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Housepets: The Girl 
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Post Housepets: The Girl
This is fanfic No.2, this involves a dog and her parents moving into Babylon Gardens. The dog's full name is Angelica, but she is referred to an Angel. She is a white husky with a grey tipped tail. She sees Bino's group and how they bully cat lovers; this is her biggest "pet peeve" :lol:. She then makes it clear that she would try to set te record straight, and punch all haters in the face!:twisted: This story will have a mention of 18 Minutes. Her parents are Cindy and George Raymond.

It was a hot summer day in Babylon Garden, many of the residents were probably at water parks, swimming pools, or staying inside with a fan or two in front of them. A moving van, and an SUV drove through the streets. inside were the newest citizens of the ctiy :Cindy Raymond, a beautiful blonde, aged 25, George Raymond, a tall dark haired man, who was 28 years old. Last, but certainly not least, was Angelica, their white husky. Cindy liked to call her Angel ever since she saw it: A small pup's shadow, standing as tall as it could, when a hawk passes overhead. There, Cindy saw a dog with huge, majestic wings!

*ANGEL*

"How far are we?" Angel asked, sounding as disinterested as possible.
George answered,
"Just a block away now, we should see it on the right."
Angel scooted over to the right window and watched all the houses pass by. She noticed a mailbox that had "Sandwich" written on it. Wow was all she thought. They pulled up to their new "humble abode". They all left the car and, unloaded over a hundred labled boxes into their seperate rooms. Cindy, while going upstairs, noticed three other rooms across the hall. One was a bathroom, and the others were bedrooms. She thought it would be nice to let Angel have the smaller room, since she had to sleep in the family foom at the old house.
"Hey Angel? What are you doing, putting your stuff in there?"
Angel was speechless, and thought why shouldn't I? she just said "What do you mean?" Cindy lokked at her with a smirk "You should be putting those up it your new room!" Anger was surprised :o, she didn't even think of that as a possibility.
"You mean it??" Cindy's smirk turned into a grin. "Why wouldn't i mean it?" She showed Angel to her room, it was square, with sky blue walls and a white ceiling. Cindy planned to get a house with an extra room. "I made sure George would find one with a room for you-" Angel wrapped her arms around her, "Thanks, Mom!" She sighed. Cindy huged her back. George passed by and put a small box in the bathroom, then went to the room Cindy and Angel were in.
"Angel," he started "why don't you go out and explore th neighborhood? We can handle the rest." Angel looked uncertain at first, but agreed to it. So she took her iPod with her, and headed out to see the new world.

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Last edited by FoxRocks on Tue Jul 01, 2014 10:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Mon Jun 30, 2014 1:45 am
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Post Re: Housepets: The Girl
I changed the style a bit. How am i doing with this one? :?:

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Mon Jun 30, 2014 1:42 pm
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Post Re: Housepets: The Girl
I think you're doing good. :)

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Mon Jun 30, 2014 1:46 pm
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Post Re: Housepets: The Girl
*ANGEL*

Angel found a park bustling with activity. Many other pets were there with their parents. Angel found a nice shady spot with a bench under a large maple tree. She sat down, listened to her music, and took it all in. after a few minutes, a dog approached her.
"Hi, is this seat taken?" He asked. She looked up at him and replied,
"No, it's not." she then removed her legs from the other spot. The dog sat down and opened up a book he had brought with him. He looked at her again and said "I don't think i've seen you around before, you new?" she paused the music.
"Yes, i'm new. Actually we are still moving in, but my Dad let me go out and see the city." The dog put the book down and held out his paw.
"My name is Peanut."
She shook his paw and announced her name,
"Mine is Angelica, but my nickname is Angel."

