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Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 5:00 am
by 44R0NM10
awesome job...I was just thinking how nice it was in Babylon Gardens...and then boom! What will Shadow do now? Who could have caused this? Where is the last remaining dragonball? Find out next time...on "A Whole New World" Z

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 6:20 am
by Neko
44R0NM10 wrote:awesome job...I was just thinking how nice it was in Babylon Gardens...and then boom! What will Shadow do now? Who could have caused this? Where is the last remaining dragonball? Find out next time...on "A Whole New World" Z
Lol xD

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 9:25 am
by Bolly
Loved it, yet again.

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 12:50 am
by WolvenPaw15
I just read it for the first time.... its..... BRIILIANT! I absolutely love it and I am on the edge of my seat, errrr bed, waiting for the next update!

Also I was wondering if you could give me a few pointers on my storyline for K-9 Squad

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 5:42 pm
by FunkyChickenFace
OH. MY. GOD.


I think I just died of squee, this fic is THAT AWESOME.

Coming from FF.net, where self-inserts are the bane of our existence, I have to say that this must be one of the most artfully done self-inserts I've ever read. All others fail. WIN.

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 11:10 pm
by Cerberusx
I'm being thanked for my work as a beta reader and editor. ^_^. Something people usually take me for granted. So thank you Neko my friend and all the readers too. ^_^

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 8:04 pm
by Neko
********

“I see that you’ve awakened your powers” a male voice said from behind me.

I spun around to see a hooded figure; he wore an all white robe that was as pure as snow. His sleeves were abnormally long, not showing any part of his arms. In fact, you couldn't see anything about him; his robe covered his entire body. The only part where you might have been able to see any part of him would have to be his face, but it was hidden by the shadow casted by the hood upon his head.

“What are you talking about? Who are you?” Was he a guardian, did he freeze time?

“I am a Councilman Shadow, and I’m talking about your powers.” His voice was very calm, almost monotone; I didn’t know why but it gave me a strange feeling.

“A councilman, you mean you’re part of…The Council? The same one Skylar had mentioned?” He must be tied to the guardians somehow.

“That would be the one.”

Well that cleared that up, but why was he here and what powers was he talking about. “What do you mean, I don’t have powers.”

“Of course you do, your proof is before you; you paused time.”

This didn’t make any sense, when had I gotten powers? “I did this? But…when…how…powers?” I was lost for words.

The robbed man laughed lightly before responding. “Let me explain a few things to help you see clearly. For every world thriving with life there are guardians who are responsible for maintaining the balance of life and well being. There are councilmen assigned to each world to overlook the guardians and make sure everything is in order. As you may have figured out, guardians hibernate when they are not needed. But when the time comes for their services, they communicate with the ones in need of their help and guide them to where they’re slumbering. This process has been going on for a very long time.

We have been around for thousands of years, and as life has grown so have the numbers in guardians. With more life in every passing day more guardians are chosen to help watch over the worlds. We have chosen you to become a guardian, Shadow.”

I stood silently, taking it all in, “Why me?” Was all I could muster up to say.

“You have already learned quite a bit about guardians, and you’ve been exposed to a lot of magic. Normally when guardians help those in need they replace the persons memories so not to reveal themselves. In your case it would be rather hard to do, given the circumstances. You already know so much and have been exposed to the magic, so we have chosen you to become a guardian. We normally do not pick ones so young, but you have a pure heart and we have faith in you.”

“What now, what am I suppose to do as a guardian?”

“You are going to be trained, we don’t expect you to become a full fledge guardian upon the day we give you your powers. Even after you have completed your training, you will only be a part time guardian. We understand that you are still a young adult, so we will let you enjoy your childhood. We do expect you to help in times of need though. All we ask is that you train hard, and to continue too be pure of heart.”

I took a step closer, my foot crunching in the snow. “Ok, I can do that.” A thought struck me, “Wait, who’s going to train me, Pete?”

“Pete is to busy now, and it would be difficult to perform magic in such a populated area. No, Skylar is going to be your mentor.”

