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Temporal Coincidences 
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Post Temporal Coincidences
Hello everyone! This is a collaborative project by VEB152 and me.

Let’s see... two significant words title... check... PG rating... check... schedule... check... HP! Universe... check... beta readers... uhm, later... comments... *stares* check... credits... check... not so punny titles... check... awkward introduction that contains a checklist you will never read... check... giant laser shooting squirrel... err... *pew* check!... cliched cliff hangers... check... action movie soundtrack playing while reading action scenes... sorry, no budget for that... and a random GIF at the end of the message... check. Oh, wait... some orange sodas... *rummages through a pile of paper* check! Let’s begin!

The story is rated PG, just to be safe. It is set at the Housepets! Universe, and may (or may not) contain Housepets! characters.

We are planning on posting a section of the story every Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, every week, assuming our backlog can handle that.

We are currently looking for a couple of people (probably two), to be beta readers* of our work, just to sort out some errors and plot holes. Feel free to comment on our work, but please be gentle. XD
*Health Warning: Beta reading this might cause brain damage, loss of vocabulary and an urge to jump off a cliff. Please consult your doctor before applying for this position.

Current Beta Readers: Silly Zealot, [the mysterious void yet to be filled]

The concept of the Housepets! Universe and possible Housepets! Characters belong to Rick Griffin.

And lastly...

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Last edited by GeckoZY on Wed Jun 05, 2013 6:22 am, edited 8 times in total.



Fri Apr 19, 2013 11:48 am
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Post Prologue: A Conspiracy Emerges
Well, hello there from me, VEB152, as well! I guess, Gecko has already told you most of the stuff that’s important right now, so I just wanted to drop by for a moment and say ‘Hi!’ to everyone who may be interested in reading our fanfic.

“Hi!” - said I in an attempt to wake the sleeping guests up.

What? You want to see the prologue before I leave? Thanks for reminding, here it is:

Prologue: A Conspiracy Emerges

Near the DeMilitarized Zone in Seoul, in a plane 8,000 ft. in the air, a man awaits his impending doom. He nervously fiddles with his fingers as he approaches close to the border. The weights of the equipment on his back bears down on him while a couple of other men sat beside him, calm and enjoying the moment.

The man beside him held him on his shoulder, making him to jitter.

“You know Dmitri, you can probably just stay on the plane, and we’re really not forcing you to join us in our sky dive.”

Dmitri Makarov was a skydiving novice. He never really liked the risks involved. Sure, he can handle risks; he tried eating kimchee and puffer fish in their earlier trips in East Asia.

But today is different. His friends persuaded him to join them to their skydiving trip to in South Korea. In his mind, skydiving involves a lot of factors. Too many to not be afraid, like the wind, the parachute, the timing and countless others he can’t think of.

“No, I can do it. I’m just a bit stressed right now. You know how I hate this, right?”

“Yeah, you’ve told me a lot of times. You hate the uncertainty. But why worry? You should live life as it comes.”

The cabin grew silent as the plane approaches the correct altitude for their dive.

[“Hello guys! This is your captain speaking. We are now reaching the drop-off point. Please prepare yourselves as we are going to open the hatch.”]

The other men in the plane are starting to unbuckle from their seat, everyone except Dmitri, who was sitting silently still fiddling with his hands.

“Hey Dmitri, are you ready? We’re almost at the drop-off zo-”

-BOOM-

The cabin rolls around and is now filled with black smoke. Everything fades into the darkness.

---

Two weeks later, near the Sino-Korean Border...

In a concentration camp, Dmitri has partially recovered from the crash, miraculously having only minor injuries. Apparently, the plane veered off course and entered the DeMilitarized Zone. It was shot down by the North Korean army. Their plane, unfortunately, crashed on the North Korean side. He was the only survivor of the crash. He spent the first week recovering from the trauma, confined in what seems to be a makeshift hospital in the camp. After that, the hard labour has begun.

He was starting his strict routine of the day, fetching some water in the nearby creek. As he walks towards the edge of the stream, he notices something hidden in the bushes - a cat.

The cat purrs as it approaches Dmitri, signifying its apparent peaceful intent. The man approaches the now silent cat and notices something on its back, a small pouch. Opening its contents revealed a letter, oddly enough, it was meant for him.

The man looks at the message, noticing the strange words written all over it, concerning a conspiracy of some sort, he looks at the cat.

“What? Who wants you to send me this message?”

The cat blurts out something in a language foreign to him and runs away. The man was left wondering about this strange encounter.

~What is that? Why do they want me?~

These incidents with the cats continue for several more days. Sending him some strange and cryptic messages for his stay in the camp.

---

In a radio tower somewhere on the other side of the world...

[message intercepted]

Subject 1738.152C currently located in North Korea has accidentally lost its manual overrides due to a recently detected impact.

Default protocol, immediate termination.

Subject is currently in hostile environment, the acquirement of the technology of a hostile nation is an immediate risk to the organization.

[message ends]

===
Chapter 1, Section 1 will be posted on Tuesday. Stay tuned!

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Last edited by VEB152 on Fri Apr 19, 2013 12:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Fri Apr 19, 2013 11:50 am
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
Ah, so you are going through with it. Great! It would be an honor to read anything, though it may take me 24 hours or so to get back to you on it...

I like how you put in the thing with Rick... that has been forgotten of late.

Hmm, this seems interesting. Wonder where you guys will take it. :|

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Fri Apr 19, 2013 11:53 am
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
copper wrote:
Ah, so you are going through with it. Great! It would be an honor to read anything, though it may take me 24 hours or so to get back to you on it...

I like how you put in the thing with Rick... that has been forgotten of late.

Hmm, this seems interesting. Wonder where you guys will take it. :|

We've already written the next 34 sections of the story (That's all the way to July XD). So, everything's pretty much planned. XP

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Sat Apr 20, 2013 3:43 am
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
great start so far, I really like these action packed stories. Hopefully those updates that you have ready are excellent and action packed with a minor amount of drama tossed in there.

Also "Dmitri Makarov" reminds me of Call of Duty. I can't remember which one that is from but i do know that name is from COD.

Thirdly, I Google searched the 'seemingly random string of text' and the first link sent me to the old Mem vs Mods board. I think you planned that...:twisted:

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Sat Apr 20, 2013 9:08 pm
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
Thanks!
*drags VEB into the room* "Told you we need a bit more drama, we should..." *whispers* "...Titanic..." *whispers* "...haunted cactus..." *whispers* "...flying cows..." *whispers* "...okay, probably not."

Nothing is Planned, Everything is Temporally Coincidental. 8-)

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Sun Apr 21, 2013 1:59 am
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
Gecko, come on, it's not that bad! We don't want to make it look like a sitcom or something! *background laughter*



musclecar326, this name was used somewhere else?! :shock: I had no idea about that. Let me tell you the truth - it was chosen as something that was both easy to spell and sounded Russian enough.
Not all names will follow this idea, though. ;)

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Sun Apr 21, 2013 2:03 am
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Post Re: Prologue: A Conspiracy Emerges
VEB152 wrote:
The man looks at the message, noticing the strange words written all over it, concerning a conspiracy of some sort, he looks at the cat.

