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is it too dark?? 
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Post is it too dark??
// Hi there this is my first fanfic and my first try to write something.. I knew housepets! Since 2009 an this is the first time I try to think with my imagination.. this supposed to be pg-13 but I will try to keep it low.. have fun~~~

“….” = this means that the person is talking
‘…..’ = this means that person is thingking

Chapter 0
‘ How did this happened…?,’ he keep repeating that question many times now…
‘ i didn’t even knew that this could happened, it supposed to be a nomal day, no sadness, no tears, no regret.. nothing … just normal. ‘
There’s stood a male brown dog silently looking down trough his window, a female purple cat with fish tag that keep crying for forgiveness, a female black cat with Ankh tag that keep reassuring the other cat, a female small dog with horus eye’s tag looking the scene with confused expression.

He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know how to handle this situation, he supposed to be the happiest dog in the Babylon neighborhood, but now he didn’t feel anything, with dead eye’s looking from his window the purple cat still crying for forgiveness, once again he supposed to run from his room and be there for his friend, best friend, more than friend his family….. yet now…. He still stand there, not a single movement, he’s comfused, why didn’t he do something…

Oh yeah…….. he feels nothing..

it started when he finnaly face the reality.. such a cruel reality…. He didn’t even want to know… he just wanted to be ignorance.. to be carefree… to be….. loved…

well…. It sucks…. This is the reality…

that time…. The temple….. the break up…. The misunderstanding…. And now this….

Can it get worse from this ?…. He clearly remembered that it was fine… it was fine… it’s not her fault she didn’t know…. She just happened to be there at the wrong time

‘ it just a big misunderstanding.. it’s okay.. it’s fine… so please just stop.. it’s okay.. it’s not your fault… ’

But in his heart… IT WAS NOT FINE

‘ Oh god….. someone just please make it stop…. Just stop…. JUST…… MAKE…… HER…… STOP…!!!!!!!!!! ‘

/// hey…. How was it… is it bad?? Please give me some advice.. if this is too dark I’m going to stop right here… thank you..


Wed Apr 04, 2018 11:45 am
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Post Re: is it too dark??
As were not really given much of a clue towards context (most I can think of is Max breaking up with Grape), I'm going to have to withhold any judgement. Though you at least got my curiosity piqued, so I'm hoping the next update will bring answers.

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Wed Apr 04, 2018 2:32 pm
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Post Re: is it too dark??
The opening is intense and abrupt and needs context. Maybe in the next iteration, you could have the narrator reflect on some back story. That would slow things down a bit and lay the ground for further development.

Also, you might think about using italic font for thinking....
Moe said nothing. "I'm not sure how I feel about that" went through his brain.

It's certainly not a cheery start but it grabs attention. Some fanfics do have pretty grim strands so that needn't stop you.

Regards.


Wed Apr 04, 2018 4:08 pm
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Post Re: is it too dark??
The pacing is much much too fast for my liking, we have no context for anything, and the grammar is all over the place.

Dark isn't an issue when I don't even know what's going on.

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Wed Apr 04, 2018 4:41 pm
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Post Re: is it too dark??
thank you so much for the reply... i will try my best to correct some and not to put much of the spacing.. thank you again.... :D


Wed Apr 04, 2018 9:17 pm
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Post Re: is it too dark??
Hey guys thank you so much for the suggestion you all giving me.. so this is what i did
For someone thinking i’m using italic.. thank you NHWestoN
when pacing i tried not to fast this time.. ( i hope ) thank you Buster
and i’m very sorry about my grammar because english is not my native language i’m form indonesian so “ satu kata dari english menjadi 3 arti dalam bahasa kami “ so very sorry you guys..