Peanut seemed interested in knowing the story behind the nickname "Angel". Angel explained the story of her mother seeing her shadow, combined with a hawk's.
"What is your mom's name?" Peanut asked.
"Cindy. My dad's name is George, our last name is Raymond." She knew the questions of her father's name and their last names would come up eveantually. The two talked together for a while, sharing their hobbies and interests. Peanut and Angel both enjoyed reading, although Angel liked to take her time reading it, claiming it could make the story richer. Then, the topic moved to the things they didn't like so much, and this was when Peanut told her about Bino and his group.
"They bully other pets, normally dogs who, they think, are cat-lovers, but sometimes they do it to pets because of their names!" Angel grew angry at this, as it was the one thing she truly dispised...bullies, and a group of them! When Angel was mad, she wasn't much of an angel. :evil:

*PEANUT*

It was very clear to Peanut that Angel got angry, she did a terrible job at hiding it. He wondered if she had an experience with bullies before. Angel began to calm down a bit.
"I'm sorry if I got you mad... are you mad at me?" Angel immediately took it back.
"NO! No, i'm not mad at you... I just hate it when someone is picked on... That can change a dog's life, being picked on." Peanut was afraid to ask, but he did anyway,
"Have you been bullied before?" She looked at him and replied "No, but I know what can happen to someone w...when they couldn't take it anymore..." Angel's voice cracked. It was like an old metal door on squeaky hinges, and those hinges just broke. He tried to comfort her, but she shook him off. Angel spoke up again, calm and determined.
"Who is his closest friend in that group? If i can convince that dog that they are doing wrong, then mabye, he or she can try to stop Bino..." Peanut began to see her plan, and he knew that Bino's closest friend was already hesitant in picking on others.
"Well," he started "his closest friend is Fox, if you see their group, he is the gray husky with dog tags...But he is already somewhat against what Bino does, but has some issues with cat-lovers." Angel knew that he would be the perfect type to work on.
"Good, i'll see what i can do... I will make sure that they won't pick on you, or anyone else!" She began to walk away. Peanut caught the you part.
"WAIT!...I never said that they picked on me." Angel looked back and responded.
"I know, you didn't have to."

*ANGEL*

Angel walked down the streets. She had discriptions of group members, and who they usually target. The iPod she had with her was playing an album by Sick Puppies, and the songs weren't too cheerful. She had the volume almost to max, but she heard a shout. Angel decided to investigate, if it was not because of Bino and his group, then someone could be in trouble.
Angel soon got close enough to hear what they were saying.
"Hey, CAT! Wanna play with some yarn!? I have some right here!" Angel turned to see Bino's group picking on a dog, not a cat. She walked further, pretending not to notice, then ran over to them.
"HEY, What are you doing to him!?" Bino looked at her and sneered, "Who are you to ask such questions litttle lady?" This was ironic, considering the fact that Angel had at least three inched on him.
"Well, who are you to pick on people like that?" Angel and Bino both doged eath other's questions. Bino studied her. "I haven't seen you before, you are not part of the Good Ol' Dogs Club, I never teased you yet, and you are not one of those dogs that hangs in the background...so you're the dog with that new family. "That's right, Bino, I am." Bino's friends and the dog they bullied were both shocked! :shock: Bino seemed a bit suprised, but also shown a hint of challenge. "Well, you know that much, but don't seem to grasp the full picture...Why don't you come to the Good Ol' Dogs meeting tomorrow night? All will be explained there."
Angel thought it over for a minute,
"Good, i'll see if your excuses for your immature and life-threatening behaviors are valid." Bino simply smiled and nodded his agreement.
"Fine, I do hope to see you there. The meeting is at 7:00." Bino and his group left. Angel turned to see the dog looking at her. She spoke in a gentle voice.
"It's all right, I was known for my acting back in my old neighborhood. I kew much more than what I let off." She took out a paw, "I'm called Angel." The dog shook paws with her.
"I'm Tiger..." Angel immediately scolded him.
"NEVER do that to yourself! Don't feel bad about yourself because of what they say!" Angel told Tiger that he, and others should defend themselves, and he told her that they had, but Bino persisted. Angel told him about her plan, and Tiger uderstood.
"So you need to get Fox to stand up against Bino and get him to stop teasing other pets?" Anger suddenly felt uncertain and said "Yes, but I cannot garuntee anyone anything!" Tiger asked Angel one of the most important questions she had heard all day.
"So, what if Fox says no?"

