Oh, for all good things that be! Why can't you knock when you enter? You almost gave me a stroke!
Well, since you (Yes, I am talking to you!) are here, I suppose you are expecting some entertaining story to go along with your popcorn and your cold and sugary soda.
Because that's what you came for isn't it? Something interesting and worth reading?
I admit I am no Molière when it comes to dramatic plays and appealing stories, but I'll do my best to sate your appetite for textual adventure to the best of my ability.
Because I love you.
A lot.
Let's see here..... UH huh.... Dalmatians 101? Nah, too academical..... What's this? GrassGreen and the seven giants? Too heavy...... Winnie the- Wait, what is a book with such an indicently named lead character doing here? Parents really ought to check what childrens are allowed to read nowadays!..... The Lizard of Oz? Well, I do admit it envelops the situation of modern society to a grand SCALE!.... Hehe... heh... *ahem*, I apologize....
Ah! Here we are! Yes... yes!, This is definitely the book I was looking for!
Now, this is a story about existence, about man, about the search for a place of belonging, about trascendence... and, of course, cheery tunes to entertain the little ones.
That been said, keep in mind that this story, I hope, has a bit to offer to ALL audiences, and for that, I would really encourage you to point out if I have mispronounced a word or two, formulated a sentence that doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the tale, or if you detect any "ulterior messages" that you feel uncomfortable with, and I will change my narration accordingly, though I can't guarantee that it will change for the best.
But enough with the disclaimer! Take a warm seat, turn off your cellphone, the emergency exits are on each side of the hall. Now, on with the show!
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We begin our story, as you may expect, in the (relatively) sleepy suburban neighbourhood of Babylon Gardens, which is located somewhere within that seceding colony full of rebelious ingrate- *ehem* In "the United States."
At least, it would have been considered sleepy at the moment our story begins, were it not for the thunderous storm forming over the mid-day sky, and the yelling of three young wolf cubs, protesting at top of lung, as if trying to obtain what their desired or blow their very home away, to their ever so stoic mother, who held firm against the ache-inducing noise, as well as the gleamy and adorable puppy eyes of her progenie.
-"No!"- Said Lucretia, while placing a great deal of effort on preventing both her heart and ears from melting at the varied ways of begging coming from the cubs. -"You just CAN'T go out, that's final! There is a storm coming, and I don't want you straying off in front of a rain coated car! Besides, the rain will wash away most rabbit scents, anyway, so won't get to catch and bury that scaredy fuchsia bunny from across the street today."
-"But maaaah"- Said the one known as "Deathaxe." -"We are bored and we want to do something fun!"
-"You can do whatever you wnt as long as it is inside the house and outside King´s or grandma's room, they have already put up with you the entire week."- Her face sofetened slightly before going on. -"I know you will figure something out on your own. Tomorrow you will get to go outside, I'm sure, but today you have to stay here and use what you already have to in your rooms to play with."- She began to walk off towards the kitchen, where that perfect deer carcass waited for the right seasoning, before turning on her tracks and adding one last game condition. -"And I want at least TWO pieces of furniture INTACT this time! The Miltons are already thinking about replacing us with bobcats with their little project!"
-"Bobcats?!"
-"Never!"
-"This is our house."- Were the exclamations of the three fluffyteers. Lucretia walked off with hint of satisfaction on her face as she murmured: -"That should at least make the lamp be salvagable after they are done...."
-"So, What do we do now?"- Asked Darth Vader Sanchez, whose sole name makes me think of having a child of my own, if for nothing else than to name him in kind.
-"We play hide and sick!"- Exclaimed Deathaxe. -"It's when you hide things until you get sick of it, then play something else!"
-"I think it's called "Hide and Seek.""
-"Naw! Let's ask grandma! She is old so she must know if that thing is true."
-"Yeah,"- Said the last cub. -"And King too!, He knows a lot about human games, maybe we can go to their rooms and ask them!"
