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Burning Desire: The Power Within 
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
I have a feeling that it hasn't been done yet. It's pretty far out there.

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Mon Nov 19, 2012 12:50 am
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
And it's done. YAY to me for getting it done in the time frame I had set for my self!


Enjoy (Note: This story is NOT CANNON with Burning Desire.)


“King!” Duchess cried out as she chased him through the streets of Babylon Gardens once again. “Why won’t you stop running away from me!?”

“One, I have a girlfriend!” He jumped over a fence hoping that it would end up slowing the crazy female. “Two, you’re a cruel, manipulative, charming young woman!”

King looked behind him to see if the fence had slowed her down at all.

He would have no such luck. If anything, she was gaining on him.

“Curse these stubby legs.” He mumbled under his breath.

-----

The chase continued through the town. King was occasionally able to lose Duchess for a second or two, but she always managed to find him before he could reach the safety of his house.

“Someone, anyone, please help me.” King said to himself. “If I could just make it back to the wolf’s house safely, I’ll never ask for anything again. And why am I talking to myself now? Do I think it’s going to help me think or something?”

“I found you again!” Duchess cried as she jumped out from a bush.

“AH! No time to worry about it I got to go now!”

King would have never thought that he could run so fast on such stubby legs. Of course, Duchess could still run faster seeing how her legs were longer.

King knew that his only chance to get away from Duchess was to outsmart her, and that wasn’t going so well right now. Nothing he did seemed to get rid of her for more than fifteen seconds at a time. Short of hitting her with a shovel again, King wasn’t sure that he would be able to escape this time.

Then, in one of the rare moments he managed to elude her for a few seconds, he saw a door open and a paw beckon him to come in.
Without thinking twice about it, King ran the door, eager to be able to get away from Duchess. Even if he would only get away for a few minute

Once the door was closed, King finally took a moment to relax and look around. For some reason, the living room in the house had no furniture and actually seemed to be bigger than the average size of a living room in Babylon Gardens. In fact, it seemed that the room was larger than should be possible based on the size of the house outside.

It was now that King realized whose house this must be.

“It seems that you just can’t get away from her.” Tarot said.

“You!?” King shouted in surprise as he jumped backward. “I thought you said you couldn’t help me because Duchess was somehow involved in your game?”

A confused look came over Tarot’s face. “I don’t think I ever said she WAS involved.”

“But- but I was about to throw a rock at your window and you came out and said you couldn’t help because you never know who might be involved and WHY AM I EVEN ARGUING THIS RIGHT NOW!? I thought that you weren’t allowed to help me!”

Tarot brought him into what could be called her bedroom, although it had so many exotic and dangerous looking… things was the best word King could think of, he wasn’t really sure what to call it. Maybe she thought of it as her psychic room?

“I saw that you would need my help today, so I gave it. For reasons that I can’t tell you, Dragon, Pete, and the Kitsune can’t see what I’m doing right now. So, for the time being, I can help you with small, day-to-day problems that won’t ultimately affect the game and let everyone know that I broke the rules.”

King was walking around the room, looking at everything, trying to figure out what purpose it may serve. He was very careful however not to touch anything. The last thing he wanted was to accidently put a curse on himself or something. Duchess was a curse enough for now anyway.

“So I can stay here until Duchess gives up and goes home then?”

“No.” Tarot said as she pushed King out of the room and back to the front door. “In fact, we only have about twenty seconds until Pete and the Kitsune can see that I’m helping you and I get in major trouble, so you have to go now. Good luck.”

The door slammed shut in King’s face.

King pounded on the door. “Wait! I’ll take the blame! Anything is better than Duchess!”

“There you are King!” He heard an all too familiar voice yell from the street.

“Speak of the devil.” He started to run once more, looking for anything he could use to get Duchess off of his back.

-----

“Fox! Open up Fox!” King pounded on the door with all of his might.

A groggy looking Fox opened the door. “King? I was just taking a nap. Why were you pounding on the door so hard? I don’t think I’m in any danger right now.”

Not waiting for Fox to invite him, King pushed Fox into the house, then closed the door and locked it.

“Do you remember that psychotic she-dog that I did a dog show with to earn some money so I could buy a phone but then she went crazy trying to get me to like her so we could win next year and I had to end up hitting her with a shovel to stop her?”

“Uh… Sure?” Fox wasn’t sure what else he should say right now.

“Well, she’s back. And chasing me. Right now.”

“Are you sure? I mean, uh, why would she be chasing you right now?”

“Heck if know.” King said as he checked the windows for any sign of Duchess.

Fox rolled his eyes. “Alright King, that’s enough. I know you aren’t the most social dog in Babylon Gardens, but this is where I draw the line. You can’t just make up these crazy stories to avoid other dogs.”