Enjoy...
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Chapter 1
It was just an ordinary day, the sound of canines chasing around with another, the bird are singing, the sound of grape sleeping on the couch after last night date with max, but someone can’t sleep, not only last night but many night before, it make him feel anxious, it make him feel vulnerable, because every night it’s always that dreams, a nightmares to be precise. Peanut a brown male dog feel a little bit cranky because of that, a nightmares that always repeat everytime he asleep, a despair, a hollow, an emptiness. he died, Falling down from a pit trap from the adventure to the temple with max,grape,and res. Not only that.. oh.. it get worse he saw something that making him woke up with scream every night... all of his friends lifeless body.. at first in that dream he yelled for help asking someone or anyone to help them, but he’s replied was emptyness he walk slowly trough his friends lifeless body until he met a certain cat. A purple cat.... grape.... just sprawled againts the dirt.. his body tremble for what his saw.. then when he look at her face, he met an empty eyes... her yellow eyes that usually give him safety, a warm place, the eyes that he loved now empty.... and that when he reached his limit.... he screams.... until he woke up in the middle of the night... that was the third nighmare... grape could hear his scream from her room so like what friend... beast friend... more than friend can do, be there for him.. she asked what happend but his replied was nothing.. just nothing... this is the first and the last time grape heard his scream because everynight max always take her out for a date.. at first she declined beacuse her friend needed her, but from there something that peanut never do... one thing that he can never do to grape....lied .... he heard she declined the date because of him so he just tell her that he was fine... it was only a bad dream it only happend one time.... oh.. what a sweet lie... he didn’t tell the first and the second dream he had... but because of his first lied.. grape noticed it with a bad feeling she agreed with the date.... of course that was one week ago... the dreams keep repeating it self... his dead... lifeless body... and then last night the monster.....
“dear god is it going to stop ?” he asked himself...
but because of that he realize something.. something that can change around him.... but... he doesn’t want to change... he just want to be happy... just live a normal life like an ordinary dog... but this time he can’t think any of that... suddenly he heard a knock on his door.
“ peanut... are you awake ? ” his mom (owner) asked
“ eh... Oh yeah i’m awake mom be there in a sec “ he stands up from his bed and look at the mirror, his had dark spot under his eyes. “ ughh... i can’t let them see this, well i just need to come up with an excuse like playing games until late night or something like that “ then he came down to the dining room, in there he meet his mom, jill sandwich.
“ peanut what happend ? why there’s a dark spot under your eyes ? “ she asked him
“ oh.. no mom i just played a game until late night and didn’t see the time.. “ he lied to her
Suddenly there’s a reply beside the dining table, “ well if that’s what keeping you awake i can confiscated them and i bet that will make you sleep.” There a man reading a newspaper with a coffe beside him, his dad, earl sandwich.
“ ehm... i think there’s no need for that.. i can just put them somewhere but not in my room dad “ peanut nervous replied, if his game confiscated he can’t keep making excuse for what really happend.
“ well please keep in mind that you need to sleep so that you can play for the rest of this beautifull day.. now.. please go and wake up grape the breakfast will be here in 5 minutes “ his mom replied
“ okay mom.... beautifull day ? i wish i could enjoy that “ with that he go to the living room and started to wake up the beast...
“ hey grape.. wake up... breakfast is going to be ready.. “ with his hand touching her shoulder she woke up
“ oh... morning peanut... are you okay ? “ grape looked at him with a question look
“ morning grape... what do you mean grape ? “ he asked
“ you have a dark spot under your eyes.. usually you wake me up with a scream.. and now you only wake me up with your hand touching my shoulder and with normal voice.. something definitely wrong.. so tell what’s wrong ? “ she asked him with worried eyes, he knows that he can’t keep lying to her.. it will definitely can’t get pass trough her.
“ i may or may not have another bad dream “ he sheepishly replied
“ again ? how many times have you got a bad dreams ? “ she worriedly asked him
“ it’s my second dream grape.. honest.. it’s okay it was about a game full of zombie that i played yesterday... the walking dead always gives me a creep “ he sweetly lie trough her, well not completly a lie.
“ then don’t play that game, just play a classic mario or something “ she answered him
“ okay grape i promise.. oh yeah after this i need to go to tarot house “ he remembered something from this morning
“ oh for what ? asking her for another pararel universe date ? “ she grinned at him
“ uhm... something like that “ he replied
“ well, be careful i don’t want you to end up like last time “ she clearly remembered the event when she and max go to double date with peanut and tarot, that didn’t go to well
“ okay grape i’ll be carefull “, oh peanut is going to tarot house but not for a date but something is going to change whether he likes it or not
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ehm.. yeah this is what i got.. so any opinion with this case? I’ll try to improvise more and more so that i can make you all understand what is happening in this story.. thank you have a nice day...


