Burning Desire: The Power Within

Luna werewolf · Post by **Luna werewolf** » Fri Feb 24, 2012 11:42 am

Here's my story. Enjoy. I have had it approved.

-----

King slumped on a bench, his legs dangling over the edge. His eyes were looking at the far wall, but his mind wasn’t. His slow pants turned into his normal breathing. His paws felt raw, and hurting. He had just run faster than he had ever before, and it felt like his mind was still running.

“King?!” A familiar grey figure called from the horizon. King recognized Fox, and put his paw gingerly down on the tarmac, ready to run again. He pushed off, and stumbled and fell.

“King?” Fox asked, about a metre from king. King struggled to get up again, to run again, but Fox put a gentle but firm hand on his shoulder. “Why are you running, King?”

“I-” King tried, but words stuck in his throat. He choked back the lump of grief in his throat. He felt tears flow over his cheeks. “I don’t want to lose her...”

*****

Snow fell in Babylon Gardens, thick and fast, like feathers of snowy angels. It fell into banks and the banks rose about three inches big. Puppies and kittens rolled around in the crystal whiteness.

The only person miserable was a small corgi with a black scarf draped half-heartedly around his neck. He stared at his paws, as feathers of snow coated them lightly. King was used to being miserable. But now, his misery had meaning.

He lifted his hand, almost out of habit, to his blue bandana around his neck, under his black scarf.

“Oh, Bailey, why did you leave us?”

copper · Post by **copper** » Sat Feb 25, 2012 8:10 pm

Interesting. Wonder how he got Bailey's scarf...

JeffCvt · Post by **JeffCvt** » Sat Feb 25, 2012 9:10 pm

1. Good little story Luna werewolf, even in this little bit I can tell that you would be good at story plots. When I said no more than one part, I never thought that someone would post something that short, so if you keep them about that length then I won't mind if you want to put a few parts to it.

2. I am almost done the next part in my story, should be up either tonight or sometime tomorow. I am aiming for tonight, but it will be up by tomorow at the latest. (Unless those pesky zombies get into to my house again, they won't stop rising from my backyard. Maybe I should call someone about that...)

copper · Post by **copper** » Sat Feb 25, 2012 11:08 pm

Just take the grimoire and recite a few spells. It got you into this mess, it should get you out.

I hope the update comes out soon!

JeffCvt · Post by **JeffCvt** » Sat Feb 25, 2012 11:44 pm

Well, here it is. Once the aliens came and started to fight the zombies to see who would get to break into my house tonight things got very noisy. I can barely hear my own thoughts right now. Oh well, these things happen to everyone now and then.

Enjoy

Why did he tell me everything that he did? And why did he tell me not to follow him?

Stealer was thinking about Jiff. How he wanted to find him and ask so many more questions. But Jiff would not be out in the open, he would probably be hiding, and Stealer knew that it he started asking around about a dog that no one has ever seen, they would all think he was crazy.

He got off of Officer Bill’s couch and went for a walk outside. He started to recall the day he met Jiff hoping he might remember something that could help him find him.

“Yawn!”

Stealer got up from a not-so-good night’s sleep. He had tried to sleep in, but it was no use. His long time girlfriend, Shelly, had dumped him just three days ago when he left to come here. Right as he left to come here.

She had been the one, I was sure if it. Then she went and dumped me like that.

Despite feeling like he should lie back down and never get back up, he went to the kitchen and splashed cold water on his face and got a bowl of dry dog food.

As he sat down and started eating, he looked out of the window and saw King sleeping in the yard. He looked to be in a deep sleep, the kind that Stealer wished he could get into.

At least someone is getting a good night’s sleep.

As he was about to finish his breakfast, Bailey walked in.

“Stealer? What are you doing up?”

He looked at the clock. “It’s 9:00, why wouldn’t I be up?”

“Well, I thought you might sleep in, just like King seems to be.” Bailey said as she looked out of the window.

“You might think so, but I guess that’s just not for me.”

“Oh, ok.” Bailey said as she went and got herself some food. “If you don’t want to sleep in then maybe you would like to come to the town with me. Dad wants me to do some shopping and I could use the company.”

“Sure, I wouldn’t mind going to town.” Maybe it will help me clear my head.

“Great.” Bailey said “I hope you don’t mind walking.”

“Why, are we walking to town?”

“It’s a nice day out. Uncle Bill offered me a ride, but I thought it would be nice to walk. There isn’t that much that we need to carry back.”

“Sounds good to me.” Stealer said

Stealer was walking down the street in Babylon Gardens.

If she had never invited me, things would be so much easier for me right now. But I’m still glad that she did.

-----

Bino was having an emotional crisis right now. He was in love with a cat and just exploited a loophole in the GODC rules to let her come to the meetings.

But the reason he was emotionally falling apart (right now anyway) was because he “invited” Kyria to the meeting because he feared Prowler more than he cared for her feelings. He had a crush on her, but would have hurt her feelings without a second thought if not for Prowler.

He always thought he was a caring dog. Did he not help start the GODC? Or raise the money for the toilet in the clubhouse in case the other dogs became thirsty? What about those speeches about the important things in a dog’s life?

But now he knew that he wasn’t very caring at all. He started the club because he wanted to be the center of attention, not as a place for all of the neighborhood dogs to get together once a week. Yes he did raise the money for the toilet in the clubhouse, but he also took the leftover funds and spent them on himself, not on other things in the club. And sure he had those long speeches that he made the other dogs sit through every week, but they were usually on the important things in his life now that he thought about it, not everyone else’s.

He knew that he wasn’t like his brother Fido who tried to help every animal he could regardless of the personal cost, but Bino had always thought that he cared for those close to him. But he now realized that he did not even care enough to not hurt someone’s feelings without being threatened by the scariest dog he had ever met.

Bino went for a walk outside, no longer caring if he encountered Prowler or not.

-----

Stealer and Bailey left about an hour later. The walk to town was about two miles and took them about an hour. While walking they talked about different things. What they needed to buy, other things they could do in town, when they should start coming back, and other things like that.

Right before they got to the town, Bailey asked Stealer a question that took him by surprise. “Why did you really get up this morning?”

“What?” Stealer asked.

“You said that sleeping in just ‘wasn’t for you,’ but you never gave me an exact reason. I don’t mean to intrude in your personal life, but I think you were making that up. I’m worried about you.”

Stealer just looked at Bailey and said “I- I just had a bad night’s sleep. When I couldn’t fall asleep I decided to get up. It happens every now and then.”

Bailey seemed to be ok with that answer so they went into the town. However, they did not do any shopping yet. While they were in town, they decided to have some fun. However, while going around the town, Stealer noticed something. He felt like he should talk to Bailey about the break-up. Sometime between the morning and now he started to feel different about Bailey. But why?