Skylar was going to teach me how to be a guardian? But he was a hippie…

“I must be going now, I wish you the best” he said, still calm as ever.

“Wait, how do I unfreeze time? I’m not even completely sure how I did it in the first place.” I did not want to be stuck in frozen time.

“Try not to use any magic ok? I won’t be able to come down every time you freeze yourself in time.”

With that said he disappeared, leaving behind 2 footprints in the snow. A sharp pain shot from the back of my neck, and everything went black.

**********

You know me, I just love leaving everyone on a cliff hangar :D!

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 8:16 pm
by DarkHeartsAndSuch
i think Shadow forgot about something from before the freezing...

just as great as ever!!!

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 8:18 pm
by Neko
DarkHeartsAndSuch wrote:i think Shadow forgot about something from before the freezing...

just as great as ever!!!
Aww, is it that obvious? :P

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 8:26 pm
by IceKitsune
DarkHeartsAndSuch wrote:i think Shadow forgot about something from before the freezing...

just as great as ever!!!
Wait so when he uses his powers he loses memories? Is that what your saying? because I think I've seen that somewhere before but I can't remember. I mean it, it sounds so familiar.
Edit: Also loved this update this is one of the better fan fictions I've seen to use a Original Character.

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 8:28 pm
by Neko
IceKitsune wrote:
DarkHeartsAndSuch wrote:i think Shadow forgot about something from before the freezing...

just as great as ever!!!
Wait so when he uses his powers he loses memories? Is that what your saying? because I think I've seen that somewhere before but I can't remember. I mean it, it sounds so familiar.
No, that isn't what it means. It'll be explained right off the bat in the next update so don't worry if you don't understand.

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 8:32 pm
by DarkHeartsAndSuch
IceKitsune wrote:
DarkHeartsAndSuch wrote:i think Shadow forgot about something from before the freezing...

just as great as ever!!!
Wait so when he uses his powers he loses memories? Is that what your saying? because I think I've seen that somewhere before but I can't remember. I mean it, it sounds so familiar.
Edit: Also loved this update this is one of the better fan fictions I've seen to use a Original Character.
I think you might be thinking of the Guardian Forces from Final Fantasy VIII

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 8:41 pm
by Zander
neko wrote:With that said he disappeared, leaving behind 2 footprints in the snow. A sharp pain shot from the back of my neck, and everything went black.
OHHH its the Frisbee!

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 8:43 pm
by DarkHeartsAndSuch
Zander wrote:
neko wrote:With that said he disappeared, leaving behind 2 footprints in the snow. A sharp pain shot from the back of my neck, and everything went black.
OHHH its the Frisbee!
I would've said: "OHHH its something you'll have to figure out for yourself

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 8:46 pm
by Neko
DarkHeartsAndSuch wrote:
Zander wrote:
neko wrote:With that said he disappeared, leaving behind 2 footprints in the snow. A sharp pain shot from the back of my neck, and everything went black.
OHHH its the Frisbee!
I would've said: "OHHH its something you'll have to figure out for yourself
I kind of wanted it to be a surprise but...

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 8:46 pm
by Zander
DarkHeartsAndSuch wrote:
Zander wrote:
neko wrote:With that said he disappeared, leaving behind 2 footprints in the snow. A sharp pain shot from the back of my neck, and everything went black.
OHHH its the Frisbee!
I would've said: "OHHH its something you'll have to figure out for yourself
NO! because You just lost the game.

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 8:58 pm
by IceKitsune
Zander wrote:
DarkHeartsAndSuch wrote:
Zander wrote:
OHHH its the Frisbee!
I would've said: "OHHH its something you'll have to figure out for yourself
NO! because You just lost the game.
Zander for the last time The Game has been over for a while now. Also I don't know how I forgot about the Frisbee.

