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Sleet
Bringing Foxy Back
Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 1:32 am Posts: 16940 Location: Nephelokokkygia
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 Re: Joke thread
How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb.
Pfft, some obscure number. You've probably never heard of it.
_________________
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Wed Jul 06, 2011 9:02 pm |
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ChewyChewy
Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2010 3:23 pm Posts: 5460
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 Re: Joke thread
How many members of the British royal family does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Can't tell--they ALL make the hand motion for it.
_________________
 PF chars
"We have to do this take again! HAL, do it with a LOT less emotion!" "I'm sorry Stan, I'm afraid I can't do that." --Phoenix
pair-o-dimes dot blogspot dot com
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Wed Jul 06, 2011 9:50 pm |
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copper
Puppy Wrangler
Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:18 pm Posts: 6362 Location: Florida
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 Re: Joke thread
No blonde jokes, huh? Well there goes half my clean repertoire....
Okay. Here we go...
Well, one day down in Hell, the Devil decided that he was tired of being harangued in churches and having all the world's problems laid on him, so he decided to go on up to Earth to speak his mind. With that thought in mind, he conjured a huge cloyd and went to Earth.
Meanwhile on Earth, a small Southern congrgation had gathered for their sunday services. The Preacher was right in the middle of his sermon when a monstrous thunder cloud suddenly manifested itself in the middle of the church, with the Devil himself sitting in the middle of it! Everyone member of the churches flock ran out screaming upon seeing this, leaving only two people. The preacher, and an old man who sat serenly watching the scene unfold. The Devil was confused. He looked at the preacher and said "You. I understand why you do not fear me. You are in the lord's house, and have preached against me countless times. But you," The devil said, turning and pointing at the Old man. "Why do you not fear me?"
The old man just clasped his hands together, leaned back and said in a slow southern drawl "Why, I'm surprised you don't recognize me! I have been married to your sister for nigh on 35 years now..."
_________________ My characters Everybody has a story to tell. What's yours?
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Thu Jul 07, 2011 1:36 am |
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Penwrite
Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2010 11:03 am Posts: 3407 Location: Canterlot
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 Re: Joke thread
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copper Wrote:
Well, one day down in Hell, the Devil decided that he was tired of being harangued in churches and having all the world's problems laid on him, so he decided to go on up to Earth to speak his mind. With that thought in mind, he conjured a huge cloyd and went to Earth.
Meanwhile on Earth, a small Southern congrgation had gathered for their sunday services. The Preacher was right in the middle of his sermon when a monstrous thunder cloud suddenly manifested itself in the middle of the church, with the Devil himself sitting in the middle of it! Everyone member of the churches flock ran out screaming upon seeing this, leaving only two people. The preacher, and an old man who sat serenly watching the scene unfold. The Devil was confused. He looked at the preacher and said "You. I understand why you do not fear me. You are in the lord's house, and have preached against me countless times. But you," The devil said, turning and pointing at the Old man. "Why do you not fear me?"
The old man just clasped his hands together, leaned back and said in a slow southern drawl "Why, I'm surprised you don't recognize me! I have been married to your sister for nigh on 35 years now..."
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...okay, I give up. I don't get it.
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Thu Jul 07, 2011 10:52 am |
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ChewyChewy
Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2010 3:23 pm Posts: 5460
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 Re: Joke thread
I think it's a crack against the old man's wife. I don't really find it funny either.
