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Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 7:46 am
by JeffCvt
...The ferrets can fly now. I won't even comment on that.

But someone that only Zach can see. Well, if animals with a lot of imagination can see him too, I guess almost everyone in the town can see him then.

And Max kissing Grape right in front of Peanut. I see some jealousy in the future.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 10:22 am
by Karl
RandomGeekNamedBrent wrote:Karlos, If you're reading and not commenting, please feel free to critique. =P)
You're not only a shapeshifter, but you also have ability to detect stealth forum lurkers :)

Brent, you clearly have a very imaginable mind and you're going forward to forge your own style of writing, something that characterizes you. You also are good at planning and you end substory just in right moment to prepare your reader for next portion.
Also your dialogues look natural and they express character correctly. But noticed that there's a lot of dialogues and not so much of narration. Maybe you should work on that :)

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 3:06 pm
by RandomGeekNamedBrent
I thank you for the praise and will attempt to improve upon the point you have brought up.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 4:12 pm
by JeffCvt
I could have given you that advice...

Just because I'm not as good as Karlos at writing doesn't mean I can't give advice too...

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 4:16 pm
by RandomGeekNamedBrent
didn't say you couldn't. Make no mistake, I appreciate every reader I have.
sadly from comments, I can only be sure that I have 3.

anyone other than Karlos, Jeff, or Copper reading this, please let me know you're reading.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 9:57 pm
by copper
Flying ferrets over Babylon Gardens? Tiger and Bino both on dates at the same place at the same time? Grape getting into illusions again? This cannot go well... :?

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 10:15 pm
by CanadianHero
Let's see.... Max kisses Grape rendering Peanut jelly (actually if Grape was jealous... nah forget it) and Peanut scoffing

Cosmo is a usual protective brother, and Tiger is one of those kind of people with a yandere thing going though he's more obvious about it, and Pete is being a major ******* .... seems legit ;)

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 3:12 am
by Daemon
This story pleases me. The forth wall shall die, and only chaos shall remain. HAHAHAAHAH- but seriously, good job.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 1:32 am
by valerio
Caught up, finally!
Flying superpowered ferrets...and Tiger on a date with Daisy.
Man, you sure don't hold back when it comes to shatter the pillars of reality :lol:

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 3:19 am
by Daemon
valerio wrote:Caught up, finally!
Flying superpowered ferrets...and Tiger on a date with Daisy.
Man, you sure don't hold back when it comes to shatter the pillars of reality :lol:
I'm more worried about how the ferrets will abuse their abilites than you know, the evil plot.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:54 pm
by RandomGeekNamedBrent
how do you know that these powers won't make them mature a bit?

They'll abuse the powers the same way they abuse their money. They won't do anything evil, just reckless.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 3:49 pm
by Daemon
RandomGeekNamedBrent wrote:how do you know that these powers won't make them mature a bit?

They'll abuse the powers the same way they abuse their money. They won't do anything evil, just reckless.
And thats the point. They don't have self-control.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 11:50 pm
by RandomGeekNamedBrent
I'll get the next update tomorrow.

There. Now that I've said it maybe I'll actually do it instead of watching Doctor Who.

We'll see.

It's already about half written, I just need to bring myself to take the time to write the rest.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 1:23 am
by Zukio
Sweet I caught up and another will soon be here. Can't wait Brent!

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 2:00 am
by RandomGeekNamedBrent
and update time. It's an imaginate break that I didn't actually finish. I'll write the rest before the end of the week. WHOO, TIME LIMITS!

anyway, here's part one of the end of an epic imaginate adventure.

I present
Part 12
--------
3:10 PM

Inside the Sandwich household, 7 pets were having an epic adventure in a far away land… well, some of them were. The rest were attempting to end their adventure as the antagonists of this game. The illusions cast by Drake and Gemini had turned the house into a full fantasy adventure setting. If Joey and his creepy friends could see this, he’d be completely jealous.

The heroes’ party consisted of a great female wizard, known as Gapre, who had pledged her soul and eternal friendship to Sir Peanut of Saso, a knight who had failed in his duty to protect his kingdom from the horrible Dragon king. Joining them was Sabrina, a mysterious black cat white mage who claims she used to date the Great Trickster Max, one of the Dragon king’s top henchmen. They were also accompanied by Drake, an imperfect clone of the Dragon king Gemini who
defected from the dragon kingdom, bringing the king’s bride-to-be, Hexen, with him.

