New Forumite and King-centric - Flu and You (Updated)

[appending_doom]

Hey, I'm new around here, both to the comic and the forum. I was pursued by my muse for a bit, which is why I wrote the below, to express my love for the comic.

It's a little silly, but I hope y'all enjoy it.

~~~

"What about 'Attack of the Were-human?"

Around Bino, the rest of the Good Old Dogs' Club made various noises of approval or disapproval.

"I'd rather sit through two hours of talk shows," King grumbled from his seat, a corner that neatly concealed him from Bino's vision. Unfortunately, he'd yet to really understand a dog's sense of hearing, so Bino's ears swiveled towards the complaint.

"What? Is is not sophisticated enough for you?" Bino demanded.

"Lay off him," Fox growled. "It's just a movie."

King shot Fox a grateful look that went unrecognized as Bino stepped down from his podium to poke Fox meaningfully in the chest.

"I don't need any lip from you, either!" Bino snapped. "Besides, it's pathetic the way you jump every time someone looks at that puppy the wrong way."

King tensed as Fox pulled his lip up just barely, signalling quite clearly he was ready to hit Bino if the other dog kept making trouble. King held his breath, wondering if this would end in violence...again. It didn't happen a lot, but Bino didn't like King (and vice-versa), and it apparently rubbed him the wrong way seeing Fox treat King like a friend.

Or maybe he was just bossy. King wasn't certain.

"All right, break it up!" Fido, shoving through the gathered dogs, shoved his brother and Fox away from each other. He gave each of them a sharp look, causing both to shrink away. "I think we'll leave the movie night discussion until later, when cooler heads prevail?"

That pretty much killed the mood for the meeting, sending the dogs their own way, grumbling or chatting amongst themselves. King tried to sneak out, only for Fox to grab him by the collar as he tried to leave.

"Hey! You wanna be more careful?" King demanded. "I could've thought you were Bino and bitten your hand off."

Fox gave King a thoughtful stare before shaking his head. "I doubt it. You're not much for fighting. Got a big mouth on you, though."

"Yeah, laugh it up," King grumbled, stalking out the door, followed by the taller dog. "What're you bothering me for, anyway?"

King deliberately ignored the flash of hurt on his friend's face. He couldn't afford to get really attached, even if he'd made friends here. This wasn't permanent, and then no one would want anything to do with the human who'd kidnapped one of their own.

"I wanted company while I dropped by the Sandwich's to update Peanut," Fox replied easily. "Plus, I thought you might need a bodyguard."

"I can handle Bino," King snapped.

Fox shrugged, and this time King couldn't ignore that Fox looked a little wistful. "Well, suit yourself." He took a few steps away before King felt bad enough to shout, "hey!" and hurry after the other dog.

It wasn't like it'd be any worse for him if he spent a little more time with Fox.

"So what's wrong with Peanut?" King asked as he caught up.

"Nothing. He's just fussing over Tarot," Fox said. "She's got the 'psychic flu', apparently."

King mulled over that on the way to the Sandwich house. It sounded like the sort of thing that happened to Tarot, but knowing what he knew about her, King wondered why she wasn't taking pains to seclude herself. Something that could take her out of the running could kill a lesser being.

He had worked himself up to being seriously worried when they reached the Sandwich door, and the entire house shook with a violent, deafening sneeze.

King stared at the door, and Fox, one hand on the knob, froze.

"I want to go home," King whimpered.

Fox gave him a bright grin. "Don't worry," he said. "Peanut's been with her for the last couple of days and he hasn't gotten sick. Come on; she'll be glad to have some company."

King wasn't so certain about that. What with learning she was a nigh-omnipotent dragon and Pete's enemy (the warning that King was either a third party or an 'enemy player' made him nervous), and the lingering threat from Grape after King had accidentally hit on Tarot (and he still felt a little grossed out if he thought about that too hard), he doubted Tarot would be happy to see him.

Still, he trailed after Fox, wary, as the dog wound his way to the living room, where a thoroughly-miserable Tarot was wrapped in blankets. Piles of tissues overflowed the trash bin, and Grape, curled up on a bookshelf on the far side of the room, glowered down at her distastefully.