“Hey Stealer, do you want to go to the arcade?”

Stealer snapped out of his thoughts for a moment and said “An arcade? Sounds fun.”

They both went to the arcade. Stealer played some Ski Ball, one of those arcade Basket Ball games, and a little pin ball.

However, when he got to the racing games, no one could believe how well he did. Most of the arcade had gathered around him by the time he had achieved an eight win streak. The arcade record was ten wins and everyone wanted to see if he would break it.

He was about to win his ninth race when he saw a black dog staring at him from across the arcade. In this moment that he was distracted, he crashed in the game and lost the race. The small crowd that had gathered around him all left at that point. They were sure that he was going to make ten wins, and now everyone was disappointed.

Stealer looked back over to where the black dog was, but he was gone now.

Bailey walked up. “Stealer, what happened? You were doing so well.”

“I just got distracted for a second.”

“I guess it’s just as well, we need to go now any way.”

“Why, I thought we only needed a few things from the store?”

“My dad wanted me to order some things while we were in town. It won’t take long. Then we can do some shopping.”

So they went to different places around town. Pretty soon, Stealer was hungry. He saw an ice-cream shop across the street from where they were and decided to get something to eat.

“I’m going to go get some ice-cream, ok Bailey?”

“Yea, I need to order one last thing from here and I will be right over.”

Stealer walked into the ice-cream shop and ordered a vanilla cone. When he got the ice-cream he looked for a place to sit. That is when he saw the black dog for the second time. He was sitting in a table that was in the corner of the shop.

“Hey buddy, come sit over here.” The black dog called to Stealer.

Stealer went to the table and sat down.

The black dog spoke first. “You have a sad look on your face, what’s wrong?”

Stealer was shocked that he would be asked such a personal question.

“Why do you ask?”

The dog just shrugged when he said “No reason.”

Stealer knew better. “You didn’t call me over for no reason. I saw you staring at me in the arcade. There must be something you want to know about me.”

“You’re pretty sharp.”

“I try to be whenever a strange dog starts asking me questions about my personal life.”

“Fine then. Let’s cut to the chase. By the looks of things, you are having girl trouble. But not with that girl that you are going around town with. Another girl, probably broke up with you, am I right?”

-----

Bino went to the dog park. He sat down on one of the benches. For now anyway, he forgot about having a crush on a cat.

Have I always put myself first? I know that I’m not the most caring or understanding dog in Babylon Gardens, but I always thought that I was less selfish than I see myself as now. Of course, now that I think about it, almost everything that I do has some kind of personal gain for me.

He looked around the park and saw Sasha walking by.

Maybe Sasha can help me figure this out; I just need to ask her one question.

Bino walked up to her and said “Hi Sasha.”

She turned around and almost yelled “Hi Biney!” And gave him a hug. By the way she acted, you would think that she hadn’t seen him for a month. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I need to ask you a question. A very important question.” Bino had a very serious look on his face. “What do you think of me?”

Sasha’s smile got even bigger (if that was possible) as she said “Do you even need to ask? You are the most handsome dog I have ever seen. And you have the prettiest green eyes ever and-”

“No Sasha, I meant about my personality, not my looks.”

“Well…” She thought for a second “You can be demanding, mean, forgetful, selfish, rude, controlling,-”

“That’s enough Sasha. I found out what I wanted to know.”

Bino left before Sasha could get another word off (which was pretty quick).

Even Sasha, who can see good in that drunken excuse of an owner that she calls her dad, does not see any good in me. If one person in the world could see good in me, it would be Sasha, and she only sees fault.

Bino went home and locked himself in his room once more.

-----

Stealer was sitting on a bench in the dog park, watching a sad looking brown dog walk away.

Poor guy, looks like he just got some bad news.

Stealer went back to thinking about that day in Kansas.

“How- How do you know?”

“Some things I can never tell people. I can tell you this, you need to come out to someone about what happened, or it will tear you apart from the inside out.”

Just then, Bailey walked into the shop and went to go get some ice-cream.

Stealer looked at her, and when he looked back at the black dog, he was gone. Stealer looked at the door and saw the black dog’s tail leaving the store before the door shut.

“What are you looking at?” Bailey asked as she sat down next to Stealer.

“Uh, nothing.”

She looked at his ice-cream and said “I’m getting worried Stealer, you haven’t touched your ice-cream.”

“What for?”

“You still haven’t explained why you got up when you did. You said that you had trouble sleeping and that you got up when you couldn’t sleep, but you would have been up a lot earlier. You tried to keep falling asleep to get away from something, that’s what I think.”

Stealer swallowed. Bailey had read him like a book. “It’s just stuff at home. Nothing that I want to talk about right now.”

Bailey just said “Oh well, I was trying to get you to come open with it, but I guess that you’re not ready. When you are, I’ll be ready
to listen.”

Both dogs ate there ice-cream before going to their next stop.

While walking around town, Stealer started thinking about why he felt closer to Bailey then he ever has. It was related to that feeling when they were coming into town this morning, but he still couldn’t figure it out.

After about an hour, Bailey finally said “Ok, now we can go and start buying stuff. Stealer, can you go to the store and start getting all of the stuff we need to get? I have to go to the pharmacy and pick up some medicine for my dad.”

“Sounds good, see you in a few minutes.”

Stealer went to the store and started to look around. While looking, he saw the black dog from the arcade and the ice-cream shop standing there.

Stealer walked to him, determined to get some answers.

The black dog looked up, saw Stealer and said “So, have you decided to tell someone what happened?”

Stealer looked at him and said “Yes, but on one condition. You tell me who you are, and how you knew about my girl troubles.”

The black dog just said “Fair enough. My name is Jiff, and I could see it in your eyes.”

“In... In my eyes?” Stealer asked

“Yes, you can see a lot in someone’s eyes. Just look at mine.”

Stealer looked into Jiff’s eyes and saw that they looked very tired. Not just tired, like they had seen more than could be seen in a lifetime.

Jiff continued. “I have made an art out of reading someone’s eyes, and when I saw yours, they screamed ‘girl trouble’ to me. I’ve seen people who never talked about their trouble. They never got over them, never found comfort, lived miserable lives. You don’t need to tell me about your personal problems, but you should think about talking with that other dog you have been going around town with. She seems like she has a big heart and will listen to you no matter what you have to say. Think about it.” Jiff started to walk away.

“Wait!” Stealer called to him. “I will talk to Bailey if you tell me one thing. How did you get those eyes; those tired, overused eyes?”

Jiff sighed and said “I guess there is no other way. If you want to know, I have been looking for an old student of mine.”

“An old student?”

“Yes, my only student to be honest. Some years ago, I invented a new fighting style. I learned to control my emotions, and in doing so, I unlocked a hidden power that all living beings have.”