“Crazy story!? What do you mean-” King remembered why Fox didn’t know about Duchess. In an attempt to forget that it had ever happened, he only told Bailey and the wolves what had happened. Everyone else, including Fox, he never told. He was regretting that decision right about now.

Fox continued. “I’m going to send you outside now so you can deal with whoever is “chasing” you. I won’t let you rely on me to do things like this for you.”

“Wait, you don’t understand-”

“No.” Fox said bluntly. “I will not sort your personal issues for you.” He opened the door and pushed King out. “You have to learn to solve those for yourself.”

A door was slammed in King’s face for the second time today.

He let out a sigh and counted down. “Three. Two. One.”

“You won’t get away!” He heard Duchess yell as she rounded the corner of Fox’s house.

“Why is it to the point that I can count down to when she finds me?” King complained as he started running again.

“I’m not going to stop chasing you until I get what I want!” Duchess yelled.

“I’m not interested!” King yelled back in an attempt to get her to stop. Not that it worked, but he did try running through a hedge and through several backyards full of random stuff that could hide him for a second or two should he needed to, but nothing he could stay hidden behind for an extended period of time.

After running for several more minutes, King finally found his salvation; an open window that he was lined up perfectly to jump through.

Not caring if Duchess saw him or not, King ran and jumped through the window…

… landing on a tile floor covered in marbles. Not having anything that he could grab in his immediate vicinity, King slid across the floor, stopping only once his head collided with the wall.

“King!” He heard Sasha squeal in joy. “You didn’t tell me that you were coming!”

He looked up in time to see Duchess run past the window. Through some miracle, she hadn’t seen him jump through it.

“Yea, I uh, decided to drop in.” King wanted to ask why the floor was covered in marbles, but there were more important things on his mind at the moment.

Before he knew it, Sasha had crushed him in a bear hug. “Well thank you for doing so!”

King wiggled his way out before his spine was broken into two. “I should be thanking you Sasha. If it wasn’t for you having an open window, I wouldn’t have been able to get away from Duchess-”

“Duchess is here!?” Sasha screamed out. “I didn’t know that!”

She ran to the window and stuck her head out. “Duchess! I didn’t know you were here! Maybe you could come hang out and I could invite Bino and King is already here!”

Before Sasha could start another sentence, Duchess was already at the window. “King is here?”

“Yea, he’s right-”

The spot where King was standing only seconds ago was now empty.

“Well, he was here.”

-----

King couldn’t believe it. He had been in the clear, but Sasha had to go and have one of her moments.

At the very least she had managed to distract Duchess long enough for him to escape out the front door. If he was lucky, maybe even enough for him to make it back to the safety of the wolf’s house.

But fate seemed to have a different plan for him. As he ran down the sidewalk, he didn’t notice Bino, who was also running, come around the corner in front of him.

Bino probably didn’t notice King either, seeing how they both collided while going at full speed.

King, being one of the smallest dogs in Babylon Gardens, received the short end of the stick in the collision, ending up on the ground. Bino on the other hand was dazed, but managed to stay on his feet.

“Watch where you’re going!” Bino yelled once he had recovered. “Just because you’re small and ‘cute’ doesn’t mean other dogs have to move out of your way when- HEY! GET BACK HERE! I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU YET!”

Normally King would have stayed and argued with Bino until another dog, usually Fox, came along and broke them up.

But he didn’t have time for that now. He needed to move if he was going to get to the wolf’s house before Duchess found him again.

Suddenly, he felt Bino grab his arm. “I am still talking to you!” he heard him yell.

King facepalmed with his free paw. Of all the times for Bino to chase him down and continue an argument, it had to be now; when an even more pain-in-the but dog was chasing him down.

“Fate, why do you hate me so?” King silently asked.

Bino continued his rant. “You have some nerve running away from me like that. When I speak you’re supposed to listen to me and- HEY!”

King pulled himself free and started running again. He could deal with Bino later; he was simply a harmless bag of hot air. Duchess on the other hand was a fate worse than death itself.

As King ran, he could hear Bino’s shouts becoming more distant. It was a sure sign that he wasn’t chasing him down this time.

Even if Bino wasn’t a problem now, King still felt uneasy. If Duchess had left Sasha’s house right after him, she should be right behind him by now. But she wasn’t.

Maybe she had run in the wrong direction. Or maybe Sasha held her longer than he had thought.

Either way, King still wanted to get to the wolf’s house pronto. That was the only time he could truly be safe.

-----

With every turn, when he passed every tree, whenever he looked behind himself, King couldn’t help but think that Duchess would be there. She had to be, that’s what had happened every time he had managed to get away from her today.

But she never appeared. The run to the wolf’s house, which took only two or three minutes in reality, seemed to take years to King.

