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Vanilla in Wonderland 
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Post Vanilla in Wonderland
New story for anyone who was hoping for one! Here it is!






Vanilla in Wonderland







“Wake up, your highness, wake up!”

“Huh…?” Vanilla blinked a few times and yawned. Her bed felt strangely cold.

“Oh good, you’re awake! Your highness, you’re needed in your kingdom immediately to right a terrible wrong!”

“What?” said Vanilla, squinting as she looked at who was talking. It wasn’t Honey, and it wasn’t her dad. It was a rabbit. He had white fur and pink eyes and looked kind of creepy despite his friendly but timid demeanor, which suggested no harm was meant.

“Please, Princess, you’ve got to come quickly!”

Vanilla looked around, realizing she was not in her bed, nor even in her house. She was near a riverbank.

“Oh great, I’m dreaming,” she thought, rolling her eyes. She had been reading Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland just before falling asleep, that must be why she was dreaming about it. But why was the White Rabbit calling her a PRINCESS? “If this is going to actually make SENSE I’m going to be very annoyed….” said Vanilla, sotto voce.

“Princess, there’s no time to explain, but the Knave of Hearts is going to be executed if you don’t come back quickly, and he’s innocent! He never stole any tarts—I have this on good authority!”

“Go away, the Tim Burton movie was bad enough.”

“You leave me no choice.”

Before Vanilla knew what was going on she found her mouth forced open and a strange drink poured down it. It was delicious, but to Vanilla’s surprise it tasted more like a combination of various edible desserts rather than anything to drink—desserts that were never meant to belong together. She nearly choked.

“Must be every last drop—please forgive me for doing this, your highness.”

Upon swallowing the last drop, Vanilla coughed and hacked. “What’s the big idea?!”

This was the last word she said before she felt an unsettling feeling in her stomach. Her legs gave out from under her, feeling as though they were telescopes shutting up. It felt like it should have hurt, but it didn’t. It just made her feel top heavy, as her legs were now too short for her body. Then her arms did the same, and her torso, and before her oversized head could make her fall over, this too came back into proportion. In the end, where before the rabbit was smaller than Vanilla (small enough to eat), he now towered over her. The creepy expression on his face now looked downright intimidating.

“Y-You stay away from me!” cried Vanilla, her fear not enough to be irritated at the fact that her voice hadn’t risen in pitch, as realistically it would have at her size.

“I’m sorry, Princess, but you have to come!”

Before Vanilla could protest, the White Rabbit picked her up and took her down a rabbit hole, which turned out to be a very deep well, exactly as in the book.

Vanilla was expecting this part, but it hadn’t occurred to her how WEIRD it felt. She felt the air rushing past her, and yet she seemed to be going slowly. It was like one of those fake skydiving apparatuses, not that she had ever been on one.

“How long is this going to take, Mr. White Rab—what the heck?!?”

Vanilla looked around. The White Rabbit seemed to be gone entirely. She looked up, as though he had somehow managed to prevent himself from falling—that hardly seemed impossible, not if this dream world had anything in common with the Wonderland of the book.

“Okay, I guess I’m not going to wake up until I get through the story, although this isn’t the same story by a long shot. I don’t want to go through a fake version of the story, but I guess I have no choice. Still, if anything from Through the Looking-Glass appears here, I’m pinching myself and waking myself up.”

Eventually Vanilla realized why she was going so slowly, and was taken back to the Disney animated version of this story. Instead of her green hooded jacket which she usually wore, she now found herself wearing a blue dress, the skirt poofed out like a parachute, catching the air as she fell. Vanilla looked down and saw a pair of blue shoes on her feet, where they had been barefoot before. Just then, something slipped over her head. Pushing it back, she realized what it was: a blue hennin hat—the conical veiled hat associated with fairy tale princesses.

“NOW I know why he called me a princess….” thought Vanilla, rolling her eyes. She and Honey had role-played a game earlier that day, and Vanilla was playing a princess in the game. Her diplomatic skills were needed to avert a crisis in that game, and so her mind must have melded the two. This was annoying.

When the sinking had gone on so long that Vanilla thought it JUST might be possible that she might wake up, she landed on the ground, in the familiar corridor of doors.

“There you are, your highness!” said the White Rabbit, who seemed to have appeared out of nowhere when Vanilla wasn’t looking.

