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The Diary of Homer 
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===============================================================================================
Part 4.2: G:

Entry 16:
Okay. We are actually doing this.

On our way up so far, we’ve passed by a bunch of poor dead saps, all frozen in whatever pose they died in. I guess they also bought into the whole story. A few of them were goats, though I didn’t know any of them. At least in making it this far I can already say I’m better than someone.

S has taken refuge in my hair on account of him being “cold-blooded.” You would think something that’s called “cold-blooded” would be happy here. But whatever, I’m letting it slide so long as he STOPS PEEKING OVER MY FREAKIN’ SHOULDER TO SEE WHAT I’M WRITING!... Thank you.

Oh, and L’s tongue got stuck on his dinner. Freakin’ hilarious.


Entry 17:
Why did I come along again? Oh right, because freezing my horns off is better than spending another day with the dumb masses below. They probably haven’t noticed I’m gone. Still, my hooves hurt and there’s pretty much no top to this thing.

But whatever, I’ve come too far to turn back now, so I might as well stick it out to the end... Even I’m a tad curious what’s at the top of this mountain... In fact, the purpose of this whole trek really got me thinking about what happens after we die. I mean, with how this is all shaping up, we are probably not coming back down alive. For much of my life... before Mena... I could’ve cared less if we just rot in the ground. But now I wonder. If not literally moving on to some higher place like L’s folks believe, maybe we survive through our actions; through the memories of others. Hence, those who make the biggest difference in this world, good or bad, truly never die. You know, the whole legacy bit again... I dunno, I guess I’m just writing out my tail right now. Blame the muffins and cookies cold.

Well, we’re held-up in a cave and are staying warm thanks to S. He sacrificed half of my food to start a fire. That little... Oh well, whatever.


Entry 18:
Great, I’m stuck with these two jerks, waiting for a full-fledged blizzard to pass. Our food’s all gone and I don’t like the look in L’s eyes. He’s been quietly staring at me, licking his lips... But let him try it. Friend or not, I won’t hesitate to skewer him. I swear I’ll do it...
I might not feel great afterwards, but I’ll do it.


Entry 19:
I don’t know what to make of all this, but apparently it’s a thing. Earlier, we woke up and noticed that the exit was blocked off. Instead, there was a freaky tunnel of terror open behind us. Blame fatigue, desperation, or just plain stupidity, but we decided to throw caution to the wind and hobble down it. I guess it’s another one of those things in life where you don’t waste time questioning it. You just kind of go for it and run.

Anyway, the tunnel led to a massive door with weird stuff written all over it. After pawing our way around like idiots, we accidentally stepped on a thingamabob that sunk into the ground. The door then opened and lit up the room in a creepy blinding light. I guess now I can’t say “I told you so” to L, though technically this wasn’t the top of the mountain by a long shot. Well, despite the feeling of utter dread, we pretty much said screw it and went in...

Now, I have no freakin’ idea where we are. Holy chestnuts, is everything bright and colorful... Even the water sparkles like a rainbow. There’s fruit everywhere and no sign of anyone else around to ruin it. It’s all so peaceful and perfect... too perfect. I can only imagine that either this is a hallucination brought about by the smoke from the fire, or we all died and this is some sort of afterlife. I do feel a bit livelier now for some reason.

...Then again, I am still very hungry. As sweet smelling the fruit is, I’m not sure I want to eat it. A glowing tree with blue, pink, and orange bumpy apples doesn’t quite add up in my book. Argh, what to do? Do I just go for it again, following the “third time’s the charm” rule? What to do?... Maybe this is hell; my personal hell... That would explain why L and S are here too.


Entry 20:
...I ate the fruit and more stuff happened. We all passed out and woke up back in the cave. At least now we know it was all a dream... Or was it? I didn’t write the last entry in my sleep, right? Also, we look and feel a bit different, certainly less crappy than before. L looks like he’s grown, with a mane and everything now. The cut over S’s eye is completely healed.

