You get drowned in an infinite number of pennies, generated from sales.

I insert a can of orange soda

You receive coins half the worth of a soda

I insert a some industrial grade diamonds inside.

You get nothing in return while I go and sell the diamonds for a fortune.

I insert a quater into a new, solid gold, diamond studded, mother of pearl finished vending machine.

(Industrial grade diamonds aren't as expensive as those used for jewelry, they're the ones used for knife tips, etc.)

The vending machine turns into a normal vending machine, since it only accepts precious stones. You get a can of soda.

I insert another quarter into the now ordinary machine.

Nothing happens, soda costs 50c now.

I insert one more quarter

*thug* soda get's stuck inside the machine.

I insert two quarters.

*Thug* The soda gets backed up against the other soda.

I insert a screwdriver.

The machine gets jammed even more.

I insert a blow torch.

You get a couple of badly burnt electronics.

I insert a can of soda!

The machine is now so backed up that it explodes.

I don't insert anything since there's now nothign to stick it into.

Random fluctuations caused a new vending machine to appear from non-existence.

I insert a 10 dollar bill.

You get a packet of chips to go with your soda.

I insert a Meat Loaf album.

You get a can of meatloaf.

I insert an empty can of beans.

You get the empty can.

I insert Eureka.

You get Archimedes streaking around your house.

I insert an ancient Greek.

You get Zeus.

I insert Warehouse 13.

You get a bill for building its replacement, warehouse 14.

I insert a credit card.

You receive a bill with fines 10 times larger than the account.

I insert paper shredder.

I shred the bill.

I insert some negative space.

You get negativity.

I insert Doctor Who (Matt Smith version).

You get a regression to the much better David Tennant version.

I insert a pewter jug.

You get it back filled with molten chocolate. (hot handles)

I insert a flatscreen TV.

You get a little HD screen displayed out on front of the vending machine showing what you get.

I insert Doctor Who (David Tennant version).

You get pure awesoemness.

I insert Jack Black

You get a blackjack!

I insert a two joker cards.

You get a court summons for cheating.

I insert a judges' wig.

You get a bottle filled with powder.

I insert an empty A5 sized notebook.

You get a pencil.

I insert a gavel.

You get the judge.

I insert Miles Edgeworth.

You get Ace Attorney.

I insert a radio-alarm clock.

You get the most annoying radio station ever. Of all time.

I insert a Blue Jay.

You receive a raccoon.

I insert a computer mouse.

You get a joystick.

I insert a *facepaw*

You yourself get facepawed!

I insert a tesla coil.

You get Nokola Tesla.

I insert an old watch.

You get a handful of cogs.

I insert a frog.

You get a toad.

I insert Duster.

You get a bunch of feathers tied to a stick.

I insert an anatomy textbook.

You get Biology.

I insert a university.

You get a degree.

I insert a mortarboard hat.