“Gah! Don’t DO that! I thought you were right with me up there!” said Vanilla, pointing—to a ceiling. “Well, at least there’s SOME proper nonsense….”

Ignoring her words, the White Rabbit (still towering over her) pointed her to a tiny door. “Please, Princess, we have to hurry—this is the way!” He took out a key and unlocked the door. “Come on!”

“What?” said Vanilla, adjusting her hat again after it slipped over her eyes again. “No, no, no, that’s NOT the way! I’m supposed to eat a cake and grow huge and then cry a pool of tears! If I have to play Alice in this story, I’m at least doing it the right way!”

The White Rabbit cocked his head as if he had no idea what she was talking about.

Vanilla rolled her eyes and looked at her feet for a box with a cake in it. She didn’t see one.

“If you want to rally the troops, your highness, that’s your right, of course, but I’d advise you not to delay too long.”

Vanilla turned her head and—the Rabbit was gone again, leaving only his gloves and fan. At least SOME part of the story was going right.

“Okay, so where’s the cake?” She lifted her skirt and moved away from where she was standing, in case it was hidden. It wasn’t. “WHERE’S THE CAKE?!?” she barked, almost feeling like a real princess whose orders had been disobeyed.

Suddenly she heard a gnawing sound. She turned her head—and had to adjust her hat again, this was REALLY annoying—and saw a mouse nibbling through the wall. Once he’d chewed his way through, he rushed out toward her, bowed, and presented her with a box.

“Here, your highness, forgive me, please don’t be as Fury to me!”

Vanilla almost felt like smiling—but her smile didn’t come to her face. She was pleased to see the Mouse from the story, as he was usually forgotten in adaptations. Not to mention the reference to Fury, the dog.

Speaking in a dignified, royal voice, Vanilla said, “You are forgiven, Sir Mouse. I shall spare your life, for Princess Alice is merciful.”

The mouse blushed.

Ignoring him, Vanilla opened the box and ate the cake. Sure enough, it caused her to grow larger. Her legs grew first, stretching as though opening up like telescopes. In fact, they didn’t stop growing.

“I hope I don’t bump my head on the ceiling BEFORE the rest of me grows!”

She almost did—leastways the tip of her hat grazed the ceiling. But then her torso and arms grew similarly—that feeling of opening up like a telescope was REALLY weird—and then her head grew. She could barely stay standing up.

The mouse twitched his whiskers, frozen stiff as if with fright.

“Goodness, your highness…you’ve shot up like a weed!”

“I know, I know, now I’m supposed to cry. How am I gonna do that?”

She tried thinking of the “Turtle Soup” incident, hoping that she wouldn’t be reminded of THAT in this dream, but it wasn’t working.

“Shall I fetch an onion for you, your highness?”

“If it’ll do the job, yes, go get it! And while you’re at it, get the Dodo, the Duck, the Lorry, and the Eaglet too!”

The mouse seemed surprised. “As my lady wishes.” He then took off into the mouse hole.

“He’d better get back soon, this is REALLY uncomfortable,” thought Vanilla as her hat slipped down over her eyes again. She didn’t bother to adjust it this time.

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"We have to do this take again! HAL, do it with a LOT less emotion!"
"I'm sorry Stan, I'm afraid I can't do that."
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Thu Jul 14, 2011 11:07 am
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Post Re: Vanilla in Wonderland
Ah, FINALLY more writing from you! :D I missed this! Interesting so far..... I'd just go along with it. :roll:


Thu Jul 14, 2011 2:54 pm
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Post Re: Vanilla in Wonderland
Thanks for responding, Phoenix! :D What do you mean, you'd just go along with it? :?

Anyway, here's the next part:



“Will this do, Princess?” said the mouse, rolling an onion the same size as himself to Vanilla’s feet.

“It’s about TIME! I don’t wanna be this big anymore, not even for the sake of telling the story the right way!”

“Your highness?”

“Never mind,” muttered Vanilla. “Just cut into the onion and make me cry already.”

The mouse looked afraid to do so, but more afraid to disobey. He shut his eyes and began to gnaw into the onion, making faces like a child being forced to take his medicine. Vanilla tapped her foot impatiently.

Finally the mouse started to cry. “O-Okay, your highness, you may commence the crying.”