I might be tempted to believe that we actually became gods and all if this were the actual top. Again, I’m still holding on to the “I told you so,” until we actually get there... Could this be just a dream in a dream?... I don’t know, and I guess it doesn’t really matter. What choice do I have but to keep going along with it? The cave is open again and the blizzard’s gone.

Well, to leave my mark on this natural monument, I signed my name... with the clay I use to dye my hair and beard. That’s right, I’m not afraid to admit it’s not naturally orange... Shut up L.


Sat Oct 03, 2015 12:37 pm
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
Great job, dryideabat.

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Sat Oct 03, 2015 12:40 pm
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
Really nice job on this! I can't wait to read a lot more of this!

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Sat Oct 03, 2015 4:15 pm
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
OOOH. i thought he used a totally different method to leave his mark...
The Human Mind is quite attuned to assumptions...

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Sun Oct 04, 2015 8:37 pm
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
Do I even wanna know what you were thinking about?

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Mon Oct 05, 2015 12:13 am
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
Amazee Dayzee Wrote:
Do I even wanna know what you were thinking about?

don't ask questions you don't want the answer to...

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Fri Oct 09, 2015 3:36 am
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
You are making me want to know even more now! >.<

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Fri Oct 09, 2015 3:44 pm
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
Does G's hair became truly orange when he became a part of Homer?

In the first entry, the "my name is L" reminds me of a certain anime.

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Fri Oct 09, 2015 11:37 pm
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
You mean Death Note? I have heard a lot about it, but I have never actually watched it.

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Sat Oct 10, 2015 12:01 am
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
The-J-Man Wrote:
OOOH. i thought he used a totally different method to leave his mark...
The Human Mind is quite attuned to assumptions...


Yes, classic misdirection... That and I realized upon retrospect that using such a method might not work so well in super-cold temperatures...

kavviyenta Wrote:
Does G's hair became truly orange when he became a part of Homer?

In the first entry, the "my name is L" reminds me of a certain anime.

Let's just say the fruit they ate has a number of strange side effects; consequences that they have yet to truly notice/understand
The only anime I ever really watched was DB/DBZ.


===================================================================================================
Part 4.3: S.

Entry 16:
******* No sign of stone*****cold********************* drop half the charges in court***** spread the wealth below ***** rebuild it**** reopen it**** ascension of all hinges on choice of one ********


Entry 17:
What on earth did I write before? All I remember within the last 3 of hours is repeatedly hearing a strange melody in my head, though L and G deny hearing or humming anything. Well, I suppose that the mind does wander rather erratically when hypothermia starts shutting down the body. G is currently keeping me sufficiently warm in his hair as we continue our climb. I guess he does care... albeit he says that he’s charging me for rent. At this point, I am the eyes of the group; scouting the mountain above for the least hazardous route and warning when the next icy squall is inbound.

It has been an arduous task getting this far (how far in terms of altitude I no longer know). I still have not seen that strange glowing element anywhere... and am beginning to suspect that I never will. Even though I blacked out for some duration of time, L and G said that they didn’t pass by anything suspicious. Maybe the stone is extremely rare, if not one-of-a-kind, such that finding it is as probable as getting hit by a meteor, struck by lightning, and eaten by a shark... in succession... 100 meters underground.

...I can only assume this, given I cannot imagine that old lion ever climbing this far if not further... Then again, I’m ectothermic and I’ve endured temperatures well below freezing, granted with the help of friends. It is perhaps the power of belief that drove us; the adrenaline from some motivation or cause. I risked all for an inquiry that may revolutionize this world for the better... and, with little more than hope speculation, I am compelled to continue... Logic, please come and free me from this delusion!

In any case, the snowfall and winds have intensified again, forcing us to take refuge in a cave. Given the cyclical transient nature of the previous ten episodes, I estimate that this one will pass overnight. It is a fortuitous circumstance that the walls are composed of flint, I brought along my shovel, and G has ample dried vegetation. I’m sure he didn’t mind me igniting some of it without asking.


