing if I couldn't hear those steaks falling I wouldn't be able to know where they all falling what exact point are they going to land on .. “ I turn my head seeing Lucretia taking a bite of the steak and burger before she looked at me “ these are amazing soft moist warm it kind of like taking a bite off a live horse or a cow “ I closed my eyes with a smile on my face “ uhhh thank you … “ Lucretia cover her mouth with her right hand “ oh sorry I didn't mean to gross out or anything “ she said with a giggle “ I said “ no no its ok I can understand you use too hunt for food so am not really grossed out “ I said as I eat up my steak and burger knowing that they are fully cooked this time as soon as me miles and Lucretia and her family were done eating it was 8:58 PM max and Luna wanted to play one last game of hide and seek before it was time to go inside .. but this time Ill have to hide and max and luna and all of her brother and sister would have to seek I was kind of out numbered but they made it easy for me by telling me that if they can’t spot me or touch me before 2 minutes are up I win. “ sounds fair “ I said as max and luna and the other pack started to count I walked slowly back then run into the forest as far as I can keeping a watch to time how long I have to stay hidden … “ ready or not here we come …” I could hear them for a mile away then I started to hear foot steps and twigs snapping I looked around seeing eyes glowing grey and all sorts of colors i was surrounded now I only have 1 minute until I win but as soon as I looked at my watch I saw them all rushing at me one by one …. I try to doge them all hard as I could but they all started to come at me all a once. Until I was


Wed Feb 06, 2013 8:35 pm
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Wall of text! @_@

Try to break it up a little if you can. Also, why stop midsentence?

Interesting how you can cook like an Iron Chef. :D

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Thu Feb 07, 2013 12:03 am
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Post Re: am new here
like break it down into paragraphs ?


Thu Feb 07, 2013 12:44 pm
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Post Re: am new here
mikes15 wrote:
like break it down into paragraphs ?

Exactly. A good rule of thumb (that I follow, at least) is when you have characters speaking, have each character's lines have their own separate paragraph. Though actions of characters don't have to follow the same convention. You could have one character doing an action while another character is speaking.

I'll send you a PM with a quick example. :3


Thu Feb 07, 2013 3:57 pm
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Post Re: am new here
i hope this is about right

was pounced and pin down they use a sort of move that look like it could take down large prey. They all had me pinned down form chest to toe only leaving my head able to move … luna looked right at my face and poked her nose on to mine before saying

“ tag we win! “ she said with a giggle and a pretty smile on her face … “

they all soon got off of me cheering for there victory until miles came and said

“ alright everyone take to head to bed Michael here have to go home now “ the kids all said “ Awwww does he have too …” miles looked up at me and then Lucretia came up and said to me “ well we don’t know what do you think Michael do you wanna stay at are place for tonight?

I held my hand up to my chin before looking at the kids looking back at me whimpering trying to act all cutie … I said to miles and Lucretia “ well it does look like they don’t want me to leave I mean I am having fun with them so sure why not ill stay for the night.”

Luna and max were so happy that luna pounced behind me and all of the other kids pounced on top of me

Miles and Lucretia try to get there kids off of me saying “ hey hey careful we don’t want him to get hurt …” I laughed seeing them happy that am staying for the night

As soon as miles and Lucretia kids got off of me they all head inside the house in to one big room as I walked in they had some board games for all of us to play mostly uno but before I step in to join them miles and Lucretia called me into the family room. I walked on down stairs and slowly into the family room saying

What’s up? “ when I sat down Lucretia hugged me and told me “ we never seen are kids this happy they all are lucky to have a friend like you thank you for being luna and max and all of the kids friends Michael.

I said “ well your very welcome I like to make other’s happy make them feel important have fun in life you know .. “ miles nodded before saying “ well that’s the thing you see me and Lucretia got a letter in the mail from are cuisine brother’s and families all of relatives wanted to have a family reunion next weekend at a zoo and we were wondering .. if you could come with us. I mean if your not too busy for spring break or anything we thought It would be fun to bring you along to meet all are relatives and cuisines ..

I looked at miles and Lucretia thinking should I go or not … “ well how are you getting there? I asked as I start to wonder … miles said to me “ well we were hoping we could get on a bus to go see them all but us being feral wolfs and all we think we might scary the bus driver away seeing me and Lucretia and the kids … so we don’t really know just yet …we could just walk but it would take us longer to get there on foot..

I stood up and said “ well I could drive you down there “ miles looked up at me jumping out of his seat “ you could !? “ well yeah I mean I can rent a big van for you and all of your kids to ride with me it would be no problem” Lucretia and miles hugged each other with joy before they group hug me along with them I had to get on my keens to hug them right


Thu Feb 07, 2013 8:38 pm
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Puppy Wrangler
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Post Re: am new here
Hmm, you may want to read through what you write to weed out some of the spelling errors. Also, it is good to end an update in a complete sentence.

How old are you in this fic?

Yes, the breaking up is better! A little off, but getting there. MUCH easier to read now!

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Thu Feb 07, 2013 11:10 pm
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Post Re: am new here
18 going too be my last school year unless I decide too stay another year too get a a greater IQ score


Thu Feb 07, 2013 11:17 pm
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Puppy Wrangler
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Post Re: am new here
Alright then. Just wondering it. Had to be over 16 ut under 21, just wanted to know for sure.

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Thu Feb 07, 2013 11:20 pm
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Post Re: am new here
hey everyone sorry for not posting lately been having family problems with the family cafe and all ill get too it soon enough though.


Wed Feb 20, 2013 9:00 pm
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