“FINALLY.”

Vanilla was already stooped over, so she picked up the onion and shoved it into her eyes (after adjusting her hat so that her eyes were accessible). She didn’t care that it stung—she just wanted to hurry this up. Sure enough, the tears began to flow like waterfalls from her eyes. The mouse dashed from left to right trying to avoid being splashed, with little success. At length he was joined by several birds, precisely as they existed in the book.

Vanilla didn’t have to open her eyes to know when she’d cried enough. She felt the water soak her feet, and so tossed the onion away and felt around for the White Rabbit’s fan. She ended up getting her paw wet in doing so, but finally found it and immediately started fanning herself. With her dry arm she wiped her eyes so that she could see, and soon found herself shutting up again—and the smaller she became, the more of her became soaked. This had the effect of her dress starting to feel heavy on her.

She looked around and saw the mouse struggling to keep his head afloat. The birds were having a better time of it, as the duck seemed to be enjoying it. Not all of the birds were, though: the Dodo cocked his head and said, “Re-re-re-remind me again, wh-wh-wh-what the point of this was?”

Vanilla was glad the Dodo was stuttering. “The point is to tell the story the right way,” she said in an authoritative voice. “Now we have to have a Caucus Race to get dry. And then, I guess you all had better come with me—the White Rabbit said something about ‘rallying the troops’.”

The birds made it to dry land, and no more were they in the corridor. The mouse towed Vanilla to shore, as she found it hard to swim in her dress and she was now the same size he was. When all were on dry land, they had their Caucus Race. Everyone started and stopped where and when they wanted (Vanilla found it difficult to keep up, however, having to hold her skirt with one paw and keep her hat up with the other), and then it was time to hand out prizes.

“Okay, I’m supposed to give out the candies….” said Vanilla, looking for pockets in her dress, and finding it difficult. There didn’t seem to be any. “Okay, I’m SUPPOSED TO GIVE OUT THE CANDIES….” she said, as though her dress were a disobedient subject. Eventually she felt bulges, even though there still didn’t seem to be any pockets. She felt around and realized they were in the HEM of her dress. Taking them out, she counted them. “One for the mouse, one for the dodo, one for the duck, one for the eaglet, and one for the lorry. Exactly the right number.”

She handed the candies out, and the mouse and birds seemed very grateful to be getting anything. “But what about your own prize, your highness?”

“I’m getting to that, I’m getting to that,” said Vanilla, feeling in the hem for a thimble—and not finding one. “Come on, come on, I’m supposed to get a thimble!” She patted herself down like a police officer frisking a suspect. Nothing. Not until she hit her chest.

“OW!”

Staring, she reached into the blouse of her dress and found the thimble—it was on a chain around her neck. “What is this, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland or Peter Pan?” She tugged it off the chain and presented it to herself, feeling ridiculous.

The mouse and birds cheered. “Now what are your orders, your highness?”

“My orders? My orders are that we head to the White Rabbit’s house.”

Suddenly the mouse and birds seemed afraid. “Y-Your highness…don’t you KNOW about the White Rabbit?” said the mouse timidly.

“Know what?”

The mouse looked at the birds, who shrugged.

“Excuse me a moment, Princess.”

He went over to the birds and they got together in what looked like a Rugby scrum. What were they talking about, and why weren’t they talking to HER?

“Your highness…we have it on good authority that the White Rabbit…is a traitor.”

“A traitor?” said Vanilla. The mouse and birds seemed surprised that she hadn’t YELLED it in outrage.

“A traitor,” the mouse repeated, as if she hadn’t heard him. “We believe he is secretly working for the Queen of Hearts, your enemy, and is trying to lure you to her so that she may have you executed.”

Vanilla couldn’t help a laugh, which puzzled the others. “But no one ever executes anyone! The Griffin said so!”

The mouse and birds looked at each other, uncomfortable expressions on their faces.

“I suppose you know best, your highness….” said the mouse. “But if the White Rabbit tries anything, we shall protect you. On our lives.”

The mouse and birds reached behind their backs and pulled out makeshift swords which were actually needles with buttons for hilts. Vanilla thought this was very cartoony of them.

“Okay…but let’s not storm his house—he might suspect and send word back to the Queen. Stay at a safe distance behind me.”