They had already fought their way to the room outside of the dragon king’s throne room. Behind the large wooden doors, their enemy sat preparing to fight. But between the door and the heroes, The Great Trickster was ready to deal with these pests.

“I’m surprised you were able to make it past my hall of illusions,” the Trickster said with a wide grin on his face. “Sabrina must have revealed my secrets to you, but I’ve grown more powerful in the time since she left me.”

He suddenly appeared next to Gapre. He ran one claw under her chin as he said, “Maybe I need a mate who can match my power.”

Gapre launched a fire ball in the Trickster’s face. The trickster coughed and a puff of smoke emanated from his blackened face.

“I can’t abandon my responsibilities,” Gapre proclaimed. “I must help Sir Peanut finish his quest, and I can’t allow the dragon king’s reign of terror to continue.”

“Then you shall fall with the rest of your team,” the Trickster yelled as he produced perfect clones of the entire party.

Sir Peanut was the first to attack. He drew his blade and ran at his clone. The two longswords collided with the clang of clashing steel. Bothe the Knight and his clone were going into the fight with all their strength. Every attack was deflected with an immediate counter attack, which was also deflected. The two seemed equally matched. Both sides prepared for a prolonged fight.

Elsewhere in the chamber, Drake had spread his wings and flew at his clone. He knew this had to be an illusion, but the Trickster’s illusions were so real that they can kill. He veered right to avoid a knife attack from his clone. He immediately turned around to launch a blast of magical energy towards the clone, but it had already teleported behind him. The Clone did a front flip in mid air, sending Drake to the ground with a kick to the head.

Drake hit the ground hands first and immediately did a hand spring and landed on his feet. He launched himself directly up towards the clone, knife drawn. The clone parried Drake’s attack, just as Drake had planned. He did a quick spin, bringing the deflected knife around to the clone’s back. He then slashed down, removing one of the clone’s wings. The clone hung in the air a few seconds before he fell.

The clone landed on his feet, standing to face Drake, who had landed a few feet away. Both fighters put their hand to the base of their knives and ran them over the length of it. As they did this, the knives elongated into katana. This too was shaping into a lengthy battle, but Drake now had the edge. It’s easier to dodge attacks when you aren’t grounded.

In yet another area of the Trickster’s chamber, Sabrina and Gapre had teamed up against their clones and had easily defeated them. Illusions don’t do too well when they’re one well performed spell away from disappearing. They were now facing the Trickster in a two on one battle. Magic against magic.
The trickster was toying with them. Picking on Sabrina’s faults that he learned in their years of dating. Whispering things in Gapre’s ears that would make a water wizard blush. They tried to ignore him, but he was too skilled at what he does, and what he does isn’t very nice. Of course, he could only ever win by using his underhanded tactics. In a completely fair fight, he’d always lose, but he set traps, used people’s fears against them, and tricked them into making stupid mistakes. This would be a hard fight too.

Hex had finished off her opponent with great ease. She was now sneaking around the room, trying to find the real entrance to the throne room, because the giant wooden doors were obviously just a trap.

Back at the fight of the Drakes, the katana were clashing loudly with each advance, and each retreat was accompanied by the sound of scraping metal. Both fighters were showing signs of wear, with small cuts showing through their fur. It was beginning to look like the battle would never end, but the real Drake would make sure this wasn’t the case. He made one more charge at his clone, just like all the previous attacks, but instead of blocking the counter attack, he let himself get hit. He felt the sting of the blade deeper than he had felt it before, but he was still alive. He turned his sword back into a knife and stabbed it into the illusion, which disappeared immediately after its defeat.

Once he was done with the fight, Drake just sat down. He was in no shape to help the others right now. He’d have to wait for Sabrina to heal him when she and
Gapre were finished with the trickster.

Peanut was having a harder time with his doppelganger. Their battle was hard and long, each of them taking serious damage. The clone’s tail was gone and they both had numerous cuts and bruises even despite the armor they were both wearing. The armor itself was dented beyond recognition. But Peanut wouldn’t give up. He had a boundless energy unmatched by any other. But his clone was just an illusion and, while it could be hurt, it would never get fatigued. The only way to end this was for one of them to defeat the other. And Peanut had no intention of being defeated.

Back with the ladies, they were gaining the upper hand. The trickster had run out of secrets to use against Sabrina, and Gapre had begun to get angry instead of embarrassed at his advances. Both magic users were focused again, and focused enemies were very bad for him.