This narrative is outright silly (almost as much as me, which is bad) "concerning a conspiracy of some sort", it makes it look like the guy is saying "Meh, it's about another boring worldwide conspiracy that threathens the entire existence of all things. I swear, man, this things keep happening EVERYWHERE!" This really doesn't make much for drama (although it's extrmely hilarious, thank you for that!), this story needs to go on a lower pace and have more mystery and suspense to it.
musclecar326 wrote:
Also "Dmitri Makarov" reminds me of Call of Duty. I can't remember which one that is from but i do know that name is from COD.

Vladimir Makarov, actually. From Carlos Duty: Post-Modern Warflame 2 and 3. That gives me an idea!:
Makarov sat on the improvised haystack he had for a bed, contemplating what he would do should his captors try to finish him off, when, suddenly, gunshots sounded outside his tent, along with explosions, and Makarov and his captive roommates (errr, tentmates, whatever) were suddenly engulfed by a cloud of smoke that poured into the room (tent) from outside. Just when they thought they would choke to death, the smoke began to clear and a tall, bald man with a long beard and a large coat entered the tent (got it right this time!).
-"Who are you?" asked one of the captives.
-"I am Zakhaev, Imram Zakhaev. I came here to rrescue you, comrrades."- He then looked around until his eyes met with Makarov's -"Specially you, Makarrov."
-"Vhat?! Hov do you knov my name!" -Said David Copperfield (Just kidding! Makarov said that!), surprised.
-"It's the amerricans, comrrade. They arre in league with the norrth korrean goverrment, they implanted several bio-mechanical inherrts underr yourr epiderrmis vhen you verre an infant and told the norrth korreans to brring yourr plane down so that they can rretrrieve and execute you, because yourr implants have deterriorrated over the yearrs and they considerr you a failurre."
-"Wow, what a plot twist!"- Said one of the captives.
-"True dat, yo!"-Said another one.
-"voah, voah, man! Slow down, you rreally expect me to believe that?! Besides, Norrth Korrea is at war with the amerricans!"
-"It's trrue, and I'll prrove it once ve get out of herre. The norrth korrean goverrment has secrretly sold itself out overrr the yearrrs to the amerrrricans-"
-"Why are you calling them americans?"- Asked the first previously presented captive- "One would think someone who hates them would use derogatory words to describe them."
-"Don't interrrupt me."- Said Zakhaev threateningly-"Anyway, as I vas saying, the norrth korrean goverrment has been doing vhatever the amerricans tell them to do. Ourr goverrment has ALSO sold us out to the vest, destrroying ourr economies, ourr culturre, ourr honourr! I need you, Makarrov, to help me overrthrrov ourr corrrrrrrrrupted goverrment and then defeat the amerricans!"
-"Vov, vov, vov! Hold on a sec! I am NOT joining just because you tell me of some vierrd conspirracy stuff!"-Said Makarov, infuriated.
-"Calm down, comrrade, rrememberr that I am the one trrying to rrescue you herre. Let's keep things civil. Afterr all, therre is no rreason to be so... Maka-rough!"
-"Hahahaha! XD"
-"Good one!"
-"That was very funny!"
-"True dat, yo!"
Eventually, Makarov accepted the offer. He was reluctant at first, but he had the feeling that, in the end, everything was going to turn out juuust fiiine!

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Last edited by Silly Zealot on Mon Apr 22, 2013 5:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Sun Apr 21, 2013 4:37 pm
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
Well, this idea sounds even more interesting than the initial plan to threaten the existence of just a few hundred randomly located living creatures. We still have the time to fix everything, so thank you for this suggestion! :D
And... it may sound even more stupid now, but maybe you could help us avoid such awful mistakes in the future by assisting us through beta reading the story? It would be really appreciated by both me and Gecko.

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Sun Apr 21, 2013 5:32 pm
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
VEB152 wrote:
Well, this idea sounds even more interesting than the initial plan to threaten the existence of just a few hundred randomly located living creatures. We still have the time to fix everything, so thank you for this suggestion! :D
And... it may sound even more stupid now, but maybe you could help us avoid such awful mistakes in the future by assisting us through beta reading the story? It would be really appreciated by both me and Gecko.

The egocentric part of my personality was constantly whispering into my skull "This guys will ask you for help." I tried to shrug it off, but it seems that ugly narcissist was right (kinda, he said i'd reach apotheosis shortly after).
I accept! PM with what you need me to do, oh captain, my captain! :D

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20th century fox? Given that this is the year 2014, that fox must be dead by now. Sadface! : (

I'm telling you, hyenas ARE canines too! Many biologists died to bring us this information! Why won't you honor their deaths?! What I did to their families?!


Sun Apr 21, 2013 6:14 pm
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Post A1- File 1: Narrow Escapes can be Realistic
Wild Update appears! v

What will___>Read_____Hand
you do?_____Dance____.Run

Archives 1: Like Minds Hone Part Brains
File 1: Narrow Escapes can be Realistic


In an undisclosed underground location...

Huh, now that’s interesting. Looks like they’ve found him at last. Too bad for them, we’ve contacted the subject first. Now, what should we do next...? We might need more funds now.”

The man opened his briefcase, and put inside a small piece of paper with an intercepted message. He thought for a while before putting his hand on the landline phone on the other side of the table, dialing a number, and waiting. A few moments later, his call was answered.

“Mr. President? I apologize for the interruption, it’s me again. There has been a change in plans, that require additional funding. I hope you can agree on that...”

---

Meanwhile, on another classified location...

[Secure landline call intercepted]

[opening message]

“Mr. President? I apologize for the interruption, it’s me again. There has been a change in plans...” -static- -click-

[closing message]

*electronically altered voice* “It seems that our plan is working. We’ll be hitting two birds with one stone.”

“Yes, sire. The ‘Operation Secret Message Intercept’ did work as planned!”

*electronically altered voice* Commence plan D1301413... ...I hope you succeed, for your own good.

Yes sire *door opens* -hssss- -footsteps- *door shuts*

*electronically altered voice* Let's see how Subject 1738.152 will react to this one... *presses button* [Plan number D 1 3 0 1 4 1 3 activated]

The muted sound of a rocket engine is heard as a screen shows a rocket being launched.

---

North-Eastern province of N. Korea, 15 minutes before impact…

~Huh, the cat is back already? That’s unusual~ thought Dmitri, while following a small gray cat with his eyes. It was surely one of those strange couriers, who were carrying notes to him from the outside world. He didn't know who was sending the messages... He only knew that they came from a few kilometers away - in China, where he could at least try proving that he was sent to this place by mistake. At least this someone promised that everything would be all right. Even if it wouldn't - Mongolia was no more than 1000 km away, and Russia was even closer, but it would be easier to find him there.

That is how their trip across the China was planned in the message exchange - just rush for the closest border. Getting to China itself, however, was more difficult, despite the fact that it was definitely closer. He was told by his mysterious ally that the small river next to the camp was going towards the border. They decided that following it would be the best option. The only part of the escape Dmitri had to plan on his own was getting beyond the fence. Obviously, he couldn’t just crawl over it - that will be noticed too early, leaving nearly no chances for him. Soon such an opportunity presented itself in the form of a small breach in the perimeter fence. It was made by one of escapees. He failed to get to the border on time, and got caught. Luckily, the guards didn’t start looking for it yet, and none of the other prisoners knew about it. Even Dmitri would have missed it, if he didn’t decide to see how his messengers get in and out of the camp. The breach was hidden from everyone’s eyes by a rarely visited location and some dense vegetation. It was overlooking the river, that would lead him to freedom in case everything goes as planned.