“As her highness wishes,” said the mouse, and he whistled through his teeth at the birds. Before long Vanilla couldn’t see any of them—had they hidden? Disappeared? What HAD happened to them? Did it matter? They didn’t come into the book after this. Anyway, her dress was dry again.

At length Vanilla came to the White Rabbit’s house, which she reasoned must have been the right house since the double chimney looked like white rabbit ears.

“Your highness, there you are!” said the White Rabbit, rushing out of the house. “Now hurry! We must meet with the Duchess at once!”

He grabbed her paw, and she shook it loose. “We’ll do nothing like it! You’re supposed to mistake me for your housemaid, and call me ‘Mary Ann’, and tell me to get you a pair of gloves and a fan!”

“With all due respect, your highness, we don’t have time for nonsense!”

At that, Vanilla stamped her foot. “If I’m the princess, you have to do what I say, and I say ‘let there be nonsense!’”

Before the White Rabbit could stop her, Vanilla stormed into the house and tried to find the drink that would make her grow huge. She marched upstairs and looked on the table. Sure enough, she found a bottle with a tag that said “drink me”. She hoped this dream would at least get this right and make her big rather than small. Before the White Rabbit could stop her, she drank the bottle to the dregs.

“Princess, no!”

No sooner did the White Rabbit say this than one of Vanilla’s legs pushed him out of the door, that’s how fast she was growing.

“I just remembered—I hate being this big!” said Vanilla as she bumped her head on the ceiling and her hat came back down over her eyes again. She was soon forced into a sitting position, then a reclining position. Eventually there was no room to move, and her arm was sticking out the window. “At least I don’t have to be this big INDOORS again after this.”

“Oh, NO!” cried the White Rabbit. “Pat! Bill! Come quickly!”

“Finally this—ow!—story is going right,” thought Vanilla. “Okay, send Bill down the chimney!”

No sooner did she hear this than she heard a ladder prop itself against the house. She heard something scrambling up it, then into the chimney. Her foot was in the fireplace. She waited until she felt Bill, prepared to kick him back up. “I hope this is enough like the book that I won’t hurt him…. I should have taken off my shoes first.”

At length she felt something scrambling on her foot. “GAHH!!!” Without even thinking, she kicked her foot hard. She then heard a scream that grated on her ears. “Nice going, Vanilla, you probably broke his spine.” She didn’t want to be responsible for something so violent, not even in a dream.

“Hey! White Rabbit! You’re supposed to throw rocks in the window! They’ll turn into cakes and I can eat one and get small again!”

“Your highness, you’ve just sent Bill on a trip no lizard should ever have to go on! Pat must take care of him now!”

Vanilla wanted to hang her head in shame, but couldn’t. “Is he all right?”

“Sure an’ he will be, your ’ighness!” said a voice with an Irish accent, which she presumed was Pat the Pig. “I’ll get some brandy into him, an’ he’ll be right as rain!”

The White Rabbit looked around for some rocks. He suddenly trembled timidly.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” said Vanilla. “I don’t want to be this big anymore!”

“W-With all due respect, your highness, I did warn you not to do that.”

“I KNOW! I KNOW! Just throw the rocks!”

The White Rabbit winced. “Please don’t hold it against me if this hurts.”

“It won’t! They’ll be like pebbles to me, now THROW THEM ALREADY!”

The White Rabbit complied. To Vanilla’s surprise, the pebbles DID hurt just a little. “OW! Not so HARD!” She looked at the pebbles on the ground and waited for them to turn into cakes so she could eat one.

“Hey, what are you doing?! Unhand me at once!” Vanilla tried to turn her head to see what was going on, but couldn’t. She heard a lot of commotion, and was irritated that she couldn’t see it. She reached around for one of the pebbles, hoping it was a cake now. She could scarcely tell, but gambled. She swallowed it down.

Before long, she felt herself shut up again (would she ever get used to this?), and soon she found she had room to move around again. While she was shrinking, she decided she’d better get out of the house before she shrank down to three inches high—otherwise it would take a long time.

Once she was small enough, she crawled out the door (she wasn’t yet small enough to walk through it). For a moment she got stuck, as her skirt bunched up behind her and was pinned to her legs. “This had better not turn into Winnie-the-Pooh now,” she muttered as her hat came down over her eyes again. Who INVENTED such a big hat anyway?