Sat Apr 07, 2018 3:14 am
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Post Re: is it too dark??
If you can't do the editing yourself because of a language barrier, you could always ask for help.

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Sat Apr 07, 2018 7:24 am
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Post Re: is it too dark??
Is it okay for me to do that?? I don't want to burden someone because of my selfishness


Sat Apr 07, 2018 9:09 am
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Post Re: is it too dark??
Selfish? Even among fanfic communities there are as many writers with editors as without, and if you need one you need one.

No harm in asking for help. Just be polite about it and if they say no, drop it don't push.

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Sat Apr 07, 2018 1:43 pm
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Post Re: is it too dark??
hey guys so…. In this past days I got help from my teacher to help me with the grammar but could you guys kindly fix witch sentence or part that needed to be fix ? thank you

Chapter 2
D'Angelo house ---
“ Sabrina.? ” a Pomeranian dog called her apprentice as she emerged from her room.
“ What is it, Tarot ? “ the black cat answered while she was focusing on her meditation
“ Could you open the door for Peanut later? I need to go to other interdimensional mirror, the spirit told me that they sensed a disturbing channel around there. “ as Tarot was getting ready for her travel, she noticed her apprentice expression. “ What is it Sabrina, is something on your mind? “.
Sabrina hesitated to ask this question but it really bothered her, “ Tarot, this may seem a weird question, but, what is Peanut to you ? ”.
The question surprised Tarot. “ Wha... of course he’s my boyfriend what else? “
Sabrina began to doubt that. “ Are you sure? “
Tarot was looking at her with a questioning look. “ What are you talking about? “
Sabrina explained “ Tarot, this may seem weird but when was the last time you went to another dimension with Peanut or at least talk about it? “
Tarot began to think. “When you put it that way... “
Sabrina continued “ Tarot... when we went to that temple stopping Keene from getting the mana, we left Peanut without a second thought, it bothered him so greatly that he didn’t listen to your warning, after you said sorry you left him again, and I remembered you said some excuses to him but he said that you always said the same excuse, so I will ask you again Tarot do you really have feeling for him ? “
Tarot just looked at her with bewildered expression “ I... I don’t... I really don't know when me and dragon became his girlfriend the one that has a crush is mostly dragon, i though when i’m going to start dating him i will feel something like dragon, i do but is not strong enough, i really want this to work between me and Peanut but how can you focus on that feeling when the world is at stake ? i don’t want to choose between saving the world or him. “
Sabrina only looked at her then she asked “ Tarot what happens if you must make that choice? What will you do? “
Tarot only kept silent until she opened a portal “ I don’t want to think about that but I hope nothing will change between me and Peanut “ and then she jumped trough the portal
Sabrina started to get up from her position and startes making preparations for the upcoming guest “ I hope too Tarot... I really do “

Celestial Plains—
He felt something, something was very wrong. Kitsune, a nine tail Celestials fox, felt something was definitely wrong. It bothered him so much that it changed his playful and sly faces to a serious dead-looking one. If Pete and Dragon saw this they would have cold sweats. One thing that you could notice from Kitsune that every time the situation got worse, he always brushed it off with his playfulness. But now something was coming, something big, maybe. He looked at the table, the board game, the board that could control a living being whenever the three of them wanted to play. Now that Dragon and Pete had been reincarnated, the board now seemed useless. It was not that he didn’t enjoy playing this game, but he always thought a way to end the game. Now with the help from former human ‘Joel’ who turned into a dog ‘king’, the games finally reached its ends. Sometimes he missed Dragon and Pete with their wits against each other but a game always needed to put into an end. Suddenly a soft female voice could be heard across the table.
“ non tam Salve iterum Kitsune sit noscere “ a beautiful female white wolf came to the other side of Kitsune, this clearly surprised Kitsune.