The mail-cat had arrived earlier than usual - Dmitri got used to seeing them in the evening. Dmitri began stroking it, and soon found a small note in its fur. He looked around, trying to find a place that would be safe from prying eyes - and unfolded the note, while letting the poor cat go on it’s merry way.

The note said only one phrase:

[Run as soon as you read this, the time is right.]

“The time is really great!”, whispered Dmitri quietly, as the alarm signalled the daytime rest on the background. Even the most ruthless camp workers knew that, without giving at least 10 minutes of rest to the prisoners in the middle of the day everyone’s work efficiency dropped, providing an excellent opportunity to run away while everyone was not looking at him.

~If I get shot~, he thought ~all this nightmare of mistakes and confusion will be over. If I get caught, then it will be difficult to make my life even worse. If I succeed, then everything might just get back to normal.~

He rushed towards the fence, and in a moment found himself on its other side. He heard the guards yelling, and that someone was ready to shoot at him... he tripped on a rock, and slid down the hill, towards a small stream of water. By the time everyone realised what happened, Dmitri had already disappeared into the white foam of water, desperately swimming down, towards the border...

---

In the classified location...

*Krrrrng!!*

-beep-

“Sire! Target has been hit, awaiting confirmation of success.”

*electronically altered voice* “Scan the area using infrared; Check if anyone has escaped the camp.”

“Yes Sire!”

*pause*

“Sire. Scanners have detected a human running along the Tumen River about 1.76 km away from the camp. According to high resolution satellite feeds, he is probably not a local, due to his appearance. I think this is the Subject.”

*electronically altered voice* “Keep track of him; we wouldn’t want to lose him, right? They have again acted according to plan... ...wonderful.”

“Yes, Sire.”

-shuffling sounds-

-beep-

*electronically altered voice* “We’ll just let him run for a while. They are so predictable.”

*monitor lights up* *selecting subject 1738.152*

[file open]

*subject 152 3D model rotating*

[Subject 1738.152 specifically V38.152c]

[Subject 152c was the last of the three prototypes created by the research branch, codename 1738 - V38, of the Organization, or, more precisely, Vergeltungswaffen 38]

[The first two prototypes were presumably destroyed on March 1959 and December 1960, albeit unconfirmed due to corruption of old records]

[1738.152 are human-robot hybrids capable of manipulating the gravitational fields, thus replicating various types of flight-like abilities]

*an early 1961 video of a human floating without any lifting apparatus plays at the background*

[The lack of control of these hybrids will be bad for the organization, as proven by the first two prototypes, who attempted to escape the group and thus immediate termination was recommended, by default protocol.]

[The last prototype, C, was sent to Russia with his memory wiped in an attempt to do further studies on their human like traits, as most of the created hybrids have never reached a level of human behavior and morality as that of subject 1738.152s.]

*pause* *selects history*

[Due to another part of their nature, incapacity to age, prototype C has had his memory wiped a total of 13 times since 1961 to keep him from discovering this ability.]

[His current memory wipe has been due in the past 2 weeks; immediate procurement is suggested, current protocol.]

*pause*

[closing file]

*monitor dims*

*electronically altered voice* “He is a great asset of the company, I’ll have to be more careful about handling this.”

*pause*

*electronically altered voice* “Seems like we might need some more back-up. The best team.”

*dials phone* -beep bip bop beep bip boop boop-

-riiiing- -tsk-

“Hello?”

*electronically altered voice* “Hello, my friend. I have someone I need you to hunt down for me.”

“I’m listening.” -smirk-

THEALTERNATIVEALTERNATIVETEXTFORFICS

It was super-effective!

Stay tuned for the next section.

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Last edited by GeckoZY on Sun Apr 28, 2013 4:59 am, edited 3 times in total.



Tue Apr 23, 2013 7:53 am
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
Hmm, this is... interesting. The brackets kind of detract from everything. Maybe if you made it something like a documentary film from the 60s, for internal use only sort of deal, having a narrator...

Quote:
, and slided down the hill,

It is slid.

A good story idea though! Cannot wait to see how this goes on.

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Tue Apr 23, 2013 1:14 pm
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
Thanks for the correction!

We kind of run out of ways to differentiate certain kinds of 'conversations?' or text from each other. So we basically use this as our format:
Narration (In Morgan Freeman's Voice)
*Action or Event*
-Sounds or Onomatopoeia-
~Thoughts~
"Spoken Text/Conversations"
[Electronic or paper based, like monitors, speakers and messages]

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Tue Apr 23, 2013 1:36 pm
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
copper wrote:
Hmm, this is... interesting. The brackets kind of detract from everything. Maybe if you made it something like a documentary film from the 60s, for internal use only sort of deal, having a narrator...

Quote:
, and slided down the hill,

It is slid.

A good story idea though! Cannot wait to see how this goes on.

Man, I was supposed to make the grammar correction, yet I failed, for that one verb, which has now being revealed to me as an irregular one, stood uncorrected, and I, as it's so called sworn corrector, had failed to notice. I am no longer worthy of this world......

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20th century fox? Given that this is the year 2014, that fox must be dead by now. Sadface! : (

I'm telling you, hyenas ARE canines too! Many biologists died to bring us this information! Why won't you honor their deaths?! What I did to their families?!


Tue Apr 23, 2013 2:26 pm
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
Silly Zealot wrote:
Man, I was supposed to make the grammar correction, yet I failed, for that one verb, which has now being revealed to me as an irregular one, stood uncorrected, and I, as it's so called sworn corrector, had failed to notice. I am no longer worthy of this world......

In a higher-plane court...
“You have failed us, Silly Zealot, and because of that we will punish you by having your current salary halved!”
*VEB whispers*
“What do you mean by we don’t pay him anything?”
*More whispers*
“Okay, but we still get to cut your salary by half. Mwahahahaha-” *chokes from his own grammar mistakes*

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Tue Apr 23, 2013 3:15 pm
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
awesome story....check. :D

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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
Some say, that there are no English-speaking animals in this fanfic yet because we're too lazy to write any in. They may be right, now that I think of it.

File 2: Haunting the Hunted
A few hours later, on top of a plane, slowly but surely lowering in velocity...

-crackle- [“We are now cruising below radar, over our target destination of the Sino-Russian Border. The doors are now opening.”] -crackle-

The plane’s door opens and a strong wind blows into the interior. Two figures stand at the back of the plane.

“The containment crew is now ready; just signal them when you've acquired the target, sire!”

“No need to call me sire, Bob, I'm just a friend of your boss, nothing much over it.”

“Yes, uhmm but you’re still...”- The man’s words are cut short by a slap in the back.

“Now, I'll just jump”-Says the other figure, right before jumping off the plane and towards the ground.

“Sire! You forgot your parachute! Oh, he's gone...”-The man, with a mix of both concern and amusement, puts the parachute back on it’s rightful place on the plane’s wall.

Several minutes later, the lone figure, making an unbelievable yet slightly comical barrel roll down a snow-filled hill, ends the less than regular descent...

“Whoa, that was a rough landing. Hmm... Let’s see... According to the satellite data, I need to go... that way.”

Picking up his belongings from the floor, the figure grins- “Looks like it is hunting season.”

---

Meanwhile, not so far away...

“OK, here we are, sir, 3 km. away from the border. Go east, try not to be seen, since you don't look like a local for anyone using this road, and you'll be fine and not shot in a few minutes. By the way, what's your name? You still haven’t introduced yourself.”