_________________
 PF chars
"We have to do this take again! HAL, do it with a LOT less emotion!" "I'm sorry Stan, I'm afraid I can't do that." --Phoenix
pair-o-dimes dot blogspot dot com
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Thu Jul 07, 2011 11:05 am |
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yehoshua
Joined: Wed May 25, 2011 7:32 pm Posts: 1984 Location: Canananada
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 Re: Joke thread
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It's an obscure number you've probably never heard of. Edit: just realized someone else beat me to the joke T_T
_________________ Sent from my conifer.
Last edited by yehoshua on Thu Jul 07, 2011 12:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Thu Jul 07, 2011 11:42 am |
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Tiggy
Joined: Fri May 14, 2010 2:38 am Posts: 3916 Location: Sweeeden :3
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 Re: Joke thread
*points to the top of the page for yohu.*
Sorry there, but already been posted. xD
_________________
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Thu Jul 07, 2011 11:56 am |
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zeldakeeper
Joined: Fri Jan 14, 2011 5:38 pm Posts: 339
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 Re: Joke thread
ó.ò None of these are funny...like Aaron's jokes, they leave me confuzzled
_________________ I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every single minute of it.
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Thu Jul 07, 2011 12:29 pm |
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44R0NM10
Former Mod of the Aura
Joined: Mon Mar 29, 2010 5:52 pm Posts: 4011 Location: England
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 Re: Joke thread
well, what'd you do if you walked into a bar? 
_________________
 PF - Awesome PF - Sly PF - Brill
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Thu Jul 07, 2011 12:34 pm |
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zeldakeeper
Joined: Fri Jan 14, 2011 5:38 pm Posts: 339
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 Re: Joke thread
A man walks into a bar.
He's an alcholic and will die from liver damage .-.
Antijoke chicken .-.
_________________ I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every single minute of it.
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Thu Jul 07, 2011 12:38 pm |
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Sleet
Bringing Foxy Back
Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 1:32 am Posts: 16940 Location: Nephelokokkygia
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 Re: Joke thread
Oh, you say none of these are funny and then you tell an antijoke of your own! *giggles*
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Thu Jul 07, 2011 1:54 pm |
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zeldakeeper
Joined: Fri Jan 14, 2011 5:38 pm Posts: 339
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 Re: Joke thread
Well actually the hipster one made me laugh XD, I didn't get it at first.
_________________ I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every single minute of it.
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Thu Jul 07, 2011 2:24 pm |
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Coatl_Ruu
Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2011 9:56 pm Posts: 1453 Location: [REDACTED]
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 Re: Joke thread
HAH. BAND HUMOR.
- How do you get a trumpet to play FFF? - Mark MP on the part.
- Why does a trumpet have three valves? - Because trumpet players can't count to four.
- How do you make a trumpet sound like a french horn? - You stick your hand in the bell and play wrong notes.
- How do you get two piccolo players to play in tune? - You shoot one.
And the generic band joke:
- How many [X] players does it take to change a lightbulb? - 5. One to change the bulb, four to contemplate how [Y, where Y is a famous X player] would have done it.
_________________ (☞゚ヮ゚)☞ Tooth and Claw Sequel to The Dogs of War~
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Tue Jul 12, 2011 1:40 pm |
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Daggy
Joined: Thu May 12, 2011 9:31 pm Posts: 776
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 Re: Joke thread
D: I can too count to four! making me miss band a bit hee hee
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copper Wrote:
No blonde jokes, huh? Well there goes half my clean repertoire....
Okay. Here we go...
Well, one day down in Hell, the Devil decided that he was tired of being harangued in churches and having all the world's problems laid on him, so he decided to go on up to Earth to speak his mind. With that thought in mind, he conjured a huge cloyd and went to Earth.
Meanwhile on Earth, a small Southern congrgation had gathered for their sunday services. The Preacher was right in the middle of his sermon when a monstrous thunder cloud suddenly manifested itself in the middle of the church, with the Devil himself sitting in the middle of it! Everyone member of the churches flock ran out screaming upon seeing this, leaving only two people. The preacher, and an old man who sat serenly watching the scene unfold. The Devil was confused. He looked at the preacher and said "You. I understand why you do not fear me. You are in the lord's house, and have preached against me countless times. But you," The devil said, turning and pointing at the Old man. "Why do you not fear me?"
