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alpha male 
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Post Re: alpha male
Sorry I haven’t been on that must Kmart gave me more hours and so I barely get any me time, on this next part Frank gets a little dark also I figured since Fox is a country boy he would listen to country music, I hope you all enjoy

Chapter 5: Karma bites Bino on the butt (1/2)

Sitting on the coach Frank is watching the newest episode of ‘the big bang theory’ suddenly there’s a knock at the door, “that must be Fox.” says Frank, he jumps off the couch and walks over to the door, looking up; the doorknob seems to be a story high, Frank leaves the screen and yells “Jessy you’ll have to get it; I can’t reach the doorknob.”

In the other room Jessy replies “I’m busy just use your powers, I give you permission.” “What could you be doing that so important?” asks Frank, Jessy answers “none of your busyness that’s what; now get the door!” Frank comes back to the door and says in a normal voice “alright fine, slave driver.” Frank snaps his fingers and the door slightly opens, he then pulls it the rest of the way, to his surprise it’s not Fox, “oh hey Fido, who’s your friend?” says Frank,

The black cat next to him replies “I’m Sabrina, and we’re more than friends.” Fido chuckles as he says “yeah, so Frank may we come in?” “Wait, wait, wait.” Says Frank while waving both his hands, “let me get this straight you’re in love with a cat?” Fido looks up to the side trying to think of something, without letting him answer Frank sticks out his tongue and says “eeeew, you know; that birds and bees metaphor is just a saying.”

Irritated Fido place his paw on his face then says “yes I get it, cats and dogs don’t mix, I bring shame to dogs everywhere, yada; yada; yada now may we please come in?” “Relax Fido I’m only screwing with you.” says Frank, “and by all means make yourselves at home” as they walk in Frank yells “hey Jessy we have guests so bring out some refreshments!” Jessy replies “I’m not your maid so don’t command me like one!”

Frank “Well bring something; I heard the host is supposed to provide snakes!”

Jessy “you’re the one who opened the door; that makes you the host.”

Frank “Yeah but I have no idea what an orderve is.”

Jessy “your hopeless Frank.” he replies at a normal volume “yeah; I hate you too old hag.” Frank looks to Fido then says “so what’s up, you just ganna stare at me all day?”

Sabrina “your right Fido, he’s from heaven; or actually a prisoner form heaven.” As she points to the pattern on his stomach she continues “see this diagram, it’s an 8-sided spider seal, the judge uses it to apprehend fugitives.” As Frank places his paw on his chin he says “interesting, you smell like a mortal and yet you know of our ways.” “I can talk to spirits.” says Sabrina with pride, “Nice.” Frank complements, getting back on topic Fido says “so technically you’re a criminal; which means Jessy is your privet supervisor.”

Frank “two for two; would you like to keep going for bonus points?” “Please don’t do that.” Says Fido, “this isn’t a game show.” as Frank point over to the side he says “really, then who are they?” Fido looks in the direction he was pointing in and sees a stage with people sitting on a stand, there’s also a camera man and a sign Q guy, the sign he’s holding reads ‘why that would be the audience Frank.’

“what? How? When?” is all he could say at the moment, Fido rubs his eyes, once he opens them again everything is back to normal, no stage crew, no camera’s, just a wall, stunned Fido starts saying over and over “but, but, but, but, but…” as he continues to spasm Sabrina says “don’t strain yourself sweetie, it was just an illusion.” Snapping out of it he replies “an illusion, you mean like what magicians do?”

Frank “can I hit him?” “I’ll do it for you.” says Sabrina then punches Fido in the arm,

Fido “ow; what was that for?”

Sabrina “because you insulted him.”

Fido “how did I do that?”

Sabrina “magicians with their smoke and mirrors are merely third-rate actors compared to illusionists.” Imprested Frank says “finally someone gets it, I like your girl Fido, she’s a keeper.” Fido points at Frank and says in a strict tone “watch it pale, you and me, we’re not friends.” Playing with him Frank says “what; now that you know I’m for the opposite side you don’t trust me anymore, that hurts man it really does.”