“ Well, it is nice to meet you too Luna or should I say Goddes of the moon “ the white wolf only smiled at that, with her clear blue eyes like ocean looked straight into Kitsune eyes. It made Kitsune slightly tremble.

Kitsune started to ask “ May I ask why the goddess of wolves came to see this humble fox ? “ the wolf started to speak but was interrupted again by Kitsune “ May the goddess speak in this language so that I can cooperate fully? “

Luna started to giggle “ Oh my, I’m so sorry Kitsune. It’s been a while since the last time I spoke in this language “ then she walked to Kitsune and started to explain “ I’m so sorry for my unannounced arrival but I have an urgent news for you and the other demigods but where are the others ? Usually, you and the two of them, the dragon and the gryphon, play together “ she looked the other side of table but didn’t sense the presence of those two.

Kitsune responded “ I’m sorry Luna but the other two have been reincarnated for losing to this game, but what urgent news may I ask? “

Luna looked kinda surprised “ Oh my.. So the game is already ended? Thank god for that. Oh Yeah... Kitsune this may seem odd but please be careful I have a feeling that my ex-mate is starting to move but I can’t seem to figured out what he is planning to do “

With that, Kitsune face started to become pale “ What do you mean Luna ? Do you mean that he wants to do something ? What does he want ? What does that monster want? “

Luna glared at him and he started to trembled “ JUST BECAUSE HE’S THE SON OF LOKI THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CALL HIM THAT.. DON’T BE SUCH A HYPOCRITE. DO YOU EVEN SEE WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR SO- CALLED THE BOARD GAMES ?“ the sound of Luna’s anger made Kitsune knees become limp. “ REMEMBER THIS DEMI GOD JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A POWER THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE MORE POWER OVER ALL THE IMMORTAL BEING, SO HEED MY WARNING AND SPREAD THE WORD THAT THE GOD OF DESTRUCTION IS ON THE MOVE “ with that the white wolf disappeared, and the only things on Kitsune’s mind was that he had to speak with Bahamut.

