Babylon Gardens (FP) -

After months of searching, the Babylon Garden Police have decided to call off an investigation of Joel's whereabouts. Joel was a former worker for PETA who was accused of stealing people's pets, which lead to his arrest. He was about to be taken to court, but before the trial could begin Joel escaped from prison and has been missing since December.

Sources say that no evidence could be found regarding the man's whereabouts. Nobody was thought to have been hiding the man. No footprints or trails were left behind. Many suspect that the man was kidnapped, but local authorities doubt this.

"The man wanted to get out, and clearly had a motivation," says the police chief. "He was very delusional. He could have gone anywhere."

The local authorities doubt that he is still alive. "Given the man's mentality, as well as his lack of survival skills, we have no reason to believe he isn't dead."

Some in Babylon Gardens are relieved at the news. Says one pet owner, "I feel safe knowing that nobody is out there to steal my beloved animals. I hope this sort of thing doesn't happen again in our neighborhood."

ha ha, awesome :p

It is entertaining to read

I approve of this article!

I has ApPrOvEd.

This.

Now imagine how King will feel when he watch/read this. (He follows news right? I think :P )

This kind of report is fun, it kinda fills the plotholes in my opinion.

"Dear God!"
"What the [heck]...?"
"That's unbelievable!"
"Outrageous!"