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Need help. (Not interested in emotion problems? Don't enter) 
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Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 7:44 pm
Posts: 41
Location: Puerto Montt, Chile, South America
Post Need help. (Not interested in emotion problems? Don't enter)
I repeat, ¿you don't want to help in stuff you don't care and want to keep happy? Please, click this link and leave immediately. Be happy. I understand.

First, I would like to excuse myself, I really don't have any other place to post this. Not in Facebook, there I have important friends & family members that I DO NOT want to know. Not in my RP server forum, they all laugh and say... well.. things, about everything that they don't care about or find "funny" some way or other. Not anywhere, I ran out of possibilities, and I just can't get over it all alone.

Said that, I'll explain.

Six or seven years ago, me and my family had to move on from Chaitén to Puerto Montt because a volcano forced us to. I was a kid then, everything but that kept normal. I was happy, I think.

Here, I had to go to a new school, obviously near to our temporal house. There, right there, my problems started.

I am very smart, everyone says, but when we come to social stuff I used to go blank. Reason, I never had true friends, maybe because of my unconscious decision that later would become conscious, maybe for other reason.

The thing is that I got bullied, psychologically. Every single day, non-stop, and I kept the secret until we moved on to our definitive house after a year or so, the one we have now.

That dragged me into a new school, same thing, muffins and cookies. There I spent 3 years, and during the second quarter of the 4th year things would change, they started punching me. The bruises would eventually betray me, so that dragged me to a new one. There, I went back to psychological bullying, a bit more mature I can say.

After those 5 intense years, I managed to end primary school with excellent grades I guess, though all the effort to focus on that with the constant... um... whatever, has been doing nothing but worsening my sanity.

Through this last year, I went to a psychologist of the school for about three times. The first time, depression, what else. The second time, there was "improvement", the last one, I was completely normal. You would ask, if she said you that, then, ¿what's the problem?

The problem is that there was absolutely no improvement on me, but in my way to camouflage it, thanks to my mother. She... merely knows anything about me NOW, though I had to reveal her what happened to me in the past years.

I would have been fine, I mean, I can socialize well now, though I'm a bit aggressive with some things, it's normal for me, I have that personality, I'm relatively happy... but I started to notice things on me, things that were out of normal response to that stress.

First and most important thing: Sometimes I can't control myself, I get controlled by my feelings and can't think in anything else but sadness, and minor things happen. For example, ¡take a look at my signature, I am not able to write that! And I felt really #@$% bad in New Year's.

Second: I can't avoid to listen anything else but sad-rhytmed music. Even when the lyrics have nothing to do. Examples, I love this song:
and this
and this

but I hate this one

Third: I can't take a joke pretty well we can say, I get immediately angry, at the point that if someone keeps molesting me I can knock him down.

Fourth: I always have a guilt feeling, don't know why, and when I think about what's happening to me, my mind acts by itself, it's like it's always saying me "you're lying, you're overreacting" and I can't get it out. ¡Even when it's true!

Fifth: Every time I leave my hand suspended in the air, it starts shaking.

Sixth: Every time I think about my condition, I get a reduced chill, don't know why either.

Ending this, I would like to know if any of you can help me out, I don't know, give me any answer of the "why" or some advice?

And if there's anything on the text that can't be correctly understood, please let me know.

Thanks... for those that DID read the whole text.

A doctor would tell me to cheer up, since I'm a bit depressive. ¿What do I think? I don't need that #&@%, I have been under heavy stress for 5 years, I'M SUPPOSED TO REACT LIKE THIS.

Mon Jan 05, 2015 6:07 pm
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Joined: Sun Aug 24, 2014 5:41 pm
Posts: 294
Location: Murica
Post Re: Need help. (Not interested in emotion problems? Don't en
I'm sorry if any of my advice doesn't help you, but I think you should know that you aren't alone. :P
I went through a VERY similar depression a while back. It was mostly due to stress and keeping my problems to myself. I still suffer a lot from my past train of thought, but recovery is certainly a future for you. It takes a lot of pain and struggling to go through something like this, but you have to remember what you are fighting for. I didn't want my outlooks to affect the people around me, or my future. (Which is the reason I keep all this sentimental crap to myself). I'm glad you are starting to become outward with what you are dealing with and that is a good sign that it is bound to stop. I don't know if I can exactly help you, but I can certainly bring support. I made a big recovery when I realized that my friends and family all supported me and they knew that I could fight through it. Don't just "get over it". You just have to remember that there are people like you who will support you. (Even if you don't know them)

Hope this helped ^-^

Every 5 months, the elusive Bucky will be spotted.
This endangered species might still be living to this day.

Mon Jan 05, 2015 11:34 pm
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