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fanfiction story 
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Post fanfiction story
i am coming up with a fanfiction story and i would post it on here but its too big right now so if you want to view it PM me your email and ill send you the DOC. and if you want you can critique

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Tue Dec 18, 2012 9:48 pm
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Post Re: fanfiction story
if it's too big for one post, you can stretch it over a few posts.

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Tue Dec 18, 2012 9:53 pm
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Post Re: fanfiction story
Better idea
:3

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Tue Dec 18, 2012 10:23 pm
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Post Re: fanfiction story
or ill just post chapter after chapter

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Tue Dec 18, 2012 10:24 pm
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Post Re: fanfiction story
I assumed you meant one long story, not one divided into chapters. Yeah, chapters is the best way to go.

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Tue Dec 18, 2012 10:27 pm
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Post Re: fanfiction story
thanks for the tip :D

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Tue Dec 18, 2012 10:30 pm
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Post Re: fanfiction story
no problem

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Tue Dec 18, 2012 10:34 pm
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Post Re: fanfiction story
It was a cold windy day in Fresno California; the sky was cloudy as if it were about to rain. I got up off the couch because my mother was yelling at me for “lazing” around, but to honest I kinda was all morning. I walked over to the window and looked outside and to the sky,”Man, its only 11:30 and it looks like it’s ready rain cats and dogs.” I sighed and went back to the couch but to my surprise, I had found myself weary of sitting down all day, so I went outside to check if it’s raining. “hmm, it’s not raining and judging by the cloud I only have around half an hour before it does” I ran back inside looking all over the house for my mother. “MOOOOOM!!!” no reply. I kept yelling out her name and soon she, what it seemed like, kicked her door open shouting, “WHAT!?!?” I flinched as that kinda freaked me out, “Geez, all I wanted to know was if it would be alright if I went to my friend Roberts house.” “Sure I don’t care I have to go to work anyways and maybe I wouldn’t be so mad if you wouldn’t keep shouting my name a million times in a row.” My mom was kinda she knows I know she hates it when I do that, but its sometimes so funny to see her fume over stupid stuff.
I decided to get ready before my mom left for work and it was when I was tying my shoes I suffered a sharp pain in my backside. “Argh! God..[censored]!” the pain suceeded after a few minutes and I got back up. “Man, I hate it when that happens..” no one really knew why that happened a lot. They think its from bad posture but I think it’s from having back problems. I got up grabbing my wallet and my keys from my dressing and headed out. “Ill see ya later mom!” “okay! Be back before 10!!” I shut and locked the door, why I locked the door I had no Idea why but I did. I grabbed but something felt a tad.. odd. It was quiet, a little too quiet for a neighborhood full of kids. “hmm, where is everyone?” I looked down at my bike to mount it, but when I got on it there was a hiss of air leaving my tires and I noticed slash marks on my tires. “God [censored] someone slashed my tires!” I sighed and dismounted “Looks like im walking.” I started walking down the road and into the town a little bit, but while walking I felt nauseas. I could feel my stomach turning and couldn’t keep it in any longer and ran towards a bush and vomited. As I finished I got up trying to spit out the taste of vomit and my stomach growled. “guess im getting kinda hungry. Well anything to get this horrid taste out of my mouth” I pulled out my wallet to see how much money I had “25 bucks ought to get me something cheap” I walked to the nearest McDonalds and ordered some food to go. I ate while walking through the crowed part of town.
I continued walking down as I spotted a man donning a brown suit and a bowler hat. I studied him closely and noticed he wasn’t moving, I tried moving over to him but I was frozen stiff. He stood up and walked slowly towards me his footsteps pounding in my head. Everything around me was turning black and I struggled to move until I finally fell then got up and ran. Whether I ran for 5 minutes or half an hour I couldn’t tell and eventually I stopped panting for air and looked around. There was no sign of him so I decided to rest there for a little bit. I got up after about 5 minutes and started walking. I dropped my phone trying to put it in my pocket so I picked it up and walked forward only to bump into someone and fall over. “oh man.. oh! Hey im sorry about tha-“
I looked up only to see the guy in the brown suit and bowler hat. I quickly grabbed my knife and pulled it out of its sheathe but when I looked up I no longer saw the man. I got up and a chill ran down my back and I heard him whisper in my ear, “ive been watching you Daniel, you’ve been a bad person lately and you blame other for your problems even it hurts you in the process.” I tried to move but couldn’t no matter how I tried. He grabbed the knife out of my hand and looked at it “hostile too.” He bent it with ease and threw into the street. I finally got the knot out of my throat and spoke. “wh-who are you?” “me? Just call me Pete. Now before I can explain anything to you I am going to tell you something, there is people who witnessed this event that just happened so, you will have to live with me.” “what?!?” i said in shocked and anger. “you have a choice if you want to, snap your fingers and ill be there. Now I just want you to do one thing.” I stuttered “A-and what is that” “wake up..”