When Tarot saw them, however, her eyes widened comically. "King? If I'd known you were going to come over here I would have told you not - ah - ah - CHOO!"

The couch lifted from the floor, hitting the ground with a thump, and King, who'd never had very good reflexes, was struck with a spray of...

Ew.

Dripping, he glared at Tarot. "Thanks a lot."

"I'm sorry!" she exclaimed, wiping daintily at her nose. "This cold's interfering with my second sight. Not that it would matter, much, if it was supposed to happen."

King tried to glare harder, but it didn't seem to get through Tarot's embarrassed frown.

"Aw, don't worry, King," Fox said. He almost patted King's shoulder, but stopped before he could make actual contact. He gave King an embarrassed smile. "We'll just get you washed up and you'll be as good as new."

Fox was a filthy liar, King thought angrily three days later. His head felt numb, his nose was full of gunk, and even thinking about moving hurt. One of the ferrets had thoughtfully told Jeeves to make sure Fox didn't starve to death, but he was still miserable when Tarot arrived, Peanut in tow.

She didn't look nearly as apologetic as she ought to, King thought angrily.

"I'm sorry," she said as soon as she stepped inside. "There was a reason I was staying home."

"I notice your boyfriend's still fine," King growled.

"Ah..." Tarot glanced at the ground. "Peanut? Would you mind waiting outside?"

Peanut gave Tarot a curious look, but slipped out of King's room without comment.

"Well?" King demanded.

"It's a bug that only affects supernatural creatures," Tarot said hurriedly. "Sorcerers, psychics, and shapeshifters."

"Shapeshifters?" King asked. "I'm not any of th - a - CHOO!" Everything hurt for a single, agonizing moment. He glanced down at the Pomeranian, wondering why she seemed so small. "Did you shrink?"

Tarot shook her head mutely. "I didn't levitate or anything, did I" he asked.

Another shake of her head.

"Then...did it get colder?"

"I think...you just lost some of your...coat," Tarot said finally.

Joel looked down, and down, and...covered himself with a desperate squeak. He was naked! He was freezing! He was human!

"I'm back!" Joel cried, lunging to pick up Tarot and clutching her to his chest. "Thank you thank you thank you!"

"Um, Joel," Tarot said warily, "I think there are one or two things I ought to tell you-"

"No! Don't tell me anything! Everyone who tells me anything makes things w - a - a - CHOO!"

Tarot fell to the ground when King, no longer tall enough to hold her off the ground, let go of her. He stared at his paws for an interminable moment before throwing back his head and screaming in frustration.

This, unfortunately, set him off in a series of six sneezes, and, King discovered sadly, six additional transformations.

When it was finished, King fell back on the floor, groaning. "There is no God," he muttered.

"Actually-"

"Shut up, Tarot," King muttered.

The door swung open, admitting Peanut. "Are you done talking?" he asked. "Only King sounds like he needs a tissue."

"King will be fine in a few days," Tarot said.

"And until then?" King demanded from his pained, spread-eagle stance. "Getting turned inside-out every time I sneeze?"

"Aww, it's not that bad," Peanut said cheerily. "Everyone feels terrible when they're sick."

King shot Peanut a sharp look, but Peanut was oblivious to his glare. Of course, Peanut had no idea what it was like going from dog to human in a split second, so he probably lacked the empathy necessary to work up any sympathy.

King would be more forgiving if he didn't feel like he'd been shoved through a meat grinder.

"Yeah, well, leave me to my misery. And take your plague-spewing girlfriend with you!"

As Tarot dragged a snarling Peanut out of the room, King could hear her explaining that it wasn't King's fault his chakras were out of alignment.

Now aware of the further complications of his illness, King resolved to spend the rest of the week in solitary misery. Any joy he might have had in being human again was overshadowed by the fact that he never spent more than thirty seconds in that shape and the fact that he had absolutely no control over when he changed back.

And he couldn't even welcome visitors because there was a more-than-good chance that he would sneeze and let his...condition slip.

Regardless, King was touched by the number of pets he had to turn away with the excuse that he was absolutely, hideously contagious with some sort of Martian death flu (a story he had to revise once the wolf cubs tried to break in so they would sneeze radioactive snot). Sasha, he should have expected, but the K-9 officers making token appearances threw him for a loop, as did Joey.