Babylon garden ---
Peanut just arrived in front of D’angelo house. Before he could knock the front door, Sabrina opened the door for him. “ Hey Peanut, if you need to see Tarot, you just missed her. So, if you want, you can come inside and wait for her “ Peanut only nodded his head and went inside the house. After he went inside, Sabrina ask him “ Do you want some tea while you are waiting for her, Peanut? “
Peanut only shook his head and answered “ No, thank you Sabrina. I just want to ask something from her. I just wait until she returns “, Sabrina led him to living room. When she and Peanut sat on the sofa she curiously asked “ What question do you want to ask, Peanut? “
Peanut only grimaced at that question, he started to rub his head “ I’m sorry Sabrina but this is kinda private, but don’t worry it’s not important “ he just grinned at that. Sabrina looked kinda worried about that. She just shrugged that feeling and just started chatting with him.
“ So, Peanut can I ask you something ? “ Peanut just nodded his head. “ How do you feel after we went through the temple? “ The only thing Peanut can think about that event was “ it’s horrible, thinking about that makes me sick like I want to puke every time I remember that place “, with a straight face Peanut only answered “ Actually, I kinda forget what really happened back there “ Sabrina face became alarmed when he said that. “ Are you okay Peanut ? Is there any head injury ? or maybe internal bleeding ? should we go see a doctor ? “ Sabrina started to panic, “Whoa.. whoa… whoa it’s okay Sabrina. I’m fine. I feel normal but I remembered that I came out from that place with no harm. I only forgot what happened inside the temple, really. So, take it easy “ with that, her body become relaxed “ So you forgot completely what happened inside the temple ? “ Peanut just shake his head “ Not at all. I only remembered just a piece, like we can change into something when we used a hat, I remembered rufus.. only like that “, With a worried sound Sabrina asked a question “ Do you remember what happened after we had saved you from the pit trap ? “.
That question made him remember, made him feel something that he didn’t like. Something that he usually never showed; anger. Suddenly, the air started to feel heavy, Sabrina started to sweat from her forehead as she saw something from Peanut. Something she didn’t think he even had, a dark aura started to emit around Peanut. His round blue eyes started to change. They shaped almost look like he was feral, with a sound almost like growling “ Yeah, I remember, I remember how you ditched us “ Sabrina started to tremble “ Peanut.. “ he continued “ Oh, I remember how you just left us with nothing but a piece of note.. “ Sabrina tried to say something “ Peanut, calm down. I know we should just tell you what happened but we were in a hurry and the world was at stake Peanut “ It only made Peanut furious “ Yeah the world was at stake and when you cannot share anything with us ,you can share it with fox. Someone who didn’t even understand what happened ” Sabrina tried to call his name but he ignored her “ Why? Why would you even involve some pet who didn’t even know what happened ? Were we just a tool for you guys to use huh? Maybe you guys never see us as a friend, but only a tool only to use and to dispose later “ Sabrina wanted to say something “ SO TELL ME WHAT ARE WE…. WHAT ARE WE TO YOU… ANSWER ME!!!!“ sabrina yelled “ PEANUT!!!!” suddenly the heavy air vanished. Only the sound of a heavy breathing that can be heard.
After a while, Sabrina asked him “ Peanut… are you okay now? “,
“I don’t know anymore” Peanut answered “ Yeah… yeah I’m okay. Sorry about that “ suddenly she realized something “ Peanut are you going to ask Tarot.. “ suddenly she was interrupted by someone “ Hey Peanut, sorry I’m late “ Tarot came from another room “ I foresee that you need me? “ Peanut stared at her “ Yeah I need to ask some questions, Sabrina, can Tarot and I have a private chat ?” with that, Sabrina left the room and hoped that everything was going to be fine.

yeahhh... that's all ehm... any more advice??


Fri Apr 27, 2018 11:12 am
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Post Re: is it too dark??
That's a major thing for Sabrina to just walk away from, especially when coming from Peanut. If I had to hazard a guess, Fenrir is taking over Peanut.

Regardless, there are still sentence structure issues, though markedly improved from previous entries, so good job on that. Have you been able to find a proofreader or editor yet?

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Fri May 04, 2018 11:17 pm
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Post Re: is it too dark??
uhm.... i'm sorry but what do you mean?? well, actually i use an apps called grammarly? i think that's what it called but i don't think it's a very good apps..
thank you i hope in the next update i can improvise more...