“A hidden power?”

“Yes, and as far as I know, only two beings in the entire world can unlock this power. Me and my former student.”

“So why do you want to find him?”

“He had a good heart at first, but soon after he finished his training it turned dark. He became obsessed with power, I tried to talk him out of it but he tried to kill me in response. As you can see, he failed. After his failed attempt on my life, he ran away. I have spent years looking for him.”

“So his heart is pure evil?”

“I fear that it is. He often goes from town to town under the cover of helping someone to become a better person. By the end of the week, the town suffers some kind of tragedy. And what is worst of all, is that he usually disappears right before it happens. By the time the news reaches me, it is too late to go there because he is already gone.”

“I see, he’s that bad.”

“Yes he is. Fortunately, he seems to have calmed down for now. The years that I have spent looking for him are what gave me these eyes. He has avoided me every time that I get close.”

Jiff started to walk away before he turned and said “I have told you something that very few people know. My former student had ears everywhere. Don’t ever tell anyone what you just heard. If he finds out that you know about me, there is no telling what he will do to you to get information. If I don’t catch him soon, things are going to change.”

“Wait, what do you mean that things are going to change? And how do you know?”

Jiff just said “I’m going to Babylon Gardens. I have some business to take care of there. I think that is where my student is going to strike next. I have told you my end of the deal and more, now hold up your end and talk about your problems with that other dog you have been hanging with. And don’t follow me. That will only lead to trouble.”

With that, Jiff left the store.

Bailey came to the store and they both bought what they had come to get. On the way home, Stealer told her about the break-up that he had. While talking to her, he realized that the feeling he had was that she felt like a sister to him. Someone he could talk to about anything and she would listen. (Just like Jiff said) When they got back to the house, Stealer and Bailey went to the barn and Stealer told her how he felt about her. She told him she felt the same way as she laid her head on his shoulder.

Stealer started to walk back to Fox’s house. He began to wonder where Jiff was. And where Jiff’s student might be…

-----

“You’re mine!” Fido yelled.

But as his head turned, there was no one there.

But- how can this be? I heard his footsteps right behind me. He should be right h-

Just then, Prowler came like a freight train from Fido’s side and tackled him to the ground with every ounce of power he felt safe using.

Prowler held Fido down with a strength that seemed unnatural. “You sneak into the woods trying to make sure that no one was following you, but you have no tricks up your sleeve that can save you if they were. I feel sorry for you.”

Fido was not struggling to get up, but instead he was smiling at Prowler. “You think that I have no tricks up my sleeve? Think again. KEVIN NOW!!”

Prowler heard a dog running up behind him at full speed as it yelled “SURPRISE TACKLE!!”

END

I give Silentprincess828 at Deviantart credit for reviewing my story for mistakes.

If you see any problems (or coments, I would rather positive coments if you could), feel free to post them.

*looks out window*
Oh darn. It seems that the aliens and zombies have joined forces and are going to storm into my house together.
Time to take matters into my own hands. *Takes out old rusty chainsaw/flamthrower/rocket launcher from hallway closet*
If you don't hear from me in a few days, you are all doomed to a life controlled by zombies and aliens. So wish me luck

copper · Post by **copper** » Sun Feb 26, 2012 1:38 am

Ooo, another good story! So Prowler is either Jiff in disguise or his student, and Fido and Kevin are there.... wonder what the K9 unit is doing there...

JeffCvt · Post by **JeffCvt** » Sun Feb 26, 2012 8:06 pm

copper wrote:So Prowler is either Jiff in disguise or his student

Maybe everyone should take a guess, is he Jiff, Jiff's student, or neither?

copper wrote:wonder what the K9 unit is doing there...

Definetley a better idea than Sabrina, I will never know why I dumped this idea before Copper said

copper wrote:Fido probably just wanted to meet Sabrina

Roarin · Post by **Roarin** » Sun Feb 26, 2012 10:25 pm

Yeah! Read the whole thing in one sitting. Awesome story! Cant wait fer the next one!

JeffCvt · Post by **JeffCvt** » Mon Feb 27, 2012 3:56 pm

I'm glad that you enjoy my writing.

It's nice to hear that someone thinks my writing is worth reading all in one sitting.

JeffCvt · Post by **JeffCvt** » Mon Feb 27, 2012 10:31 pm

Ok, all I can say for the next update is that it probably won't be a long one like the rest of mine have been.

Not that I have writers block, but more like... lack of inspration right now.

I know where I want to end up at the end of this story, but I need to get there. It's frustrating. I need to take up several days in the story, but I don't know how I'm going to.

My first three parts to King's story each took no longer than three days from handwriten notes to typed story each. (only 30 hours for part two) But then I hit part four and it took 9 days, I wrote the other three parts in less than 9 days total!
After that, I never really got that... inspration that I had for the first three parts back. I still enjoy writing the stories and everything, but my handwritten notes are still taking forever. Maybe it's just me, I don't know.

Also

copper wrote:So Prowler is either Jiff in disguise or his student

No one is going to take a guess? Is he Jiff, Jiff's student, or neither? I was kind of hoping to see everyone's opinion on Prowler so far.

Also Also

Fun Fact! Prowler's name was going to originally be Jiff, but I didn't want to do that because it was close to my username, Jeff.
But after I posted the first story with Prowler, I still wanted a character named Jiff, so that is why Jiff is named, well, Jiff.

copper · Post by **copper** » Tue Feb 28, 2012 12:41 am

Interesting factoid.

And that tends to happen. It is now that the hard part of writing comes. Getting through this period of ennui, or however you want to describe it. It happens, but you will get your second wind if you just keep it up!

JeffCvt · Post by **JeffCvt** » Wed Feb 29, 2012 10:34 pm

Well, here is the next part.

Enjoy

Sergeant Ralph could not believe what he just saw. Not only did that light tan dog no bigger than Bino outsmart Fido, he had just thrown Kevin over his head!

When Fido yelled “Your mine!!” he was not trying to scare his pursuer, but he was actually signaling Kevin to get ready to tackle if he would be needed. And when Fido yelled “KEVIN NOW!!” Kevin did what he was supposed to do, run in from behind and tackle the target.

Except, at the last second, the tan dog turned around and ducked when Kevin jumped. The tan dog then pushed Kevin up and over him, using Kevin’s speed to his own advantage.

This dog had analyzed the situation and in a split second, and pulled off a move that most people and dogs could not pull of it they had a full minuet to get ready.

Ralph was surprised, but impressed.

The tan dog then turned to Ralph and said “Come out from that bush, I know you’re in there.”

Ralph came out and gave a slow, sarcastic clap. “Aren’t you quite the dog? In 15 seconds, you managed to take down two of the three toughest police dogs to ever come out of the academy, then spot where the third one was hiding. While I don’t like seeing my squad embarrassed like this, I have to congratulate you on your luck.”