Dmitri stayed silent for a while. Saying his real name - the one that everyone else knew - would surely be too dangerous right now, while he was sitting in the car with a completely unknown man. Yes, he did help him escape the camp, but who knows what moved him to do so! Maybe he’s just waiting for his real name to be given away, and in a few moments he’ll send it to someone he knows, and Dmitri’s name would disappear from all the documents in the country, as if he had never existed at all...

He tried to make up a name... Not a generic one like ‘Ivan Ivanov’, but something nice and interesting. The first thing that came to his head was...

“Brunolf. Brunolf Weiss”

“You're German? Your accent sounds more Russian”

“'My grandparents were Volga Germans, and we decided to keep using German names. Remembering where we come from, you know?”

“Huh, I see... Anyway, it was nice knowing you. I'd suggest you use that ticket after you get to Vladivostok. You can rest there for a while before leaving, you should have some spare time. Also, some say that long cross-country trips are relaxing - I guess you’d welcome this as well.”

“That would be nice, especially after the explosion in the camp that I’ve so narrowly escaped...”

“Don't get paranoid. Not a single man in this world is crazy enough to blow up thousands of people just to kill one of them.”

“Heheh, says the guy who sent a plethora of delivery cats to try and tell me something.”

The Chinese driver smiled in response....

---

Dmitry shook hands with his new friend, left the old jeep, and began walking through the forest in front of him. Going through the deep snow was more difficult than he expected, but getting used to it did not take much time.

For the first time he thought that he safe. Even the loud sound of a few tree branches breaking did not take his optimism away - probably a bear that woke up too early or some other forest animal like that. There was no need to worry, when the border should be just minutes away from him.

---

Not long after, on top of a hill, 3 kilometers east...

“Seems like the subject's moving toward me. I have a nice vantage point here; I'm currently assembling the tranquilizer rifle.”

-static- “Good luck to your mission, err... sire...”

“You can just call me Sam.”

-bleep-

The cold Siberian wind blowed south on the already frozen lands. Birds were chirping as the elusive spring was finally approaching. Sam stares at the sky, looking for a glimpse of the sun in the cloudy skies.

“Looks like it's gonna be a quick day. 152C will be within range in 10 minutes.”

Sam picked up a handful of snow and poured it down slowly.

“With this wind speed, the tranquilizer gun would need a bit of an adjustment.”

Suddenly, the radio on Sam’s ear-piece activated, first delivering static, and finally a voice.

“It seems the subject is now travelling by foot, it might take him a bit longer to reach his destination. The estimated time of arrival might be around 50 to 70 minutes due to the current icy conditions.”

“Okay, I got it.”

Both the static, and then the silence, returned as the radio went off-line. Sam frowned.

“Seems like this will be a long day after all...”

---

Half an hour of walking through the forest later, Dmitri finally reached a tiny frozen lake. He decided to take a short break - walking through the deep moist snow was more difficult that he could have thought before. He took his bag off his shoulder, and looked through its contents: nothing but a bottle of water and an old map. He decided to take another look inside of it - the sun was quite high, he still had enough time to reach the border before sunset, two more days to get to the train station at Vladivostok, and then, maybe, safety.

The map showed him that the shortest way (the one that was most used, and suggested by the 'guide') was going through the hills - he could already see them not far away, but he didn't enjoy the idea of going through the snow there. The river to the south was a better option, as it was surely a more leveled surface, but that would cause a huge delay, which is unacceptable when you wish to get away from someone. Especially if this someone is the government of another country, who had probably already accused him of blowing up the camp.

“No, there is not enough time for going around. I have to break through the border as soon as possib--”

His thoughts were interrupted by someone's footsteps in the distance, forcing him to hastily retreat back to the dense forest that surrounded the lake. If it was a smuggler - then he could follow him, and see if the road was safe. If it was a border control employee - then they'd both have a better day by not seeing each other. Certainly, it was a true win-win situation.

He stood quietly in the forest, looking at the lake, and waiting...

-------

Thanks for reading, and see you next time!

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Thu Apr 25, 2013 7:44 am
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
Another interesting chapter.... is this Sam guy related to Fino in some way? :roll:

Seems Dmitri is going to have a lot of fun on his way back home.

Quote:
Picking up his belongings from the floor


Should that not be the ground since he jumped out of a plane onto a hill?

And what is with the random italics on lone letters? Is it a code or something?

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Thu Apr 25, 2013 1:25 pm
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
What ever are you talking about Copper?
There are no secrets hidden in these chapters via code. No sir-ee bob. :mrgreen:

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Thu Apr 25, 2013 1:32 pm
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
Sam and Fino... Well, these names sound quite similar, if you ignore a couple of differing letters.

If it wouldn't be fun, then this story will probably not be written, unless we've decided to make everyone intrigued and then turn it into 10 000 episode long sitcom. But I would be quite scared for my life in that situation.

Yes, there are no codes and/or secrets. Just a few coincidences!

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Thu Apr 25, 2013 1:52 pm
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
I'm not going to say anything.
-ele



............

Great, now I have to reread every update from now onw. :roll:

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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
Yeah, the story will not be that boring, I guess. It's not like Dmitri will just reach Vladivostok, ride to Moscow, celebrate a bit then that's the end of the story... ...uhmm... ...wait a minute...

*ransacks through the pile of paper scattered in the room*

*panics and rewrites the rest of the story.*

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Thu Apr 25, 2013 2:11 pm
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
Okay, so like alt. text. Not going to bother, codes never interested me much. Thanks though! :D

By the way, my nickname in High School was the joke killer, so yeah.... take that as you will. :roll:

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Thu Apr 25, 2013 2:16 pm
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
Codes?! I help you and you still don't tell me anything!

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Thu Apr 25, 2013 6:39 pm
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Post A1 - File 3: Friend or Foe
Random Spoiler- Read at your own Risk! The last letter in the update is a 'd'

File 3: Friend or Foe
1.52 3.73
A husky was having his usual walk along the lake. He usually enjoyed his escapades because it involved crossing a well-guarded border- something exciting to do in that normally barren and boring area. It was about 14 kilometers from his town, but, being a husky, he could travel from here to there in under 60 minutes.
3.57 1.82 2.14 3.43 - 2.43 1.54
He lived in the tiny town of Kraskino, with his family, who were Austrian immigrants, looking for a quiet and peaceful life. They had adopted him as their pet in Austria. They spent their days fishing in the cold waters around the area and wandering around the Russian wilderness.
1.31 1.13 1.112 1.173 1.57 1.94 - 1.114 1.42 1.82
Living in a more temperate part of Russia, there weren't many other dogs there to play with; and most people were pretty busy with work during the day.
2.31 2.62 2.72 2.82 1.12 2.44 2.12
-sigh- “Let's see if there are any squirrels out here to chase!”
2.11 2.12
The wind started blowing west. He walked around the trees lining the lake and sniffed the air for any scents.
2.11 1.21
“That is weird. I smell a person pretty close by, and a fainter scent of another one, probably much farther away. There aren't supposed to be people around here at this time of the day.”
2.12 1.34 3.13
He crawled through the snow-covered ground and sniffed some more, following the trail. Sneaking towards the lake, he found nothing, even when the scent became stronger. But all he saw was the vast wilderness and the crystal-like lake, frozen from the harsh and long winter.

-sigh- “My senses must be getting rusty...”

*Lies down and stares at the lake*

“Ahh... a wonderful view. Better get some rest. I might just be a bit tired...”