And so, with the ear-rupturing screams of "Grandmaaaa!" and "Kiiing!", our three heroes of fuzzy went on to entertain themselves.
Oh what fun games would they be able to come up with? What manner of mischiveousness would they enact? What disaster would they bring? Great questions, all!, But sadly, this story is not about the antics of these three pups.
This story is about why the sky was thundering that day......
In Heaven, war raged in all it's fury,
There were ancient times, when the rules and borders that define the cosmos where still incomplete, where the hellspawn and the denizens of Heaven fought over, and sometimes on, every fraction of existence, but this one was a war between Heaven and Hell, though perhaps it WAS a war between good and evil.
This war against the entities of Heaven was one waged by mortals....
There it stood: The Temple of The Origin, as it can be roughly translated. It is the place where all creations are discussed, considered, planned, designed, recorded, analized, studied, and comprehended. And it was under siege.
About merely half a block away from its exxageratedly big gate, a seemingly unending legion of men, women, and some other, not so clearly identified beings, were setting up fortifications, and preparing for the inminent assault that would surely come.
In front of all the siege weaponry, mobile artillery, golems, automatons, elite troopers, and rank and file foot soldiers, stood Kintaros "War-Bringer" Nelitan, mighty among mighties, scourge of nations.
Nearly unparalleled in the arts of unarmed combat, strategic evaluation, long-term military campaign planning, and catching a nice gal to spend the evening with.
He had light brown hair, deep dark eyes, well tanned skin and a portentous silver-gold armor, its chest emblazed with a roaring beast that appeared to be a mix of an European dragon and a north african lion.
He had good lucks, good sense of duty and responsibility, and good ways of convincing people to obey his commands, But good manners?
-<Oi! What are you doing here, tin can!?>
....A bit lacking, I'm afraid.
-<You are not supposed to be here!> Said the War-Bringer in a tongue that was both similar, yet clearly distinct to the mediterranean languages of Earth two and a half millenia ago. <You were supposed to keep on sending troops MY way and keep the rest of the war leaders informed.>
-<Those order have been changed, Kintaros. If you were a man of Faith, I would tell you to PRAY they do not change them further!> The figure in front of him responded.
"Tin can", as the War-Bringer had so eloquently pointed out was, indeed, covered in polished plate armor from head to toe (If there were any toes that could be seen under that footwear, that is.) with only his eyes and the yellowy white skin around it visible to the naked eye, The design was simple enough, and indeed, it did not seem to be or look bulky at all. The sole exception to the bare design of each joint plate was the helmet, which had slightly spiked edges and featured a golden, two-headed eagle covering the already fully covered face.
The only other things that seemed to stand out in him were his plain brown belt and purplish blue tabard.
It's possesed a gold thread lining, and the symbol of a sphere enclosed within a rectangle that, while lacking bars, was heavily reminiscient of cage, along with a trespassing sword pointing downwards in the symbol's backround.
The sphere in itself was actually representing a planet divided into twelve parts, with a humanoid figure standing on top of each.
The figures were similar in their standing, yet were clearly distinct to anyone who looked closer:
The fisrt one was well dressed and had a clean haircut. The second was clothed in rags and had messy hair. The third possesed femenine features. The fourth had arms instead of legs and vice-versa. The fifth had two heads, four arms, and four legs. The sixth had only two legs, two arms, and one head...... but they were all canine-like. The list of differences went on.
The armored man's only cohort was composed two individuals in special military suits, reminiscient of bio-hazard GI uniforms.
-<This place's prize is mine for the taking, not your! Get lost!>
-<There is no need for anger, I will just want something out of that place, you, our fellow men and officers, and our leaders can have the rest.>
-<I endured a lot of effort and pain to get here, and as soon as my soldiers open the doors the spoils will be in my hands, and I will not see any of them stolen by one such as you, bucket head!>
At this point Kintaros proceeded to punch the metal-clad individual right in the face, knocking him off his feet. His personal guard did not moved a muscle: They were meant to protect their leader from enemy forces, not one of his fellow generals.