The tan dog looked right at him and said “First, my name is Prowler. Don’t forget it. Second, I don’t want any trouble with the police dogs right now. That’s the last thing I need. Third, who said luck had anything to do with this?”

Ralph looked right in his eyes and said “Luck had everything to do with it. Just look at you, if you tried to fight any one of us in a one-on-one fight, no sneak attacks or smoke and mirror tricks, you would lose before you could say ‘Oops I made a mistake.’”

Prowler seemed to get angry at this statement. “Want to back that statement up?”

Ralph swore that he could see fire in Prowlers eyes.

Prowler continued. “Three-on-one. Right now. Your two friends aren’t hurt, we can both see that.”

Fido and Kevin both got up and walked over to Ralph. “Don’t do it, you know we can’t hurt him for no reason.” Fido said.

“Yea.” Said Kevin “That would go against our morals, even if we weren’t police dogs.”

Prowler heard what they just said. “Don’t worry about hurting me. I already figured out why you guys came here. You came to train in privacy, so no one would know about your formations and strategies if you ever had to arrest them. That is why that dog with the green collar was making sure no one was following him. Well I volunteer to help you train, and I fully understand that this is a full contact training session and that I could get hurt. So now you your morals are covered, I want to help you train even if I could get hurt.”

Ralph smiled when Prowler said that. “You heard him. He thinks he can stand up to ‘training’ with three of us.”

“I know I can.” Prowler said.

Fido and Kevin looked at each other and smiled. “Let’s ‘train’ then.” Fido said as the three of them got into formation.

This is going to be fun Prowler thought as he got ready to fight.

-----

“What?”

“You heard me. The magical solstice.”

Sabrina couldn’t believe her ears. The magical solstice was an incredibly rare event that took away all magical powers for an uncertain amount of time.

This would not normally be a problem, but Sabrina had felt a disturbance around Babylon Gardens right before her powers went away.

“So what are we going to do? What if this disturbance is something that we need magic to take care of?”

Tarot spoke in a calm voice. “That is highly unlikely, and you know it. Whatever this disturbance that you felt is, I’m sure that the police dogs can take care of it.”

“You’re right Tarot, I’m sure the police dogs can handle whatever it is. The chances of this being something that would take a beyond mortal power to take care of are almost zero.” Sabrina took a deep breath “I mean, who could beat Fido and his squad? No one around here, that’s for sure.”

-----

Ralph couldn’t believe his eyes. In the short time they had been engaged, Prowler had managed to trick Kevin into running head first into a tree knocking himself out, and had thrown Fido out of balance when he had jumped into the air, causing Fido to land in a way that he twisted his ankle and would not be able to walk for about a day.

But he noticed something important. This guy, Prowler, liked to use his opponent’s moves against them. Ralph had dealt with a few guys like this in his time.

Ralph got very close to Prowler and started fighting him with a close, martial arts style.

Prowler immediately went on the defensive. He dodged and blocked, but did not throw any punches back.

Just as I thought. He uses his opponent’s power to his advantage. He can’t fight back using punches or kicks, so if I keep up this
tight quarter fighting then eventually I will land a hit and-

Ralph’s thought was cut short. He had landed a hit on Prowler, but only because Prowler had charged in to the punch. It hit and grazed off of his shoulder.

But this was not the reason his thought was cut short. Prowler had charged into the punch so he could deliver his own punch right to Ralph’s gut.

And this punch has knocked the wind right out of him. (To knock the wind out of Ralph was a feat in itself) Struggling for breath like most everyone does after receiving a hit like that, Ralph backed away. He knew when he was beat.

At this point, Kevin got up, rubbing his head.

Prowler looked at all of them and said “The best from the academy? If you’re the best, I would hate to see everyone else. And I went easy on you guys, just so you know.”

Prowler started to walk away. But before he got out of the clearing, Ralph called to him. “Wait. I have one question for you. I know that you beating us was no fluke, but how did you do it? You don’t seem to be trained in any fighting style that I am familiar with.”

“I used my anger. You could never understand, and even if you did, you would not be able to use it the way that I did.” After saying that, Prowler just walked away.

END

I give Silentprincess828 at Deviantart credit for reviewing my story for mistakes.

So, there it is. I said that it would be short, and it was.

Also, I'm kind of sad no one told me what they thought of Prowler. I still would like to know if you could tell me, please??

copper · Post by **copper** » Thu Mar 01, 2012 12:00 am

It is alright, look at the view count rather than the posts. A lot of readers just read and never post. it is the same for all fics. Don't be down about it.

Nice update, very action packed. It seems Prowler likes the soft martial arts. Nice...

So the Magic Solstice is here. Wonder what the celebrations are like.

Can't wait for the next update!!

JeffCvt · Post by **JeffCvt** » Fri Mar 02, 2012 11:59 pm

Alright, I think that I found some inspritaion for the next part. I will try to have it up by next weekend. (Yay for commiting myself to finish in a time frame!)

Also, 1,000 Views!!

I want to thank everyone who had read my story and put up with the first four parts before I turned this into a series. I was never really in to writing, and I was suprised that I enjoyed it as much as I did for the first story. I hope that all of you enjoy reading it and that all of you enjoy the ending to this chapter.

Karl · Post by **Karl** » Mon Mar 05, 2012 8:29 pm

Okay. Finally got time to read it all

So your idea is original. You sticks near comic style, though it lacks comedic situation, and you don't go too wild with your fantasies. So far your work is looking promising. However, there are things you need to work on.

First thing is that your story looks rushed. What do I mean by this? First thing is that you skip actions too fast. Instead of letting characters go to some room on their own, it looks more like you just grab them and move them to different location.

Just then, someone knocked on the door.

“Bino, can you get that? My hands are full right now.” Jeff yelled from across the house.

Please don’t let it be Prowler. Anyone but Prowler, I just can’t look into those eyes ever again.

He walked towards the door, slowly.

I understand that Bino was in his house. However, some things are coming to my mind when reading what I quoted above: Where exactly was Bino when he heard a knock? What was he doing? And if he was moving towards the door, was he doing any moves from nervousness?
Sometimes it's better to extend action. It makes it more livelier and reader has better image of what is happening. Without those elements, action will be empty, less attractive and it will make your story look more like some report.

Second are dialogues. They itself are okay, but... sometimes there are moments when I miss how people acted when spelling them.

Jiff sighed and said “I guess there is no other way. If you want to know, I have been looking for an old student of mine.”

“An old student?”

“Yes, my only student to be honest. Some years ago, I invented a new fighting style. I learned to control my emotions, and in doing so,
I unlocked a hidden power that all living beings have.”

“A hidden power?”

