Joys And Sorrows

Saturn381 · Post by **Saturn381** » Sat Aug 01, 2015 4:41 pm

Congratulations, Hlaoroo and Serence!

I'm sorry to hear that Deske and Radio.

Invisan · Post by **Invisan** » Mon Aug 03, 2015 3:06 am

Congratz to Frostwood aka Serence and Roo

(Btw are those two the first couple or where there more in the history of HP Forums?)

Joy: I will go to gamescom a big event for new computer games on Thursday. Will be my first time there. Hope it will turn out great.
Plus i might see Daniel Bryan aka Brian Danielson one of the current WWE Wrestlers on the Booth of 2k when they present WWE2k16 hope i get the chance to take a picture with him.
Im not that into Wrestling as when i was younger but i still like watching it from time to time and Danielson is one of the current bests in the Business imho.

Sorrow: I have to drive approximately around 3 hours if not more due to it being vacation time and its supposed to get really hot outside which i dont like.

Joy: I have air condition in my new car so it wont bother me that much.

Sorrow: Currently we have loads to do at work since we are only 3 Supporters currently of our normal 10 which is even then not enough when everyone is here.

@Deske you are no failure. Nobody is. If you try you will never become one. It`s your family after all. They will understand and be happy as long as you dont decide to see yourself as the failure of the family and start behaving that way. But for what i see you try to do everthing in your power to be happy and do something worth your while. You didnt decide to live on the cost of your parents. You didnt decide that it would be easier to just be that child and stop doing everything in your power. No. You decided that you would like to go to the military. And THAT my friend is everything but not being that one child.

JeffCvt · Post by **JeffCvt** » Mon Aug 03, 2015 8:32 am

Invisan wrote:Congratz to Frostwood aka Serence and Roo (Btw are those two the first couple or where there more in the history of HP Forums?)

As a matter of fact, they are not.

There have been at least three more that I'm aware of where both parties were forum members, though two happened before I was a member. I won't go into details about who the couples were though because none of them are still together and it's not my place to go telling everyone.

Invisan · Post by **Invisan** » Mon Aug 03, 2015 9:42 am

No need to Jeff ^^ I was just curious ^^

Deske · Post by **Deske** » Mon Aug 03, 2015 6:21 pm

Sorrow: I need a new battery for my car
Sorrow: I don't have the money for it.
Joy: I only need a new battery for it. It's older than I am so I'm just glad that it's the battery that's messing up.

kurowolfe · Post by **kurowolfe** » Mon Aug 03, 2015 10:56 pm

Guys, I want to vent and ask for your opinions.

For the past 7 years, I've been trying and trying to finish this studies at the university in a course that I don't have a lot of interest in the beginning. I was misled, thinking that chemical engineering revolves around chemistry, when it in fact revolves around physics. For the first few years, I knew I don't like it, but I just continued on because everyone tells me how lucky I am being in this popular course, and that I will learn to love doing this eventually. They were wrong, I never loved it, even hated it. I wanted to be involved in the medical industry. As a pharmacist maybe.

My depression started pretty much because I was in denial. I hated doing this, but I am too obedient of my parents and authority figures to say otherwise. That and what happened to me in 2012. For the next 3 years, I kept failing the last few remaining subjects, mostly because I missed a few classes early on, and I just... didn't go anymore. I grew complacent, and I get nervous everytime I needed to go back.

Even this year, my insomnia pretty much destroyed my hopes of ever finishing this degree. I also realized I'm a stubborn person, wanting to do things in my own terms. I was traumatized of meeting authority figures and making friends. Afraid of being backstabbed again. Afraid to do something only to fail. I protected myself from stress, too much in fact. I want to end my life almost daily, I almost jumped down from the 3rd floor. But I know my death will only make everyone else suffer, I could never subject that to everyone that I still loved.

See, I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to live a lie anymore, I'm pretty much a pathological liar. It makes things easier at the moment. I don't want to let anyone talk me into trying again only to be disappointed when I fail. I'm 25, for God's sake. I still feel like I'm 15 mentally. I want to grow up.