Only once he made it to the driveway did he allow himself to relax. He had made it. All he had to do at this point was go inside and tell Miles to keep Duchess out. That was it.

At least, that was what he thought until he opened the front door. Duchess was standing right in the doorway, waiting for him.

Before he could react, Duchess had tackled and pinned King to the ground.

“I finally have you!”

A million questions ran through King’s head. Why was Duchess in the house? How did she beat him here? Why didn’t she just run him down in the street?

But before King was able to form a coherent sentence, Duchess was reaching in his collar.

“W-W-Wait! Wha-”

She stopped digging and pulled out King’s phone.

“Finally! I got it!”

“… What?”

Duchess pulled out a pen and notepad from her own collar and wrote down the specific model of the phone.

“Now I can finally get one!” She yelled in victory.

With her mission complete, she set King’s phone next to him and simply walked away.

King was on the front lawn, mouth wide open in shock, trying to process what had just happened.

Duchess had just chased him around Babylon Gardens all day through bushes, over fences, and into houses just to figure out what kind of phone he had.

As if it was taunting him, King’s phone rang.

He picked it up and opened it. “Hello?”

“King? This is Bailey! I just wanted to call and see how you were doing.”

“Uh, fine I guess. Do you remember that dog I had to hit with a shovel to get her to stop chasing me? Well, I don’t think you’re going to believe this…”

END


The mass guess that Copper had was:
copper wrote:
Duchess isn't interested in King. She just really likes his cell phone and is jealous of king for buying such a sweet model. :lol:


So... I had this all written up and had already begun to type it when the latest comic came out. So I had written the entire thing assuming that Bailey was not living in Babylon Gardens now. In the end, I decided not to alter it because to do so to my own satisfaction would probably add another three days until I finished it. And this writing was written to try and be funny and nothing else, so changing it wouldn't make sense to begin with.


And a treat for you all.
Before I went away on the trip I wrote this during, I had been trying to finish and post an update to Burning Desire. Unfortunately, I didn't finish it before I left. But it was nearly finished. I was actually going to finish it on the trip before I wrote this, but forgot the composition book I write the story in before I type it.

That means in a few days you should have that. I promise that I won't take a week with it.

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Sat Nov 24, 2012 9:21 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
...how did Sasha know Duchess? I can't help but think they once competed in a contest together :lol:

Oh poor King, he went through all that carp only to relize none of it was needed(why duchess decided the love-whip back then was appropiate for such a thing we'll never know) :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

Dang Fox, that was cold :?

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Sat Nov 24, 2012 10:28 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
The very first comic to have Duchess in it was this:
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As for the love whip, I suspect it was to distract King while the tiny robots that she built (Because we all know Duchess can totally build tiny robots) stole his phone. Unfortunately, the robots were too small to catch him while he was running around town.

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Sat Nov 24, 2012 10:37 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
...wow, where was I for THAT one-shot, it would be awesome to see Sasha hang out with Duchess more often, she seems nice enough in this strip.

Duchess the inventor...FANFIC WRITERS! AU! DUCHESS INVENTOR! NOW! :lol: :roll: 8-) :roll: :lol: 8-)

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Sat Nov 24, 2012 10:52 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
HAH! I knew I could rely on Copper's coolness factor! :lol: :lol:
And yes, Otaku, you're right: need to write something with Sasha and Duchess, and soon...*thinksthinksthinksthinks*

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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
Sasha and Duchess have a girl's night in with Bailey... THAT would be awesome to see! :lol:

I completely forgot about that one! This was nice and funny!

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Mon Nov 26, 2012 10:53 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
Well, I was going to do a Grapenut fic for you all for Christmas, but seeing how many awesome ones that already exist and I have read, I can't feel that I would have a hard time doing something totally original.

So I came up with another idea. I won't say what, but I think I could work Sasha and Duchess into it. But it's not a funny one. It will hopefully be very emotional and pretty much be everything I wanted my first four ever updates to be, but they weren't because of my lack of writing experience.

copper wrote:
This was nice and funny!

One of my friends (Who doesn't really know anything about Housepets) read this while still in rough draft version, and ended up laughing at the very end of it. That is good enough for me seeing how this is my second real attempt at humor, and my first one was pretty bad.

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Mon Nov 26, 2012 11:19 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
we trust you to do a good job. Surprise us!

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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
I kept another deadline I set for myself! That's two in a row! Yay for me!


Enjoy


“What do you mean she’s not the one?” Ralph demanded.

“I told you.” Fido said as he flipped through the pictures of Sandy. “She’s not the one who attacked me. She may look similar, but it wasn’t her.”