“Yes, and as far as I know, only two beings in the entire world can unlock this power. Me and my former student.”

“So why do you want to find him?”

“He had a good heart at first, but soon after he finished his training it turned dark. He became obsessed with power, I tried to talk him
out of it but he tried to kill me in response. As you can see, he failed. After his failed attempt on my life, he ran away. I have spent
years looking for him.”

“So his heart is pure evil?”

“I fear that it is. He often goes from town to town under the cover of helping someone to become a better person. By the end of the
week, the town suffers some kind of tragedy. And what is worst of all, is that he usually disappears right before it happens. By the time
the news reaches me, it is too late to go there because he is already gone.”

“I see, he’s that bad.”

I'm not sure what those characters felt when they were spelling what was on their mind or, how their tone could sound like or did they make any move like scathing their temple, making a serious face and so on. You must also keep such things in mind, otherwise their conversation will go in direction of chatter.

And third thing is character personalities.
King, though he's popular among HP fans, is a character who tends to be sarcastic and complaining about various things, but that also works other way around when he's having a good day. But when I was reading through your story, I think those negative features were missing. Mainly he was acting friendly.
Same thing goes with Bino. He tends to be a dog who just likes to throw his frustration on others and make a loud noise around his ego. Though you showed that, when he was thinking in his room, that he is selfish, what I missed was that he didn't act like a jerk so far to anyone or tried to squabble. And as Valerio pointed out, his cat-lover thing came a bit too rushed. You should have had focused on this inner problem of his more because it's a complicated thing.
When you are putting a canon character to your fan work, you must wear their skin when you put your imagination to work. Talk like them. behave like them. Think like them. Discard all your feautures to adopt theirs. You're not Jeff. You are King who is impatient, grumpy, has rather sarcastic point of view on world and struggles through different dilemmas. Or you are Bino, selfish, mean to others, scheming and being overshadowed by your more popular brother.

Of course I'm not telling you this to discourage you

As you said yourself, you are just beginning and such things are normal. There are things that I liked, like how King had problems with his feelings towards Bailey, how both of them watched the sunrise and taking some piece of Bino's inner problems.
I hope that my advice I gave you will be a good help for you and you will take them to your heart.
So, keep writing and posting

And let's see how you're progressing.

JeffCvt · Post by **JeffCvt** » Mon Mar 05, 2012 9:38 pm

Thank you for all the tips Karlos. This will be a big help to me in the future. Just to point out though, I did do some of the things you mentioned on purpose. (Not to mean you were wrong or anything)

I was aware of my story being rushed, especially the one before Stealer's flashback. I was already trying to work that out myself, although some of your suggestions will help me a lot with that.

Karlos wrote:Same thing goes with Bino. He tends to be a dog who just likes to throw his frustration on others and make a loud noise around his ego. Though you showed that, when he was thinking in his room, that he is selfish, what I missed was that he didn't act like a jerk so far to anyone or tried to squabble.

I understand that, however, from my point of view he is not acting like himself because of the shock of falling in love with a cat, having invited her to the GODC, realizing what a jerk he has been, ect. Right now I know he is not acting like himself, and that is what I am trying to show the reader.

Also, I don't expect him to act like the Bino we all know and love for a while now.

The part about him falling in love with Kyria was rushed, I will admit that, and I did earlier. But, like I also said, this will not be a typical love story.

And with King's personality, I imagined that he had kind of changed after meeting Bailey. Like I said with Bino, he was torn on the inside in a way that he did not act like himself. I always imagined him being grumpy because he did not like the fact he was a dog. The fact he might have found a reason to stay a dog (besides Fox, who could find out his secret and leave him, thus leaving him no reason to stay a dog) changed the way he acted. Because there was no arc based on King until now, I just guessed that myself.
(To be honest, it seems that I see a lot of the characters differently than most people see them, so some if it is just me)

Anyway, thank you for all of the advice. I went from having one plot in King's story to something like 5 right now. It was a really big jump that I should not have made with no writing experience, but I kind of had to for the ending that I have planned. But rest assured that I will keep writing, I enjoy it and nothing short of my computer exploding will keep me from posting it.

copper · Post by **copper** » Mon Mar 05, 2012 10:56 pm

And I will look forward to reading those updates. You are doing well for a first timer, and I am sure you will figure it out along the way. Even if you can't, you have the entire forums to ask for help from!

Karlos just showed you that!

pyeishdelish · Post by **pyeishdelish** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 6:47 pm

How u know Princess?

JeffCvt · Post by **JeffCvt** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 6:56 pm

I'm her friend from school. You must be one of her friends that I here about all of the time. If you would like to continue this conversation, please pm me.

JeffCvt · Post by **JeffCvt** » Sat Mar 10, 2012 11:03 pm

I'm going to try and have the part up tomorrow, but no promices. I haven't even started typing yet...

Luna werewolf · Post by **Luna werewolf** » Sun Mar 11, 2012 11:20 am

JeffCvt wrote:I'm going to try and have the part up tomorrow, but no promices. I haven't even started typing yet...

Don't worry. It'll proberbly be worth the wait. :3

sean21 · Post by **sean21** » Sun Mar 11, 2012 8:36 pm

i love your fan fictions, i wasn't able to finish it thought, i'll read the rest tomorrow

legendario13 · Post by **legendario13** » Mon Mar 12, 2012 8:42 pm

Well jeff...
you have pretty great material here!
I have only read till the second part, but i like where is going.
i'll read more tomorrow.
I will be back!

JeffCvt · Post by **JeffCvt** » Mon Mar 12, 2012 9:06 pm

Ok everyone. Sorry about not posting this weekend or tonight.
I'm typing it up. I will have it as soon as I can.
(Man, how does Valero do his so fast?)

musclecar326 · Post by **musclecar326** » Mon Mar 12, 2012 10:35 pm

Don't rush yourself and don't worry about not getting one up in time, we can wait. Also i think valerio uses that talking thing, were you talk into a mic and the words appear on the page.(that's my guess)

copper · Post by **copper** » Mon Mar 12, 2012 11:05 pm

Valerio has a long commute to and from work, so he has a lot of downtime to write, i think. I am pretty sure he said that in a post once...

valerio · Post by **valerio** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 1:42 am

Copper got it right.
i got about commuting time, and I use train, then I use my lunch break and of course there is the time at home... so, no, I don't need a speech-to-text software. I can imagine the other commuters looking at me talking ficcie and thinking Weeeeiiirrrd

JeffCvt · Post by **JeffCvt** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 5:21 pm

Well, I still don't know how you get yours so quick, Valerio. You have had 5 or 6 updates in the time it took me to finish my handwriten notes. That is not counting the time that I have spent (and will spend) typing. I don't know how the story flows from your fingers so quickley. You come up with as much in a day that I spend a week figuring out.