Entry 18:
Of all the times to be wrong... The high winds and blinding snow have not relented for days... and we have depleted all of our provisions...
We are currently just staring at each other as we write in our journals, silently wondering what the other is contemplating... It’s now a classic psychological game that typically doesn’t end well. In such desperate times, the strongest ties of loyalty and trust can evaporate nigh instantaneously. I have my good eye open and my shovel ready for either of them to strike first.


Entry 19:
For the first time in my life, I am at an absolute loss to even try to explain what is happening. While we slept, the mouth of the cave collapsed and a passageway going deeper into the mountain opened. We dropped all suspicion of one another and explored this mysterious passage. The walls were comprised of gold and a material similar to the rock I’ve been searching for. Imbedded in the walls were spheres of white light that seemed to levitate above metal plates, powered by an unidentifiable source. Clearly, someone had been there before... someone highly advanced in engineering.

The passage led to a large room with even more complex machinery. There was a dark door, covered with engravings in a language I’ve never seen before. Through trial and error, we managed to open it by stepping on what appeared to be pressure-sensitive pads on the floor. Behind the door was a bright light that, upon entering it, transported us to the most bizarre forest. The trees literally sparkled in the sunlight, bearing irregularly-shaped fruit of various colors. Gently flowing streams complemented the polychromatic flora with their own iridescence.

At the moment, the three of us are further exploring this new place. In spite of their potential health benefits, I’ve never really ate fruit. However, with nothing else around for kilometers (no fauna of any sort), I suppose that I might as well take my chances.


Entry 20:
I am now even more at a loss to explain. Eating the fruit had some rather adverse side effects, causing disorientation, muscle spasms, nausea, and eventual loss of consciousness. We regained consciousness back in the cave, which had reverted to its prior state. Does this imply that the whole experience was one vivid famine-induced hallucination or dream? The pieces of evidence contradicting this hypothesis include our updated journals and apparent anatomical alterations. My eye and G’s posterior have fully healed (though I don’t think he notices... ready another “kick me” sign), and L has grown a full mane.

Furthermore, our hunger and fatigue have completely subsided... and I apparently can tolerate freezing temperatures now.
This would then lead me to theorize that the ice and snow from the blizzard buried and preserved us in a state of suspended animation. However, the deprivation of oxygen combined with the detriment of ice crystals in body tissue make such an experience extremely difficult to survive. I have no answers.

Nevertheless, we still have a mountain to climb. If that rock is up there, I’m going to find it.


Sun Oct 11, 2015 11:49 am
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
Really love how this is still coming along!

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Sun Oct 11, 2015 2:32 pm
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
Nice job, dryideabat.

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Sun Oct 11, 2015 2:39 pm
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
it keeps getting better and better

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Sat Nov 14, 2015 4:27 am
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
Why not? Just a little taste of where the story goes from here.

========================================================================================================
Part 5.1: L:

Entry 21:
With very little effort, we climbed the rest of the way up the mountain. And for our efforts, we were rewarded with the most spectacular sight: a golden forest of dwellings rising majestically above the clouds. Everything shined vibrantly in the full glare of the sun, which seemed closer yet less significant than ever. The world below could no longer be seen, shrouded by a murky grey veil.

When we knocked on the front gate, we were greeted by a most interesting individual... It was a giant blue bird-like creature with the hindquarters of a lion. The first thought that came to my mind was, “The sky guardian, he is real!” I mean, he does eerily fit the descriptions in the old stories. I had my doubts such a being ever existed, especially while nearly freezing to death seeking it out, but I guess seeing is believing.

Strange though, for an omniscient being, he seemed surprised to see us. He introduced himself as Pete and asked us who we were. Hesitantly, we each gave a very brief introduction of ourselves, though I wonder if there was any point to it. Maybe it was a final test for us to show that we were respectful and truthful? Or maybe it’s just one of those things that we, with the limited understanding of mortals, are not meant to question?