Frank then decides to mess with him a little “but you know; it’s not very wise to threaten me, after all I’m the one who wiped out the dinosaurs.” Turning his taunt into a realization he continues “I wonder; how would a second ice age effect humanity?” “you wouldn’t dare.” Says Fido with a snarl, “provoke me and we’ll see what happens.” he snarls back, fueled by rage Fido didn’t back down, instead he picked Frank up by he’s collar and started growling, trying to calm him down Sabrina places her paw on Fido’s shoulder and says “don’t let him get to you, he can’t do any of that while he’s overseer is around.”

Frank “she’s right, but don’t get too comfortable!” as Frank grabs a hold of Fido’s wrist he says “you have no idea what I’m capable of.” Suddenly black ooze started slowly covering his arm, causing Fido to release his grip dropping Frank, Fido watches as the black slim molds itself to his arm, “what did you do to me?” Fido screams, “he tainted your soul.” Sabrina answers, “if it had completely taking over you would have lost your mind.”

As it slowly dissipates Frank says “it’s one of my favorite techniques, and the best part is Jessy doesn’t know about it, you see; it only works on mortals, so keep that in mind the next time you want to challenge me, even in this form I’m still the alpha dog.” Sabrina “look I know powerful friends so you better...” “what; you mean Tarot?” Frank interrupts, “she can’t do anything, I know the rules inside and out, she won’t be able to touch me… but I will guarantee something to give you peace at mind, as long as Fox remains in this cul-de-sac none of you; will be harmed.”

After a moment of silence took place they hear a voice “hey guys.” It was Fox, “we didn’t want to impose but your door was wide open, so Frank you ready for the meeting.” Frank smiles at Fido as he replies “yeah; just give me a minute, hey Jessy I’m going out; don’t wait up!” she walks into the room and says “you’re not going anywhere after what you did last ni…” she stops when noticing Sabrina, “Sabrina, hey long time no see.”

Sabrina “I’m sorry do I know you.”

Jessy “it’s me Jessica.”

Sabrina “OMG, I did not recognize you, girl we have so much to talk about, like that get-up for instance.”

Jessy “uuh tell me about it.” as they continue to gossip Frank says while exiting the door “let’s go before I lose my breakfast!”

Fido “wait, Frank… please don’t tell the other dogs about me and Sabrina.”

Frank “and what exactly would I tell them? I hardly even care.”

Fox “Frank that’s not nice.” “ugh fine, mum’s the word bro.” Says Frank, on their way to the good old dogs club all three of them are dead silent thinking to themselves, Frank “I don’t care what that quack says; just because I want to hang out with Fox does not make me gay.”

King “maybe Fox can teach me to be more like a dog.”

Fox “she’s got her daddy’s money, her momma’s good looks, more laughs then a stack of comic books.” once they get to the club house Rex is standing outside the door making Fox asks “what are you doing out here?” he replies “Bino made me a body guard, my job is to keep out all cats.”

Fox “Rex, cats have every right to be in our club.”

Rex “wow Bino must be psychic; he knew you would say that.” Fox sighs, and then says “never mind, I’ll talk to him.” But being a few minutes late Bino notices them walking through the door, as he confronts them he says “whoa; whoa hold up, he’s not allowed here?”

Fox “what are you talking about; everyone is welcomed in the good old dogs club, including cats.”

Bino “open your eyes Fox, he’s only here to take my position as chair dog.”

Fox “why do you exaggerate everything, King is the same as anyone else, and he deserves your respect.”

Bino “respect HA; you’re a fool if you think that.” Hearing that upset Frank, he did not like Bino’s tone, Bino continues “I know he’s true intention, he wants to enslave us all.”

Fox “enslave, what, do you even hear your own words, he’s just one dog, how can he possible enslave anyone?”

Bino “just you wait Fox, soon enough he’ll have you crawling on all fours, beckoning to his every whim.” His words angered Frank so he decides to teach him a lesson but as he snaps his fingers King happened to notice, Fox “GAH sometimes I wonder why we are even friends, your rude; pushy; obnoxious and you think your always right about everything.”