Not that I mind, I'm not caught up in your fic yet (which is the only reason I'm not reading many others yet) but when I do I will enjoy your constant updates.

legendario13 · Post by **legendario13** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 8:15 pm

Well i catch up.
I like, it have a different touch (its like a different cousine) (also im intrigued, for luna's story)
I want to tell you that its a very good advice what karlos told you. (seems legit

)

I just disagree with one thing.

The part of bino's suddendly crush, i like a lot how it got out that part.
*getting ready for the rain of stones*

Not everything needs to have an explanation behind. as we said here (at least i continuously use it)

Thats how it occurs when it happens.
just like that.

Prowler is weird, but i dont know, just that.

JeffCvt · Post by **JeffCvt** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 9:18 pm

Well, thank you for that legendario. I'm glad that you like how Bino suddenly fell in love with a cat. While it was a bit rushed, and I could have done a little more with Bino realizing that he had a crush on Kyria, I was going for a love at first sight kind of thing.

legendario13 wrote:Not everything needs to have an explanation behind.

And as for this, I agree with you. Not only because this is my story and whatever I want to happen can happen, regardless of what the characters act like in the comic, but because there are a lot of things that go deeper then they may appear on the surface, and by explaining them I will give major spoilers.
Like when Valerio said "and sasha too is taking it too lightly" referring to her accepting Bino's crush on Kyria, there is a reason that I did that. I can't say more, but some things are better left un-explained in my story (at least until I explain them in the story).

However, if anyone should ever spot something that does not make sense to them, feel free to say something. It could be that I made a mistake and I need to fix it. If it was something intentional, I will simply say so and there is no harm done.

Also, because I feel bad about not updating, I will give you all a quick fun fact!
Prowler's name came from one of Silentprincess's charecters who was also named Prowler.
Although her character is a cat, and is the size of a human, and is gay, and in no way related to housepets. Her Prowler in no way inspired mine, just the name. But it's pretty interesting I guess, because my prowler and hers are like, polar opposites.

Enough ranting. I will get back to work on my story now. (Well, maybe tomorrow)

legendario13 · Post by **legendario13** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 9:48 pm

Hahahaha now i cant stop thinking on prowler with a crown and high heels.

As the guys said already, dont push yourself into writting your fic.
you can do it fast or... You can do it Well.

JeffCvt · Post by **JeffCvt** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 10:05 pm

Well, her Prowler is a guy too...
And my Prowler has a few suprises in store...
But as for the do it fast or do it well, I would rather do it a little faster and well. (By little faster, I mean once a week. But it is coming along)

JeffCvt · Post by **JeffCvt** » Thu Mar 15, 2012 1:24 pm

Note:
Because of his epic loss in "Quick before they see" under the forum games, JeffCvt left a few messanges and fell into a coma.
Because of this, the update that Jeff expected today or tomorrow may be dalayed further.
I thank you for the time that you took to read this.

Signed,
One of Jeff's friends.

SilentPrincess828 · Post by **SilentPrincess828** » Thu Mar 15, 2012 4:19 pm

Hahahaha now i cant stop thinking on prowler with a crown and high heels.

Actually....

legendario13 · Post by **legendario13** » Thu Mar 15, 2012 4:50 pm

JeffCvt wrote:Note:
Because of his epic loss in "Quick before they see" under the forum games, JeffCvt left a few messanges and fell into a coma.
Because of this, the update that Jeff expected today or tomorrow may be dalayed further.
I thank you for the time that you took to read this.

Signed,
One of Jeff's friends.

I will Wait

JeffCvt · Post by **JeffCvt** » Sat Mar 17, 2012 7:42 am

Well, I woke up from my coma.
The next part is almost finished. I should have it up within an hour. Thanks to Karlos for all or the tips. I think this part turnned out well thanks to some of your advice.

JeffCvt · Post by **JeffCvt** » Sat Mar 17, 2012 1:49 pm

Sorry for the delay, something came up literley 30 seconds before I was about to post this, and I had some other things that to do that took priority over this.
But hey, at least I got it up today.

Enjoy

Joey was sitting in his chair, listening to Lester and some of his other weird friends argue over something. He had lost track of what that something was a long time ago. All he heard was D&D this, bad anime translation that, it was always the same things they argued over.

And Joey was tired of it.

Whenever they got together to do anything recently, it always ends up being an argument about something. Joey couldn’t even understand why they cared about most of the stuff they argued about in the first place.

So he just got up and walked out. No one noticed him leave.

At least Squeak will be glad to have me around.

“Joey! You’re back early!”

“Hi Squeak.” She is always glad to see me. I wish some of my friends were like that. “My friends all started arguing again. I decided that I would rather spend the time with you then listen to them argue. They probably haven’t even noticed that I’m gone.”

“Oh, it’s ok.” Squeak said as Joey lifted her to his shoulder. “I notice every time that you’re gone, and I always miss you until you come back.” Then she gave him a kiss on the cheek when she was close enough.

“Thank you Squeak, you always know how to make me feel better.”

“That’s why you love me.” Suddenly Squeak’s face lit up as she remembered something she wanted to tell Joey. “Oh, did you hear the news?”

Joey was interested. Whenever Squeak wanted to share news with him, it was big. “No, I don’t think so.”

“There was a rumor that Ralph, Kevin and Fido were seen coming out of the woods yesterday, and they looked to be in rough shape.”

“Do you mean like training accidents? They go there to train sometimes.”

Squeak shook her head. “I don’t think so. Fido looked like he had a twisted ankle, which could have happened by accident during training, but Kevin was holding his head and Ralph looked like he took a really hard hit to his stomach. They may take training seriously, and any one of them could have accidently twisted there ankle, but Ralph would never let them train hard enough that Kevin would give himself a concussion. Or that he himself would take a hard hit to his stomach. Not to mention that if one of them got hurt, he would stop immediately, not keep going until all three of them were injured.”

Joey was impressed. “Interesting. Can you explain the injuries then?”

“I sure can.” Squeak said matter-of-factley. “No one besides the police dogs were seen coming out of the woods, but I think that there was another dog with them. The fact that all three of them were hurt makes me think that they were training with another dog, and that dog showed them a thing or two.”

Joey was impressed. “Wow, you figured all of that out?”

“Well, some of the mice overheard them talking as they came out of the woods. But I figured the first part on my own.”

Joey smiled. “Well, you’re still smart for figuring that part out.” Squeak has her friends that tell her what is going on in the town. Mine would be lucky to notice that the house right next to them burned down. If it’s not related to D&D or something they like, then they would never know anything.

“Joey?”

“Wha- Oh, Squeak. Sorry, I kind of… zoned I guess.”

“Maybe you should go out for some air. It’s not like you to zone like that.”

