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I kinda need help... 
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Joined: Fri Feb 20, 2015 9:26 pm
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Post I kinda need help...
I'm not even sure this is the right place to ask this, but i don't know who else to talk to.

So, I got back from my trip to visit family, only for things to fall apart at home...

My father seems to take it as a personal insult that I have a stable relationship with my step-father (or that I even acknowledge our relation really), and despise my brother. Despite the former being a nice guy, who I forgave for coming between my parents over a decade ago, and the latter being a narcissistic dirt bag who cost me my life's savings a few years back because I was trusting enough to split an apartment with him.

Given dad is still holding a grudge after 15 years, this isn't going to go away, and there is no way in hell I'm going to apologize for not changing my opinions of these people to conform to what someone else thinks... If I move back home near mom, I might be able to get a job in her store, but it's a gamble; I can leave, but it means maxing out the credit card that is currently my only financial lifeline, after I left work to take an engineering course that I'm currently failing...

What do I do?

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Sun Jan 24, 2016 2:39 pm
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Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2011 11:35 am
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Location: New Jersey, USA
Post Re: I kinda need help...
I'm sorry things are going bad for you right now. The best advice I can give is to stay away from people who are toxic to you, maybe see if your mom would be willing to help out, if you moved. Are you taking the class or classes at a physical college or online? If it's the former you could try the employment office, maybe you can find a job where you are now and not have to move. Also talk to the instructor, and see if you can get help with your class(tutoring, etc). Also, and forgive me if I am reading this wrong but, I guess you live with your father? Maybe you can talk to friends see if any of them are willing to let you stay with them for a while. Also I don't know if Canada offers this, but I know that in a lot of the states here in the U.S. there are training and job placement resources.

I hope things turn around for you, keep your head up I'll keep you in my thoughts. Aside from that all I can offer is a hug.
<hugs>

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Sun Jan 24, 2016 4:26 pm
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Post Re: I kinda need help...
Can't blame your dad for having such negative feelings about that kind of thing, but as you've said, one can forgive. Holding onto anger will only make things worse over time.

I'd also be wary of doing anything financially with your brother, from what you've told me. Has he said he'll pay it back? Even my own brother and I pay each other for loans. Which is why we're both hesitant to loan each other money.

I agree with trekkie on the employment and school issue. Check your school if they have a placement program, and tutoring is a great idea.

I hope for the best for you, Buster. Hopefully the situation will get better.

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Sun Jan 24, 2016 10:15 pm
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Post Re: I kinda need help...
Sad to hear about your father being that way. I can relate, but holding grudges if someone is treating you better just shouldn't be the way. I'd figure there must be something to jog him from holding such a grudge.

If it looks impossible, it sounds like all shots are gambles. the safe route sounds like the job with your mother. I'd take that route until you can at least do something, but i also think devoting to finishing the engineer course would make the long run better. Hope that helps.

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Sun Jan 24, 2016 11:16 pm
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Post Re: I kinda need help...
It's online, but at this point, I've been ready to write off the course as a lost cause since November. I've been stalling and not telling anyone that. It's a program dad kinda pushed me into; I didn't want to go back to school again until all of my debts were settled and I was living on my own again. Easier not to disappoint someone when you don't give them enough info to form opinions.

D-Rock Wrote:
I'd also be wary of doing anything financially with your brother, from what you've told me. Has he said he'll pay it back? Even my own brother and I pay each other for loans. Which is why we're both hesitant to loan each other money.

He hasn't said a thing. We haven't been on speaking terms for over a year. Maybe when he gets a clue, realizes what he did and apologizes, (genuinely, without being prompted or given hints by other family.) we'll be talking again, but I'm not holding out hope. Like I said, Narcissist.

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Mon Jan 25, 2016 9:02 am
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Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 1:32 am
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Post Re: I kinda need help...
Please don't let one person cause you to sour your relationship with someone else. If you and your stepfather get along, don't let your biological father get in the way of that. Love is not a zero-sum game.

Also, school is your lifeline. That's your shot at a better future. Please, try your absolute hardest to improve your grades. Ask your professor what you can do, if you have to.

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Mon Jan 25, 2016 6:06 pm
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