“You can’t be sure.” Ralph tried reasoning. “You never got more than a glance or two. You couldn’t give us any more than a general description. The body was average size and height, breed of labrador retriever, gold in color. The only piece of useful information you managed to get was that they had sapphire blue eyes. I don’t know how you noticed eye color over every other thing you could have seen, but as it turns out, sapphire blue eyes in labrador retrievers are so rare that it’s almost a non-event. And she has them!” Ralph pointed to one of the pictures. “She’s probably the only lab in the entire STATE to have that eye color.”

Fido shook his head and set the pictures down on the table next to his bed. “She’s not the one. You would know this if you didn’t leave out one important detail. I also described my attacker as ‘male.’ The dog in this picture is clearly not a male. I’m actually a little jealous of Stealer to be honest.”

“Fido, she has a rare eye color that is present in less than one percent of all labrador retrievers. ONE PERCENT! And she was in the exact same area within a twenty-four hour period of when you were attacked. You can’t just call that a coincidence.”

Fido was glad that at this moment no one else was in the room. He calmly spoke to Ralph; yelling wouldn’t do any good right now. “Ralph, I may not know a lot about the dog that attacked me, but I can tell you these two things. One, he was a male. Even if I somehow missed all visual clues, his voice was a dead giveaway. Two, if it was that dog, you wouldn’t be talking to me right now, you would be lying in that hospital bed right across from this one. That dog wouldn’t just give up without a fight, and you wouldn’t win in that fight.”

Ralph facepalmed and shook his head. “You can’t do this to me. She has to be the one. She had to be.”

Fido had enough at this point. “Listen Ralph, you’re assuming this dog is guilty based on the fact I was observant enough to notice his eye color, yet somehow missed the gender completely. We both know that if I had the train of thought to notice the eye color, then it’s a pretty safe assumption I got the gender right too.

“And you know what, let’s just assume for a second that I did get the gender wrong and I really was attacked by a female. The only thing on their body was a red collar with no tag, so I had full view of every part of their body that could possibly have a way to differentiate male and female. So the only way that I would make that mistake is if they not only sounded like a male, but looked like one too. While there are some pets that do have very tom-boyish looks, the dog in this picture is not one of them. And I’m willing to bet she sounds just as feminine as she looks.”

Ralph had no response for everything Fido had just thrown at him. He simply stared at him, trying to think of what to say next.

But before he could, Fido gave him one last bit of advice. “You’re right to look into the fact that her eyes are blue. But look at the facts. She said that she came here with her owners, so maybe a brother or cousin came with her.”

Ralph nodded in understanding. “And maybe that’s who attacked you. I was so hung up on the fact that her eyes were blue, I didn’t even think about her family. Boy, I’m glad that I’m not the one who has to explain this mistake to her.”

-----

“Stealer!” Sandy cried as she ran into his open arms.

“I knew they would let you out.” Stealer said as they hugged. “You would never do anything like that.”

Officer Bill walked out and addressed the hugging couple. “I’m awfully sorry for the confusion miss, we just got word from our officer who was attacked that you weren’t the one who did it. However, if you don’t mind, we would appreciate it if you could answer some questions for us.”

“Questions?” The confusion on Sandy’s face was quite evident. “But I’m not from around here. What could I know that would help you?”

“We would like to ask you about your family. Your biological one, if that’s alright.”

At the mention of her family, all of the color seemed to drain out of Sandy’s face.

-----

“And then I woke up and we were together in the bed.”

Talia nodded as Kyria finished telling her what had happened overnight. “Did Bino seem to remember anything?”

Kyria shook her head. “He seemed as clueless as me. And that actually makes a little sense seeing how he chugged almost an entire can of soda before we went up the stairs.”

A sly grin came over Talia’s face. “Oh. So that’s how you managed to get him to go up to the second floor with you. You got him drunk.”

“Well, that’s not completely true.” Kyria started to twiddle her thumbs. “I’m sure the soda had something to do with it, but he wasn’t drunk at all. He was fully aware what was going on the entire time, it’s just that neither of us seems to remember it very well.”

Talia seemed hesitant to tell Kyria what she was about to say. “You know, there is someone who may be able to tell you exactly what happened.”

Kyria’s attention was now focused entirely on the grey cat. “Really? Who?”

Talia wasn’t sure if she should tell Kyria, but ultimately couldn’t say no to her friend’s obvious desperation.

“Well, her name is Tarot. She’s supposed to have some kind of psychic powers or something. Maybe she would be able to tell you what happened.”

“Tarot?” Kyria thought for a second, then exclaimed, “Oh! You mean that pomeranian with the Eye of Ra tag?”

Talia nodded. “Yea, her. She may be able to tell you what happened. I mean, I’ve never met her myself, but I’ve heard Max talk about her before.”

Kyria was doubtful. “A psychic? A real one?”

“Come on.” Talia said as she elbowed Kyria lightly. “What have you got to lose?”

“My dignity.”

