How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb.

Pfft, some obscure number. You've probably never heard of it.

How many members of the British royal family does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Can't tell--they ALL make the hand motion for it.

No blonde jokes, huh? Well there goes half my clean repertoire....


Okay. Here we go...


Well, one day down in Hell, the Devil decided that he was tired of being harangued in churches and having all the world's problems laid on him, so he decided to go on up to Earth to speak his mind. With that thought in mind, he conjured a huge cloyd and went to Earth.


Meanwhile on Earth, a small Southern congrgation had gathered for their sunday services. The Preacher was right in the middle of his sermon when a monstrous thunder cloud suddenly manifested itself in the middle of the church, with the Devil himself sitting in the middle of it! Everyone member of the churches flock ran out screaming upon seeing this, leaving only two people. The preacher, and an old man who sat serenly watching the scene unfold.
The Devil was confused. He looked at the preacher and said "You. I understand why you do not fear me. You are in the lord's house, and have preached against me countless times. But you," The devil said, turning and pointing at the Old man. "Why do you not fear me?"


The old man just clasped his hands together, leaned back and said in a slow southern drawl "Why, I'm surprised you don't recognize me! I have been married to your sister for nigh on 35 years now..."

...okay, I give up. I don't get it.

I think it's a crack against the old man's wife. I don't really find it funny either.

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's an obscure number you've probably never heard of.
Edit: just realized someone else beat me to the joke T_T

*points to the top of the page for yohu.*

Sorry there, but already been posted. xD

ó.ò None of these are funny...like Aaron's jokes, they leave me confuzzled

well, what'd you do if you walked into a bar?

A man walks into a bar.

He's an alcholic and will die from liver damage .-.





Antijoke chicken .-.

Oh, you say none of these are funny and then you tell an antijoke of your own! *giggles*

Well actually the hipster one made me laugh XD, I didn't get it at first.

HAH. BAND HUMOR.

- How do you get a trumpet to play FFF?
- Mark MP on the part.

- Why does a trumpet have three valves?
- Because trumpet players can't count to four.

- How do you make a trumpet sound like a french horn?
- You stick your hand in the bell and play wrong notes.

- How do you get two piccolo players to play in tune?
- You shoot one.

And the generic band joke:

- How many [X] players does it take to change a lightbulb?
- 5. One to change the bulb, four to contemplate how [Y, where Y is a famous X player] would have done it.

D: I can too count to four! making me miss band a bit hee hee



bahaha.

How do you know if a drummer is at your door?
The knocking gradually gets faster. [/self-depreciation]

There was a young man from Peru,
Whose limericks stopped at line two.



There was an old maid from Verdun.



(Don't even ask about the limerick on Emperor Nero.)







Two drums and a cymbal roll down the hill.



Ba-dum CHING!







A man entered a pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, hoping at least one would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

this pun was tweeted by Jason Ritter.

My friend called in a panic, cuz he thought he found a dinosaur leg in his backyard! I ran right over but it turned out to be a fossil arm.

There were 5 people on the plane:
-The Pilot
-A doctor
-A lawyer (who claims to be the smartest man in the world)
-A kid
-And a Priest

The plane's engine dies there are only 4 parachutes.
Without hesitation, the Pilot jumps out. There are only 3 parachutes left.

The doctor says, "I have lives to save so I must go." And he jumps out

The lawyer says, "I'm the smartest man in the world to I must be the one to live." He takes a parachute from the kid and jumps out.

The priest tells the kid, "Here, take my parachute. I've lived my life, now its time for you to live your's."

The kid replies, "It's okay, the smartest man in the world just took my backpack."

What do you call a bird that doesn't eat? A polynomial.

I just ate three French names. nom nom nom.

"You see, we Europans have evolved far beyond the need for what you humans call 'logic.'"

HOH HOH HOH!

-Water joke-

What do you call cooking that makes fun of businessmen?

Trump roast!

From The Lilt of the Irish

"Sign on the back of McGuire's Hauling Company's trucks in Boston:

THESE LETTERS SEEM

TO BE GETTING LARGER

BECAUSE I'M BACKING UP
"
Another goody from the same book

"A couple of rooters were so engrossed in this, the last half of the ninth inning of the World Series game, that they wouldn't even consider the thought of marching back to the refreshment stand for hot dogs, and there wasn't a vendor in sight. But both were hungry. They finally bribed a kid nearby to go for them.
'Here's a dollar-and-a-half, kid,' they told him. 'Get us each one, and buy one for yourself, too.'
The kid came back with a dollar change. 'Sorry,' he explained, 'but they only had my hot dog left!'"

One time I put my phone in airplane mode.

Worst transformer ever!

Neutron wants to pay the tab.

Bartender says "for you, no charge."

Two canables are eating a clown, one looks to the other and says "does his taste funny to you?"

You don't understand my chemistry jokes? They're elemental.

And Ill take a guess as to where you heard that, Fallout 3?

From Garfield and Friends:

"You're not a surgeon!"
"I operated on a man just yesterday!"
"For what?"
"For nine hundred dollars."
"No, no, what did the man HAVE?"
"Nine hundred dollars."
"No, I mean, what did you REMOVE?!"
"The nine hundred dollars."
"NO!  What was his COMPLAINT?!?"
"The nine hundred dollars."

How many Saiyans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

just one, but it takes three episodes.

I can Truly relate to this. Haha

Gold? AU Yeaaaaahhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Hurricane Irene's dating page

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/irene

From "The Abbott and Costello Show":

Mike the Cop: "WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT FIREARMS?!?!?"
Lou: "I'll have you know I'm one of the finest crackpots in the--uh, crackpots in the--uh, crackpot--crackp--cr....crack SHOTS in the business!"
Mike: "Yeah, yeah, 'crackpots' is right!"

A cop pulls a man over for driving while drunk.
The man defends himself thusly:
"Misten, Lister, I only had ti martwonis, and I'm not as much under the afluence of incohol as some thinkle may peop."

"I'm not as think as you drunk I am."

One evening, a man attended an outdoor party hosted by a few of his close friends. A few dozen people showed up and he milled around, met a few new people, and danced a bit until he became thirsty. He began to look around for beverages, eventually deciding to go stand in the soda line. Unfortunately, there was none. Frustrated, he headed over to the juice line, only to realize that there was no juice line either. Now the man, whose throat was quite parched at this point, strained to find a punchline. To his horror, there was none.

"I had a parrot. The parrot talked, but it did not say 'I'm hungry,' so it died." -Mitch Hedberg

Iron, lithium and neon. I love them.