Sleet wrote:Hey, at least y'all aren't 22 when your parents are trying to control you.
Get used to it.
Moderator: ArcWolf
Sleet wrote:Hey, at least y'all aren't 22 when your parents are trying to control you.
I wish my dad could scream at me over something as silly as cartoons. He basically uses any low blow he can to pull out something completely unrelated and try to make me look like the bad guy.JeffCvt wrote:I can't even imagine what that would be like. Your parents want their 5 year old daughter back, while what my dad wanted me to do was "grow up and stop watching those stupid cartoons on TV." Whenever I couldn't figure something out, he would always go off about how I have to stop watching so much dumb TV that he always saw me watching. He didn't even take the time to realize that I stopped watching so many cartoons and only watched a few every now and then. And to be honest, I probably watched them because he was telling me not to. (Don't get me wrong, my Dad wants to support me in anything I do. Whether that be collage, the military, or even if I just wanted to mow grass or dig ditches for a living. Just as long as I'm making money and staying on a decent path in life)
Even if he's gotten a lot better I know how that can feel.
I'm not going to get used to the verbal/emotional abuse of the past almost eighteen years, and then end up marrying someone exactly like my father; someone who will try to fight me and degrade me every day for my entire life. I've been fighting it right from the very moment I realized that this is wrong and I don't intend to stop now. I'm not some whiny, overly-dramatic teenager who just wants someone to blame, and this certainly is not the first time that I've dealt with his anger management issues. But a whole tale of stories is my business and not a public display on the internet. The reason I'm so open about it now is because my freedom is close that I can taste it by this point. I understand that everyone fights with their parents, but there's a line between the parent/teenager dynamic and uncalled-for nonsense.Radio Blue Heart wrote:Sleet wrote:Hey, at least y'all aren't 22 when your parents are trying to control you.
Get used to it.
I've heard that before, and after a few days of being away from home, I get along with them for maybe two hours until my privacy is totally invaded and my intentions about anything and everything are questioned. Ever since I got my license I feel like I've been put on a leash. I've never given them a reason to not trust me but now I'm treated like a criminal half the time, every detail in my life interrogated out of me when I need to be planning my next big move with college or good will, instead of spending three hours backtracking when they'd have already known what's happening if they would have listened to me the first four times I told them. I don't hide anything but I guess that's not good enough for them. I really just feel like I have two leaches on my back half the time. I appreciate the clothes on my back and the food on my table, but would it kill them to just chill the heck out and trust me and stop patronizing me about everything? They raised me for 18 years and know who I am and how much I've accomplished as a young woman, so why is it that all of a sudden they try to make me take ten steps backwards?Seth wrote:I feel your pain Beagle. There comes a point where you just need to get away from the family and live on your own. If it's any consolation moving out actually made me enjoy spending time with my family and from what I've seen most people have better relationships with their parents after they move out. THey'll get alot more tolerable when you don't see them every day.
I'm 22, and my parents are the one leading my life, seeing that I'm terribly lost and insecure right now.Sleet wrote:Hey, at least y'all aren't 22 when your parents are trying to control you.
kuro, I think you summed it up the best, because that sounds exactly like a lot of the problems we've had. My best solution at this point to hurt as few people as possible (including myself) is to just get out as soon as I can.kurowolfe wrote:That sounds painful, Beagle, though like Jeff, I don't think I can imagine how it feels like. My mum has been a solid support through the good times and the bad, and still continues to be one now. He's also right about your parents being that way, maybe they just missed the little girl that they had raised before, and just can't come into terms that the little girl is now a fully-grown woman who's going to leave the nest anytime soon. I still think that somewhere deep inside they still love you, it's just that they don't know how to express that love in a way that isn't demeaning or hurtful, being insecure and guilty. I still support the idea of you leaving the home to start your own life, but given time, I'm pretty sure your parents will eventually understand and come into terms with the reality of their children being independent from them.I'm 22, and my parents are the one leading my life, seeing that I'm terribly lost and insecure right now.Sleet wrote:Hey, at least y'all aren't 22 when your parents are trying to control you.
