Pet Friendly FF-Fennectoids

[Zack_the_husky]

Episode 1: Sibling wars
Part 1


Icee chuckled, as she browsed her computer in her and Luke's room. She was currently making preparations for the next scheme, and, possibly her and Luke's biggest one ever, and, Luke was on the ground, watching what she was doing. "Heh. When we get our newest weapon of war ready, Ray won't know what hit him..."

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Packages. Empty packages, that had already been opened. Truely a sign that someone had already gotten the stuff they ordered. Ray himself hadn't ordered anything, and, their mom wasn't expecting her new dress for another month. So, that pretty much meant one thing. "The little brats are up to something..."

He went upstairs, and, went to the third door on the right. He knocked, then, after that he heard hushed whispers, and, stuff moving. Then, after about 15 seconds, Icee opened the door and glared at him.

"What do YOU want, Intruder?"

Ray glared right back at her. "I'm your brother, not an intruder, remember."

"That's a matter of opinion, to us...So, what are you doing here?"

"There's a bunch of packages downstairs, and, they've all been opened...What are you two planning?"

Icee chuckled. "Oh, DEAR sweet, Naive big brother of ours...Even if we WERE planning anything, why would we tell you? Besides, how do you know that the packages didn't just have regular stuff in them? Hmmmmmmm.....?"

Ray frowned. "I'll be watching you two..." Then, he began walking away.

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After Ray had left, Icee turned around and glared at Luke. "Why the heck didn't you dispose of the packages? You were SUPPOSED to get rid of them, Nimrod." Luke growled. "Why are you blaming ME? You're the one who-" "ENOUGH. It doesn't matter anymore." Then, Icee walked back over to her computer, and, smiled at the screen. "After all...When we finish building Soakageddon, NOTHING will stand in our way." She smirked. "NOTHING..."

END PART 1

[Rendak]

Ooh, mischievous, very mischievous. Therefore I like it

[Zack_the_husky]

Thanks, Rendak.

[Rendak]

Your very much welcome Zack!
Apparenlty Icee and Luke have done something before to Ray?

[Zack_the_husky]

Well, hey, siblings will be siblings, and, kits(Instead of kids) will be kits, right? XD

[Rendak]

Lawl, how pun-tastic, also punny

This is true, very very true. Although when tou have an mischievoues twin tag tram, this is,most likely worse for him, no?

[valerio]

The usual remark o'mine applies: These PF-related ficcies should include elements to help newbie readers to understand what's happening and in which context.
Sorry, this piece really needs more working

[Zack_the_husky]

Icee and Luke = Mischievious younger twins
Ray = Older brother
All three = Fennec foxes(Ergo, FENNECTOIDS.)

Also, it's the first part, what did you expect?

[ChewyChewy]

I gave more in the first parts of my Pet Friendly fanfics....

I doubt I'll be keeping up with this story, but that's more a personal thing than a criticism--this content doesn't happen to be my cup of tea.

[valerio]

Icee and Luke = Mischievious younger twins
Ray = Older brother
All three = Fennec foxes(Ergo, FENNECTOIDS.)

Also, it's the first part, what did you expect?

Please don't take it bad: I expected...to understand it better. A longer first part, with more details to the benefit of the prophanes.
I mean, if for example you started writing something like this:
Peanut woke up.
The first thing he noticed was...that this place wasn't his room!
And nothing else, a Housepets! fan will be hooked already, 'cause we know Peanut, we know he wouldn't leave his place nor he'd be abandoned.
But someone who never read HP before would just say 'uh?' and probably dismiss it because of lack of identificative elements. In this case
1) Which RPG scenario is this FF based on
2) aside from the names, we have only dialogue but nothing that inspires a sympathy for the characters
3) what's happening

All of this, Zack, is NOT intended to discourage you. I love PF ficcies, and I hope to see more details on the next update.

[Rendak]

That's some very good constructive criticism there Val *holds up sign that says applauze*