*ANGEL AGAIN*

Angel came home at around 8:00, this was her normal routine, nobody was really worried. George was already in bed, he needed to be up and ready for work at 4:00 am. As Angel was going up the stairs, Cindy inquired,

"How was your day? Meet anyone?"

"Yeah." Angel replied, she was unusually tired, and wanted to avoid such questions.

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Last edited by FoxRocks on Tue Jul 29, 2014 11:35 pm, edited 5 times in total.



Mon Jun 30, 2014 9:24 pm
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Post Re: Housepets: The Girl
Update is after Peanut and Angel introduce themselves.

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Wed Jul 02, 2014 12:18 am
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Post Re: Housepets: The Girl
Tiger is introduced.

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Thu Jul 03, 2014 12:46 am
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Post Re: Housepets: The Girl
Tell me your thoughts, there is always room for improvement! :D

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Tue Jul 29, 2014 12:56 am
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Post Re: Housepets: The Girl
Your grammar is sometimes hard to understand, understandable if English isn't your first language, try and work on it a bit. Feel free to combine all the stories into one, probably will help the flow a bit. Maybe. Spelling is fine, general mistakes, they don't take away from the story so it's fine.

Good story, short reads, easy to get the general feel though I don't really connect with Angel yet. Could be personality or writing style. Either way it's good. Keep up the good work, I look forward to more installations!

This is all just my opinion, feel free to completely disregard it if you want.

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Tue Jul 29, 2014 1:10 am
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Post Re: Housepets: The Girl
Deske wrote:
Your grammar is sometimes hard to understand, understandable if English isn't your first language, try and work on it a bit. Feel free to combine all the stories into one, probably will help the flow a bit. Maybe. Spelling is fine, general mistakes, they don't take away from the story so it's fine.

Good story, short reads, easy to get the general feel though I don't really connect with Angel yet. Could be personality or writing style. Either way it's good. Keep up the good work, I look forward to more installations!

This is all just my opinion, feel free to completely disregard it if you want.


Thank you for the advice,
since I turned 18 in March, I should have better writing skills. My excuse is that I am only able to write these stories at night, when nobody has to use the PC. Even then, I have a small amount of time, due to other things in life, like M.C.C.

As for Angel, I'm thinking she's kinda getting into other people's business.you meddling kids!
I'll try to change what I can, but this and my other fanfic are my first stories written outside of school. (& I was in high literature since 6th grade, so I must have rrreeeaaalllyyy slacked off!) :roll:

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Tue Jul 29, 2014 4:53 pm
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Post Re: Housepets: The Girl
*PEANUT*

The weather is not the greatest today. Peanut thought as he strolled through the park. The sun was encased by gray clouds trying to hold in the rain. He approached the bench that he and Angel sat on yesterday. Just as Peanut sat down, Angel came around the corner.

“Hey.” she said in a neutral voice. “Nice weather, right?” Peanut caught the sarcasm.

Angel sat down next to him and opened up a small book. Peanut studied the cover; it depicted a four funneled ship sailing through heavy seas, but the ship was also on fire! He could see the title, and it read: The Thief.

“Who wrote that book?” Peanut asked.

“Clive Cussler” Angel stated. “His books aren’t as good as they used to be though. This one has a character named Issac Bell, who’s traveling on Mauretania with his fiancé. He is also a detective, and…I don’t want to spoil it for you.”

Peanut got excited “Come on, what happens?”

“You could look for it in the library.” Angel told him, but Peanut said he finished ever book in the library.

“Well,” Angel started “I could lend you my copy when I’m done with it. I’m a fast reader.”

Bet your not as fast as me! Peanut thought.

The rain could not be held back any longer, it drizzled at first, but the rain came down harder in a matter of minutes.

“Want to stay at my house until the storm stops?” Peanut offered. “It’s just a block away.”
Angel took the offer; it was much closer to the park than her house.