With a puzzled look on his face, he let us in and guided us through the paradise beyond. He took us to what he called “The Big House,” where he is currently talking with his fellow demigods about what is to become of us. It’s true that he in fact was the one who dared any mortal to ascend the mountain. We discussed that matter along the way. However, he claims that he only said that to his peers and does not remember sending the message down on a pillar...


Entry 22:
They made their decision... We now have the power of demi-gods!... Well sort of. Pete took us to his superior- the Bahamut- who is even more imposing in appearance. Yet, this great overseer seemed less than confident in his final decision. In his verdict, he “guessed” that it was a matter of one celestial being learning to keep his word. He emphasized that this factor just narrowly tipped his verdict in our favor.
Regardless, he then but waved his hand and struck us with a bolt of lightning. I can’t even describe the sensation in words, the knowledge and countless images that raced through my mind, the overwhelming feeling of such might surging through every muscle in my body. I guess it’s kind of like being born again, opening your eyes for the first time to see.

However, it turns out that even gods have constraints... Hey, they have to keep things interesting for themselves, right? In our case, this power is limited by the fact that we were once actual mortals, rather than infinite beings in time and space. With that, there are still certain things that we cannot understand and even more things that we cannot accomplish... making us demi-demigods as it were. The sample we’ve been given, though more than enough to do anything we ever wanted, shall be ours to keep on a trial basis. We must show that we can/will always use it justly, even in the face of temptation and ambiguity. In that regard, Pete has been assigned to both monitor and train us.


Entry 23:
The life of a demigod is not as simple as I thought. For those in our position, of our rank, it is a matter of ensuring the grand balance of all creation is maintained. This becomes complicated when you have many beings, each with free will, all vying for power. We can’t just will them to all be docile cattle, but at best can only give them a tiny nudge every now and then. That is, we can provide an incentive that influences their decisions that in turn restore balance. The nature of that incentive however is no trivial matter, but requires very careful judgement and foresight.

Pete and his sister, Dragon, have apparently made a game of this over the ages, even further restricting themselves to certain “classes of power”. However, talking to them individually, they seem to have differing views on the nature of freewill. It’ll be interesting to see how this plays out, but until ordered to do otherwise, I side with Pete. It’s not just because he’s our teacher and all, but I like the way he thinks. I also think it’s awesome how he can invade dreams; an antelope carcass for every time I could have used that trick.

On a separate more disturbing note, the old world below has... changed. I can’t find anyone from my former pride or any sign that they even ever existed. Even the land looks different than I remember. Likewise, G and S are faced with the same issue. In spite of our vastly expanded minds, we cannot figure out why this is. Perhaps it’s one of those things we’re still not able to fully understand just yet? Maybe it’s a side-effect of becoming a heavenly being; of completely leaving the old life behind as if it never existed? I’d be willing to ask if I weren’t certain Pete and the others already knew. Surely they would say something if it really mattered or if they weren’t somehow testing us. Regardless, we think it’s best that none of us ask lest we remind them of the sordid less-than-proud chapters of our history.


Sat Nov 21, 2015 1:35 pm
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
Great job, dryideabat!

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Sat Nov 21, 2015 1:58 pm
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
Really nice job on this! It has come out very well!

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Sat Nov 21, 2015 4:32 pm
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
Aw, and I was hoping he would give the fat king a piece of his mind...and it should be vast now that he got divine power.

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Mon Nov 23, 2015 2:25 pm
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
Another great entry

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Wed Dec 02, 2015 4:24 pm
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
kavviyenta Wrote:
Aw, and I was hoping he would give the fat king a piece of his mind...and it should be vast now that he got divine power.

Sorry to disappoint. :( Trust me, I was sorely tempted to do that.

Oh well, let's see what the other two have to say about all of this.

=================================================================================================
Part 5.2:G:

Entry 21:
Still holding on to saying it. Yea, we made it to the top and actually found something. It’s a whole mess of guys living in the gaudiest looking things I’ve ever seen. So much for trying to get away from everyone. And, yea, we met a “demigod” who calls himself Pete. L looks sold, in that he perfectly resembles his pride’s description, but I for one still want actual proof that these weirdos are so great. So what? They live really high up. Nothing special about that- we made it up here. Can’t even say I envy these saps in that anything you drop from here you’ll probably never see again.

