Hearing Aid technology is getting better every day.

HELP! Hearing Aids don't help you read!

Here take my glasses....... because this is an emergency.......... JUST TAKE THEM, ALRIGHT!!!??

Help! My cat has imprisoned me at my computer by sitting on my lap.

Constantly cross and uncross your legs; pretend you don't know your cat is there.

HELP! Rocks are my only friends; my only friends are rocks!

Then keep your igneous close, and your metamorphic closer.

Help! I don't know the mass of the higgs boson particle.

Ok, John is that you? I know you are scared, but you have to stay calm. What?! Quickly, put down the phone and google it quickly! No, just put it down and look it up!

Help me! I am in my house, it is me, John and I don't think anyone in the world will get my quotes! I'm so scared...

Then stop quoting others and start speaking as yourself.

Help! I gave advice. I always give HORRIBLE advice. The poster above me is doomed. DOOOOMMMED!!!

Don't worry, he doesn't care. Reverse psychology will help him live!

Help! I nommed my last cookie!

Quick, stay calm and pm MarioMarc.

Help, I momentarily wished that the poster below me would actually respond like an emergency services person.

Hello? I'm sorry, the number you have reached has temporarily been disconnected. Please try your emergency call again later, preferably after the incident has occurred.

Help! I'm stuck in da telefone!

Ok... How are you stuck...Oh, I get it, try bending a bit to the right... Oh, stop then.
Try pulling yourself a bit upwards but don't touch the-:Your call has been disconnected:-

Help, my house is on fire from an electrical socket!

Don't worry, 911 has been temporarily disconnected. Call them after your house has been burnt to ashes.

Help! I lost the happy tree friends from across the street!

Oh, they do that all the time. They'll have regenerated by tommorrow morning, when more fun can begin!

Help! My cat is stalling for time. I think it is conspiring with my dogs to overthrow the human regime that oppresses them (i.e. me).

Ok... See if we can book an appointment at the looney bin Mental department Police department, so you can tell us your problems.

Help, I forgot to post a problem in 3 seconds and had to edit it!

Don't worry, it's fixed now!
"-but I---"
*is put to sleep*

Help! The Pea is missing!

I'll help yo-Your call has been disconnected by "Peakiller"

Help me, my phone doesn't work!

then call someone for a new one!

help, this sheet of paper has a whole in it!

Here, let me take the "W" out for you. There you go! Now you have a hole in your paper.

Help! There's an internet bridge troll at the gates of Maurya!

Trolls are notoriously greedy. Send him the nigerian prince spam letter and he will destroy himself.

Help! The pets have won! I don't know how long it will be before they can figure out that I am on the int-

Quick! Give them a cookie!
-/\-_/\---/\-----------------------
We've lost him, sir...

Help! Copper's been caged!

Don't worry, with new Cagebreaker technology, wecan bust you out in at least 5 days if you aren't dead.

Help, i wanna start a webcomic but i have no drawing skills!

Then get a friend who can draw and you do the Writing

Help I gave REAL advice.

Give him false hopes!

Help! I've lost my piece of candy!

Join us and you will have all the candy you could ever want Wolfie!

Help! The revolution is on and we need weaponry, recruits, and computer classes. That stupid cat is chewing on the mouse.

Here ya go! *gives "Trade Skool" sign*

Help! We ran out of sticky grenades!

Eat a sandvich!



Help I can't click the close button for minecraft!

Quick! Rub a magnet on your hard drive!

Help! I've not fallen and I can get up!

Here, let me give you a push!

Help! I cannot speak of what I have seen!

Than see that which you speak of.

HELP! The serfs are on their way!

Well then grab a board and ride the wave!

Help! I was trying to be funny again.

Don't worry, I'll schedule you an appointment for 4:30 tomorrow. Is that okay for you?

Well, I have had to juggle 6 books at once and it is hard because (1..2..3..4..) 4 of them have deadlines to return them in.

You get a Person to carry all your books now.

Help! I need a "Q!"

The mysterious person named "Q" is hard to find, but I tracked him down. Go to the running of the bulls and he'll find you.

Help! The bulls are about to gore me.

Don't worry, here's a cattle prod and a Red Bull.

Help! I lost my tazer gun...

Don't worry about it. Here is your cattle prod back.

Help! I shocked myself with the cattle prod by grabbing it at the wrong end.

Don't worry, here's a stun gun.

Help! I need a helper!

Right here, sir! *Bzzzat!* Nevermind...

Help! I've been shocked again.

Here's a shock-resistant suit, use it well...

Help! I need a cannon...

Just ask for Bino. He is a loose cannon, after all.

Help! The sandman is beating me with an ugly stick!

Here's a piece of knockout candy.

Help! We have one man down!

Then kick him. You might as well.

Help! There is a gang of people trying to hurt me.