Sat May 05, 2018 10:34 am
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Post Re: is it too dark??
chapter 3
“ what do you want to ask hon ? “ as soon as Sabrina get out of the room tarot sit beside peanut and ask him, peanut face looked very paled after a chat with Sabrina, “ are you okay hon? what happened just now ? ” tarot asks worriedly. The thing is peanut wanted to ask about his dream, then what happened just now between him and Sabrina but now, it seems that those question is not very important for him right now, there’s one question that has been bugging him since the accident on the temple.
“ who am I to you ? “ that question shock tarot more than anything, “wha.. of course your my boyfriend what else peanut ? “ she looks straight into his eyes ‘ something is definitely wrong ‘, she really wanted to know what happened to him, before she can ask peanut interrupted “ tarot, could you be more honest with me ? “, now she looks very confused “ what are you talking about peanut? “, he only look at her, suddenly she relies on something. “ wait a sec.. are you still mad back at the.. “ peanut only replied is disturbed face. “ hon i already apologise why are you still angry with me ? “ peanut only glared at her.
“ tarot, yeah maybe i’m angry but what I feel now is disappointment..” tarot whine at that but peanut continued “ tarot why did you take fox with you? I mean why not king who has experience with this ? “ tarot begin to explained “ peanut did you forgot that you, king and fox went to heaven ?” peanut only shake his head. “ peanut, did you know rufus is dead?” peanut ears begin to drop “ yeah I know that tarot, the floating ring on his head kinda dead give away “ tarot begin to move slowly where peanut sit “ peanut, he’s your guardian angel for you and grape, he help you so that you survive inside the temple just like fox have two guardian angel, I know you didn’t like it when we bring fox and mungo but we didn’t have a choice, the time is very short for us to make decision”, suddenly peanut realize something “ tarot I know this next answer is unfair to you but please I beg you to answer this with the bottom of your heart “ tarot keep silent for a few second and noded “ tarot if you choose beetwen saving the world or me who will you choose? “. He’s right that question is unfair to tarot, she begins to think very deeply but there’s only one answer for that question “ I’m sorry peanut but I’m going to say saving the world “.
Peanut only look at her then he smiled with his goofy grin “ thank you tarot for your honest answer “ he began to stand and walk to the door, tarot stands up very quickly and grab his hand “ peanut, where are you going? I’m sorry that I choose that answer but you said that I need to answer with the bottom of my heart” peanut only smiled at her and pat her head and softly spoke “ it’s okay tarot but I think we need to take a break don’t you think? “ tarot look at him with wide eyes “ tarot, maybe it’s going to change with our relationship but you are still my friend and I know that it’s very selfish of me to always make you choose between me and your mission and I’m very sorry for that, so now you can focus on your mission, I’m very happy the time we spend together, don’t forget that and thank you for showing me every amazing place that you have taken me, so goodbye tarot and I hope you keep yourself safe “ with that peanut went outside and tarot only look at him with sad face.
On the way home peanut looked at the sky, he knew his heart is breaking again, this is his second time he feels like this but he knew that this is for the best, he began to think what happened when he got angry. He rarely feels that emotion, but this is most extreme emotion that he had, he remember that he got angry with grape when he plays pretends but it never took that far, when he started to deep thinking about it he didn’t realize that a van is trailing behind him, then someone get out of the van and took out a handkerchief and put it on peanut mouth to prevent him from screaming. Peanut tried to fight but got dizzy after taking a breath with the handkerchief on his muzzle, when his body started to limp the stranger dragged him to the van.
Heaven gate
‘Another job well done’ Cerberus came to the gate of heaven after she sent the lost kitten soul to another life, ‘ poor kit, i wonder what would happened if the van didn’t hit her ? ’. ceberus just got a task to bring a soul to another life from an accident, on a late night a kitten went on a hunt for a mice suddenly went she wanted to cross the road a white van came out of nowhere and ram the poor kitten, ‘ her owner cry every night after the accident, i hope they knew that her soul went to a better life’, when ceberus almost reach to open the gate something ram her from the back but she didn’t flinch. She looked behind her and saw kitsune sprawl on the ground.
