Housepets: Confession

[Wanderer]

This is the first fanfiction I ever wrote. It might be a just a bit dark so PG~PG13.

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"Is this your final decision? Do you accept these conditions?"
"Yes."
"Then I have no more reason to stay."

Did I do the right thing? Am I being responsible by doing this? It doesn't matter anymore, I can't change it anyway. I've already made my decision. Maybe I was destined to be a dog, maybe I could be useful as a dog.


King sighed as he trudged through the snow. It was unbearably cold and the snow piles were almost as tall as King himself. Babylon Gardens experienced the worst blizzard ever in its short history. Every pet and human was indoors, sheltered from this horrible nightmare. King could barely make out a house a few meters away from him. The icy winds pierced through his face. He could only rub his paws until the door opens.

"Oh hey king! I haven't seen you this entire week! Why are you still outside? Come in!" King hurried in the house. He then paused for a moment. He stood next to the fireplace with a blank stare.

Fox's "dad" was helping the nearby town evacuate. The blizzard was much more serious in the west. "Crazy weather isn't it? I hear its supposed to snow for another two days." King just glanced at Fox and turned back to the crackling fire. "It's almost been four years since we've met. Do you remember the first time we met? You were so shy and ... different..." King drooped and frowned as he tried to recollect his thoughts.

"Is something wrong? Can I help you, King?
"Fox, I need to confess something," King forced a weak smile as he began to talk.
"I'll tell you why I'm so different." Fox curiously leaned forward.
"You know the watch that I always carry around? The one I so desperately hold on to. ... It's my soul, Fox, I'm Joel."
Fox gaped at King with confusion and shock.
"A gryphon changed me from a human to a dog. I know it sounds crazy, but you have to believe me! A representative from heaven is supposed to come down and I can choose to continue being a dog or go back to being-"
"YOU WAITED FOUR YEARS TO TELL ME THIS?" Fox let out a laugh in disbelief.
"I tried to be your friend and help you all this time. But you - you're... the one that kidnapped me? Oh the irony!" Fox was blazing red now.
"I trusted you! I took all my doubts aside. Do you know what I had to go through to defend you?" King sagged and whimperedd as Fox approached him.
"Get out of this house. Now! I don't even want to see you again. Just leave!" Fox barked.

King hurried out the door and left Fox. He sobbed as he walked back to the wolves house. But then he realized that if the neighborhood knew he was Joel from PETA, they would oust him and he would be alone.
Again.

King felt empty. He had no where to go now. It was only a matter of time before the blizzard consumed him. He would soon be dead, his soul in limbo, denied of any happiness he had.

"I just hope Fox will be happy."
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"Joel"

He woke up next to a floating figure. He could barely discern the silhouette of this mysterious being.
"Have you made your decision? Remember, after you've chosen, you can't change back."

He knew.
He knew that although Fox was mad before, he will forgive him and they will be friends again. He just had to talk to Fox. He just knew.
"Yes."
"I will... remain as a dog"
"Is this your final decision? Do you accept these conditions?"
"Yes."
"Then I have no more reason to stay."
The figure vanished into the snow.
King started walking back to Fox's house. Surely he will understand by now.

The cold did not even bother him anymore, he was numb from the blizzard. King waited anxiously for Fox to open the door.

"Why are you still here?"
"Fox, I-I'm sorry. Please forgive me."
"I don't care, why don't you just become human again and leave me alone!"
"You don't understand. I chose to remain as a dog so I could be with you."
"Well I definetely don't want to be with you."
"This is not like you, I thought we were friends."
"I should have let Bino break the watch."

At that moment, Fox knew he made a mistake because the miserable corgi ran away sobbing.

Joel had a burst of emotions. He never had any friends. He was alone in the world. Why was he so weak? Probably because he had gotten too used to being ridiculed, little, and helpless. He was an outcast, he could never be at peace. There was always someone that helped King in these times, but now he was alone.
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At the edge of Babylon Gardens, there was a forest that extended to a plateau mountain. King began scaling the mountain.


My life was always a failure. But now, I can't possibly go on like this. I should have never told Fox. I should have chosen to become human. How foolish I was to believe animals had any compassion. I was always alone in this cruel world. I can't stand it.
With a gulp, King jumped off the mountain with no regrets.




"Fox? Fox, let me go right now!"
"I can't let you do this, King."
"Let me go! I WANT TO DIE!"
"I'm so sorry, King. I didn't mean any of what I said. Don't die King."
"I don't know what to do anymore."
"Everyone hates me anyway, I'm just a burden to you guys."
"NO! I don't care that you were Joel. No one hates you. I love you too much to let you die."
...
"Do you mean it?"
"Yes, let's go home now."

"I love you too."

[valerio]

well, not bad.
First of all, it needs avoiding starting new paragraphs so frequently, when a character is in the middle of a sentence.
Then...well, it's good in the words, but too fast. I mean, this is like the subject of the story, when you come up with the idea. To give it more depth, you need to add details, make the whole situation more...fleshy.
but I liked it

[Barkeron]

Hmmm... not a bad fic at all. The story seems a bit rushed.

Oh and I agree with Val here, on the paragraph's part, might wanna look into that.

But otherwise, great job on the story here.

[Wanderer]

Thanks, I'll fix that problem and combine them into bigger paragraphs.

[copper]

It is more the transitions than anything with the paragraphs. Fox kind of believed King as Joel a little easily. Fox is rational, it would be hard sell to convince him of the truth, I think.


Great first story though. i like it! You are well on your way to being a great writer if you so choose it!