Housepets!

"Just walk up in the party and be like, where the chips and the white women at?"

"Are you a witty pick up line because please go out with me... "

'We need to get jobs - then we get the khakis, then we get the chicks'

"I have stopped listening, Why havent you stopped talkin'?"

Radio Blue Heart wrote:"Mirrors and mornings only serve to terrify old men."
-George A. Romero

* looking at his reflection in the mirror *
Mmmmm... I look good. I mean really good. Hey everyone... come and see how good I look.
- Ron Burgundy

"Angels can fly because they carry no burdens." - Eileen Elias Freeman

"We're two grown men in a car singing along to Nikki Minaj. There's something wrong with us." -A friend.

"You know what makes people different from animals? We're the only species on Earth that observes Shark Week. Sharks don't even observe Shark Week; but we do. For the same reason, I can pick up this pencil, tell you its name is Steve, and then go like this; [snaps it in half; gasps of horror] and part of you dies, just a little bit on the inside. Because people can connect with anything. We can sympathise with a pencil, we can forgive a shark, and we can give Ben Affleck an Academy Award for Screenwriting. People can find the good in just about anything except themselves. " -Jeff Winger, Community

"Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny." - Norm MacDonald

"We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists."-Bill Maher

"The trouble with quotes taken from the internet is that you never know if they're genuine." - Abraham Lincoln

"I love and treasure individuals as I meet them; I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to."

-George Carlin

"Wise men talk because they have something to say, fools because they have to say something."
- Plato

"A picture is a poem without words." - Horace

"Remember, upon the conduct of each depends the fate of all."
- Alexander the Great, or Macedon

"I'm not the kind of person who tries to be cool or trendy, I'm definitely an individual." - Leonardo DiCaprio

"Too crazy for Boy's Town. Too much of a boy for Crazy Town!"

"I'm awake now. And I am love"

"Bill...Strange things are afoot at the circle k."-Ted

"Safety. Obscurity. Just another freak in the freak kingdom."
-Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

"Impossible is a word weak people use to justify giving up." -The Courage Wolf

"There is nothing impossible to him who will try."
- Alexander the Great

"There's no rules in the love-war battlefield." -Kerry Shawcross

"I'm gonna have to be taking your car today. See I have some top secret clown business that supersedes any plans that you might have for this here vehicle."-Captain Spaulding

"A day without laughter is a day wasted" - Charlie Chaplin

"If you think you know enough
to know you know you've had enough.
And if you think you don't you probably will"
- Modest Mouse "March into the Sea"

"There is no great genius without some touch of madness."
-Seneca

"Mind is consciousness which has put on limitations. You are originally unlimited and perfect. Later you take on limitations and become the mind." - Ramana Maharshi

"Look! It's Rock and Roll!"
—Ace Frehley

"Set phasers to love me!"-Donald Glover

"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." - Antione de Saint Exupery

"How many peoples have dreamed of my end? You are no closer than the Babylonians with their swords and fire-sticks!"
-Apocalypse

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds"
-Albert Einstein

“Life is a gift of the immortal Gods, but living well is the gift of philosophy”.
- Seneca

“Fear is a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life.”
- Donald Miller (if I dont recall wrong)

"Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone, just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had."

"Those who write clearly have readers; those who write obscurely have commentators."

"Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose." -Samuel Johnson

"Reality is a lovely place, but I wouldn't want to live there."
- Adam Young

"We will never truly know if children are monsters, or monster are children."
-Henry James

"Kill everyone now, condone first degree murder, advocate cannibalism. Filth are my politics, filth is my life. Take whatever you like."-Divine