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 9:04 pm
by DarkHeartsAndSuch
IceKitsune wrote:Zander for the last time The Game has been over for a while now. Also I don't know how I forgot about the Frisbee.
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! You ruined the surprise!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 9:13 pm
by IceKitsune
DarkHeartsAndSuch wrote:
IceKitsune wrote:Zander for the last time The Game has been over for a while now. Also I don't know how I forgot about the Frisbee.
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! You ruined the surprise!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That was supposed to be a surprise? If I had not forgotten about it in the first place I would have had said something about it hitting him in my first post and the only reason I did forget was because I was thinking more about his powers. (also sorry I ruined the surprise)

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 9:17 pm
by FunkyChickenFace
Another great update!!

Neko, DarkHeartsAndSuch, and Cerberus, great work!!

However, I will be completely honest with you, I am concerned about the possibility of Neko becoming a "gary-stu". You know, those super-characters with no flaw whatsoever? It's probably not a major issue in the NEAR future but the logical extreme of magical powers is such a state.

BUT. This is still awesome.

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 9:21 pm
by Neko
FunkyChickenFace wrote:Another great update!!

Neko, DarkHeartsAndSuch and Cerberus, great work!!

However, I will be completely honest with you, I am concerned about the possibility of Neko becoming a "gary-stu". You know, those super-characters with no flaw whatsoever? It's probably not a major issue in the NEAR future but the logical extreme of magical powers is such a state.

BUT. This is still awesome.
Fix'ed.

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 9:26 pm
by FunkyChickenFace
Woops, sorry.

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 9:31 pm
by Dissension
Er? The 'fix' isn't grammatically correct, according to all the writing classes I had to take while getting my journalism degree.

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 9:33 pm
by Neko
Dissension wrote:Er? The 'fix' isn't grammatically correct, according to all the writing classes I had to take while getting my journalism degree.
Ok, I wasn't fixing grammar, I was fixing it so that both my Beta Reader's were credited.

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 2:15 pm
by Rubin
WOOOH! this is so Exciting! Iv never been wrapped around a fanfic like this before!

(and althow I agree with KFC,) Woooo!


Keep it up!

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 5:18 pm
by Neko
thought you all would like to see this:Click Here

Again, thanks to the brilliant talents of Kyderra!

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Thu Jun 10, 2010 6:56 pm
by Foldo
With this biography, I read all your fan fic today. :B

Awesome story, btw. :mrgreen:

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Fri Jun 11, 2010 1:57 am
by Cerberusx
Neko wrote:thought you all would like to see this:Click Here

Again, thanks to the brilliant talents of Kyderra!
Does Kyderra take character requests?

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Fri Jun 11, 2010 5:15 am
by Kyderra
Cerberusx wrote:
Neko wrote:thought you all would like to see this:Click Here

Again, thanks to the brilliant talents of Kyderra!
Does Kyderra take character requests?
not at this time

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Fri Jun 11, 2010 8:32 am
by Cerberusx
Kyderra wrote:not at this time
Okay then. I can wait, besides I can't even get my character profile in order and send it.

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 2:36 pm
by Kyderra
<just finished reading it all>

Loved it, first chapter gets a 9/10
I'm not much of a a fan fiction reader, however this one convinced me into reading some more.
I got nothing to compare it to, but i'm sure this story will stick inside my head more then some books I have read.

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 1:27 pm
by Neko
Ok, So I ran into a problem....

I was just about finished with the next update, when word ran out of it's trial. Which makes no sense because I've been using it for MONTHS and now it stops...(didn't even know it was on a trial) So now, I can't copy,paste,edit anything with word. I'm gonna have to re type the whole thing and I am just....not really in the mood to do so. And this is also a problem for Fanfiction.net because I'm pretty sure they don't accept notepad documents.

So I'm pretty much saying; their won't be an update right now. Give me a few days. *sighs*

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 1:33 pm
by IceKitsune
Neko wrote:Ok, So I ran into a problem....

I was just about finished with the next update, when word ran out of it's trial. Which makes no sense because I've been using it for MONTHS and now it stops...(didn't even know it was on a trial) So now, I can't copy,paste,edit anything with word. I'm gonna have to re type the whole thing and I am just....not really in the mood to do so. And this is also a problem for Fanfiction.net because I'm pretty sure they don't accept notepad documents.