Also, this Pete character didn’t even know who we were. Are we that unimportant or are they really not as all-knowing as they let on? No, until they do something big for us, actually turning us into legitimate almighty beings like was promised, I’m waiting to say “I told you so” right in L’s face. It’s not like he even really believed we’d find anything up here.


Entry 22:
Shut up L. Shut up.

Whatever, I suppose they are gods in that they zapped us with actual superpowers... Their leader looks like a cross between Geordi La Forge and Barney the dinosaur... which I now know will be actual things someday. It may still be some kind of mind trick, but for now I’ll just play along. I’ll have this Pete show me the ways of being a god, even though you would think in becoming one you would know everything already.


Entry 23:
You know- I think I might like being a god. Yeah, the whole “keeping the universe in order” jazz sounds like a cosmic pain in the horns, but for once my decisions have actual meaning. I choose the means by which harmony is restored... though thinking about it, it’s not really a choice in the sense that I am ultimately accomplishing the same set goal, right? But at least I can pretend to be creative. And, hey, this Pete guy is alright in my book. Every now and then he indulges in lording power over mortals, who in turn can only try to appease him.

I take it everyone in my herd is gone. For the life of me, I can’t find hide or hair of them anywhere on the planet. Granted, there’s no telling how long we were climbing that mountain. They may all be long dust by now. But it’s strange I can’t find any record of them. It’s as if they were never there... Eh, no big loss... It’s really not worth complaining or worrying about... though I would have liked to see how Mena’s love affair would play out... especially after I showed up on the scene with a whole grove of those stupid flowers.

Whatever, I have “heavenly duties” to attend to and can’t harp on petty matters. Pete’s going to meet us in his room to brief us on our first mission. It’s sure to be a doozy.




=================================================================================================
Part 5.3: S:

Entry 21:
At last, we have completed our journey to the summit. I’d say that the second half was almost too easy, but I’ve sufficiently learned my lesson (it’s not superstition so much as empirical awareness). Contrary to my apprehensions, the environment became more hospitable with increasing altitude.
While there was no vestige of that unknown element to be found, I was pleasantly surprised to be greeted by a shimmering metropolis in the clouds. Such a complex suspended infrastructure, with massive architecture eons ahead of the scarce primitive dwellings I’m accustomed to. It definitely strove to remind us of our physical (and mental) limitations.

The real surprise came when we knocked on the front gate... My heart instinctively stopped the very instant I saw a curved yellow bill peer around from the other side. Fortunately, it wasn’t a bird... at least not technically speaking. Rather, it (or he) was a most fascinating zoological specimen, having the beak, wings, and feathered torso of a parrot, but the abdomen and legs of a lion. It quickly became apparent that he was no imminent threat; just a self-proclaimed “demigod” named Pete.

After a curt series of introductions, he allowed us to enter. The city was even more humbling up close. Some structures were not too dissimilar in appearance from what we saw in the cave, albeit they did not invoke the same feeling of dread. All the same, much of the technology was far more advanced than anything I’ve ever assembled.

We are currently waiting in one of the larger structures at the center of the city. Pete and three of his cohorts are conserving in private about our reward. I am obviously still skeptical about the whole concept of “gods and magic.” At best, my interpretation is that it’s all a matter of perspective. In terms of knowledge, capacity, and so forth, I am in a sense a “god” relative to an amoeba. Furthermore, many of my kind viewed my methods and technology as “sorcery,” purely through lack of capacity to understand (or accept) it. Perhaps these beings have simply mastered an even higher level of understanding, of which it is possible to become privy to... That or this is some elaborate hoax perpetrated by L and/or G via some natural psychedelic compound they probably found (but can’t pronounce).