“kitsune, why are you on a rush?” ceberus lend her hand to help kitsune up, after kitsune regain his balance he looked at her “ CEBY WHERE’S BAHAMUT I NEED TO TALK TO HIM!” ceberus suprised at his outburst “ calm down what happend “ kitsune began rambling “ just tell me where bahamut is, i need to tell him something, he’s coming please we need to..” ceberus became worried because she knew eventhough something is very important kitsune never act so serioius ‘what happend to him?’ ceberus look at him and place both hand on his shoulder “ kitsune please i don’t understand what your saying tell me what happend maybe i could help but please you need to take a breath!” with that kitsune took a deep breath and started to explained “ just now i met luna “ ceberus eyes became widden but kitsune continued “ she told me that he’s coming..” he started to shaken, ceberus looked at him with a scarred face the with a trembling voice she asked “ wh... who... who’s coming?’. Kitusne looked at her eyes and said a forbidden name “FENRIR”.
Back to the earth --
Peanut started to wake up, he slowly opened his eyes. After a few minute he regains consciousness he looked at his surrounding and he realised that he’s in a car, ’a van i think, but what happens?' he tried to move but he felt something restraining his body. He realised that a rope tied to his body, luckily his leg is free so he sat up, he realised that the van isn’t moving ‘ am i being kidnapped ? was it PETA again?’ he heard a sound, someone is talking, he looked at the driver seat and saw two people, a bald fat man and a thin man, peanut couldn;t see their face but he could hear what were they talking about. “tell me again why we kidnapped this dumb mutt?” the thin man asked “you stupid mold i told you we could trade this mutt with money, don't you see people in here love their pet almost like a family” the fat man talk almost like shout at the thin man “ well then why did you ran over the cat when you said that we can trade them with money?” the fat man replied “ HAH... that’s only for fun that’s her own fault she didn’t even see the van so BAM i hit her, what’s the matter you feeling sorry? they’re just animal a dumb one they meant nothing to me hahahahaha” the fat man and the thin man laughed at what they’ve done, peanut only looked at them with disbelief ‘how could they done such horrible thing And laugh at that? Unforgivable!’ peanut start to feel something like before, anger. ‘ human such a horrible creature is it not?’ peanut started to fist hist paw ’they are not to be trusted they only destroyed, every beautiful thing they step on it like a dirt’ the sound started to echoed in peanut head ‘ we do not need them they just waste of space’. Peanut begun to tramble from the anger his holding, his eyes started to change from a round to sharp feral eyes ‘we need to rid all of them’ peanut open him paws and retract his claws , ‘ yes we need to eliminate all of them’ peanut slowly got up and he started to growl “ yes human is a waste of space “ the two human startled and look behind them only to find peanut glaring at them ‘yes we need to do something’ “we must not trust them” ‘we need no human’ with the last sound before peanut lunged at them “we neED TO DEVOUR THEM” suddenly there’s a voice outside the van “THIS IS THE POLICE PUT YOUR HAND UP WHERE WE CAN SEE YOU” peanut stop his movement and suddenly the driver door is forced opened, the door suddenly broke only to find a black great dane? Lift the door “oh no i’m sorry i didn’t know the door is very fragile” someone shouted beside him “ officer’s keep your apologies for later we need to lock this I love you now!” officer bill came and forced them out and put them on the ground. Then the back door of the van is opened by someone a husky came and shouted “is someone injured?” peanut only look at him “peanut is that you? Are you okay?“ ‘don’t trust them’ peanut growled at him, “peanut it’s me, fox” suddenly someone came beside him “fox, what happened” fido suddenly came beside him “ fido, it’s peanut, something wrong with him” fido looked at peanut only to find peanut growling at both of them “peanut, it’s me fido are you okay? please calm down everything is fine” fido slowly aproach him and when his paw wanted to touch him peanut bite him, with a loud sound of snap fido almost didn;t dodge the bite “GAH... peanut why do you do that?” fido take good looked at him, what he saw almost scared him his eyes is split like a feral, his claws looked almost like a very sharp knife, his teeth bared like an animal tried to tear out his enemy, then someone came along “officers what take you so long?” officer ralph started to walk to both at them, “sir is one of our friend he started growling and almost bite officer fido paw” ralph look at peanut, when he saw him he didn’t see a beast but an animal terrified of his sarrounding, with a calm look he get inside the van “sir be carefull he’s not..” ralph silenced them