The biggest surprise, however, was when Pete, in his stupid Scottish form, appeared in King's room, giving the Corgi a smirk.

"Sick?" he asked nastily. "That's terrible."

"I thought you were supposed to leave me alone," King muttered.

"You ought to know better than that," Pete said, patting King's head. King was too tired to avoid the touch, but not too tired to growl at Pete. "You're still a player, and there's nothing quite so appealing for a pawn as someone so beaten-down they can't say no."

King snarled, and made a snap at Pete's hand.

The griffin laughed at King's attempt. "You've got a terrible attitude," he said. "Do you know what I think you need? A little fresh air."

King opened his mouth to protest, but he was already outside in the main park, near a large gathering of dogs jogging in circles, stretching, and generally making nuisances of themselves. A large sign hung over the group, reading "Dog Games". King stared at the sign with a sinking feeling in his stomach. Of course Pete would send him along to the Dog Games, because nothing promised more humiliation than King's imminent exposure as a human and a PETA worker in front of the neighborhood's entire canine population.

Well, most of it, King amended. He didn't see Miles or Lucretia among the crowd.

"Hey!" King jerked back at Fox's shout. A moment later, the taller dog grabbed King around the shoulders. "I didn't know you were feeling better."

"I'm not," King sniffled. Or tried to. Pete had obviously put another whammy on him, because what came out of his mouth was, "I wanted to see the games."

"Doesn't seem like your thing," Fox said. "But hey, if you're up for it, I need a partner for the seven-legged race."

"The what?"

Ten minutes later, King's front left paw tied to Fox's right, King was doubting the wisdom of not trying harder to fight Fox's invitation. He looked at the competition dubiously; he was by far the shortest dog in the competition, which meant even if he didn't trip over Fox's feet, his chances of winning were all but nil.

But Fox looked really excited, and as much as King wanted to lie down again, he couldn't bring himself to disappoint Fox. So he tensed when Bino cried out, "Ready?"

When Bino shouted "Go", it turned out King wasn't ready, as Fox's first lunge dragged the smaller dog behind him along the ground. King coughed and choked a few times as dirt got up his nose, but then some instinct kicked in and King got his feet under him. He had to run twice as fast as Fox to keep on his feet, but he was having fun! King turned to Fox to comment, but then the dirt up his nose caught up to him, and King sneezed.

It seemed like everything froze for a single panicked moment, and then someone shouted, "Hey! No fair using a human to go faster!"

Joel tried to dart away, only to be brought up short by the bandanna tying his wrist to Fox's front leg. Luckily, everyone else was too stunned to stop Joel before he could untie himself and bolt from the collection of dogs. He made it back to the ferrets' without anyone seeing him or any sign of canine pursuit, for which Joel was grateful. He didn't know what he could do if Fox decided to get together an angry mob. Give up, probably. He deserved it, anyway.

Joel slipped into his room (was it still his if he wasn't a dog, he wondered), and curled up on his bed, sniffling, and waiting for the next painful transformation.

*

"Well?" Bino demanded. "Aren't you going after him?"

Fox glanced at Bino, wide-eyed, looking more than a little ruffled; he'd gotten dragged along the ground during the confused moment when King had...had his accident.

"I -- what?"

Bino rolled his eyes. "Aren't you going after King?"

There was an odd sort of silence settling around the two while Fox struggled for an answer. "...Why?"

"Because you always yell at people for making fun of him," Bino said, exasperated. "I just assumed this sort of thing fell in the same category. You can go nuzzle him and tell him he's a good dog and whatever other disgustingly heartwarming stuff you two get up to."

Fox stared at Bino, still feeling off-balance. "But you saw...he's...that's not King."

"Of course it is," Tarot interjected, causing Fox to whirl, startled, towards her. "Well. It's more accurate to say King's Joel. Or they're both each other."

"Whatever," Fox declared sharply. "He's still that jerk who kidnapped me!"

"So?" Bino demanded.