I want to drop out and have a fresh start. I want to work for minimum wage for a couple of years, live on my own. Earned money and save them, for a degree studies in pharmacy. The one thing I want to do, and I honestly love. I know it's hard, but I'd rather do something I love than being forced to lick the feet of others. I want to experience mistakes, be scolded at when I didn't do well. I want to be human again, be happy. I was too shielded. I felt like a child, even now. My parents have been guiding me all through my life, I want to lead my own life. I'll return back their love. I'll take care of them in their old years, like any Asian child would. I just want to do it in my own way and terms.

I'm being selfish, I know that. My parents have done all they can to have me succeed. But I feel that I have enough of them controlling my life. Even now, I'm scared of making them sad, disappointed. I let guilt fill me and cement myself in this place, where trauma run rampant. They already were, they never explicitly told me. But I know that they're sad that I'm not normal. But, I really want to make them proud of me, in my own way. I don't want to die, but it's the only path that I could see apart from my plan in life. Not even the medications helped. They misunderstood, I need personal counselling, not medications.

... Even some people here that I've talked to in the past told me to just hang on, just a little more. I can't. I just can't.

Anyway, I'm proud of Deske, because he has that drive that I've lost so many years ago. With enough drive and motivation, you can do anything.

JeffCvt · Post by **JeffCvt** » Mon Aug 03, 2015 11:14 pm

Kuro, going and doing what's going to make YOU happy in life is what's going to be best.

If that means working minimum wage while you try to save enough to get a degree in something you actually like, then go for it. I have no personal drive to go and get a degree because nothing I want to do for a living requires it. Will I grow up making making six figures a year and get to live in a gated community in a million dollar house on the beach while retired at 40? Probably not. But I wouldn't be happy living that kind of life either.

I want to basically be a handyman/carpenter for the rest of my life. Work for myself driving around all day in a 10 year old truck, making an average wage for swinging a hammer. Or powerwashing a house. Or working overtime to change a broken washing machine between renters so the new ones can do their laundry.

It's not glamourous, but I enjoy doing it, and as the saying goes, "get a job that you love and you'll never work a day in your life." Don't let other people tell you what to do. DON'T be afraid of disappointing other people if it only drags you down. Go do what you want. You'll find people who'll support you, and you'll make it.

Deske · Post by **Deske** » Mon Aug 03, 2015 11:29 pm

If you hate it and think it may be a cause for your depression, I would not continue with it. There is no use in trying to hang on after being with it for 7 years and not liking it. If you want to start over and pursue something that you want to instead of something everyone else tells you you're lucky to have, then do it. It's your life, not someone else's, and you should do with it what you want to do. Nobody else has the right to tell you what you should do, or even try to tell you how it would be wrong to change to something else. Anything that causes excessive lack of sleep or depression is not something you should stick with.

Post by **Serence Frostbite** » Mon Aug 03, 2015 11:31 pm

Yes , Jeff is right .He said exactly what I wanna say . I know exactly how you're feeling Kuro , and please , don't do that to yourself anymore . Do what you feel will make you happy , not by making anyone you love happy , you need to make you happy . Find a job , save up , and eventually go to study what you love . Others will question you , some will even get angry at you (mostly your family) , but it will pass . Do what you desire . We'll all be here for you .

Post by **Hlaoroo** » Mon Aug 03, 2015 11:34 pm

I agree with Jeff.
Even if your family disapproves of your choice at first, I think leaving this course and going to somewhere you're happy and doing something that you're happy with is goign to be far better for you in the long run.
Whatever happens and whatever you choose, your family loves you. Never forget that. They will be proud of you if you can be happy doing what makes you happy. That's all they really want for you - for you to be happy and for you to be able to look after yourself.
I promise you that if you're happy then they won't be disappointed in you.
I think it's fine to want to do your own thing and branch out on your own. You're an adult. You can make your own life choices now and you have every right to do so. It's clear that you love your family and I'm sure they love you back. They won't like seeing you depressed and anxious and losing sleep.
So I really think you should take this step even though it's scary. Be honest with your family and your instructors like you've been with yourself and drop out of the course.
And we, all your friends here on the forums are here for you. We'll support you all the way and you can talk to us at any time.