---

Dmitri kept looking at the lake, with his heart beating way faster than it should, and knees slightly trembling

“Uhm, he came from the east... Looks like we've got a trespasser from Russia. Great! That means that he knows how to get in there... Even despite the fact that he's... a dog... Oh my, I've never thought that I'd ever ask directions from a--”

At that moment, he realised how crazy that would be. Just to walk out of his cover and telling all the truth about all that happened. No, he would surely be sent back, or maybe he would get locked in a clinic, and studied by psychiatrists... No, that was definitely not the best ending for the story. Not the best one at all. He wanted to at least die heroically, and get his story into the newspapers before that and, in the best case scenario, to go back to his old life.

He glanced upon his clothing. Some regular clothes, nothing too fancy, but definitely off-season - it was too cold outside
n-mb-rs h-dd-n -s sp-c-s
The bag said 'CNS', and1it was quite familiar. He had seen it before, when2they were driving past an airport in China...

“China Northern Airlines,”- Dmitri started thinking-“I1saw one of their airplanes on the way here. They might easily have had some charter flight to some airport nearby, and I took it using my privilege of being... erm... their employee?4OK, I work there.... No, he would think that I can speak Chinese, and I can't, that's2a bad one... International visitor? Yes, that one's better! I was from...erm... Northon Aircraft, maybe? No, no, they have their office in Vladivostok, he may try inquiring about my position there. I need something closer to6Europe, like Euroliner, or maybe... Yes, Euroliner! OK, so I was working there and I went with a team of other employees. We were.... invited?... We were invited there to3check... to check... what? Maintenance, maybe? Yes, we were studying how they maintain their airplanes. Great! Then I accidentally got lost after we stopped to buy some food. Then I got robbed....., and they took my documents! Yes, and that's why I can't cross the border properly, and all I have left is the map and a train ticket! And now, I need to get to the closest railway line so I don't get late! Yes...., yes, that's my story now. I'm getting good at this!”-Thought5Dmitri, smiling.

Dmitri kept whispering that to himself, and even clicked his fingers at the end, and momentarily realised that he might have been heard. He looked back at the lake - The dog stared into the forest for a little while, but then turned back to looking at the ice

-“So, Mister... Hey, I've already used that Brunolf character, why not to keep doing so? This way I'll have to memorise less information. Good luck to you, Mister Weiss.”-Dmitri looked up towards the Husky.

He deeply breathed a couple of times, and began walking towards the lake slowly, humming some old song that got stuck in his head after that long ride on the jeep...

---

The husky's ear twitched as the sound of footsteps that he heard nearby. He looked back and noticed a man, clearly not local, walking towards him, whistling.

The Husky’s9ears dropped as the man approached.

Thoughts came rushing towards his mind. At first, he thought:

~My sense2of smell is still good!~

But then the horrors of being an intruder in China came to him.

~What if he's here to catch me, to bring me1back to Russia. I'm just here for a walk. I'm not here to cause any harm!~

The Husky stood up and backed up a bit, his tail tucked between his legs.

~I hated being impounded. There's always those smelly5cages with cramped spaces!~

The man was closing in and walking a bit more slowly. Certain features of the man became clearer.

~Wait a minute, he is not local. And, what is that? He's carrying a CNS bag... Maybe it’s from China Northern?... But... isn't the nearest airport about 804km away from here at YanBian? Some of the locals occasionally10ride there when Vladivostok is full. He looks a bit messed up and tired....must have gotten lost.~

His ears perked up again, as he stared at the approaching figure.

~There seems to be nothing unusual on8him, no weapons, or nets, or even just the normal stuff like a phone or a decent pack of supplies.~

The Husky smirked.

~Okay, he's clearly lost.~

His tail started to wag.

The man was about four paces6in front of him when he stopped. He seemed to have noticed the husky's apparent interest.

There was a pause as they both looked at each other.

The man appeared to be3on the verge of saying something when the husky jumped over and tackled him.

“Hey!”-Said the husky,7panting.-“I'm Grey, Grey Bachs. You seem to be lost around here.” -He grinned.-“Do you need some assistance?”

THISISNOTASECRETCODEHIDDENASDASHESATTHEEN'D'

Wait for the next seemingly random string of update! Okay, we're not random :mrgreen:

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Post R.S. 1: Memories of Winters Past
Here's the seemingly random string of update. There are no invisible codes here, I promise. XD

Random Sundaes 1: Memories of Winters Past

Three years ago...

A lone pup wandered through the frozen wilderness. It was a sunny yet cold day. A cool breeze from the north blew at a constant rate, adding to the chill. Barren trees surrounded the small path through the forest.

The pup was exhausted but happy. After being lonely in his first month in this new area, he strayed off and explored the great outdoors. After travelling a few kilometers into the forests, some weird men spotted him on the hill and chased him, shouting something like ‘stay out’. But who follows those commands? When other people command you to ‘stay’, they laugh at you when you move.

The men stopped chasing him once he crossed the hilltop, a weird thing for him. A secret force field perhaps? Or did they lack the energy to chase? It was mostly downhill from here on, so why stop chasing?

He continued walking through the trail as several birds fly through the skies, coming back from the south after their winter break. Spring has begun, but the snow covered ground proved otherwise.

The pup smelled something at a distance. Something he could have a bit of fun chasing. He approached the source of the smell, creeping slowly through the snow covered ground. He took a small peek from the tree and saw his prey... ...a squirrel.

A tempting opportunity to hunt one... He pounced from his hiding spot into the squirrel, but the squirrel has noticed the pup and retreated from the spot before he even had a chance to catch it. The pup, determined to be successful of his new endeavor, chased the squirrel through the icy terrain until eventually he- -thump!-

The squirrel escaped the ‘mighty’ predator, climbing up into its fortress of bark and twigs; a mighty fort, too towering for the pup to handle. He eventually gave up and faced back to start the long trek back home.

Instead of continuing with his walk, he stopped and looked in awe at the perfectly frozen lake, such a magnificent and vast shiny film covering the crystal clear water. The feeling of tranquility was brought to him by such sight.

The young Grey laid down on the chilly lakeside, comforted by the amazing landscape, forever remembering this little moment of his life.

YESIJUSTPLACEDSOMETHINGTHATISBARELYVISIBLEINSTEAD

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Next update will be on Tuesday. XP

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Last edited by GeckoZY on Tue Jun 04, 2013 4:32 am, edited 1 time in total.



Sun Apr 28, 2013 4:57 am
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
That was a nice little character background story whatever. Very heartening I guess.

Two updates in a row! Keep it up! :lol:

Sorry, that is an inside joke between me and myself...

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Sun Apr 28, 2013 6:09 pm
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
Copper, well... we can keep this rate up forever, if we're given 20-30 professional writers! But noone seems to want to wark in a small basement with just a cadle and an old French typewriter for a couple of dollars of wage and some bread with water :( Looks like we need some more advertising to make this job desirable!

=====
I could have said : "If you don't like this update, blame GeckoZY for that!", but remembered that I've written half of this as well.