Fox stared. When nobody said anything, Bino sighed. "Can we please stop letting Fox's personal crisis hold up the games? We're already behind schedule with the seven-legged race because *someone* thought halfway through an event was the best time to disqualify his partner by not being a canine."

*

King (having lost count of how many sneezes going back inside had forced him to change shape again), looked warily at the door when someone knocked on it.

"It's open," he called, because he figured it was either the ferrets trying to kick him out, which he deserved because he wasn't actually a dog, or Fox come to beat him up, and he was too tired to argue with that. Plus, he knew he deserved it, even a little.

Fox pushed the door open, looking a little nervous. Which was ridiculous, because King was the one who was in danger of getting a beating here.

"Where's everyone else?" King asked.

Fox shrugged. "Starting the scavenger hunt, probably."

"You didn't want an audience?"

Fox gave King a quick glance before shaking his head. "Not really. I don't even know what I'm here to say."

"Get away from me, you lousy murderer?" King tried.

"No..." Fox edged closer to the bed, staring at King. "I...know you never really expected for me to get hurt. But that's not..." He trailed off, obviously at a loss for words again.

"Are you planning to beat me up?" King asked at last. "Because that'd be a lot less confusing."

"No!" Fox insisted. "You're my-" He broke off, turning his gaze to the floor. "Or at least, I thought..." He grabbed his head. "This is so frustrating! Why do you have to be King and that jerk? Why can't you just be my best friend again?" He threw himself on the carpet next to the dog bed, growling.

"It's not like I'm thrilled by this either," King retorted. "Besides, I wanted to avoid getting involved with all of you, anyway. I wish..." He trailed off, unwilling to say he wished he'd never become friends with Fox. It was stupid, untrue, and more than likely to attract Pete's attention.

"So why'd you do it?" Fox asked suddenly.

"What? The PETA thing?" King asked.

"No. Make friends," Fox said, pushing himself back to his feet. "You didn't want to, did you? I heard what everyone said about you and your dogs..."

"Because you were nice to me!" King snapped. "And Sasha needed a friend, and I couldn't hack it alone. So...I went along with you, and tried to have fun, and..." He let out a weak cough. "And here I am. Friendless again."

He nearly fell off the bed when Fox punched him in the shoulder.

"Idiot," Fox muttered. "I doubt Sasha even noticed what happened. And me...well, no one's got perfect judgment."

"Well, no one asked -- what?" King struggled off the bed, landing on the ground next to Fox. He gave the larger dog a pleading, hopeful smile.

"I'm not going to beat you up just because...of what happened in the past. And besides, you've still got my squeaky bone in here."

King continued to stare at Fox for a silent minute before he lunged at him, grabbed him around the middle, and licked his cheek.

He held on for a few more seconds before it struck him that he'd essentially kissed the dog and King let go, flushing.

"Stupid instincts just got away from me," he muttered.

"Aw, the feeling's mutual, little buddy," Fox said kindly, scratching one of King's ears.

"Shaddup."

*

"She did this on purp-wa - CHOO!" The air briefly grew hot, and the Kitsune waved one of its tails to fan itself.

"I seriously doubt it. She did quarantine herself away from the astral plane," Kitsune said.

"Yeah, and how did I end up getting it then?" Pete demanded. He sneezed again, briefly turning inside-out before he righted himself. "If she's so innocent?"

"You are the one who went down there specifically to pester King," Kitsune said gently. "You really only have yourself to blame if you caught a bug from him."

"You're not sympathetic in the least," Pete growled.

"Of course not, but then again, I took precautiouns," Kitsune said, smiling from behind his face mask. "I'll see you at the game next week."

"Don't you dare leave me al-ACHOO!" Peter squeaked as his beak went flying off of his face. "And help me get my nose back!"

"Sorry!" Kitsune replied. "So much to do!"

"I hate you all!" Pete howled.

*

Bino stared at the brand-new squeaky bone suspiciously. He glanced left, and then right, and when no one seemed ready to pounce on him to steal it, he picked it up.

There was a note taped to it. He flipped it open. 'Thanks for not being a complete jerk.
-King'

Bino snorted, and threw the note away. "Yeah, thanks," he muttered sarcastically. But he put the bone in his mouth and squeaked it a few times before going back inside.