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Tue Dec 18, 2012 10:36 pm
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Post Re: fanfiction story
Chapter 2.
I woke up later in the hospital breathing heavily as I looked around the room. “it was just a dream” the nurse walked in and handed me a letter. I looked at her with confusion and asked, “who is this from?” “he didn’t say he was the one who brought you in” I had trouble swallowing “w-was it a guy wearing a brown suit and a bowler hat?” “yes. Do you know him” I couldn’t believe what was going on this couldn’t have happened it was just a dream. I continued to open the letter and I couldn’t help but make a face when I read it. It read “Or was it?” I thought long and hard about what he said, about living with him and all and I thought to myself “He cant be serious, can he? I bet hes bluffing I have to options try it or run. Run.” I got out of the hospital bed when the nurses were gone and opened the window. I looked out to see if there was anybody out there but I had the misfortune of looking down. “well I have to do this” I launched myself out the window and when I hit the ground I rolled and felt a sharp burning and stabbing pain in my back. “ACK!!” I got up and ran into an alley and took off my shirt and looked at it. It was stained in blood and I could tell I was bleeding bad. I had no one else to help but this “Pete” guy and I was starting to lose consciousness so I snapped my fingers and waited. Nothing happened. I snapped them over and over again, but still nothing happened. “huh, I knew it he was bluffing” I was about to pass out when I saw a figure approaching. “my, my, what a mess you are.” He snapped his fingers and I could feel my skin rearraging, it hurt but I stopped bleeding. “so its official you’re living with me now.” “what?!? I never said anything about that!” “oh but you did, see when you snapped your fingers you signed a contract stating you have to live with me, therefore you did.” I was helpless I couldn’t do anything in the state I was so I didn’t argue “just take me to your house and let me rest” he chuckled softly and said,” then get up and walk with me” I got up slowly and walked with him to what seemed the middle of nowhere. “so.. where do you live exactly?” “ha! Id thought youd never ask” he grabbed my shoulder and everything went black.
When I came to, we were in a house and it was snowing outside. Suddenly I felt my stomach turn. “oh god.” I ran to the bathroom and vomited. There was pete standing by my side. “Everyone gets nauseous on their first celestial jump. Don’t worry, itll pass.” I got up, my head spinning. “wait.. did you say, celestial jump?” “yes.” “As into another dimension?” “my you’re a smart one, much smarter than the other one.” I gulped. “o-other one?” oh you’ll meet him when he gets back.” Ok good at least hes not dead I thought to myself. “Now if you’re going to live here with me your going to live here as a pet.” That crossed the line and I snapped. “WHAT THE [censored] DO YOU MEAN A PET!?!?! I AM NO ONES PET YOU FILTHY KIDNAPPER” I had apparently blew the fuse with him too. He threw off his bowler hat revealing a blue gryphons head and I stumbled back in shock. “ YOU LISTEN TO ME AND YOU LISTEN TO ME GOOD, YOU WILL DO WHAT I SAY WHEN I SAY NOW GET OVER HERE” still in shock I dragged my feet as I walked to towards him. “king should be arriving any minute I want you to meet him.” I thought to myself “today is when I die who knows what creature is going walk in. im going to be devoured by a-“ king walks in and hangs up his black scarf. “a corgi?” I looked at king in amazement (and partial fear). King looked at me then at “pete” I don’t what to call him anymore. “who is this?” king said. “the newest addition to our family” “oh, well ill be back down” he went up stairs to do who knows what. “that is what I mean by pet.” I looked up at him in confusion. “wait a minute, your going to turn me into a dog?” “would you prefer a cat?” “Nevermind dog’s good” “good now stand still” I braced myself for what I thought would be a painful transformation. “there that’s better” I looked at my hands, or paws now. “whoa, I need a mirror.” He snapped his fingers and a mirror appeared in front of me. I stood with my maw wide open in amazement, in the mirror stood a tall all black german shepard.
Speechless I twirled around trying to catch every part of my body. “im a dog now. Wait is every dog like this?” “yep they can all walk and talk like you. Now I must be leaving now I have some business I need to attend to” I nodded and he left. I heard king yelling from upstairs “that bird finally leave?!?” “yeah!” I replied. He walked downstairs and looked at me. “wow I guess he wasn’t kidding, but then again when is he kidding” I studied him for a little “um.. yes?” was I staring? Dang it “ sorry but um.. are you human too” “yeah, well at least I was.” I looked down my ears kinda drooping. I looked back up and noticed he had a collar on and I looked at myself. I didn’t have one and for some reason I felt.. naked. “I noticed you have a collar on and I don’t. do I get one?” king looked at me “oh, yeah you should have one around here. Try looking on the counter.” I walked over to the counter and noticed I no longer was able to see over it so I had to grab a stool and climb on top of it. “there it is” I picked up a dark purple collar that had a dog tag in the shape of a knife. On the back it read “Razor” I looked at it with unsatisfied face. “Razor huh, better than nothing I guess.
I strapped in the collar and went back to king, who was watching t.v. on the couch. “I found it” he looked at me “Oh cool.” He got up off the couch and went to get his scarf. “you have a scarf too, it’s the purple one in the closet” I check the closet and I couldn’t find it. “where exactly in the closet?” “check the very back if you cant find it.” I went all the way in the back and It was dark. I could barely see past my own muzzle and I felt around and I found what felt like a light switch. I flipped it and a bright light turned on which nearly blinded me. After my eyes got used to the light, I found my purple scarf and headed out, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was watching me. I closed the closet door as I left shouting, “I found it!” I must of startled king because he jumped when I said that. “please don’t yell at me” “Ok sorry” I wrapped the scarf around myself and walked over to him. “ok come on lets go for a walk um..” “Daniel, and yourself?” he looked at me. “Joel, now come on” I watched him as he opened the door. He could barely reach the handle and he looked angry. We walked around for about 10 minutes before I decided to say something, “So Joel, how old are you?” “3 years old” he replied. “in human yeasrs?” he sighed and said,” 22, how old are you” I looked at him and said,”I was 15 in human years. In dog years I don’t really know.” “your probably around 2 and a half years old.” “oh. I used to be a writer back when I was a human” “oh that’s.. neat” “what did you do when you were a human?” I could tell I had clearly struck a nerveand he looked down “I don’t want to talk about it..” my ears drooped, “Sorry I asked.” “its ok” I looked around and then out of nowhere a snow ball came flying at my face and hit me directly in my mouth. A brown dog was standing a couple yards away from us and looked at me “oops.” He ran towards me and helped me up off the floor. ”hey are you ok?” “yeah I replied brushing snow off my black fur.” A purple cat came running and yelling, “peanut! What did you do this time?!?” she got here and looked at me, “Oh hey grape, I accidently hit the new dog in the face with a snowball.” Grape looked at peanut and then back at me. “im sorry about peanut over here, hes a bit of a goofball.” I smiled and replied, “hey its ok, ive had worst happen too me. Allow me to introduce myself im-“ I thought too myself oh man I cant tell them my real name itll sound to weird. “er.. Razor my names Razor.” They both looked at me and smiled, “im Grape.” said the purple cat “and this over here is peanut, but im prettysure you two have gotten situated” she laughed a little. “Well its starting to get late we should head home.” We all agreed and headed home. “hey king?” “yeah?” “I want to say thank you” he looked at me “what for?” “for being a friend and helping me threw my first day in this world.” He smiled with a soft blush on his face. “oh, um. Your welcome I guess. If you want I can take you to see fox tomorrow.” I smiled “sure I’d love to.” We got home about five minutes late and we went up to bed. “hey king which room is mine?” “in my room. Your bed is across from mine.” I walked into the room and saw a dog bed that said “Razor” on it. “oh ok.” I laid down under the sheets and told king goodnight before I drifted into sleep.