“I’ll go with you.” Talia started to pull lightly on Kyria’s arm. “At the very least it’ll be fun.”

“When did you get so stubborn?” Kyria asked as she got up and followed Talia.

“When I started hanging out with you. Now hurry up.”

-----

Bill pulled Stealer to the side. “Is she alright?”

Sandy looked like she might start crying at any moment, but Bill couldn’t figure out why.

“Her family is a sensitive issue.” Stealer started to explain. “Her mother apparently died during childbirth, so she was raised by her father until her father’s owner was able to put her up for adoption. She stayed in close contact with him as she grew up. She would call him every week up until about three and a half years ago when he was hit and killed by a drunk driver. He was the only family that she knew about. Both of her parents never knew their parents, and she was an only child, so I pretty much became the closest thing to a living relative that she has. Ever since then, family has always been a sensitive issue for her.”

“She has no living relatives at all?”

Stealer shrugged. “No one knows. Her father never mentioned any to her that I know of, and they don’t keep records of those kinds of things for pets.”

Bill sighed as he tried to figure out what to do next. “Well, thanks for letting me know. She’s gone through enough today with being arrested, the last thing we need to do is remind her of such a touchy subject; especially if it won’t end up doing us any good.”

Stealer nodded at him. “Thanks for understanding. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to take her somewhere.”

Bill let Stealer go and take Sandy out of the station.

“Wasn’t she our only chance for a lead?” Kevin, who had listened to the entire conversation, asked as he came out.

“No.” Bill still had hope in his voice. “When Sandy’s owners come to fill out the paperwork, we ask them for her father’s owner's contact information. If there is anyone else who would know, it would be him.”

-----

“Where are we going?” Sandy asked as she was pulled through the woods.

“To tell someone that now that I have you back, I’m not letting you go again.”

“What?”

Stealer weaved in and out of the trees with ease, having been through the path before. “Some things happened while I was here. Things that you probably don’t want to hear about. Someone asked me to help make sure that they would never happen again, but to keep that commitment I would have to stay here when you go home. I can’t do that. Now that I’ve found you again, I’m not going to lose you. We’re both going to go back and things will be just like they were.”

Sandy pulled her paw out of Stealer’s and stopped. “I don’t want things to go back to the way they were.”

“What?” Stealer’s arm hung in the air, like it was waiting for Sandy’s paw to grasp it once again.

Sandy swallowed. “I don’t want things to be the way they were. When I thought I was pregnant, it was one of the scariest moments of my life. But… it was also… I was happy too. I didn’t know how to explain it, that feeling of fear and happiness.”

She looked Stealer right in his eyes. “Our parents had actually been talking about letting us raise a litter of puppies, planned puppies, right before you left for Kansas.”

“I know.” He said.

“I don’t want things to be ‘normal.’ I don’t want to settle for just being close. I want more than that. Not seeing or talking to you this entire time made me realize that. I don’t want to be alone again. You were all I had when my dad died, without you I had no one.”

“Don’t worry.” Stealer reassured her. “I promise that I’ll never leave you again. But to do that, I have to go talk to someone. I would like it if you could come along with me.” Stealer offered his paw. “Please.”

Sandy nodded as she grabbed his paw once again.

-----

Sammy’s ear twitched when he heard Stealer and Sandy enter the clearing.

He had been sitting at the edge, leaning on a tree while he waited for Stealer to arrive.

“Sammy, we have something to talk about.” He heard Stealer say.

“I’m going to guess that it has something to do with whoever is with you.” Sammy stood up and faced the direction Stealer was talking from. He took a few steps forward to see if he could pick up any kind of clue, mainly scent, as to who was with him. Although based on what Stealer had said, he already had a pretty good idea.

“I don’t want to do this anymore.” Stealer took a step forward himself. “Tell Jiff that I’m sorry, but now that I’ve found Sandy again, I’m not going to lose her.”

Sammy had been right. It was Sandy who was with Stealer.

“Actually Stealer, Jiff thought that this might happen. And he already said you could leave under one condition.”
Stealer was skeptical. “One condition? That doesn’t sound like Jiff.”

“I’m serious.” Sammy assured him. “All you have to do is beat me in a fight, and you can go.”

With that, Sammy lunged forward at a rather surprised Stealer, determined to drive his fist through his gut.
The blow came fast and hard. Sandy screamed as Stealer doubled over, Sammy’s fist still buried in his stomach.

“You’re not going to win like that. If you can’t even dodge a head on attack like this, you’ll never get to leave.”

“Who said I wanted to dodge it?” Even if he was blind, Sammy could still feel the cocky smile radiating off of Stealer’s face.

It was then that Sammy noticed Stealer had a hold of his arm. He tried to move it, but was unable to because of his position.