Tue Aug 04, 2015 12:29 am

I agree with everyone here, do what makes you happy. Doing things you don't like because other people want you to is no way to live life.

however, If I were you, before just dropping out and restarting, I'd see if there's any degree plan in a field you're actually interested in that can use the courses you've already taken. It would save time if possible.

but if that isn't an option then yes, get a minimum wage job and save up to get the degree you actually want. and whatever you choose, I hope your depression gets better.

kurowolfe · Post by **kurowolfe** » Tue Aug 04, 2015 4:07 am

Thank you everyone. I always feel alone when it comes to these hard decisions, but I think I have the courage to break the news to my parents. Not today, I'm feverish from heart palpitations. But soon.

I never have a strong conviction in anything, mostly due to upbringing to always obey my superiors and instilled guilt whenever I fail to obey. This would be the first time in my adult life that I'm going against my parents' wishes right on. I'm scared yes, but at least I feel like it's possible for me to voice things out.

My dad at least said just now that if I fell through, he will accept it, though I could hear the bitterness in his voice. Not to mention he always bash me behind my back. Still, that man, and in fact every member of my family, have been abused, used and back-stabbed by those we trust; I can't say I can't empathize with them. I want him to be happy since his life is full of misery.

Seriously, thank you guys. Your support and encouragements mean a lot to me. I could think more clearly now

Invisan · Post by **Invisan** » Tue Aug 04, 2015 4:37 am

From what i know Obeying (dunno if obeying is the right word here though) your parents / elderly people in general is a big part of the asian culture isnt it? So its understandable that you somehow are afraid of what might happen if you stand up to your wishes and say what you want. None the less. Dont forget what your wishes are and try to behave that way too once you have kids so they dont need to be afraid of telling you what they want then.

Its not about what others want you to be. Its about what you want to become once and what will make you happy.

Sorrow: It`s to hot outside and therefore i have a headache >.<

kurowolfe · Post by **kurowolfe** » Tue Aug 04, 2015 6:51 am

I tried, and I failed. I tried to explain that I want out, but both my parents put words in my mouth before I could say anything. My dad wants me to get that degree anyway and sit through the exams, saying he'll pay for the tuition immediately. He wants me to meet the university administration and sort things out, when I dread meeting them. I couldn't say anything against him, especially after the freak accident last week. He lost the tip of his right pinky and is still suffering from dressing change and pain.

My mum was more understanding, she wants me to be happy, but she said it's better for me to bring back something after the 7 years of hardship. I couldn't say it outright, the words got stuck. She had been living on edge at work for the past few months, and she was pretty much emotionally drained and accepting of everything bad now. Last week she almost had a heart attack from the jitters.

I also realized that I haven't even submitted the registration form, forgetting that from the insomnia problem, so I basically am not registered anyway, and the window for it has long since passed.

I hate myself, I'll just hang on till the end of the semester, sit the exams if I even could, and go back empty-handed. That's the way they want me to go, then I'll just do that.

@Invisan: Stay in a cool area away from the sun (air-conditioned is best) and drink lots of fluid, preferably just water at room temperature (drinking cold stuff too much might cause your body to be cooler, but it counters the hot environment and may cause more stress to the body and head). I usually would massage my shoulders to help relax them and in turn my head. A cold shower might help, but again, the temperature difference might be too much. You could still try that

Invisan · Post by **Invisan** » Tue Aug 04, 2015 7:11 am

@kuro thats bad :/ But at least you tried. You can still wait a bit longer though and try to explain it again.