and walk through when he neared peanut he opened his arm, before peanut lunged at him ralph hugged him, peanut tried to escaped, he strugle to be free, ralph whispered at him “it’s okay verything is fine” ‘don’t let him touch you’ peanut continued to struggle “ it’s okay nobody is hurting you” 'DON’T TRUST HIM’ “it’s okay to be scared but please trust me your safe, i promise you nobody will harm you, i’ll keep you safe, please, trust me” after a few minutes become rigid ‘please be carefull pup...’ the sound started to fade away, peanut body started to relaxed, ralph started to untied him and the soothed him, peanut started to smelled him ‘ he smells like a grass and dirt but it feels nice, he feels nice’ peanut started to growl but not in anger but pleasure ‘he’s warm he’s very kind’ peanut started to rub his muzzle around ralph neck 'i don’t know him but why did he make me fells so...... safe’ with that ralph started to lift him bridal style and get out of the van.
Sandwich’s house –
“soooo….. borrrrreeeeedddd” after peanut left grape still sleep on the sofa after a while she got bored, she tried playing games but it’s not fun when peanut is not around, she tried to called max but he’s busy. ‘please make it interesting today’, “grape? I thought you were going out with peanut “ jill sandwich came from the laundry room, “no mom, he said that he’s going to ask tarot for another date that’s why I don’t want to disturb them” jill came sit next to grape and started to pet her “ well why don’t you go play outside ? “ grape started to purr but with lazy sound she said “ it’s too hoooot today….” Suddenly the phone rang, jill got up and started to walk to the phone “ hello? “, grape tried to listen, “ what?!.. When?!.. How?!... Is he okay?!... I’ll be there in a sec!!” grape look at her mom and what she saw is the woman face started to pale and her eyes glimmering holding back her tears “ EARL WE NEED TO GO !” grape become scared “ mom what happened? ” earl ran from lawn “ what happened honey? “ jill take the car key and yelled “ IT’S PEANUT WE NEED TO GO NOW!! ”, grape face started to pale, she wished for an interesting day but this is beyond the measure, she didn’t want anything happened to peanut “ please God I beg you let him be okay “ with that the sandwich went to the car and drive to where peanut have been kidnapped.
THE HEAVEN COURTROOM –
“ does anyone disagree using this new section of the rule that says ‘ anyone who used the mortal being without their consent will be strip from immortal being to be reincarnated as mortal being‘? “, bahamut looked around the courtroom as other celestial being shakes their head as they agree to this new section of the rule. This rule has been made after pete and dragon lost the board game, they knew if this continued the peace on the heaven will be ruined that’s why the ‘guardian angel’ has been sent to help the mortal if something went wrong in their world. “if anyone didn’t have any argument then this section shall be.. “ suddenly the door had been open with such full force ” BAHAMUT! ” bahamut look at the one who opened the door “ KITSUNE YOU BETTER HAVE A GOOD REASON FOR INTERUPTED THIS TRIAL OR GOD HELP ME I WILL... “ kitsune interupted “ HE”S COMING “ bahamut looked worried, kitsune never bother to interupted any trial “ who’s coming?” kitusne looked around the court “ THE GOD OF DESTRUCTION ‘FENRIR’ “ everybody looked shocked suddenly one of the celestial stand up “ THIS IS OUTRAGES THERE’S NO WAY THAT CREATURE CAME BACK FROM THE ‘DEEPEST OF THE ABYSS” WE TRAPPED HIM THERE, WHERE DO YOU EVEN HEARD THIS INFORMATION KITSUNE?” the one who shouted is an anubis the one who brings the lost soul to be judge, kitsune looked at him “ if you want more information his ex-mate will gladly answer your call” anubis looked shaken “th.. the... the luna? How? Why now?” all of the celestial begun to argue one another after hearing this information suddenly bahamut shouted “ENOUGH!!” the room went silent “ why are you scared of this creature ? we already defeated him once then we can defeated him again this creature is not unbeatable “ everybody became relief after he said that “kitsune after this i need you to gather all the celestial being spread them we need more information regarding this situation “ kitsuine only looked at him “ what are you planning bahamut?” bahamut only replied “easy, we sealed him once, we sealed him again”. Kitsune only nodded his head then he flew away to gather the other celestial being

dear lord, i didn't know that making a story will be this hard URRRHGGGHHHHH..... well i at least i hope you guys enjot that...
ps.. i know some of the grammar is still missplaced and the structure is a mess... i'm still trying to learn how to make good writer so at least you guys could enjoy that T_T.... UGGGHHHH.... now to the EXAM WE GOOOOO..


Fri May 11, 2018 9:52 pm
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