Stealer had managed to catch Sammy’s fist using his left paw, then let it come forward enough that it looked and felt like Sammy had punched him, but actually set him up for Stealer to take his free arm and grab his fist, immobilizing it.

“If another sparing match is what it takes for me to stay with Sandy, then so be it. I will win.”

A slight chuckle escaped Sammy’s lips. “Well, this is looking to be a tougher match than I expected.”

END


Just something I want to mention, the thing about blue eyes being possible, although rare, in labrador retrievers is totally false in the real world as far as I know. I figured that if a purple cat could exist in the Housepets universe, than a dog with blue eyes wouldn't be such a stretch.

Uh, that's all I think. If I remember anything else, I won't post it here, so don't look. I'll simply make a new post. :lol:

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Last edited by JeffCvt on Thu Nov 29, 2012 7:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Wed Nov 28, 2012 10:41 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
Cool!

Dont know how Stealer got that good for fighting (or if was just luck)

I found a little mistake (I believe) “I don’t want to do this anymore.” Stealer took a step forward himself. “Tell Jiff that I’m sorry, but now that I’ve found Sandy again, I’m *Not* going to lose her.”
Is like the eleventh paragraph from bottom to top.

And this Kyria's friend was previously mentioned or at least implied? (yeah, I know, this again...)

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Wed Nov 28, 2012 11:47 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
aw, that was very sweet!
Thanks again, Jeff! :D

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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
legendario13 wrote:
I found a little mistake (I believe) “I don’t want to do this anymore.” Stealer took a step forward himself. “Tell Jiff that I’m sorry, but now that I’ve found Sandy again, I’m *Not* going to lose her.”

Once again I fail at remembering to put simple words in my fic. *Fixes*


legendario13 wrote:
Dont know how Stealer got that good for fighting (or if was just luck)

Well, you also have to remember that Sammy is blind, so he's pretty much limited to just knowing where Stealer is when he hears him. That doesn't mean he knows Stealer's stance. Stealer could have had his paw in position to catch the punch the entire time, and Sammy had no way of knowing to aim at a different spot.

valerio wrote:
aw, that was very sweet!
Thanks again, Jeff! :D

I can't help but think you guys give me too much credit for the writing that I put out. I know that I'm pretty good at it compared to when I started, but I'm a long way from being in the position that I want to be with it. In comparison with Karlos or Penwrite (I read his MLP fics), I almost feel like you're all giving me empty praise. Of course, I'll probably never be totally happy with my writing, and maybe it's good in a way that I'm just not seeing.
Note: Your comments are ALL greatly appreciated. By no means have I ever wanted you to stop, I just feel like I'm not living up to what you all think I am.

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Thu Nov 29, 2012 7:22 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
Maybe it's that I'm not picky, but I really like your fics, and its not empty praise, trust me!!

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Thu Nov 29, 2012 8:08 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
If i didn't like your fic, Jeff, I'd let you know. So, as far as my tastes go, I like it! :D
...But still Prowler is a cooler name than Jiff!

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Fri Nov 30, 2012 9:18 am
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
You're young and whole life is still ahead of you. If you will keep writing and work over yourself, you will make improvement and one day you even may be how much your evolution progressed.

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Fri Nov 30, 2012 7:02 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
Oh, stupid me. Forgot to answer this.
legendario13 wrote:
And this Kyria's friend was previously mentioned or at least implied? (yeah, I know, this again...)

She was introduced in the update when Kyria tried to pull a prank on the cat Danny. This one.

I actually based Talia on the waitress in this comic.


And as for you guys who commented on how I felt about my writing, thanks for that.

It's not that I'm ashamed of what I'm putting out now, but I just always want it to be better. And whenever I look at my earlier work, I just feel like I want to stop writing out of embarrassment that I would have put something out that bad. I'm not going to stop just because of that, trust me. I plan to keep writing, and right now I'm on the verge of figuring out how I can greatly increase my writing speed to almost that of my first three updates.

I have been frustrated for a while on how I could have written those first three updates so fast, then taken so long for every update after that. I eventually just figured it was that I was putting more care into my writing so that meant it would take longer. But that wasn't it, or at least not all of it.

It's hard to explain, and is one of those things that would work for me, but may not for someone else. Once I perfect my writing speed, I'm going to buckle down and study the writing of some of my favorite published authors to try and improve mine. Of course, nothing is going to beat experience, but I plan on getting better soon. Thanks for all of the support. I would have never thought a year ago that I would be working so hard to improve my writing (Heck, I didn't even like writing a year ago), and it's thanks to your support that I am.

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Fri Nov 30, 2012 7:46 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
Hey! Been meaning to read through your stuff and I managed to get through the last of it today. :lol: You're pretty good! I like your writing style, it's nice and straightforward.