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Tue Dec 18, 2012 10:37 pm
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Post Re: fanfiction story
Chapter 3
I woke up early the next morning, earlier than king actually, so I decided to stay in bed for a while. I started thinking about my previous life. About everything I had left behind my family my friends. Will I see them again, I don’t know, but all I do know is that this is my new life now. King finally woke up and he stumbled out of his bed and walked his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth. I got up and walked over to the bathroom as well. “Guess I gotta buy myself a toothbrush as well don’t I” he faced me his eyes still closed, “mhm” there was a knock on the door. “ill get it” I went downstairs and opened the door and there was about 10 dogs in front of me, plus grape. “hey new dog, welcome to Babylon Gardens.” So that’s the name of this place. They brought a basket filled with various items such as dog treats, a tooth brush, and a book that read “Pridelands” on it the and a sticker on it that said “from Peanut.” “im Fido by the way.” “And im Spo!” I looked around but saw no one else speaking “who said” Fido sighed and pointed to his scalp and out popped a tiny mouse “ohh” “yeah” Fido replied. “This is Bino” “hey” said Bino with a bored look on his face. “over here is Fox” a grey husky smiled and said hey. “hey ive heard about you.” Fox looked at me with a confused face “really from who?” “King” I replied. His confused face turned into surprise. “How do you know King?” “he’s upstairs” “really? You live with him?” “yeah new pet” “oh” “Kingy’s here?!?” I heard from the background. “And this is Sasha” Fido said. There was 3 more dogs I didn’t know. The Doberman, the other german shepard, and the Pomeranian. “is the anyone you didn’t meet?” I pointed at the Doberman “oh, Kevin come over and say hi!” the next thing I new the muscular Doberman was charging at me. “HEY HOWS IT GOING?!?!” He tackled me and we flying through the room, but as soon as I hit the ground I flipped over Kevin and pinned him to the ground.
Everyone was shocked at what I just did, Kevin was looking at me then he looked at my dog tag. I got off him and he went back to Fido and whispered something in his ear. I looked at everyone as they stared at me. “um sorry about that” Fido looked at me and said, “whats your name new dog?” “er, Razor” “ah well that explains the dog tag” the German Shepard stepped up and said, ”we could use someone like you on the force.” I looked at him confused. “the force?” “oh yeah,” Fido chimed in “Me, Kevin, and Sgt. Ralph are all part of the of the K-9 Unit.” Sgt.Ralph butted in, “And anyone who could do that to Rex, should think about joining the squad.”
I looked at them for a moment and finally said, “I’ll keep the thought in mind” they smiled and Fido said “you’d make a great addition, now I think that’s everyone.” I butted in “actually there’s one more” I pointed at the Pomeranian and I heard Peanut in the background yelling “that’s Tarot!!” I smiled and walked up to her and put out my paw “Nice to meet you Tarot.” She shook my paw and I noticed her tag “your tag. Its, interesting.” I studied it and began feeling light headed and stumbled back falling onto Fox. He looked at me concerned, “hey are you alright?” I mumbled gibberish and then everything went black. Then I saw Tarot in the blackness. “T-tarot is that you?” “yes. And im sorry for having to meet with you this way, I just need to ask you a few questions ok?” I got up dusting myself off and said, “sure.” “ok first of all are you human?” I looked at her in shock. How did she know? This is crazy, “by the look on your face im guessing that’s a yes. Now were you brought here by a griffin named “pete”?” I nodded slowly and she grumbled to herself. “ok now I want you to do me a favor.” I looked at her. “And that is?” “wake up.”