~~~

Thanks for reading!

Appendingdoom

[Private Elliot]

huh...
(Does not have a thing to say about this yet.)

[ChewyChewy]

Wow.

You really have a feel for the characters, and the type of humor in the comic! Yours is the first fanfic I've ever read (I haven't written one myself) of how King confesses to Fox, but now I don't think I'm going to write one at all! (That's a compliment, by the way.)

[Teh Brawler]

DOH GOSH HOW GOOD IS THIS

Seriously, man, good stuff.

[valerio]

owowowowowWOOOW!
This is SO good on SO many levels! At last! Someone who DARED to touch the subject of Joel's disclosure and do it CLASSY!
Welcome to the forum and keep giving us good stuff, man!

[ctcmjh]

This is among the greatest 1st posts I've seen someone do.

It's also among the best HP fanfics I've read!
Great job! And I agree valerio, Teh Brawler, and ChewyChewy 100%!

[Tiggy]

This was so awesome, great!: >

[Barkeron]

Wow. Awesome job your did with the fic. This fic deserves a A++ rating. You really kept all of the HP casts in character (often not easy to do) and you touched on King exposing himself for what he really is to Fox pretty well. In fact it was funny. Its interesting how this is going to play out on the comic, that is if King actually expose myself and/or confesses to Fox that he's the guy who kidnapped him.

[appending_doom]

Wow; thanks for the positive reviews. I'm glad all of y'all liked reading this. That's the best part of writing.

[Medli]

Thats one of the best fanfics ever <3
Will you write another one?

[Private Elliot]

Now that i think about it, this isnt really that bad of a fanfic, but um... you might want to go to the "HI MAH NAME IS" thread. talk to some people there. Or me, cause after a few days... look at my posts.

[appending_doom]

Private Elliot, would you mind clarifying what you're trying to say? Only I'm not inclined to dig through 62 pages of "Hi my name is..." to figure out what your comment means.

I'm not opposed to criticism; I'd just sort of like to know what it is.

(And FYI, this is not meant to sound sarcastic; I just get all sincere when I'm trying to get down to understand what people are saying when they're being oblique).

[Private Elliot]

Private Elliot, would you mind clarifying what you're trying to say? Only I'm not inclined to dig through 62 pages of "Hi my name is..." to figure out what your comment means.

I'm not opposed to criticism; I'd just sort of like to know what it is.

(And FYI, this is not meant to sound sarcastic; I just get all sincere when I'm trying to get down to understand what people are saying when they're being oblique).

No, i mean just post "Hi" or something in there, you dont have to read the whole thing. I just figured that Fox would act, i dont know a little more surprised that his pretty much best friend is the same person that dognapped him.

[appending_doom]

No, i mean just post "Hi" or something in there, you dont have to read the whole thing. I just figured that Fox would act, i dont know a little more surprised that his pretty much best friend is the same person that dognapped him.

I do see how his reaction could come across as a little blase, or mellow, but it is important to note that the majority of this is from King's point of view, and as a result, a lot of his internal shock won't be visible. And, of course, Bino tried to head off the outer drama rather than have another big even derailed.

Of course, it's also part denial. You'll note they both sort of danced around the subject, because while they can all sort of get behind Tarot being "psychic", it's hard to wrap your head around having to acknowledge that King used to be a different species.

Bleh. I guess what I'm trying to indicate is that this story specifically addresses Fox's conflicting feelings about the revelation. The shock, surprise part, takes place off-screen, in part because having to incorporate both the betrayal part of the revelation and the "magic is real" part is difficult, and has the risk of coming across as weirdly funny, even if it's supposed to be serious.

[valerio]

Bleh. I guess what I'm trying to indicate is that this story specifically addresses Fox's conflicting feelings about the revelation. The shock, surprise part, takes place off-screen, in part because having to incorporate both the betrayal part of the revelation and the "magic is real" part is difficult, and has the risk of coming across as weirdly funny, even if it's supposed to be serious.

I hope you have the time to write those off-scene sequences, you awesome and we want more

[appending_doom]

Hey. Because of prodding and the fact that it's been pointed out that the story was sort of incomplete, I wrote up a Fox-centric addition to the original story.