Presently she found herself small enough to go through the door, and even to walk down the stairs—BUMP!

“OW!”

She had forgotten, she was still too big to stand up straight. “Why didn’t I just go through the window? That would have been quicker….” She ducked down, holding her skirt with one paw and her hat with the other, as she finally made it down the stairs.

Once she was down the stairs she was small enough to fit through the door. She was glad she hadn’t shrunk down to three inches high yet, as maybe—MAYBE, if she wasn’t too late, she could see what had gone on outside.

No such luck. Now she felt the grass coming up to her knees.

“Your highness! Please forgive us!” cried the mouse, bowing so low Vanilla thought he would fall over.

“Forgive you for what?” said Vanilla as the grass came up to her waist, and she was now the same size as the mouse.

“We tried to take the White Rabbit and his cronies, but the White Rabbit escaped! Surely now he will report back to your enemy the Queen of Hearts!”

“No problem,” said Vanilla, looking UP at the mouse now. “I’ll see the Caterpillar on his mushroom, and I’ll get the two pieces of it so I can control what size I am.”

The mouse bowed as low as he could, as if trying not to let his head be higher than hers, even though she was smaller than himself now. “Understood, milady. With luck we’ll catch the villain before he reports anything!”

He scampered away, and Vanilla looked around for the mushroom with the Caterpillar. It wasn’t hard—the smoke from his hookah made her cough. “Excuse—COUGH!—Excuse me, Mr. Caterpillar—COUGH! COUGH!”

“What?” said the Caterpillar curtly. For once Vanilla was NOT pleased to have this story go right.

“Could you—COUGH!—give me a piece from each side of your mushroom?”

“Why?”

Vanilla gritted her teeth. “I need them to change my height! I gotta catch up with the others so I can stop the Knave of Hearts from being executed, or something—would you just hurry up, please?”

The Caterpillar looked offended. “The very idea of wanting to change your height, when you’re the perfect height anyone could be!”

Vanilla coughed, her eyes watering at the smoke. “If you don’t—COUGH!—give me the mushroom I’ll take away your hookah!”

“You won’t!” snapped the Caterpillar like a disobedient child, and at length he crawled away, jealously guarding the hookah.

“FINALLY.”

Vanilla looked around on the mushroom for some demarcation that would indicate which part would make her bigger and which would make her smaller. There was no such indication. Rolling her eyes, Vanilla arbitrarily grabbed a piece, then grabbed a piece from the opposite side. She nibbled a bit of one in order to determine which was which—and bumped her chin on her shoe.

“OW!”

The grass now looked like trees. “Oh, great—I thought I only ate a LITTLE of the mushroom!” Vanilla nibbled some of the other piece—making sure to know which was which—and this time her body stretched out like a telescope. However, it didn’t end up with the right proportions this time, as the canopy prevented her shoulders from catching up with her head, which had the effect of her neck becoming long and snake-like. Presently her head reached a pigeon’s nest.

“AAH!!! Oh, PRINCESS! You gave me a FRIGHT! I thought you were a SERPENT!”

Vanilla rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry, I’m not here to tempt you with any forbidden fruit. I just…had a little accident.” Her hat fell down over her eyes again, and this time she couldn’t adjust it, as her arms were not within access. Instead she jerked her head up, even BLOWING upwards. It took a few tries, but it worked—she had actually tried to get rid of the hat but it had ribbons attached to it which were going under her chin, keeping it on.

“W-Well, don’t look at ME, your highness,” said the mother pigeon anxiously. “You know I’d give you my eggs, but…these are going to hatch.”

“I don’t NEED your eggs—but thanks for the offer. I just need to get to my paw so I can eat the other part of the mushroom. Now I wish I WAS a snake, then maybe I’d know how to move this neck….”

Vanilla did her best, lowering her head down—her hat notwithstanding—until she reached her left paw, which was holding the first bit of the mushroom. She nibbled a bit of it, and soon shrank down to her proper proportions. By experiments, she made herself grow and shrink in turns until she was her right size again.

“FINALLY! Now I’m supposed to go to the Duchess’s house. I am NOT looking forward to that.”