Beagle wrote:I wish my dad could scream at me over something as silly as cartoons. He basically uses any low blow he can to pull out something completely unrelated and try to make me look like the bad guy.JeffCvt wrote:I can't even imagine what that would be like. Your parents want their 5 year old daughter back, while what my dad wanted me to do was "grow up and stop watching those stupid cartoons on TV." Whenever I couldn't figure something out, he would always go off about how I have to stop watching so much dumb TV that he always saw me watching. He didn't even take the time to realize that I stopped watching so many cartoons and only watched a few every now and then. And to be honest, I probably watched them because he was telling me not to. (Don't get me wrong, my Dad wants to support me in anything I do. Whether that be collage, the military, or even if I just wanted to mow grass or dig ditches for a living. Just as long as I'm making money and staying on a decent path in life)
Even if he's gotten a lot better I know how that can feel.I'm not going to get used to the verbal/emotional abuse of the past almost eighteen years, and then end up marrying someone exactly like my father; someone who will try to fight me and degrade me every day for my entire life. I've been fighting it right from the very moment I realized that this is wrong and I don't intend to stop now. I'm not some whiny, overly-dramatic teenager who just wants someone to blame, and this certainly is not the first time that I've dealt with his anger management issues. But a whole tale of stories is my business and not a public display on the internet. The reason I'm so open about it now is because my freedom is close that I can taste it by this point. I understand that everyone fights with their parents, but there's a line between the parent/teenager dynamic and uncalled-for nonsense.Radio Blue Heart wrote:Sleet wrote:Hey, at least y'all aren't 22 when your parents are trying to control you.
Get used to it.I've heard that before, and after a few days of being away from home, I get along with them for maybe two hours until my privacy is totally invaded and my intentions about anything and everything are questioned. Ever since I got my license I feel like I've been put on a leash. I've never given them a reason to not trust me but now I'm treated like a criminal half the time, every detail in my life interrogated out of me when I need to be planning my next big move with college or good will, instead of spending three hours backtracking when they'd have already known what's happening if they would have listened to me the first four times I told them. I don't hide anything but I guess that's not good enough for them. I really just feel like I have two leaches on my back half the time. I appreciate the clothes on my back and the food on my table, but would it kill them to just chill the heck out and trust me and stop patronizing me about everything? They raised me for 18 years and know who I am and how much I've accomplished as a young woman, so why is it that all of a sudden they try to make me take ten steps backwards?Seth wrote:I feel your pain Beagle. There comes a point where you just need to get away from the family and live on your own. If it's any consolation moving out actually made me enjoy spending time with my family and from what I've seen most people have better relationships with their parents after they move out. THey'll get alot more tolerable when you don't see them every day.
The reason I don't openly gush about anything good in my life anymore is because they somehow turn it into negativity and an argument. Like, "Oh my daughter got accepted into one of the best colleges in the country? Better yell at her to get a job and freak out over a simple meal plan instead of being happy for her!" or, "Oh, she's got everything figured out with how she's going to accomplish her goals? Better tell her she doesn't know what she's doing and that she's being foolish instead of believing in her!"
I am looking forward to being away from them. They won't have any control over me and if I don't want to tell them something, I certainly don't have to. If I fail, then it's my fault and they can't do anything about it. And if I succeed, it will be because I spread my own wings and flew on my own.
Beagle wrote:Who cares, I only have eight months left of living here: So for the past few weeks, my parents have done nothing but shriek at me and degrade me and call me names when I'm trying to get ready for my future beyond this place, and I'm just not dealing with their crap anymore. I either don't deal with them by never being home, or I stand up for myself instead of lying down and taking verbal abuse. My dad just came into my room and got in my face and screamed at me some new empty threat. I really can't tell you what it was about because I was thinking about planning my school's food drive to feed the hungry this Thanksgiving. Something about "one week to improve my attitude or I'll shut this off and cancel this" and blah blah, whatever.