The old man just clasped his hands together, leaned back and said in a slow southern drawl "Why, I'm surprised you don't recognize me! I have been married to your sister for nigh on 35 years now..."
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bahaha.
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Tue Jul 12, 2011 3:38 pm |
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Sleet
Bringing Foxy Back
Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 1:32 am Posts: 16940 Location: Nephelokokkygia
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 Re: Joke thread
How do you know if a drummer is at your door? The knocking gradually gets faster. [/self-depreciation]
_________________
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Tue Jul 12, 2011 5:28 pm |
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ChewyChewy
Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2010 3:23 pm Posts: 5460
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 Re: Joke thread
There was a young man from Peru, Whose limericks stopped at line two.
There was an old maid from Verdun.
(Don't even ask about the limerick on Emperor Nero.)
Two drums and a cymbal roll down the hill.
Ba-dum CHING!
A man entered a pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, hoping at least one would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
_________________
 PF chars
"We have to do this take again! HAL, do it with a LOT less emotion!" "I'm sorry Stan, I'm afraid I can't do that." --Phoenix
pair-o-dimes dot blogspot dot com
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Sun Jul 31, 2011 1:46 am |
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RandomGeekNamedBrent
laughing maniacally
Joined: Mon Jan 24, 2011 10:42 pm Posts: 20539 Location: an invisible, flying volcano over Virginia
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 Re: Joke thread
this pun was tweeted by Jason Ritter.
My friend called in a panic, cuz he thought he found a dinosaur leg in his backyard! I ran right over but it turned out to be a fossil arm.
_________________ I'm a shape-shifter. I'm currently in whatever form I feel like Paradigm Shift by me I do not actually believe any of what I'm saying. RP character sheets
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Sun Jul 31, 2011 1:53 am |
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Cm4F
Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 12:11 pm Posts: 514 Location: Rock Hill, South Carolina
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 Re: Joke thread
There were 5 people on the plane: -The Pilot -A doctor -A lawyer (who claims to be the smartest man in the world) -A kid -And a Priest
The plane's engine dies there are only 4 parachutes. Without hesitation, the Pilot jumps out. There are only 3 parachutes left.
The doctor says, "I have lives to save so I must go." And he jumps out
The lawyer says, "I'm the smartest man in the world to I must be the one to live." He takes a parachute from the kid and jumps out.
The priest tells the kid, "Here, take my parachute. I've lived my life, now its time for you to live your's."
The kid replies, "It's okay, the smartest man in the world just took my backpack."
_________________
 
I fought dyslexia, and I won!
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Sun Jul 31, 2011 10:55 am |
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yehoshua
Joined: Wed May 25, 2011 7:32 pm Posts: 1984 Location: Canananada
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 Re: Joke thread
What do you call a bird that doesn't eat? A polynomial.
_________________ Sent from my conifer.
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Sun Jul 31, 2011 8:49 pm |
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RandomGeekNamedBrent
laughing maniacally
Joined: Mon Jan 24, 2011 10:42 pm Posts: 20539 Location: an invisible, flying volcano over Virginia
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 Re: Joke thread
I just ate three French names. nom nom nom.
_________________ I'm a shape-shifter. I'm currently in whatever form I feel like Paradigm Shift by me I do not actually believe any of what I'm saying. RP character sheets
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Sun Jul 31, 2011 9:04 pm |
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FuhrerVonZephyr
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2011 4:31 pm Posts: 135 Images: 0 Location: *points* Over there.
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 Re: Joke thread
"You see, we Europans have evolved far beyond the need for what you humans call 'logic.'"
_________________ Hey guys! I make art!
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Sun Jul 31, 2011 11:38 pm |
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yehoshua
Joined: Wed May 25, 2011 7:32 pm Posts: 1984 Location: Canananada
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 Re: Joke thread
HOH HOH HOH!