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"We have to do this take again! HAL, do it with a LOT less emotion!"
"I'm sorry Stan, I'm afraid I can't do that."
--Phoenix

pair-o-dimes dot blogspot dot com


Thu Jul 14, 2011 2:56 pm
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Post Re: Vanilla in Wonderland
You're welcome! :D I mean, if I had a dream like this (about, say, Star Trek), I'd just go along with what was in front of me, rather than trying to make it go the way it's supposed to. Of course, when I dream, I can RARELY control what happens, so I have to go along anyway. :roll:

I suspect something UNEXPECTED will happen soon.


Thu Jul 14, 2011 3:08 pm
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Post Re: Vanilla in Wonderland
Oh, indeed.







At her right size it didn’t take Vanilla very long to find the Duchess’s house—it looked like a dollhouse. Nibbling JUST enough of the little mushroom to make herself about nine inches tall, she soon found the frog footman outside the door. The fish footman handed him an envelope and said, “For the Duchess, from the Queen. Don’t let you-know-who find out about it.”

The frog footman replied, “From the Queen, for the Duchess. Don’t let you-know-who find out about it.”

“And just what are we talking about, gentlemen?” said Vanilla, making herself known.

“I didn’t hear YOU talking about anything until just now,” said the frog footman, as the fish footman left, trying to be casual.

“What’s in the letter? I don’t think it’s an invitation to play croquet.”

“How would you know? You haven’t read it.”

“Letter. Now.”

Vanilla would have expected the frog footman to say “no”, or to hold it away from her, or to run off, or SOMETHING—but she didn’t expect him to do what he did.

He fell asleep.

Vanilla rolled her eyes. “Terrific.” She took the letter from him, but before she could open it and read it, the door opened and a plate flew out.

“OW!” Vanilla rubbed her nose where the plate grazed her. “I’m not supposed to get HURT! I don’t know if I want to go in there….”

She knew she had to, though. She took a deep breath and covered her nose, remembering that there was pepper in the soup and in the air. Mustering up what courage she had, she stepped inside.

Sure enough, there was a familiar sight: the cook was DUMPING pepper into the soup as if trying to drive the scarcity up so that she could sell it at a higher price; the Cheshire Cat was on the floor, grinning. The baby was screaming his head off, being thrown around by the Duchess—

The DUCHESS?!?

“STRAWBERRY?!?!?”

“Who let this impertinent lout in the house?!” barked Strawberry, shaking the baby violently. “PIG!” she snapped at the baby.

“Strawberry…YOU’RE the DUCHESS?!” Vanilla couldn’t believe it. Strawberry wasn’t the type.

“Chop off her head!” Strawberry snapped to the cook. The cook didn’t seem to hear her, but then Strawberry didn’t seem to be bothered by it. She threw the baby in the air as if it were a bomb, then caught it again.

“How the heck do you keep your hat on straight?” said Vanilla, still too weirded out by this. “It’s bigger than MINE is!” Sure enough, Strawberry’s hat looked as if it weighed as much as her whole body.

“If certain people would mind their own business, the world would go around a lot quicker than it does!”

“You were supposed to say that BEFORE you said to chop off my head! You know that!”

Strawberry hurled the baby to Vanilla, and the baby started screaming all the more. “I guess I’d better get out of here quick before the cook actually goes for the axe….”

Vanilla ran out as quickly as she could—she was starting to get the hang of moving in her dress, and she kept her head up so her hat wouldn’t slip down—and waited for the baby to turn into a pig. She stopped near a tree with a horizontal branch, expecting the Cheshire Cat to appear there soon.

“If you’re going to turn into a pig, I’ll have nothing more to do with you,” said Vanilla to the baby. As if on cue, the baby grew pointy ears, a curly tail, a large snout, and trotters.

“Yeah, same to you and more of it,” muttered Vanilla. “Go on, get out of here.”

She set the pig down and it ran back to the Duchess’s—or Strawberry’s?—house. At length the Cheshire Cat appeared on the branch.

“GAHH! I am NOT going to get used to that!”

“Used to what?” said the Cat, who sounded rather like Jack Nicholson.

“Cheshire-Puss, as your Princess, I order you to tell me where the Hatter and the March Hare live.”

“Then as your Cheshire-Puss, I refuse.”