Entry 22:
I am not entirely sure how to feel about all of this. All of my life, I have followed a line of reasoning where the only constraints are the laws of physics; that a fixed set of irrevocable parameters hold the universe in equilibrium. Now, thanks to the abilities granted to us by Pete’s superior, the Bahamut, I realize that there is a resource that in and of itself does not follow these laws and in turn enables one to bend/break them at will. I of course speak of “magic.” Beyond requiring a special energy source known as mana, there are only a few specific rules imposing limits on magic. These rules are, for the most part, enforced by protocols (through magic itself) and/or the edict of some higher authority. As for the description behind the processes governing magic- the “physics” behind it- Pete said something along the lines of “it is what it is.”

In the end, this all completely nullifies my previous “knowledge.” Gravity, magnetic attraction, energy-mass conservation; all can be ignored/negated if need be and are hence irrelevant. I was never even close! But I suppose this is my pride talking and I just have to embrace this gaping exception in my old logic without question... I suppose the silver lining is that I can now traverse the vacuum of space and touch earth’s moon, a feat that I had long accepted as being unfeasible (at least on earth within my lifetime)... With that, I now have conclusive evidence that the moon is not made of goat hair... which G had once challenged me to prove.



Entry 23:
We have been given the task of regulating the “mortal realm”. Evidently, beings in our position act as a restoring force when there is a drift from equilibrium, like the tension in a spring. That is, we are what limit anomalies, both biotic and abiotic, from threatening the stability of the universe. Abiotic disturbances, such as temporal and dimensional rips, are simple enough to deal with. It’s the biotic variety that’s incredibly complex and falls into the realm of social sciences and psychology. In spite of our abilities, we cannot override the consciousness of mortals. The edict of the Bahamut demands that all mortals choose for themselves. We can only at best indirectly steer their decisions in the “right” direction through compromises and subtle feats. The timing and means of this intervention are crucial, as incorrectly altering one event can result in problems growing exponentially beyond the power of magic to fix... It’s no trivial effortless matter restoring a universe from scratch, even for the Bahamut.

It’s interesting that my friends have not changed in spite of our enhanced knowledge. They are still irrevocably “them” in terms of their personalities, their quirks, their preferences and so forth. I had often wondered what would happen if everyone’s minds were expanded to such a degree that we all saw things in the same light. I assumed that we would effectively lose our “identities” in knowing the truth to everything. We would all know this particular way of behaving is best and that particular habit is illogical, such that we would all follow the same path. But, with the proof as is, we are all just as distinct from one another as before... and I am pleased by that.

One conundrum above all still perplexes me. Even with the ability to view the whole planet and integrate every finite detail backward in time, I cannot find any evidence of our presence at any instant in time. Likewise, all of our previous acquaintances are absent (not that I myself had many worth remembering). I cannot help but feel that this somehow has to do with our previous supernatural encounter up the mountain. However, the details of that strange place are also obscured from us in spite of our augmented cognitive faculties. In a similar fashion, the origin and nature of that rock- the very reason I came here- is still a complete mystery.

L is hesitant to communicate these inquiries with our new employers and G is more or less indifferent toward the whole matter. Perhaps it’s best if I wait and attempt to find the answers myself (story of my life).


Sun Dec 20, 2015 1:34 am
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
Really nice entry this time around. I really like how it came out.

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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
Great job, dryideabat!

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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
Here's a little funny doodle I did of what would happen if the constituents of Homer (L, G, and S) went to an anthro convention. Honestly, when I first drew Homer, I did not realize that the lion looks like Parnok, as I had only skimmed past and missed that detail at the time.
G: "You do realize that get-up isn't technically anthro."
S: !


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Homer Goes to an Anthrocon.jpg
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Thu Dec 31, 2015 1:37 am
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
i have to laugh at the Snake picture. If only he was more like Snake in the diary.

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Thu Dec 31, 2015 3:03 am
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
This drawing has given much inspiration for my Fan-Fic. I must expand on this idea...it will be great...