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Last edited by steam_macine on Wed Jan 16, 2013 12:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Tue Dec 18, 2012 10:38 pm
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Post Re: fanfiction story
Chapter 4
I woke up to Sgt. Ralph throwing water in my face. I started hacking from the water that went down my throat. I gasped for air and finally said, “D-did I pass out?”
“yeah,” said Sgt. Ralph. ”Been out for ten minutes but were glad to see you come to” I got up soaking wet, and looked around. I only saw Fido, King, Peanut, Grape, Rex, Fox, Sgt. Ralph, and Bino. I didn’t see Sasha or Tarot, Sasha probably just wandered off bored but I had no clue where Tarot went, More importantly how did she know about Pete? Fido came over and wrapped a blanket around me.
“you ok to stand?” “yeah ill be fine.” I stood up and stretched my arms and legs “you sure it was for ten minutes it feels longer than that” Fido looked at me with concern. “yeah, you fell stiff none of us knew what happen.” I sighed and looked up and then back down. “where’s Sasha and Tarot?” “sasha got bored and left, like always, and Tarot said she had to go do stuff” did she go to find Pete? I don’t but I want to do something fun maybe peanut has something fun he likes to do that we could do together.
“hey peanut!” his ears perked and he looked at me “yeah?” “wanna play?” he jumped up, tail wagging and nodded “yeah! Yeah!” I smiled and asked, “so whatcha wanna play?” peanut thought and said, “I don’t know really, you want to play pretend?” “um, sure I haven’t played in a while though” he smiled and said, “its real easy, first all you got to do is close your eyes.”
“Ok” I closed my eyes tight and waited. “Now imagine were in a secret underwater tavern and make it real! Make ite real!” I thought about it hard and I could visualize it vividly. “I-I see it! I can see the waterfall and the water dripping from the rock ceiling!”
“see! Its fun isn’t it?” I laughed and smiled big “yeah! Lets go play!” I looked back at King and said.”Ill be back later!” he waved and went off with fox. “Bye you guys I’ll see you later!” I waved laughing and ran off with peanut.
Grape ran to try to catch up with us. “Peanut! Wait up!” We stopped and waited for her and she caught up seconds later. She looked up at us smiling and said, “Don’t think your leaving me out of this.” We both laughed and walked to Peanut and Grape’s house.