For the weather stuff. Well i cant really change the place i work though ^^ And i have to stay for 3 more hours. As for drinking and stuff already doing that. Im kinda used to it.

dryideabat · Post by **dryideabat** » Tue Aug 04, 2015 5:47 pm

Joy: got through my talk at the Mesoscale Processes Conference the other day and received valuable feedback. I can finally add a notch to my belt and enjoy everyone else's presentations for the rest of the conference.

Super Joy: I finally got to experience quarter-sized hail from a decaying supercell earlier this afternoon at Boston. At one point, it even dropped a rotating wall cloud (though I didn't see it from my position). So apropos.

Sorrow: I didn't bring my camera!

Post by **Hlaoroo** » Tue Aug 04, 2015 5:57 pm

Sorry to hear things didn't go to plan, Kuro. Don't give up though. It's your decision what to do with your life, not your parents'. Try talking to them again in a little while. Maybe try writing everything down, or showing them the post that you wrote to us in this thread. If it's in writing and they read it then they can't put words in your mouth.
You can do it. They'll understand eventually. Best of luck!

Tue Aug 04, 2015 11:41 pm

best of luck sorting out this situation, Kuro. Bottom line, it'll probably be best in the long run for everyone if you do what makes you happy. If that means taking a year or two off to get money to pay your way through a degree you want, then your parents should support your decision. even if they don't, you have to do it anyway. I'm sure they'd rather have you working minimum wage than have you dead or insane from stress

Radio Blue Heart · Post by **Radio Blue Heart** » Thu Aug 06, 2015 12:11 pm

Joy: I had a job interview today and it went very well I think. I hope I get it and that I don't jinx is by posting about it. If it works out it will mean $650 a week.

Wish me luck.

GameCobra · Post by **GameCobra** » Thu Aug 06, 2015 2:15 pm

Sorry for not posting here much, but I had a exhausting two weeks.

Big Joy: cousin from Alberta came and visited. He hung out with me and my brother and went to see some old memories and played Monopoly, games and some NES/SNES games. He shocked the heck out of me the first time he arrived since... well, i talk regularly with him and he wasn't on Skype for days... wonnnnnder whyyyyy...

more to talk about later, but I'm hoping everyone else here is having a swell time in their lives as well.

@kuro - it's always tough, but the bottom line is to do what you feel is best. tough decisions is a part of life. I'm sure you'll do the right thing

Invisan · Post by **Invisan** » Thu Aug 06, 2015 5:34 pm

Joy: went to gamescom (a german fair where every publisher presents his New games like E3) it was quite good.
Sorrow: my feet hurt.
Joy: got some free stuff like a Fallout 4 T-Shirt.
Sorrow: had to stand in line almost two hours for that short. It was hot outside (36°C) and i was standing directly in the sun without suncream or stuff.
More Sorrow: Might have a sunburn now.
Joy: Shirt looks good. Was worth it.

Deske · Post by **Deske** » Thu Aug 06, 2015 10:22 pm

Sorrow: My A/C is broken and it's like 80F in my house. Please give me ice cubes.

kurowolfe · Post by **kurowolfe** » Thu Aug 06, 2015 10:34 pm

*pours ice cube all over Deske* Better?

I think I feel better about my situation overall. The sudden rush of anxiety still occurs every now and then, but I think I've calmed down. Phew.

And here's a four-leafed clover for you Radio. :3

Small joy: I've opened up a commish shop, though I doubt anyone would want any art of mine. At least it's there xD

Saturn381 · Post by **Saturn381** » Thu Aug 06, 2015 10:46 pm

It's great that you're feeling better Kuro.

Douglas Collier · Post by **Douglas Collier** » Thu Aug 06, 2015 11:23 pm

Where is this commission shop, Kuro?

kurowolfe · Post by **kurowolfe** » Fri Aug 07, 2015 12:14 am

Er, that would be advertising, and I'm pretty sure it's against forum policy to self advertise for profit. Sorry -w-

Fri Aug 07, 2015 1:38 am

kurowolfe wrote:Er, that would be advertising, and I'm pretty sure it's against forum policy to self advertise for profit. Sorry -w-

you would be correct. but congrats on that. Someone's going to commission you I'm sure. as long as you get the word out.