File 4: A Rail-ly Long Way Home

The dog's reaction was so unexpected to Dmitri, that he had nearly forgotten his story, which he had just made up. IT

-Oh, erm... hi there! You're right. I've been pretty much wandering around this forest for... a while, I guess, I have no idea of what time it is, you know. IS

He spent the next 5 minutes telling Grey his newly-created story. Oh, it was so difficult to remember everything! But after a little bit of a difficult beginning, the flow of the story became nice and regular - he even managed to add in a few details, like a possible robber's face, details for which he borrowed from several of the camp’s guards, the story of great service aboard the charter flight to Beijing, and how the bags, like the one he was wearing, were a special gift of the airline, intended to celebrate the new order for the airplanes (he overheard that story on the radio), how he regained consciousness a few hundred kilometers away from the capital, where he was supposed to be, finishing with the only reason for him to actually come towards the husky - to find the way to the nearest railway line, to get to Vladivostok as fast as possible. He even wanted to unfold the map, but the look on the face of the listening Bachs made everything clear - it was unnecessary. The husky knew the way to the rails. ~Perfect!~ NO

“By the way, you still haven’t told me your name...” TB

That's what he had forgotten! OR

“Oh, my name is... Brunolf, Brunolf Weiss. And that should conclude the weird, but, sadly, true, story of me getting into these hills in Northern China... At least the map says I'm there, maybe they've dragged me somewhere else while I was unconscious. But that's not important right now. I guess you can help me on getting out of here before I am either shot by a local hunter accidentally or freeze to death?” IN

He looked into the Husky's eyes, hoping for the best. At least the dog wasn't from the border control... GI

---

Grey was a really helpful dog. He loved the feeling of being able to contribute to the people around him, being pretty much alone most of the time. Grey was actually the youngest pup of three husky brothers, the other two being Brey, the eldest, and Trey, the middle pup. All three of them were adopted by the three Bachs siblings, but the other Bachs dogs were living in Austria at the time. TS

The husky thought about the man's story, there seemed to be a few inconsistencies here and there, like why in the world was he looking for a railway line in the middle of nowhere if he could just visit the nearest police installation instead and be brought back to Beijing? S

~Nah, people can get really weird when they're abducted. Crazy Europeans~Grey thought, smirking. L

~It seems like he wants to go back to Europe from here, through train, he can’t go anywhere else through any lines here. The closest one would be through Vladivostok. Oh wait, if he’s heading to Europe, I can visit my brothers in Austria, I better ask my parents if it's okay that I travel there... Nice, I haven’t seen them for a long time!~ O

The man was now staring at the husky, still baffled at the smirk that he got earlier, wondering whether the husky was now thinking he was a madman, that had gone nuts from being in the wilderness for a long time. W

"Oh, sorry. I wasn't laughing at you because of your story.” ~Okay, maybe a little bit.~ Thought Grey- “But I was thinking of giving a surprise visit to my brothers in Austria. You're from Eastern Europe, right? Your surname kinda suggests that, but you don't really look like a German." P

The man nodded in agreement. A

"I will help you get to the nearest train station, which is actually in Vladivostok, about 156 kilometers from here. But we can travel 14 kilometers to my town, Kraskino, and get a boat there. It will be a lot faster than walking or by car." C

The man seemed to show a bit more joy inside him, after finding a solution to his really awkward situation. E.

"I think you're heading back to Europe; you're not really trying to contact the police and you seem to be cautious, too cautious of the border patrol guards. I will help you get there...” The husky grinned. ”...but only if you will allow me to accompany you to Europe. I want to visit my brothers, and you seem to be a good enough companion for that trip to Austria. And by the way, I might need to visit my house first and ask permission and probably get some other stuff. My parents would probably allow me." D!

Grey’s tail started to wag. His excitement was slowly increasing from just thinking about surprising his brothers with his visit.

"Do we have a deal?
---
I don't want to remember how much nonsense was written while we were correcting this :D
Oh... I just did! :shock:

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Tue Apr 30, 2013 7:23 am
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
The grammar could use some work, but it is very readable! :D


Oh Grey, what are you doing? He is going to regret that decision I bet...


He needs to get a new name... Brunolf Weiss just gets him into even more trouble! And he is eternally youthful, right? Was that actually a former life he lived before reprogramming?

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Wed May 01, 2013 9:43 pm
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Post A1 - File 5: An Un-lick-ly Friend
Thanks!
He will... :twisted:
He technically remembers nothing of his former lives. But who knows, it's not like we've written 4 archives already... oh, we did. XD

I'm - Da buh dee Da buh die Da buh dee Da buh die Da buh dee Da buh die

File 5: An Un-lick-ly Friend
000
“Erm... I'd like to think about this for a minute, if you don't mind that.” - Dmitri replied, trying to get a few moments to understand what was going on.
1
~Huh, he knows how to force me into agreeing. Maybe all these animals can actually understand your feelings... And I really hope he can't read my thoughts. Anyway, he seems less dangerous than any other possible travelling companion, and having him would be definitely better than walking alone.~
001
The two stood quietly for a few moments.
1010
“All right then” - Dmitri began to speak - “since we're both interested in going away from here, I think we could walk together for a while, and I promise to help you in getting to Austria, but only until we cross the border. We shouldn't be too far away from it, anyway, so... You have a deal!”
101
He smiled faintly, and looked at the dog's eyes, waiting for a final response.
01
~Well, no matter what happens next~ he told to himself ~It looks like Brunolf Weiss will be taking over my life for a while. Try not to mess everything up, Dmitri, and don't forget to buy some paper to keep notes of Brunolf’s ‘life’.~
1
---
011
"Yey!"
010
Brunolf was once again on the ground as the husky pounced over him. The husky licked the face of his soon to be companion, but stopped after realizing that the poor man was starting to look drenched. Forgetting that he still on top of Brunolf, he continued to speak,
00
"I think we better get going then, it'll be bad if we are still here by nightfall."
1
The husky, just realizing that he was still standing on the man, promptly stepped out and said,
00
"I know a shortcut, it’s better than any of the paths I've found so far and the good thing is; it's pretty much hidden from everyone else!"
10
Brunolf seemed to become more curious about this 'shortcut' that the husky was talking about.
110
"From what I see, I think you were planning on crossing the border through the river and the hills. That would really be a bad plan since the border patrols are always present there. Especially around the river…"
01
The man nodded in acknowledgement.
010
"My shortcut involves passing through the mine shaft that was built during the peak of the Soviet Union's interest over China and North Korea. They're pretty much uncharted and unnoticed. The best part is, they go all the way under the border and not just through it."
1010
The husky's tail began to wag as he looked north east of the lake.
0000
"The entrance is about half a kilometer north-east from here."
00
The husky looked back at Brunolf, seemingly more excited than ever and giving him a mischievous grin.
0001
"So... let's go!"
0
The husky sprinted along the lake’s shore towards the direction of the mine's entrance; leaving the poor man behind who was attempting to keep up the pace and panting from the exhaustion. The temperature started to plummet as the sun slowly approached the horizon.
0010
---
00
Meanwhile, on a hill a kilometer to the east, Sam looked on with interest…
0001
"The subject has stopped about a kilometer west from here. He might be taking a short rest."
0
The radio on Sam’s earpiece crackled to life as the response was quickly delivered.- "We currently have no satellite image of the area. It will not be available for the next 2 hours."
1001
"Okay, if he doesn't start moving in a few more minutes, I might just pay him a little visit."
100
The sound of one last response followed.- "We'll be waiting for your signal, sir... er... Sam. Base, over and out."

The radio made a beeping sound as it went off.

The shadows projected on the ground lengthened as the night approached.

~Soon, I'll be out of this frigid place...~

"...soon..."

REALLYBADPUNS-THEPINNACLEOFOURSOCIETY

I'll be uploading the Saturday update, VEB has joined a monastery and he has committed to a vow of internet abstinence...