-Water joke-
_________________ Sent from my conifer.
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Mon Aug 01, 2011 12:31 pm |
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Penwrite
Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2010 11:03 am Posts: 3407 Location: Canterlot
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 Re: Joke thread
What do you call cooking that makes fun of businessmen?
Trump roast!
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Mon Aug 08, 2011 10:02 am |
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zeekgenateer
Joined: Wed Jun 30, 2010 6:39 pm Posts: 397 Location: Where my dreams may take me
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 Re: Joke thread
From The Lilt of the Irish
"Sign on the back of McGuire's Hauling Company's trucks in Boston:
THESE LETTERS SEEM
TO BE GETTING LARGER
BECAUSE I'M BACKING UP " Another goody from the same book
"A couple of rooters were so engrossed in this, the last half of the ninth inning of the World Series game, that they wouldn't even consider the thought of marching back to the refreshment stand for hot dogs, and there wasn't a vendor in sight. But both were hungry. They finally bribed a kid nearby to go for them. 'Here's a dollar-and-a-half, kid,' they told him. 'Get us each one, and buy one for yourself, too.' The kid came back with a dollar change. 'Sorry,' he explained, 'but they only had my hot dog left!'"
_________________ * My Steam Account * My DA (writing) * "They say misery loves company, ain't there something else we can share. Are you still there? Do you still care? That's all I really need to know." - Kansas - Need to Know
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Tue Aug 16, 2011 3:25 am |
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exranio
Joined: Fri Aug 20, 2010 6:44 am Posts: 1147
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 Re: Joke thread
One time I put my phone in airplane mode.
Worst transformer ever!
_________________ So check out my Deviant art http://exranion.deviantart.com/ It has ponies, furries, and the link to my tumblr!
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Tue Aug 16, 2011 3:29 am |
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yehoshua
Joined: Wed May 25, 2011 7:32 pm Posts: 1984 Location: Canananada
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 Re: Joke thread
Neutron wants to pay the tab.
Bartender says "for you, no charge."
_________________ Sent from my conifer.
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Wed Aug 17, 2011 7:05 pm |
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The Grey Wolverine
Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 9:51 pm Posts: 2254 Location: A town known as Halifax Massachusetts
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 Re: Joke thread
Two canables are eating a clown, one looks to the other and says "does his taste funny to you?"
_________________ Please click this link and support me on FA. http://www.furaffinity.net/user/greywolverene/
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Wed Aug 17, 2011 7:59 pm |
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yehoshua
Joined: Wed May 25, 2011 7:32 pm Posts: 1984 Location: Canananada
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 Re: Joke thread
You don't understand my chemistry jokes? They're elemental.
_________________ Sent from my conifer.
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Wed Aug 17, 2011 9:24 pm |
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The Grey Wolverine
Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 9:51 pm Posts: 2254 Location: A town known as Halifax Massachusetts
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 Re: Joke thread
And Ill take a guess as to where you heard that, Fallout 3?
_________________ Please click this link and support me on FA. http://www.furaffinity.net/user/greywolverene/
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Wed Aug 17, 2011 9:42 pm |
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ChewyChewy
Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2010 3:23 pm Posts: 5460
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 Re: Joke thread
From Garfield and Friends:
"You're not a surgeon!" "I operated on a man just yesterday!" "For what?" "For nine hundred dollars." "No, no, what did the man HAVE?" "Nine hundred dollars." "No, I mean, what did you REMOVE?!" "The nine hundred dollars." "NO! What was his COMPLAINT?!?" "The nine hundred dollars."
_________________
 PF chars
"We have to do this take again! HAL, do it with a LOT less emotion!" "I'm sorry Stan, I'm afraid I can't do that." --Phoenix
pair-o-dimes dot blogspot dot com
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Thu Aug 18, 2011 12:16 am |
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RandomGeekNamedBrent
laughing maniacally
Joined: Mon Jan 24, 2011 10:42 pm Posts: 20539 Location: an invisible, flying volcano over Virginia
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 Re: Joke thread
How many Saiyans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
just one, but it takes three episodes.