Sabrina used her magic to strengthen Gapre’s for one last attack on the Trickster. Gapre gathered the last of her magical energies into her paws and launched the attack towards the fiend. Just before the attack hit, Gapre could have sworn that she saw a large smile cross the Trickster’s face. When the smoke cleared, there was no sign of the trickster left.

Just then, in the fight between the Peanuts, the Trickster’s smile appeared on the doppelganger’s face as the brave knight fell, giving into the toxin that was on his opponent’s blade. All eyes in the room watched in horror as the Peanut standing over the dead Peanut turned into the trickster.

“You won, fair and square,” he said, “but good luck defeating the dragon king without your knight.” The black cat’s form slowly faded to transparency, leaving only his Cheshire grin floating in the air. Soon, it was gone too as the warriors rushed to their dying companion’s side.

None were more hurt than Gapre when Sabrina said that the dog was too far gone for anything to be done.

”No! You can’t die on me!” the purple cat sobbed, draping herself over the body of her soul mate. “I… I can’t go on without you.” But the dog’s eyes closed as his last breath left his body.

Everyone remained silent as her tears fell on the knight’s breastplate, because no one dared to speak. It was Sabrina who finally broke the silence.

“Gapre, we can’t stay here,” she said, placing her paw on the crying cat’s shoulder. “He would have wanted us to continue on our quest. I need to heal all of us before we go on.”

Gapre dried her tears then stood up. “yeah. We’ll give him a proper burial when we’re done.”
Sabrina used a spell she had to heal all members of the party before Hex led them to the true door to the dragon king’s throne room.
-----------------
hope you enjoyed. as always, correct ant mistakes I make, except for the one just then where I said ant instead of any because I noticed that one. Let me know your feels on the update and criticize me if you feel the need. I can take it.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 9:02 am
by JeffCvt
Criticizing...

I feel that this was extremely rushed and you could have gone into detail about a lot of things and made it more interesting.

EX
RandomGeekNamedBrent wrote:Hex had finished off her opponent with great ease. She was now sneaking around the room, trying to find the real entrance to the throne room, because the giant wooden doors were obviously just a trap.
How were the giant wooden doors obviously a trap? Could she see trip wires? Did she know the throne room entrance looked different?

Lots of small things like that.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 3:32 pm
by RandomGeekNamedBrent
JeffCvt wrote:Criticizing...

I feel that this was extremely rushed and you could have gone into detail about a lot of things and made it more interesting.

EX
RandomGeekNamedBrent wrote:Hex had finished off her opponent with great ease. She was now sneaking around the room, trying to find the real entrance to the throne room, because the giant wooden doors were obviously just a trap.
How were the giant wooden doors obviously a trap? Could she see trip wires? Did she know the throne room entrance looked different?

Lots of small things like that.
yes. Odd how it seemed rushed when I took two weeks to get it done, huh? I kind of did rush. I started writing it then felt like I didn't want to make it last too long, so I did rush it. a lot. and likely I will rush the next part, which is why I'm making it a second update this wee instead of replacing my next update.
or I'm just not good at action scenes, which I hope is not the case.
as for the trap, I should have been more clear. It was more like the chances were high that it was a trap, they were fighting a guy who likes to play dirty, after all. They kneow the Trickster and have to be very careful of any possible trap while dealing with him.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 10:33 pm
by copper
Sounds like fun. Poor Peanut, he is dead. That sucks, not being able to finish the adventure.

I liked it. Could have used a bit of clarification on some things, but it was alright.

Cannot wait to see the end.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2012 1:46 am
by RandomGeekNamedBrent
dropped the ball. I won't have time to do the mini update tomorrow and Sunday would be my normal update day. So I'll finish up the imaginate Sunday (or Monday depending on timezone) then have a real, focusing on multiple groups of pets update sometime over the course of next week, then try to get another one next Sunday...

and all this apologizing and explaining is why I never set an update schedule in the first place.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2012 3:57 pm
by Karl
I see that you decided to work over your narration, Brent. Though there are some moments where you could expand some thing and add more details, you're on the good way to work over that. If you keep practicing, you will improve,as long as you will feel need and will to write.

My advice for today is to try avoiding jumping from one place to another in one update too quickly, because that causes a little disorientation.

EDIT: Oh, one more thing. If your fic PG-13 rated?