Also a word of advice from writer to writer, I've found that it helps to just get your ideas out there on the page with your "inner editor" set to low and then look back at it later with more fastidious eyes. It's way easier to clean something up later than to over think it as you write.

But that's just me, good luck with your writing and hope to see more from you.

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Sun Dec 02, 2012 2:40 am
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
Honorable Intentions wrote:
I've found that it helps to just get your ideas out there on the page with your "inner editor" set to low and then look back at it later with more fastidious eyes.

That's kind of what I already do. The problem with me lies in getting my ideas from my head down to the paper.

And what I honestly hope to eventually achieve is to be just be able to write as I think and it's already good enough that it just requires minimal editing for any missed periods, spelling, stuff that isn't changing the story itself.


Honorable Intentions wrote:
You're pretty good! I like your writing style, it's nice and straightforward.
Honorable Intentions wrote:
good luck with your writing and hope to see more from you.

And thank you for being able to put up with the junk I was putting out when I started. I am absolutely embarrassed of that stuff. It means a lot to hear from someone new giving me positive feedback.

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Sun Dec 02, 2012 4:26 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
Oh, you are better than I ever was at writing! No worries, dude, you are doing fine. We all have to start somewhere. Just keep going! You are doing great.

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Sun Dec 02, 2012 8:32 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
I have never find your writting boring, poor or bad (maybe not the best reader to ask about it but still)

If I didn't find the reading enjoyable I would have gotten so far in it.

Oh yeah, I remember her now
JeffCvt wrote:
I actually based Talia on the waitress in this comic.

and exactly what I thought of her when I read that part of your fic.

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Sun Dec 02, 2012 9:52 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
Hey, just have a few things I want to let you all know.

As you may or may not have picked up on yet, I've been writing a short story not related to my fic to post on Christmas day. Whether or not it will be up then has yet to be seen, as I am about two days behind where I want to be with it. I was going to write a Grapenut fic, but ultimately decided to do something else instead. And little did I know it would be driving me as crazy as it is. (You'll all see why when I post it.)


And also, I just want to remind everyone to make sure that you go read my other fic Everchanging Hearts. It's the story of Jiff and his son Cinder before the events of Burning Desire. It just seems like I get so much less response when I update there than here.
It's not critical that you read it to understand this one, but I am putting as much work into it as this one. Plus it's going to give you background on characters that you may find rather interesting.

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Sun Dec 23, 2012 10:13 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
welp

who doesn't love Kyria?

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Tue Dec 25, 2012 7:58 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
First, I'm re-posting Texascat's picture that he drew because it's not coming up for me anymore and I want to make sure everyone can see it.
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Second, I'm sorry for not having that fic I said I would have. I got pretty darn sick on Christmas Eve, which is when I had planned on typing it up. So sick that I actually couldn't do it. And then the comic on Christmas day contradicted one part of my fic that I would have to re-write to keep current with the comic, and just totally invalidated most of the second half of it to the point there was no saving it.

I've thought a little about it and I'm just going to stick with what I have, type it up, and post it on NewYears day. As much as I don't want to put something out that was literally proven wrong before I could post it, it's fan fiction. I wrote it (Mostly) before Christmas day and so I'm not going to worry about it.

So look for it then and hope you all had a Merry Christmas!

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Wed Dec 26, 2012 6:46 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
and finished. Great work so far, Jeff. You started rough but you got much batter as you progressed. I can't wait to read the next update.

also, my current predictions:
Ferno is either Cinder and it's a Darth Vader situation
because it was a Lab that attacked Fido and Cinder is a lab, The one who attacked Fido was Ferno/Cinder

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Tue Jan 08, 2013 3:10 am
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
Meh, I am of the opinion that Like I am giving my predictions, silly folks who read spoilers! Naughty, naughty~

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Sun Jan 13, 2013 5:21 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
Yea, it's been a while since I've done anything. I just came on to say sorry about that everyone, but things happened and I just couldn't write for a little while. And during this break, I came to a decision.

I'm going to end Burning Desire and Everchanging Hearts.

I just didn't really have the desire to write a lot of the stuff I did in the last month or so before I stopped around the beginning of January. I took a break in hopes that my desire would return, but it never did.

Now I'm not just going to call it dead right now and leave it at that. I will be providing closure for both of my stories with one, probably rushed, update here sometime in the next week.

The entire story at this point was an experiment in my writing and storytelling. It sucked in the beginning, got better as I went on, and would no doubt continue getting better if I continued. However, I created a much more intricate story than I was able to keep track of, and that was one of the reasons I lost interest.

I hope no one is disappointed for any reason, and I feel bad for doing this right after the character contest I was holding, but there isn't anything I can do if I don't want to write.

I'll work on that promised update to at least provide some closure for the story and I will see you all here when I post it.