* * *

*ANGEL*

When they arrived at Peanut’s house, it was already pouring. The first thing she noticed was the mailbox with Sandwich written on it.

That’s the house I saw when we were moving in! Angel was a bit surprised that Peanut lived in the Sandwich household, but when she thought of the two words together, it made sense! Peanut Sandwich…peanut butter sandwich! WOW that’s clever…Peanut opened the door and stepped inside. Almost immediately, a woman ran up and hugged him tightly.

“There you are! Where have you been? And who’s this!?” she exclaimed.

“Mom,” Peanut explained, “I was at the park with Angel.” The woman looked at her.

“…Nice to meet you.” they shook hands. (Except Angel has a paw.)

The lady left and a purple cat came up to them, and by the look on her face, she wasn’t happy.

“What took you so long Peanut!? We were starting to worry!” She steamed.

“It’s fine Grape! Nothing happened.” Peanut insisted.

Grape didn’t even notice Angel until just now. “Oh, hello…you were here for all that…”

“Yes.” Angel said under her breath. She held out a paw and stated “I’m Angel, good to know ya!” Grape shook paws with her.

“Pleasure,” she stopped and turned to Peanut. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Alright.” Peanut said, and followed Grape around a corner.

Angel managed to indirectly eavesdrop on them, it wasn’t intentional, but she couldn’t pull herself away now, especially since her tail was caught in the door…

“She’s not your girlfriend is she?” Grape whispered

“No, why? Do you not trust me?” Peanut inquired

“I do, but I’m just worried we might lose our feelings for each other…” Grape admitted.

“NEVER!” Peanut almost shouted. He contained himself, “That’s not going to happen.”

Grape wasn’t convinced, “What about all the things Tarot did before?” Peanut answered this with another question.

”Tell me why over half the stuff Tarot does only bring us closer.” he said. “Angel isn’t my girlfriend, I only met her yesterday, Why are you even making accusations like that?” With that, Peanut came back to Angel.

“What’s that?” Angel asked, and pointed to nothing in particular.

“What’s what?” Peanut asked and looked toward the direction Angel was pointing in. Angel quickly opened the door, got her tail out of the way, and then closed it again.

“OH, oh okay, never mind, I know what that is!” Angel stated.


How was this? I copied it from Windows Word to catch any spelling and grammer mistakes. (But not this part). Criticism is expected. :D

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Last edited by FoxRocks on Wed Jul 30, 2014 1:33 am, edited 1 time in total.



Wed Jul 30, 2014 12:07 am
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Post Re: Housepets: The Girl
Well there's life. Shorts fine now that I know why. You seemed like a pretty good writer so I wondered why you didn't lengthen them.

Now...

This one was short, even expecting shortness, this one caught me off guard with how short it was. Grammar was much better except for one thing that if I actually started to care would make me more of a nitpicker than normal. Very nice story, my only major complaint is the length, but that is an incredibly small complaint in the grand scheme. Very good job. I like this.

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Wed Jul 30, 2014 12:14 am
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Post Re: Housepets: The Girl
I'll get to work then! It's like, 12:30am, but classes are late today, so I can work a bit longer. I would like to fix as much as possible to help me get back on track.

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Wed Jul 30, 2014 12:28 am
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Post Re: Housepets: The Girl
Please don't waste sleep time too much just because I told you it was short.

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Wed Jul 30, 2014 12:34 am
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Post Re: Housepets: The Girl
It's no problem, I'll add an extention to the previous post. I have penty of time to do everything I need, & This is good prectice! ;)

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Wed Jul 30, 2014 12:55 am
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Post Re: Housepets: The Girl
Feel free to take more than a few days on each part. Could give you some time to think about stuff or what. Keep on writing though, it's a fun story.

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Wed Jul 30, 2014 12:56 am
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Post Re: Housepets: The Girl
Peanut's relationship with Grape will not be mentioned much.
Grape over-reacted a bit, but from what i've seen, she seems to have a problem handling her emotions at times. :(

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Wed Jul 30, 2014 4:09 pm
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