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2012 4:22 pm
by RandomGeekNamedBrent
I think I was shooting for the PG, PG-13 border. I'm not sure if these fight scenes were detailed enough to warrant a PG-13, but I suppose I'll leave that to Cu to decide.

and about the jumping too quickly, don't worry, I'm pretty sure this will be my only time that I focus on multiple battles. all the rest will be one enemy and a few heroes.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 12:13 am
by RandomGeekNamedBrent
*ahem*
Image
sorry, didn't get much sleep last night so I'm not quite up for writing the update tonight.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 1:31 am
by Karl
Too bad I don't live near you. I would visit you with a whip and work over your problem.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 1:33 am
by RandomGeekNamedBrent
hey, at least I didn't say
Image

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 1:41 am
by Karl
Yeah, don't take example from Nickelodeon ;p

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2012 2:50 am
by RandomGeekNamedBrent
apology, tentative promise of update tomorrow, excuses, blah blah blah.
I should just stop talking :/

Soon definitely. Hopefully nothing distracts me again.
and if not, I never set an update schedule for a reason, people. I can't stick to one.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 7:35 am
by Karl
Remember to not force yourself to write. It's supposed to be a pleasure for you, not duty. It's always better when the will will come to you, and if you really enjoy writing your work, it will come. Don't worry.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 8:20 pm
by RandomGeekNamedBrent
the thing is, I usually enjoy it once I get myself started. It's how I usually can keep going until I get it done.

I just haven't been making myself write recently.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 6:51 pm
by Karl
Any progress so far? :)
Maybe you need a helpful hand?

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 6:53 pm
by RandomGeekNamedBrent
writer's block. I've considered dropping the imaginate game in the middle of it, saying it's getting late and they need to go.

thoughts?

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2012 2:09 am
by Karl
Hmm... that might be a solution. If you feel stronger will towards other story, you may just make a pause to add a filler. Maybe by writing it, you will also gain idea for continuation.
Most important is to be able to ignite your brain. If that happens, all starts to form in your mind by itself.
Also a good method for writers block is to... forget about your story. If you're focusing too much and you worry about it because you're not able to come out with something, you automatically block yourself. That's why sometimes it's better to use a method commonly used when trying to remember something - stop thinking about it, let yourself be absorbed by something else or simply enjoy life. Then it's a high possibility that idea will struck you all of a sudden and you will regain your ability to write.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2012 2:12 am
by RandomGeekNamedBrent
oh, I haven't spent this long constantly thinking about it. I have been away. and yes, I may end it and have them come back to it later.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2012 2:44 pm
by Karl
Well, I can also try to perform a shaman dance to summon some spirits of ancient muses.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2012 2:48 pm
by JeffCvt
Well, one thing I find helps when I get writers block is to write anyway. Even if you only put out one sentence a minute, you eventually think of something and BAM! No more writers block.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2012 3:02 pm
by Karl
Oh... forgot to mention that there's also a method of good ol' whip but unfortunately I live too far away from you.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2012 3:06 pm
by RandomGeekNamedBrent
get a longer whip.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2012 3:48 pm
by Karl
Hmm...10611 kilometers is pretty long but I'll see what I can do.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2012 7:45 pm
by copper
Freewrite. Always a HUGE help for writer's block. Just grab a piece of paper and writing utensil and write whatever comes into your mind. It helps to get you thinking again.

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2013 1:26 am
by RandomGeekNamedBrent
Alright, I've neglected this too long. I planned to start writing again this semester. I was even going to do a fourth wall breaking thing where the wizard was gonna tell me to get back to writing and send me to another dimension or something.

but then I found out this would be a writing intensive semester so I those plans went right down the tubes. :/

so I just wanted to let you know that I am still thinking about this, and I do plan to get back to it eventually.

In the meantime, in a contest Dissension had last year, I won a commission from Rick. I was beginning to think I wouldn't get it. But I did, so check out what Drake's been up to while waiting for me to update
Image
(it was a link at first cause Rick sent the image to Diss so I had to link the group of them)

Re: Paradigm Shift

Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2013 2:29 am
by Saturn381
RandomGeekNamedBrent wrote:In the meantime, in a contest Dissension had last year, I won a commission from Rick. I was beginning to think I wouldn't get it. But I did, so check out what Drake's been up to while waiting for me to update (he's top middle left)
So that's what Drake looks like.

Also, congratulations.