Joey took her off of his shoulder and asked “Will you be okay if I go?”

Squeak crossed her arms and said “Joey, worry about yourself for once. It’s ok to be selfish every once and a while.”

“Thank you Squeak.” He said as he hugged her as best as a dog could hug a mouse.

Before they broke the hug, Squeak said “But to answer your question anyway, I will be fine.”

-----

“Who was that guy?” Kevin asked.

“I don’t know, but he got us good. He even beat Ralph in one on one close combat. There’s not a dog in the police force that can do that. Even the trainers at the academy can’t beat him.”

The three police dogs were all sitting in Fido’s room, talking about what had happened yesterday.

Ralph, who was looking out of the window, turned to Fido, who was in his bed, and Kevin, who was sitting on the floor leaning on the bed, and said “It was unnatural the way he blocked all of my punches. I stayed close and punched with quick, precise hits, but he blocked every one of them.”

“Except for that last one as he got you.” Fido said.

“Yes.” Ralph said. “But he let that one hit him. He blocked every other punch as if he knew where they were going to land. It’s like he could read my mind.”

“Well, dogs can’t read minds, right?” Kevin asked.

“Uhhh… Right.” Fido said. Normal dogs can’t, but who said this guy is normal? I need to go talk to Sabrina. If this guy can read minds, she probably knows about him.

Fido tried to stand up, but nearly fell over when he put weight on the ankle that he twisted yesterday.

“Stay off of that leg and that is an order.” Ralph said. “The doc said to stay off of it for at least two or three days.”

“Sorry.” Fido said as Kevin helped him back into the bed. I guess that it can wait. That guy was probably showing off more than anything. Besides, Tarot can see into the future. If he was planning to do anything that would be a major concern, Tarot would know by now. There is nothing to worry about.

“Something bothers me.” Kevin said.

“What’s that?” Ralph asked.

“Well, he wasn’t wearing a collar or tags. But he was too clean and seemed like he ate too well to be a stray. Why wouldn’t he have tags then?”

“I don’t know.” Ralph said. “But the next time I see him, I am going to have a few words with him.”

-----

“So, did you talk with Bino yesterday?”

“Yes, and I don’t like the way he was. I think that your talk with him a few days ago changed him, but not the way we wanted.”

“He’s becoming a better dog.”

“He’s afraid of you. He’s not doing it to become a better dog; he’s doing it so you won’t beat him to a pulp.”

“Oh, well that’s good. I thought I would have to talk to him a second time before he took me seriously.”

“That’s good!? At what point does fear turn into the desire to be a better dog?”

“When he lets it.”

“Whatever. I’ve got to go. I have things to do.”

“I think I’ll go for a walk. The one I took yesterday didn’t last very long.”

-----

Joey was walking down the street, thinking about what Squeak had said. Be a little selfish once and awhile? I know that I like to help other animals out, but do I do it at my personal expense?

As he was thinking, a tan dog walked by him.

That dog was not wearing a collar. At my personal expense or not, I should help him out.

-----

Prowler was finally walking around town. He had wanted to for a while now, he wanted to get used to the town before things started happening.

Suddenly, he heard someone from behind him yelling. “Hey, wait up!”

Prowler turned his head and saw a dog that sort of looked like the dog he followed into the woods yesterday. Except this dog was kind of short and had blue eyes.

“Hi there. My name is Joey. I noticed that you weren’t wearing a collar. You should go put one on, or you might get taken to the shelter.”

He probably won’t go away unless I tell him something. Prowler thought.

“My collar is… special to me. I can’t where it or something might happen to it.”

Prowler started to walk away, but Joey called him again. “Wait! Why is it special to you?”

Great, this guy just won’t leave me alone “Ummm… I would rather not tell you.”

“Fair enough.” Joey said.

Prowler turned to walk away, but before he could take a step, Joey said. “You know, I have some collars and blank tags at my house. I could give you a new collar and tag to keep. You really do need them around here.”

Boy, will he ever leave me alone? I guess he is trying to help someone though. I should probably get a collar anyway. I wouldn’t want to end up at the shelter. All of my hard work would be ruined if I did. Plus it can keep the suspicion off of me at the same time.

“If I agree to go get a collar, it won’t take too long, right?” Prowler asked.

“It shouldn’t.” Joey said as he started in the direction of his house. “Ten minutes at the most.”

They both went to Joey’s house.

“Squeak? I’m back.” Joey said. He looked around and found a note. He read it, then turned to Prowler and said “It looks like Squeak went out for a little while.”

“Squeak?” Prowler asked.

“Oh, right. She’s a mouse that lives with me.”

“Whatever.” Prowler said. “Can we get to the collar now?”

“I’m getting to it right now.” Joey said as he pulled a kit about the size of a briefcase out from under his bed.

He set it on a table and opened it. Inside there were collars and tags of shapes and sizes.

If Prowler was surprised or impressed, he didn’t show it. However, he did cross his arms and ask “Why do you have so many collars and tags? This seems like a lot for one dog.”

Joey answered “Pets lose or break their collars around here more than you would think. They would usually come to me because I roll play a lot and they thought I could loan them one until their parents bought them a new one. It happened so often that my dad got me this so I could just give them a permanent one if they wanted.”

“I see.” Prowler said with little change in his voice, showing that he was bored. “So which collar do I get?”

“Go ahead and chose your own.” Joey said with a smile. “Take any one that you like, as long as it’s not a cat collar. Oh, and choose a tag too.”

Prowler took a close look at all of the collars. There were all different kinds of styles, sizes, colors, and more to choose from. He took out a basic red collar that would fit perfectly around his neck. Next he looked at the tags. There were a lot of different tags to choose from too. He picked out a tag that looked like this.

: Prowler's collar.PNG (6 KiB) Viewed 14730 times

Joey took the tag and said “I’m going to need the standard information that goes on a tag. You know, name, address, things like that.”

“Just put Prowler on it. I’ll have the rest done another time.” He said with a kind of authoritative tone.

Joey did what Prowler said, he didn’t want to ask why.

He took out a special stamping kit and began to carefully stamp Prowler’s name on it.

When Joey was done, Prowler took the tag and looked at it. The letters were all straight, neatly spaced, level; it looked like a machine had done it.

Joey said “That is a special ink. It’s dry enough to wear now, but after an hour or so, it will be completely dry and will never come off again.”

Prowler clipped the tag on the collar, looked at it for a second, and then put the collar on. “Ummm… Thanks I guess.”

Before he started to walk out, Joey asked “So I guess that you are new around here, right?”

Now Prowler was really starting to get annoyed, but he hid it as he said “Yes I am. I was going for a walk around town to become familiar with it when you came up to me.”