...Forever!!!

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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
Well good for him, living the monastic life. I hope he enjoys it.

Quite the archive you two have built up.

Mine shafts, eh? Sounds quite interesting.... and dark.

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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
This is a very interesting series so far. I am enjoying the suspense mixed with normal talk right now. But shouldn't have Sam picked upon Dimitri moving around the lake with the other dog? or is he not within seeing distance of them?

Either way keep posting, and i will keep reading and providing feedback.

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Thu May 02, 2013 5:23 pm
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
musclecar326 wrote:
This is a very interesting series so far. I am enjoying the suspense mixed with normal talk right now. But shouldn't have Sam picked upon Dimitri moving around the lake with the other dog? or is he not within seeing distance of them?

Thanks! XD The area is forested, 1 km might be close enough but the trees will block any direct visuals.

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Thu May 02, 2013 5:34 pm
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
A new update! Dun dun dunnnn

File 6: Twilight’s Shadows
w
“Grey! Grey, I know that the sun is setting and everything, but can... can you slow down a bit? I... can barely go as fast as you do, and these boots aren't made for walking through so much snow... Aww, I hate it, it's all moist now, and gets stuck to my boots!”
a
~They are just as wet as my face now~ Brunolf continued the phrase in his head ~it was not obligatory to lick it at all! I know, he was happy and all that stuff, but come on, it's cold out here, and the sun's setting already... Oh, all this suddenly stops being a good idea.~
t
He didn't hear the reply from the husky (if there was any), but at least he began catching up with the dog, and that simple fact cheered him up a little bit. The next 15 minutes were quiet - the birds little by little stopped chirping and returned to their nests. The sun slowly disappeared over the horizon. There was no one in sight and the duo didn't have the chance to talk much, mostly due to Brunolf being exhausted and not willing to chat before reaching a somewhat safer place. He only began to cheer up when the next hill appeared in front of them. Judging by the changed pace of Grey's walk, the entrance to the mine was somewhere around here... Or at least he hoped so. That would mean that the snow would not follow him for a while, and in the next few hours the fear of being sent back to Korea would disappear, like the same snow during the springtime, which, sadly, got late again this year
c
---
h
The next 5 minutes were spent walking, and not running, around an area filler with trees, left leafless by the unforgiving winter. The husky seemed to have unbounded energy, prancing and skipping around the wilderness. Meanwhile, the weary man was lagging behind the blissful dog, sweaty and frosty at the same time.
?
He mumbled as he tried to keep up with the apparently hyperkinetic dog.
v
The husky stopped and looked back. He noticed that the man was barely able to keep himself warm. He approached the man and tugged him from behind.
=
"We're close by; it's just at the end of this trail. We'll reach it in just a minute or two.", Grey tried to keep the man enthusiastic about the walk.
W
Brunolf, still on the verge of freezing, nodded and continued walking with the husky.
F
A few minutes later, they arrived in a dead end near a cliff. The cliff face was covered by several shrubberies which, although leafless, were still incredibly thick. Grey walked around the bushes and signaled Brunolf to follow him around it. Behind it, a considerably small mine entrance could be seen.
3
"Here we are. The old Russian mine… It currently lies in disuse for a couple of decades and is well hidden from the patrols. The path inside is pretty straightforward. No mazes, well ventilated and with my little flashlight, it'll be sufficiently lit.”, Grey took out his small LED flashlight. With its size, it was as big as the penlights doctors used.
4
"It looks a bit small but it will do the job."
N
Grey and Brunolf entered the mine. Brunolf sighed in relief with the milder temperature of the mine, glad for the little luxury he would have as they continued.
4
---
g
"I still don't see the subject. According to the previous thermal scans from the plane I received a few minutes ago, he started walking towards this general direction."
J
Sam heard a crackling noise from his earpiece. ~Finally, another update!~
A
"Yes, any updates on the Subject?"
K
"Uhh, we might have lost him in the thermal imaging at around 1 km NNW from your current location. He was running towards the steeper hills in that area. There seems to be somethi-."
E
"What!? You've lost him?"
#
"Ye-"
H
"I'll go to his last known location, waiting here wouldn't do us any good. He could have just fainted or blacked out somewhere."
U
"Uhh, one more thing, the Subject seems to be with something else"
E
"Something? Can you elaborate?"
t
"It's clearly not human, from the size probably a wolf or a big dog."
h
"So a wolf was probably hunting him, he must be gone by now."
r
"Actually sir, it looks like the Subject is the one chasing it."
e
"What? That's clearly out of the ordinary. You should have told that to me first!"
e
"But I di-"
t
"I need to go now, send me the thermal scans."
i
The man ended the call and looked at his gears scattered around the area.
m
Samuel Adams also known as Sam, started throwing the equipment into his pack as he prepared to run into the area of the Subject's last known location. Looking at the steeper hills at the north, he saw the snow covered landscape for miles ahead. ~I should probably stop doing this but... this is really going to be a long day!~
e
The wind started blowing north as the night approached, strong gusts whipped the branches in the leafless trees. The area had become silent, with nothing but the trees and the man generating the noise.
s
"I better start walking, it's at least 30 minutes to that location given this kind of condition."

A cat had gone unnoticed in the shadows of the trees, lurking. Listening to everything that had been said, and now, fading back into obscurity.

YESSAMISAMANSORRYFORTHEDISAPPOINTMENTXD

VEB is still in the monastery. He'll be back in time to post the next updates. He has gained enough enlightenment to start the anti-mod uprising to be able to spit yoga fire.

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Last edited by GeckoZY on Mon May 06, 2013 5:41 am, edited 2 times in total.



Sat May 04, 2013 7:23 am
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
Your narration is getting better without my help, but it still needs some corrections. I'll PM you about them (Also, I should have gon e and help yu editing the file instead of playing Star Wars: The Old Republic, sorry about that).
And you, yes, you, the fellow reading this, why don't YOU help correcting as well? You think this is a free ride or something? No, pal, you gotta work 'round this 'ere parts! Help da revolution! Of grammar!

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Sun May 05, 2013 1:58 am
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
Hmm, so it is hidden even to the organization. Nice. I wonder if they get to them, if they will blank out the dog's memories and make him a friend to dear Brunolf Weiss.


Now for some corrections! :)

Quote:
the birds' chirping began to fade, as the sunshine did, there was no one in sight, and the duo didn't have the chance to talk much, mostly due to Brunolf being exhausted and not willing to chat before reaching a somewhat safer place.


A hyphen before it is technically not good grammar. Should be either a period or a semicolon. Also :
The birds' chirping began to fade as the sunshine did. There was no one in sight.
Using too many commas can extend a sentence beyond what it should be. Try using a few less, and you might find your storys flow improving a bit.

Quote:
The next 5 minutes was spent walking, and not running, around the heavily vegetated but still leafless area. The husky seemed to have unbounded energy, prancing and skipping around the wilderness, meanwhile the weary man was lagging behind the blissful dog, sweaty and frosty at the same time.

Same issue here.
around the heavily vegetated, but still leafless, area. Missed the commas there.

...prancing and skipping around the wilderness. Meanwhile, the weary man... That should be a period.

Quote:
the man is barely able to keep himself warm

You must remember your tenses.
The man WAS barely able to keep himself warm. You do that sometimes and is something to try and look for.

Quote:
Brunolf still on the verge of freezing nodded and continued walking with the husky.