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Wed Mar 27, 2013 9:13 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
Meh, it happens. I am sorry to hear it go, but if you have lost interest, so be it.

I hope your other story is popular and you continue that to its desired outcome! Good Luck!

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Wed Mar 27, 2013 10:08 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
aww. I guess I'll have to find another way to get my character out there :(

oh, and I guess I'm sad to see your story end.
I hope you feel like trying your hand at a less intricate story some time.

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Wed Mar 27, 2013 11:43 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
Aww, too bad a good thing has to come to an end. :cry:
I really hope to see you writing something new here soon. In the meantime, a certain character will have to find a home somewhere...

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Thu Mar 28, 2013 4:04 am
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
I'm sorry to hear that, but if you lose interest, there's nothing you can do.

If you decide to write another story one day, good luck!

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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
I admit it saddened me to read that you decided to quit writing because I always supported you in your doings. But I understand your decision. Such things to do are not easy, but you've proven to be honest in front of yourself. Your innability to continue writing is not your weakness, but a stage you had to face in order to progress. Now it's your time for next step.

I believe this is not the end and you will give us something once again. And I hope I will be able to talk with you and support you like before, because I cherish our every conversation.

Every idea starts with a simple line.

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Sat Mar 30, 2013 3:43 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
Is your decision and yours only.

It was nice while it lasted

I hope to see more later on, tho'

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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
Stealer threw a punch at Sammy but Sammie jumped out of the way but hit his head on a plain as it flew by in orbet. Then Sandy say “Ya!y seteler you won now we can bee to gether forever and ever and never leave each other agan. But steeler said “I didn’t fight for you. I foughted for another pet” And then Kyria who was had been hiding in the trees jumped out and hit sanady on in her head but it didn’t hurt her.

Steler and Kyria then start dancing to music while the moon rose into the hight sky. But then Bino jumped out of the buushe and said “Kyria is mine. You don’t start dancing wif her now.” Then he ran and tried to takle the dog dancing with his crush but misssde and hitted a tree that Stealer had been standing behind.

Taking his chance seteler grabed kydri and ran away. Then sadny grabbed Bino and they kissed each other o nthe cheak saying “We were’d meent for each other.” For ever and ever. Asthey did that, Jiff jumped out of a trees and said Kyria was my dog son all allong, and now I will fight you!”

But then Ferno, Burin, Cinder, and martain foster all jumped out of a time vortex that had been over the town the entire time and said “Don’t do it! I’m you’re real son!” But then martan went “Hold on, I’m not in this universe” and disapered because I’m too lazy to think of a way to creatively make him go away.

Then all the pets satertd fighting and arguing over what was going on and jifff told everyone ‘WAIT!” in a calm voice. “we have to fight the real enimy to us The town!

They then stared to burn down all of the houses and there was not more evil ever aaign. The end


Posted 12:00AM Eastern Standard Time. (My time)

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Sun Mar 31, 2013 11:00 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
Too much violence! :evil:

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Mon Apr 01, 2013 11:18 am
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
I found this hilarious and awesome at the same time :mrgreen: 8-)

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Mon Apr 01, 2013 1:47 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
okay, now I feel dumb. when I read this last night, I though "okay, he wasn't kidding when he said the ending update would be rushed."
in my defense, I had gotten 4 hours of sleep in a 38 hour period at that point, so I was kinda tired :lol:

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Mon Apr 01, 2013 3:38 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
MY EYES!!!!!! THEY BURN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*dies from the horrid grammatical usages from the prank*

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Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:13 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
:lol:

No -_-

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Mon Apr 01, 2013 10:12 pm
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Post Re: Burning Desire: The Power Within
Alright everyone, as you have probably figured out by now, my last post was an April Fools prank. Enjoy it. It's not that easy to write that bad. In fact, it's hard. Harder than you think.

But I'm sure this leads up to a question some of you may have now:
Was I serious when I said I was ending Burning Desire and Everchanging Hearts or was it only so I could play this prank?

The answer is both. I will be ending Burning Desire and Everchanging hearts soon, but not in only one super rushed update. It will still be a while, and I probably won't put quite as much effort into them as I have before because I no longer have the desire to keep up such a complex story.

And I will also let you all know this will not be the end of my HP fic writing career. I will be continuing the story of Jiff, Kyria, and everyone else I created in a fic that takes place after Burning Desire ends. I plan on this being more light-hearted and just an overall fun thing that basically follows my characters as they live their (Probably comical) day-to-day lives. Pretty much what the comic is except with my OCs. And yes, that means there will still be a winner from the character contest that gets permanently added.

I hope you all aren't too mad at me, but I've been waiting to do this for an entire year. No, literally an entire year. I came up with the idea last year on April Fools day.
Please don't hurt me.

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Mon Apr 01, 2013 11:01 pm
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