Post by **Hlaoroo** » Fri Aug 07, 2015 7:25 am

Sorrow: I've caught the flu-like bug that's going around. #Notfun.

Post by **Serence Frostbite** » Fri Aug 07, 2015 7:36 am

I'm sorry to hear that Hlaoroo , please try to rest , go to the doctor , stay hydrated . I wish you the best for your recovery
Sorrow : 2 of my friends is suffering right now , and.......I can't and don't know how to help

.

GameCobra · Post by **GameCobra** » Fri Aug 07, 2015 7:52 am

Anythign we can do to help?

Joy: Got Windows 10 today. it's awesome so far. loving it. A few driver updates and it's working beautifully. <3

Saturn381 · Post by **Saturn381** » Fri Aug 07, 2015 11:57 am

I;m sorry to hear that, Serence.

Deske · Post by **Deske** » Fri Aug 07, 2015 7:14 pm

Joy: A/C gets fixed tomorrow.
Joy: Using this window unit for now.
Not a Sorrow: Can't figure out if I want it in the window next to my computer or the one above my bed.

Macsen · Post by **Macsen** » Sat Aug 08, 2015 5:47 am

Hlaoroo wrote:Sorrow: I've caught the flu-like bug that's going around. #Notfun.

Are you sure it's the flu? I've gotten sick the past couple winters, and it's turned out to be a normal bacterial infection each time.

Deske wrote:Joy: A/C gets fixed tomorrow.
Joy: Using this window unit for now.
Not a Sorrow: Can't figure out if I want it in the window next to my computer or the one above my bed.

I don't care how securely affixed it is. I would not want an A/C window unit above my bed.

Post by **Hlaoroo** » Sat Aug 08, 2015 7:07 am

Note I said "flu-like". It's definitely not the actual flu. I've had my shots and I'd be a lot worse off if it was the flu.

Joy: I'm not vomiting any more!
Sorrow: I lost my voice this morning instead.
Joy: My voice is returning!

kurowolfe · Post by **kurowolfe** » Sat Aug 08, 2015 9:34 am

My mum's mantra when it comes to flu or flu-like sickness: drink lots of warm water, tuck yourself in bed, and rub some heating rub like Vicks on your chest, back and shoulders. It's one credo that I live with, and it has served me well so far :3

Deske · Post by **Deske** » Sun Aug 09, 2015 3:08 am

Kitch wrote:
Deske wrote:Joy: A/C gets fixed tomorrow.
Joy: Using this window unit for now.
Not a Sorrow: Can't figure out if I want it in the window next to my computer or the one above my bed.
I don't care how securely affixed it is. I would not want an A/C window unit above my bed.

It has more weight hanging out of the window than in so it braces itself on the window.

Also, A/C is fixed. House feels good.

RedFoxWizard · Post by **RedFoxWizard** » Sun Aug 09, 2015 3:20 am

Joy: Sometime last week or the week before I was at a family get-together for a wedding over in British Columbia. It was really fun, and I liked seeing all of the mountains and scenery again that I don't see often over here in Alberta. The host person's garden was like something out of a Disney movie.
Another joy: My two dogs, Emma the old yellow lab and Sasha the pup (forgot what species, but she's kind of like a yellow lab, but will be taller than Emma) seem to be the same as always since I was back: Happy and playful. Just got Sasha in either May or June this year when she was 3-4 months old, so she's really jumpy and happy about everything.

Radio Blue Heart · Post by **Radio Blue Heart** » Sun Aug 09, 2015 3:43 pm

Joy: I got a follow up interview tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Saturn381 · Post by **Saturn381** » Sun Aug 09, 2015 4:04 pm

Joy: just joined the Rangercrew forums.

Post by **Hlaoroo** » Sun Aug 09, 2015 6:35 pm

Radio Blue Heart wrote:Joy: I got a follow up interview tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Ooh. Best of luck, RBH! You can do it!