So I'm pretty much saying; their won't be an update right now. Give me a few days. *sighs*
Neko go get Open Office it can open word files at least I'm like 90% sure it can I haven't used word in years.

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 2:00 pm
by Obbl
Yes, Open Office opens Word files (the computer lab in Carothers proudly proclaims this :D )
Also if you're still having problems you can always email someone the file and have them copy/paste it and send it to you as the body of an email, that way it's plain text and you can copy/paste to your hearts content ;)

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 2:07 pm
by DarkHeartsAndSuch
Obbl wrote:Yes, Open Office opens Word files (the computer lab in Carothers proudly proclaims this :D )
Also if you're still having problems you can always email someone the file and have them copy/paste it and send it to you as the body of an email, that way it's plain text and you can copy/paste to your hearts content ;)
I'd call that "Plan Success!"

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 2:10 pm
by Neko
Well I'm downloading open office now, its taking forever to download though... (another hour and a half remaining it says)

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Thu Jun 24, 2010 11:24 pm
by ReCreate
Did the fic die or something? it already got on the second page. :C

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Fri Jun 25, 2010 8:39 am
by FlintTheSquirrel
It sure has been a while, I wonder if Neko has tried it through mail yet.

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Fri Jun 25, 2010 2:31 pm
by devils
this is awesome neko!

Re: A Whole New World

Posted: Sat Jun 26, 2010 5:43 pm
by Neko
********

Crunch Crunch Crunch

“Shadow, are you ok?”

I opened my eyes to Fox and King standing over me. “W-what? Ugh, my head hurts…”

“Your head hurts cause you tried to catch the Frisbee with it” King said.

“Nnghh….” I slowly sat up and rubbed the back of my head where a small bump had formed.

“Are you feeling ok?” Fox asked kneeling down to me.

“Uh, more or less yea” I got up onto my feet, brushing the snow off my fur and jacket. “I did tell you I haven’t played in forever, heh. Anyways I’m going to go do something else; you guys can play without me.”

“You sure?” Fox asked.

“Yea Frisbee isn’t really my thing; I’d rather not get clocked in the head again.” I laughed trying to make light of the situation.

King bent down and picked up the Frisbee, “If you say so.”

“I’ll see ya later,” I said walking away, waving as I rounded the corner of the house.

“Bye,” Fox called after me.

I found myself standing on the sidewalk, not sure what to do next. Should I go about my day normally, or go home and see if Pete has anything to say? Well if they’re going to make me train and make me leave the neighborhood. I need hang out with my friends; I don’t know how long I’ll be gone, so I might as well have some fun. Oh, I need to tell Sabrina first. She's not gonna like this.

I began the journey to Sabrina's house, which was only about a 5 minute walk. The cold pavement of a sidewalk under my feet, with a soft breeze blowing me towards my destination. I tucked my paws into my jacket pockets to prevent it from flapping in the wind. I stared at the ground as I walked, trying to think of what to say to her. Before coming up with a way to even start the conversation, I found I was already at her driveway. I walked up the driveway, but stopped when the front door flew open, Tarot coming out. “Hey Tarot where are-”

“Peanut's house,” she came down and passed me on the driveway.

“Is Sabrina-”

“Nope, and I don't know where,” She was heading down the sidewalk now.

“Right, thanks...” Her physic powers again, huh... Well this doesn't help, where's Sabrina? Why was Tarot in such a hurry to get to Peanut's house? Ugh, either way I need to find Sabrina.

I left the driveway and made my way down the sidewalk to Fido's house. If she isn't at home she's hanging around Fido. It only took a few minutes before I was knocking on Fido's front door. It opened up and Fido greeted me.

“Fido, is Sabrina here?”

“Sorry, I haven't seen her all day. I thought she was with you.”

“Oh, ok. Thanks...” I turned and started walking away. Where was she...this was important. I don't want to just disappear without letting her know. I walked down the sidewalk, not really paying attention to my surroundings. I stopped near a tree, I could hear the leafs rustling. I turned and looked up to see see a dark figure hanging from a branch, it's eye's almost glowing in the shadow produced by the tree.

**********

Don't hate me D: