A god's brother.

[JageshemashFTW]

Hey everyone. Newcomer on the forums. Anyway, this is my little thoery on the mysterious charachter Pete. Hope you like it and yes, I know my grammar is absolute crap.

He’s back.
I was sent to keep him imprisoned until earth itself died but I grew too attached, too distracted. And now that monster is free to wreck havoc on all. Not just on this town but soon the whole world will feel his wrath. He may say he’s nothing more than a ‘simple trickster god’ but do not be fooled. He is just as dangerous and powerful as the rest of us gods. And he will use that power without malice.
I knew something was wrong the second the white rabbit Zach went missing. I couldn’t predict what would happens as this mortal form I have taken diminishes my divinity but I felt a power, a rage, waiting to be released and I knew.
He was returning.
I sped to the forest where his prison was, hoping I could stop him from breaking free but I was too late, the ground rumbled and skies screamed as the mountain side that served as his prison broke apart as that monster took to the skies.
“I AM FREE!” He cried to the heavens itself as if mocking his masters. I have failed in my endeavors to keep him trapped within the earth as was my duty to my father and no the whole world will pay for my failure… Unless I stop him.
It was a few days after the incident when I felt his power yet again in the very town I have come to call my home. I followed the pulses to a house just recently bought by a wealthy welsh-man. So he’s taken refuge in this town, has he? Does he know I am here as well? I had to confront him now that I found him before he had a chance to unveil whatever he was planning. I did not know of his plans but if I knew him, revenge would be the first thing on his mind.
I decided to go for the subtle approach. Hopefully my mortal disguise would hide me long enough to find out what he was planning so I could stop it. I knocked on the door as civil as I could when a rather short corgi opened the door. I immediately felt his power coming from this dog and for a second I tensed, thinking that this was his disguise but I noticed that while his power was definitely on the dog I could not sense his aura. No, this was not him but rather a prisoner forced to serve him. I would have to act quickly if he is already powerful enough to keep servants.
I smiled a friendly smile and asked “Hello there, may I speak to your owner?” If his servant took the form of a dog than no doubt would that egotistical madman pose as his human master. The corgi raised an eyebrow at me before turning his head to the inside of the house. “PETE! You got a visitor!” He yelled within the house. So he was calling himself Pete now? A strange name but I suppose he would have to take it to blend with the other mortal.
The corgi invited me into the house with a curt jerk of his head. As I stepped in I couldn’t help but noticed that while the dog was in service to Pete his mind still remained his own. Perhaps I can use that to my advantage. Seeing as how that monster had not yet arrived, I struck up a conversation with the corgi. “So what were you before Pete transformed you?” I asked as calmly as I would have been talking about the weather. The corgi looked astonished at me and mouth gaped open. I’m sure he would have said something but then he decided to intervene at that moment. “Well, It appears my brother has decided to grace my humble abode with his presence” He said as his welsh disguise slowly dissolved to reveal the griffin underneath. “King, why don’t you go outside and play with your girlfriend Sasha for a while” He told the corgi, now known as King. “She is NOT my girlfriend” King replied curtly but he grabbed his scarf and went outside all the same. Now as I was alone with him, my brother. He obviously seen through my disguise so there was no point in keeping it. As I changed, Pete started seeing more and more of the black dragon that was his brother appearing before him. I finished changing and gazed at him for a long time before I broke the silence. “Long time no see Pete. Or should I call you Loki.” Loki smiled at me with his beak and started to laugh. “Ah Balder, it has been much too long. That was an interesting from you decided to take. A servant rather than a master.” His smile become more of a sneer as his eyes become little more than slits. “I don’t know what you’re planning Loki, but I will stop you.” He laughed at me even more. “Just like you stopped me from escaping that mountain.”
Now I was angry. I charged forward at top speeds ramming into Loki as I slammed him into the wall. But he retaliated by grabbing my head by his talons and threw me across the room. I quickly got up and charged yet again. This time though he was alert as he grabbed my arms in mid-push and pulled me towards him, head butting me as I got close. As I fell to the ground, he sped up my fall my punching me in the stomach slamming me to the ground. I tried to get up but he pinned me down with a foot on my chest. “You’ve grown soft brother.” Loki said as he applied more pressure to his foot. I could hear my bones cracking under his heavy weight, but he lifted his foot and pulled me to my feet. “While I would love to continue doing this I know it is only a matter of time before our father realizes I am free. And I would like to rule the world before then wouldn’t you Balder?” I felt his magic flow into me as I reverted back to my mortal body and I knew that he was trapping me like this. I could not return to my true form.
He carried me over to the door of his house as he looked at me with a smile that carried with him as he returned to his own human disguise. “I must ask Balder. Why do you care so much for these pathetic mortals? Or, is it that you care for one particular mortal.” He said with an all-knowing look on his ugly face. At once, I knew who he was talking about. “I swear Loki, if you hurt her…” I threatened despite my pain. Loki threw me out the door without a second glance and shut the door mere seconds before I hit the ground. Normally I would have marched right back in their but my common sense convinced me otherwise. He was much too powerful to tackle head-on, especially at my weakened state. I would stop him no matter what, just not this day.
I began to search for someone to help cure my wounds as my feet subconsciously led me to her house. If anyone could help me it was her. I lifted a pained fist as I rapped the door. She opened the door as she gasped in horror. “MAX!! What happened?!” She yelled as she immediately led me inside. “A bunch of thugs ganged up on me. Idiots thought my bell was gold and tried to take it from me.” I lied as she settled me down on her couch. “Stay here while I get the first-aid kit.” She said as she disappeared into the kitchen. So sincere and pure, I thought. If anything else I had to stop my brother Loki so that Grape could live.
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Tell me what you think.

[Teh Brawler]

a) Welcome to the forums. There's an introductory thread in the "not the comic" section, but I guess you don't need that now.
b) I like your use of Norse Mythology. You don't see that much, so it's always a fresh spin. Except for "Son of the Mask", but let's not dwell on that.
c) KEEP WRITING.
That is all.

[Penwrite]

Wow, interesting idea to have Max be opposing Pete.

[Teh Brawler]

Wow, interesting idea to have Max be opposing Pete.

Unfortunately, this is one of those that the member posted, and hasn't reappeared since. So there's not much to look forward to here. -_-'

[Neko]

I like it so far, my only thing I'd like to see is better formatting. You need paragraphs and spaces between the paragraphs, It was hard to read the big walls of text

[JageshemashFTW]

Wow, interesting idea to have Max be opposing Pete.

Unfortunately, this is one of those that the member posted, and hasn't reappeared since. So there's not much to look forward to here. -_-'

Actually I just have writer's block. That and I'm seriously trying to improve my writing skills (I mean just look at that, that's just horrible).