As his would-be adversary began to get up again, Kintaros threw another punch towards him. This time, however, the blow was stopped as the man lying on the ground grabbed the War-Bringer's hand with an iron grip (If you would allow me the play on words.).
-<So much for civility.>- Uttered the armored figure, before turning Kintaros' arm around in a manner that sent the War-Bringer's entire body spinning into the air for a second, and yelling out a curse as he hitted the ground.
It was now Kintaros' turn to rise up before his enemy would send a blow down his way.
But no punch came.
Instead, the armored man took out a small canteen from his belt, then procedeed to grab a straw from withing a joint on his left wrist's armor.
Kintaros realized his enemy's intention in an instant. -<No!>- He exclaimed. -<That's not fair!>
The other figure placed the straw on the canteen's neck, and took a quick sip from it through one of his helmet's breathing holes.
-<You coward!, That's not fair! That's not fair!>- Kintaros quickly rose to his feet and placed his fists in front of his body, bracing for what was about to come.
The armored man stepped in front of the War-Bringer, then threw an upwards right hook.
-<THAT'S NOT FAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIR!!!>- was the scream that could be heard as Kintaros was hitted almost fully in the chest and sent flying several feet into the air, and towards the army gathering around the Temple.
What- What is that? Oh!, Don't cry, friend, he survived! He landed dangerously close to a well-armed garrison of troops and their lead armored tank, it's true, but was mostly left just comically unconsious on the soft Heavenly soil.
-<Heh, Who would have kown that French language course would earn me ability to speak and gain the confidence of such a "magnifique" super-strenght potion brewer! Such are the surprises of life!>- The man placed the canteen back into his belt pounch, and banished the straw with a small flash of light by throwing it up into the air. -<Now, let's get this show on the road, Shall we?>-
He walked towards the Temple's gates, his two black uniformed guardsmen, as well as the sight of the soldiers in front of it following closely behind.
Just before reaching the door, the man lifted his right hand in the air, signalling his guards to stop and stay in place. He walked a few more feet, right in front of the magestic gates, and placed his hand on the back of his head, searching for a weapon, hidden under his tabard. Many soldiers, and even generals, within his faction still wore swords, spears, maces, knives, axes, or even bayonet rifles as a symbol of their status, as well as for use on close combat.
The armored man took out a lollipop.
A red and white, flat, one and a half meter (A bit over 5 feet, for those who don't know.) long lollipop.
The troops were either appalled, embarrased, or outright laughing at the unexpected sight of their new commanding officer's "weapon." His two pesonal guardsmen didn't move, merely experiencing a combination of slight surprise and resignation: Their leader had pulled off such antics before.
The armored man proceeded to point towards the door and, with a goofy and slightly squeaky voice, began to (God help us all.) sing a shamelessly corrupted English tune:
"We represent the lollipop guild,
The lollipop guild,
The lolipop guild.
And in the name of
The lollipop guiiiiiiiiiiiild,
We will destroy this door that you have built."
With both hands firmly placed into the lollipop's handle, the crazy metal man immedeately hitted the gates with a full swing of his sugary polearm, reducing both it an the gates to pieces.
The troops where completely bewildered at the sight and the ridicule of it all.You should have seen the expressions on their faces.
Yes!, They were pretty much like the one you have now!
-<An elaborate and ridiculous way of breaking into an equally elaborate and ridiculous place!>- Yelled the man, as if to justify the whole theatric, not that he cared much for his troops' opinions, since they clearly could not argue with the results.
-<Onward, you lot!>- Screamed the man again, as he suddenly extended his arms and, with a small cloud of dust, a sword and shield appeared on his arms. -<Let's do this thing!>
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Part one was longer than I originally expected, so I'm splitting it into two. Do not worry, folks!, The fluffy animal creatures will return in the next one!
In case anyone is wondering where the
Thanks a bunch for reading, people, I hope you like it so far, even if it sucks harder than a vacuum cleaner!