Brunolf, still on the verge of freezing, nodded and continued walking with the husky. Missed some commas...

Quote:
The cliff face was covered by several shrubberies, although leafless, was still considerably thick.

This sentence makes no sense.... by several shrubberies which, although leafless, was still incredibly thick.
OR
The face of the cliff was shrouded by thick shrubbery that had been stripped of leaves by the harsh season.
Or a few other ways to change it...

Quote:
it'll sufficiently lit


it'll be sufficiently lit, or it should light it up sufficiently...

Quote:
Grey took out his small LED flashlight, with its size

Grey took out his small LED flashlight. With its size... A period, not a comma

Yeah, I am not going to point every one of those out, just those few...

Quote:
With the milder temperature than the open wilderness, Brunolf sighed in relief for the little luxury he would have.


This is an awkward sentence.
Brunolf sighed in relief with the milder temperature of the mine, glad for the little luxury he would have as they continued.

Quote:
from the plane I have received a few minutes ago

Have is unnecessary here, especially if this is spoken word and not written.
Quote:
around 1 km NWN from there.

What direction is that supposed to be? I admit ignorance of military terms and speak, but I could have sworn NorthWest was abbreviated as NW, not WN...

Quote:
hills at that area


in that area...

Quote:
The wind started blowing north as the night approaches, strong gusts whip the branches in the leafless trees. The area has become silent, with nothing but the trees and the man generating some noise.

Again, you mixed up the tenses...

A cat has gone unnoticed in the shadows of the trees, lurking. Listening to everything that happened, and now, faded back into obscurity.

Same...


Also, coded again, eh? :roll:

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Sun May 05, 2013 2:06 am
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
Sees the corrections...
*dies*
Ghost Gecko: "Thanks for the corrections!" *floats away to the light.*

copper wrote:
Also, coded again, eh? :roll:

The hidden 'code' is not even encoded at all. The ALTERNATIVETEXT is never encoded. XP

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Sun May 05, 2013 5:15 am
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
Sure sure, hidden text then.

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Sun May 05, 2013 5:22 am
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
Because of Gecko's comment in the last update, I wanted to write a 'spit fire' pun, but failed epicly, so, I guess, there's nothing else left to do, than just to post an update!

File 7 - Rest or Rant
“Finally! Finally we don't have to be outside, with all that wind and snow!”, Brunolf kept mumbling to himself, since he barely had any energy left to talk loud. At least the husky was not running as fast as he did outside, and Weiss could finally feel like he was in a relatively warm place - the only thing he had been really wishing for in the last few hours.

The mine was relatively boring, stretching for a couple of kilometers under the hills. Nothing really happened while the two travellers walked through it: the ventilation, much to Brunolf's surprise, was still working and quietly humming above his head. The circle of light, coming from the flashlight, was joyfully jumping on the walls of the old structure, and, occasionally, small drips of water fell onto the shaft’s floor.

But, sadly, everything has to come to an end eventually, and that's exactly what the mine did after nearly an hour.

”So, how long is the way to that Kraskino town?” Brunolf asked in desperation.

“Well, it's somewhere around 16 kilometers away from he--”

“WHAT?! I don't mean to be rude, but I've nearly frozen to death while walking 3 kilometers to the mine, and now you suggest going 5 times further than that?!”

The husky simply continued to talk, ignoring the outburst from his companion. -“But since you are obviously incapable of keeping the pace anymore, there are some good news - the road to the town is right behind these trees!”

This remark seemed to appease Brunolf -“Oh... I'm sorry... You mean, that we can ask someone to drive us there?”

The dog nodded, and the two walked towards the road. Fifteen minutes later they were sitting inside of a warm car, heading north-east, to the Grey family’s house. Brunolf thought he heard the dog and driver talking about someone they both knew, but he was too tired to listen, and fell asleep the same minute they got in.

---

Brunolf yawned and stretched as Grey waved goodbye to the driver. They had arrived in front of a fairly decent two story house with a simple, yet huge, garden. The house had a plain melon color painted onto it’s walls, with a reddish-brown roof, and a white fence surrounding it. The snow on the ground looked as if it was blending with the fence, causing the illusion of an even bigger garden. Small bushes capped with snow lined the front of the house. The two slowly walked to the porch.

Grey took his keys from his collar and opened the door. The door unlocked with an audible “click”.

"Please come in, my parents are probably upstairs, so they won't mind you. You can sit over there at the sofa. I'll get some snacks for you."

Brunolf entered the living room. It had a television, a sofa and a fireplace. A couple of shelves filled with books, pictures and memorabilia lined the walls. On top of the fireplace, a picture of three almost identical huskies, the only clear difference being the fur shade, could be seen.

After looking around for a while, Brunolf looked for the remote, turned on the television and took a sit on the edge of the sofa. A familiar tune played from the tv set as the famous international news program began. On the screen, the anchorman started the introduction:

[“This is BBCNN World Report”

“In our top stories, North Korea has accidentally bombed one of its own concentration camps.”

“The levelled camp or Haengyong concentration camp near the border of China and Russia contains most of North Korea’s political prisoners, traitors, captured spies and their immediate families.”

“Several missiles from the nearby military installation activated and landed on the camp, killing an estimated of 6500 prisoners.”

“This has been the cause of mass panic in the surrounding countries, as earlier in the year the North Korean government has given threats of destruction to both South Korea and Japan over the recent economic sanctions.”

“In a similar story, a few weeks ago , a North Korean rocket hit a tourist plane flying close to the DMZ. This has heightened the tensions within the peninsula. The identities of the plane’s occupants, as well as the number of survivors, are still unknown.”

“We will now go live with...”]

"Kind of a weird country, huh? Bombing their own camps. It is kind of scary to think about how close they are to mine."

Brunolf jumped off the sofa and switched the TV off. He didn’t notice the husky entering the living room.

"Oh sorry, I think I got a bit too focused on the news."

Grey placed down a tray full of cookies and other assorted pastries along with a bottle of soda.

"Help yourself. I've been discussing with my dad; he's fine with me travelling to visit my brothers. He says it's good that I have found something to do with my spare time. He'll be driving us to the port at Posyet, it's just right below this town. I'll be upstairs packing my stuff in my room."

Grey went back up towards his room and searched through his stuff. He gathered a couple of bags, opened them up, and started arranging their contents.

"Let's see. We might need some snacks, some supplies.... Oh right, my papers! I'll really be needing those!"

Grey began to think about how his father had initially reacted to his plans. It was unexpected but, given Grey, his dad knew he was spontaneous. Giving him his puppy dog eyes was really helpful in the decision, as his dad eventually consented on Grey travelling to Europe after seeing him do that.

~The puppy dog eyes were super effective! Yes, I get to see them again! Now, what else do I need to bring?~

Grey noticed that he had just finished packing up everything that he needed. It all fitted neatly into one of his camping bags.
~Well, that was quick, better get down now. I don’t want to make them wait so much.~

THISISNOTINSPIREDBYAROUNDTHEWORLDIN80DAYS!

Moral of the story - don't even think of not agreeing with a husky. Don't even think of doing that...

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Tue May 07, 2013 8:39 am
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Post Re: Temporal Coincidences
A few awkward sentences and unnecessary phrasing, but better than last update! :D

Hmm, seems Grey can be a bit pushy as well as being spontaneous, inviting himself and all.

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Tue May 07, 2013 1:05 pm
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