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Thu Dec 31, 2015 6:57 am
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
Amazee Dayzee Wrote:
i have to laugh at the Snake picture. If only he was more like Snake in the diary.

Well, in his defense, you technically can't get any more anthropomorphic than that... Perhaps he should have gone as Cecrops 1 or something.


Thu Dec 31, 2015 8:48 pm
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
Though I do like Parnok lion a lot.

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Fri Jan 01, 2016 1:21 am
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
I've had this mini entry in store for some time, perhaps only motivated by the latest HP! strip to finally polish it up and post it.
Honestly, given lack of time and energy to work on certain things I'm not 100% happy about with my entire story, I've been tempted to send this (and my main fanfic) into the abyss from whence it came... For now, I'll sporadically keep on updating; running with it as is.


================================================================================================================
Part 6.1: L:
================================================================================================================


Entry 24:

I like to think our employers are finally warming-up to us. At least the awkward pauses and suspicious looks have dwindled a bit. Even Dragon has started talking to us, though mostly about how infantile her brother is. While we can’t go wrong with being completely loyal to our instructor, I would like to really try and make peace with everyone. This is a brand new start for us; a chance to make up for all of our blunders in life. Thus, we’re doing our best to not make waves and listen to everyone with open minds and the humbleness of mortals. That also means holding off on making any quips or jokes, even when someone sets us up for one... Dragon said green is an easier color aura to conjure than blue... So I guess it is easy being green?

So far, however, we’ve only been entrusted with very minor tasks, namely tidying-up the heavenly realm. Pete feels that it’s best that we slowly progress this way before taking on more involved assignments in the mortal world. All the while, he has limited us to lower tier magic. It’s true that small deeds can make all of the difference, but cleaning Pete’s room seems a bit silly when he has the power to do it with a snap of his fingers. Again, we’re doing our best to keep open minds.


Entry 25:
Things have been growing rather dull and tedious. We’re still working on menial tasks... though recently there was a rather interesting incident... A few days ago, S came up with an idea: self-cleaning underpants. The three of us pooled our magic together and attempted to carry it out. Hey, it would have shortened the more mortifying portion of Pete’s list, if only the garments didn’t become sentient and run off.

We searched all over Heaven for the last three days before finally confessing to Pete. It’s a bit disconcerting that he was completely unaware of the matter, as if he hadn’t noticed anything amiss for three days... Anyway, we have a sneaking suspicion that the brotherhood of travelling underpants found their way into the mortal world. Pete has granted us a temporary pass below to retrieve them, with the condition that we cannot interact with or be seen by mortals. Also, we are not to breathe word of this to anyone else in the heavenly realm... I suppose that’s in case the conversation leads to the fact that one of his underpants has little red hearts on it.


Entry 26:
We’ve tracked the underpants to the last place a sane mortal would want to end up. Honestly, the entrance is not as daunting as one might imagine it to be... There’s just the matter of the gatekeeper. From her appearance alone, I can’t say I envy anyone or anything on her bad side. She looks strong enough to kill a placoderm with one blow. And, judging by what I’m sensing, such a feat wouldn’t even be considered child’s play to her.

We’re currently keeping our distance, not just out of fear, but because S is busy inspecting something in a nearby swamp. He’s too invested in thought to tell us what it is. Whatever it may be, it does not seem relevant to the matter at hand. Perhaps it’s a gift we can give Pete in case we fail to recover the rogue underpants.

Talking it over with G, it seems less than likely that a walking pair of garments would be able to get past the gatekeeper’s triple gaze. Nevertheless, we should probably ask her if we could inspect the general area or at least if she saw anything suspicious. While we were ordered to be discreet, Pete said “not to breathe word of this to anyone else IN THE HEAVENLY REALM.” The way I see it, we’re not in the heavenly realm and, so long as she’s not a mortal, talking to her wouldn’t be breaking Pete’s rules, right?


Sun May 01, 2016 10:45 am
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Post Re: The Diary of Homer
I am utterly speechless.

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Sun May 01, 2016 9:02 pm
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