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Tue Dec 18, 2012 11:54 pm
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Post Re: fanfiction story
Hm, interesting. A bit rough, but the story is alright.

Do you mind constructive criticism, or is this a story to get out?

One canon thing to mention. Rex is not a member of the K9 unit, Kevin is.

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Sat Dec 29, 2012 12:47 pm
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Post Re: fanfiction story
^this.
The story is great, but I agree; it's a bit rough on the edges. Just polish it up, and it'd be a gem fit for a king. :lol:

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Sun Dec 30, 2012 6:02 pm
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Post Re: fanfiction story
yeah i figured that out a tad too late.

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Tue Jan 08, 2013 11:59 am
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Post Re: fanfiction story
steam_macine wrote:
yeah i figured that out a tad too late.


We do have an edit button for a reason. We all use it when we need to! :D

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Sun Jan 13, 2013 5:02 pm
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Post Re: fanfiction story
Did not see that until now >.> thanks for letting me know kind sir!

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Wed Jan 16, 2013 12:41 pm
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Post Re: fanfiction story
Well, it is my job you know. Always here for any help needed! :D

Just your friendly neighborhood Moderator.

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Wed Jan 16, 2013 5:58 pm
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Post Re: fanfiction story
By the way, how did you become a moderator?

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Fri Jan 18, 2013 12:04 pm
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