_________________ I'm a shape-shifter. I'm currently in whatever form I feel like Paradigm Shift by me I do not actually believe any of what I'm saying. RP character sheets
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Thu Aug 18, 2011 3:48 pm |
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Cm4F
Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 12:11 pm Posts: 514 Location: Rock Hill, South Carolina
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 Re: Joke thread
I can Truly relate to this. Haha
_________________
 
I fought dyslexia, and I won!
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Sat Aug 20, 2011 1:40 pm |
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yehoshua
Joined: Wed May 25, 2011 7:32 pm Posts: 1984 Location: Canananada
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 Re: Joke thread
Gold? AU Yeaaaaahhhh!!!!!!!!!!
_________________ Sent from my conifer.
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Sat Aug 20, 2011 2:30 pm |
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exranio
Joined: Fri Aug 20, 2010 6:44 am Posts: 1147
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 Re: Joke thread
_________________ So check out my Deviant art http://exranion.deviantart.com/ It has ponies, furries, and the link to my tumblr!
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Sun Aug 28, 2011 3:36 pm |
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ChewyChewy
Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2010 3:23 pm Posts: 5460
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 Re: Joke thread
From "The Abbott and Costello Show":
Mike the Cop: "WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT FIREARMS?!?!?" Lou: "I'll have you know I'm one of the finest crackpots in the--uh, crackpots in the--uh, crackpot--crackp--cr....crack SHOTS in the business!" Mike: "Yeah, yeah, 'crackpots' is right!"
_________________
 PF chars
"We have to do this take again! HAL, do it with a LOT less emotion!" "I'm sorry Stan, I'm afraid I can't do that." --Phoenix
pair-o-dimes dot blogspot dot com
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Sun Sep 04, 2011 4:59 pm |
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Obbl
Smiley McSmiles
Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2010 1:56 pm Posts: 2285 Location: The Housepets Forum ^^
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 Re: Joke thread
A cop pulls a man over for driving while drunk. The man defends himself thusly: "Misten, Lister, I only had ti martwonis, and I'm not as much under the afluence of incohol as some thinkle may peop."
_________________
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Mon Sep 05, 2011 12:08 am |
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ChewyChewy
Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2010 3:23 pm Posts: 5460
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 Re: Joke thread
"I'm not as think as you drunk I am."
_________________
 PF chars
"We have to do this take again! HAL, do it with a LOT less emotion!" "I'm sorry Stan, I'm afraid I can't do that." --Phoenix
pair-o-dimes dot blogspot dot com
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Mon Sep 05, 2011 12:11 am |
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Mr. Noms
Joined: Mon Aug 16, 2010 12:05 am Posts: 79 Location: South Carolina
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 Re: Joke thread
One evening, a man attended an outdoor party hosted by a few of his close friends. A few dozen people showed up and he milled around, met a few new people, and danced a bit until he became thirsty. He began to look around for beverages, eventually deciding to go stand in the soda line. Unfortunately, there was none. Frustrated, he headed over to the juice line, only to realize that there was no juice line either. Now the man, whose throat was quite parched at this point, strained to find a punchline. To his horror, there was none.
_________________
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Mon Sep 05, 2011 12:48 am |
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NogitsuneGabriel
☆
Joined: Wed Aug 10, 2011 9:19 pm Posts: 39 Location: Here and There
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 Re: Joke thread
"I had a parrot. The parrot talked, but it did not say 'I'm hungry,' so it died." -Mitch Hedberg
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Mon Sep 05, 2011 12:58 am |
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yehoshua
Joined: Wed May 25, 2011 7:32 pm Posts: 1984 Location: Canananada
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 Re: Joke thread
Iron, lithium and neon. I love them.
_________________ Sent from my conifer.
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Tue Sep 06, 2011 10:11 pm |
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