Also, something silly and pointless.

~~~

Fox stared after Bino as he directed the rest of the dogs back to their races. Bino, he thought viciously, had it easy. He'd never liked King to begin with, so of course he didn't care if King turned out-

Fox's thoughts skittered off of the actual words, so for a moment all he felt was the confusion and anger that his shock at seeing King...like that...had prevented him. He bared his teeth at nothing in particular and growled. King -- that guy -- whatever he thought he was -- had tried to drag Fox away from everything he loved. He'd nearly gotten him killed! And he was--

Fox sat down abruptly. It seemed impossible to reconcile the human who'd kidnapped him and the shy, strangely sweet dog Fox had taken to hanging out with. If he hadn't seen it, he wouldn't believe it, even if it weren't impossible. He couldn't imagine King ever acting like that.

Except that was a lie, wasn't it? You could explain King's nerves with the same bitterness that human had towards animals.

But all that required Fox to admit that it was possible for King to actually be a human. Or that he used to be a human. Or something else equally impossible.

Which he had to, right? Maybe he could just...pretend he'd never seen anything. He bet no one would bother him if Fox just acted as if nothing had changed. It was impossible, so maybe they'd all just pretend the same thing, and nothing would have to change.

Fox snorted. That was even more impossible. If he tried to ignore what he knew about King, it'd destroy them. Because King obviously felt anxious, or guilty, or something, and it was eating him up, and Fox...Fox was still angry.

FOx still wasn't certain whether he could believe what he'd seen. So maybe he could focus on the essence, forget the shape-changing and just think about what King had done.

King had hurt him. Long before King knew him, King had nearly gotten Fox killed. That...hurt, but at least it was only a sharp pain in his chest, and not in his head. It didn't make sense, but in the ordinary, everyday sense, and not in the sense that it violated all laws of nature.

And then after that, King had befriended Fox.

Wait. Not true. Fox had befriended King, and King had...gone along. That was the sticking point, Fox supposed, letting himself fall back onto the ground. Why? Why had King stuck around with Fox?

Fox discounted some elaborate plot almost immediately; PETA was rarely that subtle, and it seemed a little intricate the little reward of kidnapped one dog.

But that left, what? Pity? Being too lazy to just tell Fox to buzz off? King just wanting company?

Fox grabbed his head in his hands, growling. He was going around in circles, and that wasn't going to get him anywhere.

He had a sinking feeling that he wasn't going to get any answers until he talked to King, which he wasn't certain he could do without decking him.

But maybe that was they key. The first step, saying hi to King without hitting him.

Fox pushed himself off of the ground and walked purposefully away from the Dog Games, now determined to see this through. He didn't have to deal with the impossibility of the whole thing -- he had to deal with the part that mattered, and that was whether he still had a friend this time tomorrow. The rest could wait.

~~~

And a silly little omake (it's the best word I have for this, so you're stuck with gratuitous Japanese, sorry). Because even though it leads to a happy ending, that depressed me.

~~~

"So, what is it? Are you a were-human?"

King scowled at Joey. "You keep using that word. What's a were-human?"

Joey bounced up and down on his feet. "It's a pet cursed to transform into a human being every 15th of the month at 2 in the afternoon, twisted to hate animals and want nothing more than to ruin the lives of those closest to him!"

King scoffed. "That's ridiculous."

"So what is it?" Max asked, poking King's shoulder. "Genetic experiment gone awry?"

"Man-animal hybrid?" Bino asked lazily from the corner of the room.

"You're an alien!" Simon declared triumphantly.

"Gypsy curse?" Sasha asked.

King's head perked up. "Yeah. Let's go with that." He doubted anyone was going to guess 'turned into a dog through the piques of an evil giant griffon', anyway.

"Really?" King yelped as Miles' and Lucretia's cubs tackled him. "You know where we can find a gypsy?"

"What? No!" King protested.

"Just as well," Fox said sagely. "Miles'd kill you if you got his cubs turned into humans."

"He'd be no match for my mighty were-human powers," King said mock-seriously.

"Hey! You said no to were-human!" Joey shouted. "No fair taking it back!"

"All right!" King replied. "Besides, from what I've heard about Miles, a were-human wouldn't be much chance against him anyway."

"Smart boy," Fox murmured, scratching one of King's ears, earning him a grin from the smaller dog.

[ChewyChewy]

I liked Fox's thoughts, although it was too short--nothing actually HAPPENED.

I didn't like the omake, or whatever it was.

[valerio]

this is really a good integration of your story. Thanks for giving it to us.

[Barkeron]

Great addition to the story. I liked Fox's thoughts on the whole thing, even though it was short. (That gives me a idea on a fic) The omake was silly. That's all I gotta say on that one.

[appending_doom]

I'm glad people enjoyed the actual story.

Given that omake are silly and self-indulgent, I know it's not for everyone. So no hard feelings.

[Karl]

I must say that I really enjoyed reading your fic. Especially that it has a nice sense of humour. And it's light in reading.

But what really made me laugh while reading was this sentence:

"Hey! No fair using a human to go faster!"