Bino “well if you weren’t always trying to defend that pip squeak you would know I am right, how can you devote all your time to that short.” *Scratch* “puny.” *Scratch; scratch* “uh; why am I so itchy? Now I can’t remember what I was saying.” he starts chewing on his arm, Fox’s anger instantly turns into concern, as Fox grabs Bino’s arm he says “let me take a look!” Fox combs through his fur and finds something terrifying,

Fox “Bino you have fleas.” “FLEAS!” says all the dogs, and like a flowing river they all run out of the club house as fast as they could, but this did not please Bino, Bino chases after them saying “hey where are all of you going, I never excused you, I command you to get back here.”

Fox “Bino wait you need to see a doctor, you two wait here I’ll go get Jeff!”

Frank “well that meeting was fun, I’m glad I came.”

King “alright enough charade; how exactly did you do that?”

Frank “oh I’m sorry I wasn’t listening, what now?”

King “You did something to Bino.”

Frank “I did? when?”

Confused King says “Just a few minutes ago.”

Frank “really? Why?”

King “That’s what I’m asking you for.”

Frank “huh?”

King “ugh I don’t even know anymore.”

Frank “Exactly, nice talking with you.” as Frank tries to leave King says “Wait, you did that on purpose?”

Frank “Yep, I do it all the time, although it only seems to work on low intelligent people.”

King “Are you saying I’m dumb?”

Frank “no you said it; I implied it.”

King “Moving on, I noticed as you snapped your fingers Bino started itching; which lead me to believe you’re responsible.”

Frank “you're pretty observant for a human, alright it’s true; I did it, and that smug jerk will be suffering more than a few fleas if he ever raises his voice to Fox again, but apparently I’m guessing you abject to it, otherwise we wouldn’t be disusing it.”

King “actually I kind of enjoyed watching him squirm.” Frank just stares at King trying to process what he just heard while scheming at the same time, after a moment of silence Frank asks with a big grin on his face “say how would you like to be mutual friends?”

King “uh; ok I guess, but under one condition, you make me human again.”

Frank “sorry, can’t; that takes up a lot of magic and my powers have been restricted, but tell you what if you help me get this collar off I’ll permanently transform you into a human, do we have a deal?”

King “permanently huh, that would mean no going back.” “Precisely.” Says Frank, taking some time to think King responds “if I become human again would I still be in love with Bailey?”

Frank “beats me, my magic doesn’t affect the heart, if you want I could turn this Bailey into a human as well, then you two can be together forever.”

lol break time, yes I know I’m evil for making you wait on King’s answer ^/_\^ Itachi face

Housepets creator: Rick Griffin

_________________
Shawn "hey."
Sean "greetings."
Alex "hi everyone ^_^"
Justin "wazz'up dudes."
David "i hope it rains today."
Shawn "this is my loving family, sort of speak."


Last edited by sean21 on Mon Aug 13, 2012 9:54 am, edited 1 time in total.



Sun Aug 12, 2012 6:24 pm
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Post Re: alpha male
sean21 wrote:
Chapter 5: Karma bits Bino on the butt (1/2)

bites
sean21 wrote:
Sitting on the coach Frank is watching the newest episode of ‘that 70’s show’

that show hasn't had a new episode in years.
sean21 wrote:
I’m busy just use your powers, I give you promotion.”

you mean permission?
sean21 wrote:
FLEES!”

It's spelled Fleas
and it's not really something you see a vet about. He just needs a flea bath.
sean21 wrote:
“your pretty absorbent for a human,

observant. and while I'm at it, it's you're. your is possessive, you're means you are.

Why was Fido so quick to share with Frank that he and Sabrina were together?

and NO! DON'T DO IT, KING!

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Mon Aug 13, 2012 2:59 am
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Post Re: alpha male
lol there fixed, and thanks the spell check doesn't exactly work.