“Well I hope that you enjoy it here.” Joey said. “Everyone is real friendly and you should have no problem making friends.”

“Thanks.” Prowler muttered. I don’t need any friends. They only get in the way. Then he walked out to continue his walk around town.

-----

How could someone have such eyes?

Max was in his room. He had been there ever since his encounter with Prowler.

His eyes, what could they have seen? I nearly go blind just thinking about it. How could he get those eyes without going insane? And that fire in the pupil. I swear that fire looked right into my soul.

He had been like this, thinking about it nonstop. He had been trying to convince himself it was all a dream.

But he knew that it wasn’t. He knew that not even a dream could have something so terrifying. And Max knew a thing or two about terrifying dreams.

Why me? I was only trying to have some fun, but then he had to look at me with those eyes.

NO! DON’T THINK ABOUT THEM! NOT AGAIN!

-----

“Boy, someone sure got you good.”

“Spo, not right now.”

At Fido’s house, Ralph and Kevin had left.

“Man, I wish that I was there yesterday, it would have been awesome to have seen that dog kick your butts.”

Fido just sighed. “Spo, you seem to forget that I allow you to live here. And that I could very easily kick you out.”

“You and what army?” Spo said with a grin.

“Me and an army of hungry cats. Get the picture?” Fido said with a hint of annoyance in is voice.

Spo realized just how sensitive Fido was about that topic. “Sorry.”

Fido sighed again. “It’s fine.” He said. The annoyance in his voice was gone. “I just can’t figure out how he beat Ralph.”

“Didn’t you guys agree that he could read minds?” Spo asked with a sarcastic tone in his voice.

The annoyance in Fido’s voice came back. “First, no one can read minds. And second, I thought that I told you to stay away while Kevin and Ralph were here.” The look on his face became serious. “You didn’t stay away, did you?”

“Uh…” Spo became very nervous. “Well, I couldn’t help myself. The three best police dogs in the area all getting their butts kicked by one single dog, I couldn’t help myself. You understand, right?”

If Sabina ever brings me another small animal to take care of, I am going to say no. No matter how big her eyes get. Fido thought.

Then he said to Spo “Did you ever think that I might like to keep some of my life private?”

“Sorry, again.” Spo muttered.

Fido let out a long, exaggerated sigh this time. “Since you were listening anyway, can you give me something useful that you might have gotten from our conversation? Like how that dog might have beat Ralph?”

“Well…” Spo still sounded nervous. “I kind of want to know how he got you. Before he made you twist your ankle. You said something about hearing him behind you, but when you turned he wasn’t there.”

“We already figured that out.” Fido said. “It looked like he snuck around to the side of the clearing. There were some rocks there, so he must have tossed them behind me, and I mistook them for footsteps. When I spun around to trip someone who was not there, he took advantage and you know the rest.”

Spo looked like a light bulb went off in his head. “Wait, you mean that he didn’t confront you directly at first?”

Now Fido was confused. “No he didn’t, how is that important?”

“Think about it!” Spo nearly yelled. “He was being careful. If he was that strong, why not just confront you directly?”

Spo had Fido’s interest.

Spo continued. “He was strong enough to beat all three of you at once and he knew it. So why would he go through the trouble to trick you in the first place?”

Fido got a thoughtful look on his face. “Well, he did say he didn’t want any trouble with the police.”

“Well that makes even less sense. Why would he even fight you guys if he knew you were the police and he didn’t want any trouble? Something is wrong here.”

If only I could talk to Sabrina. Fido thought. Maybe she could help me out. I could ask Spo to give her a message for me, but until I can get out of the house there is nothing I could do. This is something we would need to talk about in person. I can’t risk her coming over here with the possibility of surprise visits from anyone who might want to wish me well.

Maybe Spo can help me.

“Spo, you have a lot of connections with the mice all over town, right?” Fido asked him.

“I probably have more than any other mouse.” Spo said proudly.

“Alright, I need you to help me. Gather any information that you can about that dog. If he really was hiding something, we might want to find out before too long. Do you think that you can do it?”

Spo said “Fido, I can gather information on anyone you need me to. You’re going to have to give me a few days though, not all of the mice tell the truth. I need to find the right one, one who is willing to talk.”

“Well then, get to work. I want this info as soon as you can.” Fido said.

“Just one thing, I’m going to need a lot of cheese. Most of the mice don’t give info for free."

-----

Now that I got a collar, I can finally go for my walk around town. And I won’t get picked up and sent to the shelter if what that dog said was true.

As Prowler was thinking, Joey came running up behind him.

“Hey, uh… Prowler?”

Prowler turned around and looked to see who was asking for him.

Just great, this guy again. What could he want now?

Prowler managed to hide his annoyance once again as he said “What?”

“Well, I had an idea. You seemed kind of annoyed at the fact that you needed a collar, and I feel kind of bad about that, even if it is the law. So I thought maybe I could show you around town.” Joey seemed to get a little excited as he explained. “It’s not a big town, but it never hurts to have someone who knows there way around.”

Well… I guess having someone to show me around town won’t hurt. For now.

“Ok.” Prowler said. “But we go where I want to go, ok?”

“Alright.” Joey said.

END

I give Silentprincess828 credit for reviewing my story for mistakes.

So, a full week after I said I would have it, here it is. I hope that you all liked it

And also, bonus points for anyone who can tell me what the tag on Prowler's new collar stands for. (What culture, and what does it stand for?) If someone guesses correctley, I will give them a spoiler or something if they want one.

sean21 · Post by **sean21** » Sat Mar 17, 2012 9:40 pm

sorry I never said anything about your new character Prowler, I was so busy I had forgot to continue were I left off, anyways he’s a bit scary, if I had fur it would be standing on end

i found a typo=Joey answered "Pets lose or break there collars around here" I think you meant their

Side note=Jeff said he didn’t mind me telling him when he misspelled a word

one more also my favorite part of your story is that you make us experience different points in time, like what Fido is doing, what Fox and King are doing plus your new characters, keep up the great job

challenge=it looks like a shuriken aka ninja star, so i'm ganna go with ninja; master Prowler hiya.

JeffCvt · Post by **JeffCvt** » Sat Mar 17, 2012 10:04 pm

Thank you for pointing out the there/their mistake. Normally that gets caught by the spell/grammer check in microsoft word. Oh well.

sean21 wrote:challenge=it looks like a shuriken aka ninja star, so i'm ganna go with ninja; master Prowler hiya.

Sorry to say that is not right. It is intresting though, I never thought of that.

Just a side note. If no one guesses it, I will be telling you what it is. But if you do get it, I will give you a spoiler if you want it. I hate to ask people to do things like that for nothing.

justacritic · Post by **justacritic** » Sat Mar 17, 2012 10:08 pm

I think it might be an Inuit symbol for the northern pole star.