In two weeks, once marching season is over, and now that my car insurance and phone bill have reached record lows ($100 a month for both combined), I plan on getting a job to 1) Not be home and 2) Become financially independent of their crap. I have until June to leave for the summer college and I'm gone. I just can't deal with this anymore. My parents (particularly my dad) don't even know who I am anymore, all they want is the compliant little five year old girl that they used to have.
Yes, I've known for a long time that he finds it funny to make me scream so loudly that I lose my voice. I've had chest pain after arguments before, and he just laughs. And since he's retired/unemployed, he sits at home all day and complains like the classic cranky old man that no one ever wants to be around. And he admits that too. The only difference is that I'm still legally a minor and he's still my dad. My mother never joins in on any torment he does to me; she's really just awkward and overbearing, but only because she's been married to a man who's called her a useless piece of crap for the past twenty years (with me as her only source of comfort). I never admit to hating anyone, but I hate him; for isolating me from the rest of my family, and for treating my mother the way he has. I could say I hate him for what he's done to me, but pushing me down all the time has only made me that much stronger, and he's helped show me everything I DON'T want in a significant other. And I hope that once I make something out of myself, he'll know that it was all an effort to get away from him. The only thing he ever did was give me what little money I've asked for to make it through my first 18 years like a half-way normal kid. I'm putting myself through college so he won't be the reason for that milestone either.Radio Blue Heart wrote: Parents can be pretty cruel sometimes, sweetheart. They get off on it.
I have been there. If your dad is anything like mine, he does it because it is an ego boost or he finds it mildly entertaining. I have not spoken to him in three years. I guess I would have to be around your parents to fully understand, but I can understand the pettiness of verbally abusing you over cartoons. My dad would hit me with a belt if he ever caught me watching reruns of "Ren & Stimpy". It sounds like he is just using any and every excuse to be mean to you and you do not have to take it. Once you are gone, all that hatefulness that they take out on you will turn in on themselves and they will be miserable.
Once your at college, be sparing with your pell grant money and go straight to the student employment office. They always have something available.
If you want to talk about this in more detail. Just PM me anytime you need someone to listen.
you goin down homesliceMcFly wrote:Joy: Finally started raining again. It's been really dry lately.
Another Joy: The Giants are going to the World Series.
Like this?McFly wrote:Come at us, broski.
What the crap, Sleet, you never told me you were dating anyone. I officially disown you as a friend.Sleet wrote:Sorrow: The person I was dating decided not to try to date me anymore.
Joy: I'm going to use this opportunity to put into practice all the breakup advice I give my friends!
I think i heard you mention it before. I hope things work out in your dating life, Sleet! /hugSleet wrote:We weren't a couple! And I thought I told you! D:
Aww, I'm really sorry to hear that! *holds you*Sleet wrote:Sorrow: The person I was dating decided not to try to date me anymore.
Joy: I'm going to use this opportunity to put into practice all the breakup advice I give my friends!
Nah, you need to bring the whole team.Seth wrote:Like this?McFly wrote:Come at us, broski.
joy: It's going to be a fun series to watch
I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure you'll find a compatible partner.Sleet wrote:Sorrow: The person I was dating decided not to try to date me anymore.
Joy: I'm going to use this opportunity to put into practice all the breakup advice I give my friends!
looks like you need to get some hush money and fast =PJeffCvt wrote:Sorrow:
I droped a cymbal in a parade that we just finished. DROPED A CYMBAL!!!
I don't know how I did that. I never have before, and if a spacific person who wasn't here tonight hears about it, I'll never hear the end of it.
MilesKingford wrote:Major Sorrow and Concern: I started reading a book recently, by a man I quoted in the relevent thread, that was about things you can not quite believe until they are right there in black and white. I will never be able to understand how anyone in this world can be capable of unimaginable cruelty, even some of the things we read about in history barely compare to this kind of truly sadistic homocidial mania.
You will be found and you will be loved. And with a little luck, it will teach you to love. both yourself and others.kurowolfe wrote:Sorrow: I'm lost, and I choose to stay lost. I hate myself, really hate it.
Oh, no you don't, get back here!kurowolfe wrote:Sorrow: I'm lost, and I choose to stay lost. I hate myself, really hate it.