[quote="RandomGeekNamedBrent"] Why was Fido so quick to share with Frank that he and Sabrina were together?[quote]

he didn't plan to, Sabrina just randomly came out with it, also he needed Sabrina with him in order to confirm that Frank wasn't from their world.

Frank "she's been a thorn in my side for centuries." Fido "don't you think you're over exaggerating?" Frank "I only wished I was."

_________________
Shawn "hey."
Sean "greetings."
Alex "hi everyone ^_^"
Justin "wazz'up dudes."
David "i hope it rains today."
Shawn "this is my loving family, sort of speak."


Mon Aug 13, 2012 10:05 am
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Post Re: alpha male
They say that with practice you get better.
Here I see something different. Instead of going forward, everything goes backward. Just go back to your previous entries and compare them with your last installment, you will know what I mean if you're a good observant.
There's also chaos in plot. Many plot holes and things I do not understand. Also you tend to go off character. Brent showed you already an example of Fido. Such secret must be kept dearly, it cannot be easily given to a stranger. Also there are two other things. First, Good Ol' Dogs Club is only for dogs. Cats are totally not welcome. It's a dog club after all. Second, Fox is a nice guy in the story, but he has cold relationships with neighbor cats since he still has lingering issues with them. So he can't be open for their invitation to the club.
I can't say that you're writing a good story, because so far it's a chaotic read. But I hope that my post will motivate you to prove me that you can do better.

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Mon Aug 13, 2012 4:44 pm
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Post Re: alpha male
even though Karlos still thinks it was Fido that revealed they were in a relationship, our points still stand. Sabrina wouldn't have been so forthcoming with that information since she knows that Fido needs to keep it a secret. Even if she knows that the dog she's talking to isn't really a dog, she wouldn't come right out and say it like that.

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Paradigm Shift by me
I do not actually believe any of what I'm saying.
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Mon Aug 13, 2012 4:48 pm
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Post Re: alpha male
Oh. Okay, I failed this time =/
But yeah, our point still stands =)

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Mon Aug 13, 2012 4:51 pm
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Post Re: alpha male
ok so i didn't put much thought into it and there may be a few errors its not perfect i get that but give me some slack Jessy and Frank are brand new characters of mine so of course their story together is going to be a little flawed, i also may have misunderstood Mr. Griffin on his characters as well so if you really think i should wait and be more patient with my fiction then perhaps this thread should be temporarily..... closed, personally i don't want to but thats for the mod to decide.

_________________
Shawn "hey."
Sean "greetings."
Alex "hi everyone ^_^"
Justin "wazz'up dudes."
David "i hope it rains today."
Shawn "this is my loving family, sort of speak."


Mon Aug 13, 2012 11:25 pm
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Post Re: alpha male
no. I never said it should be closed and neither did Karlos. It's good. It just could use improvement.

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I'm a shape-shifter. I'm currently in whatever form I feel like
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Paradigm Shift by me
I do not actually believe any of what I'm saying.
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Mon Aug 13, 2012 11:29 pm
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Post Re: alpha male
You can't take any criticism too much to yourself. We didn't mean to tell you that you're just pathetic and you should quit. All we wanted is to helpfully point you out some things so you can improve. You allowed us to give you honest opinions, and that's what we give you. In a friendly way.
If you will treat criticism as a must to cancel your work, it will work the same each time you will start something new again. Rethink on that.

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Tue Aug 14, 2012 3:07 am
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Post Re: alpha male
lol i didn't mean i was going to give it up completely, i just need to what Karlos said "rethink it" but that will take time, and yes i do appreciate your support very much so, last night i was probably just a little upset, you guys were only looking at small details, details that can be overlooked, i had a difficult time trying to fit in that joke about the birds and bees but its no real biggy i'm sure i can think of something

i'm glade you guys choose not to close my thread ^_^ i would have regretted it

_________________
Shawn "hey."
Sean "greetings."
Alex "hi everyone ^_^"
Justin "wazz'up dudes."
David "i hope it rains today."
Shawn "this is my loving family, sort of speak."


Tue Aug 14, 2012 9:21 pm
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