“What? You can’t—” Vanilla facepalmed herself. “That’s right, you’re mad, I forgot. Okay, then I order you to keep it a SECRET where the Hatter and the March Hare live.”

The Cheshire Cat chuckled. “You’re learning fast. The Hatter lives that way, and the March Hare lives the other way.”

“Right—but the Hatter’s with the March Hare, according to the book.”

The Cat clucked his tongue. “You’ve been listening in doorways or you couldn’t have known it.”

“No, I didn’t, I read it in the book—and I don’t want you to turn into Humpty Dumpty on me.”

“Why not? The baby turned into a fig, didn’t he?”

“Pig,” corrected Vanilla.

“Ah, makes more sense.”

With that the cat suddenly disappeared.

Vanilla didn’t really care to see the cat disappear slowly like in the book, so she went on her way towards the March Hare’s house.

“I wonder whose side THEY’LL be on….”

Suddenly Vanilla remembered the letter. She opened it, unfolded it, and looked at it.

“Nothing?”

The paper was blank. It didn’t even look as if anyone had used invisible ink on it. She sniffed it. No, it was entirely blank.

“Well, I know what to do with this,” muttered Vanilla, crumpling it up and eating it.

At length Vanilla came to another house with two chimneys, only these looked like brown ears, and were taller than at the White Rabbit’s house. “Hares are related to rabbits—if the mouse was right and the White Rabbit’s on the wrong side, I may have to watch my step.”

“No room! No room!” said two voices as Vanilla entered. Sure enough, there was a Hatter, a March Hare, and a Dormouse—the Dormouse was asleep, as she expected.

“Baloney—there’s only three of you,” said Vanilla. “As your princess, I command you to tell me whose side you’re on—mine or the Queen of Hearts?”

“Have some wine,” said the March Hare.

“There isn’t any, and I don’t drink,” said Vanilla.

“I know,” said the March Hare. “Your hair wants cutting.”

Vanilla groaned. How many times were these characters going to get the order of the lines wrong?

“Just tell me whose side you guys are on,” said Vanilla.

“Why is a raven like a writing desk?” said the Hatter.

Vanilla rolled her eyes. “Poe wrote on both. Now tell me whose side you’re on.”

“Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle….” muttered the Dormouse. At this the Hatter and the March Hare dunked his head into the teapot, trying to drown him.

Vanilla sighed. This was probably the most she was going to get out of them—they probably weren’t ON a side anyway. Excusing herself, she took her leave.

“At least the story’s almost over now,” thought Vanilla. “Soon I’ll get to the garden, and that’s where the trial is.”

She tugged on several branches—and snapped off about half of them—until she found one that worked like a lever, causing a door to appear in the trunk of its tree, which opened into the corridor.

“I should have just done this in the first place, why did I insist on everything going according to the book? Especially when it’s all nonsense anyway and it involves me getting too big to move?”

“Careful, Vanilla, or you’ll start talking to yourself like Alice does,” she scolded herself.

But Vanilla was beginning to have her doubts now. She began to wonder why it was that she insisted on things always going a certain way. It made her think about how she would complain when she and Honey were role-playing and Honey didn’t do things as she wanted her to do. Why DID she do that? Honey wasn’t a mind-reader. And Honey was certainly a different person than Vanilla. If she ever woke up from this dream (which hopefully wouldn’t be long now) she would try to be more flexible. It would be excruciatingly difficult, but she would try. She didn’t want to have another dream like this.

Putting it out of her mind for the moment, Vanilla drank from the bottle that read “Drink Me” while holding the key to the tiny door. She unlocked the door and opened it.

“It’s ABOUT TIME!!!”

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Last edited by ChewyChewy on Mon Feb 06, 2012 12:22 am, edited 2 times in total.



Thu Jul 14, 2011 3:26 pm
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Post Re: Vanilla in Wonderland
Let me guess: The qu........... <hand claps over mouth, cane dragged off stage> MMMMFFF!!! :shock:

You know, looks like there IS a message in here after all! :)


Thu Jul 14, 2011 3:34 pm
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Post Re: Vanilla in Wonderland
We'll see....





It was the White Rabbit, who was not in the custody of the mouse.

“Unhand me, villain!” barked Vanilla.

“No, your highness, you don’t understand,” said a familiar voice. It was the mouse!

“What are you doing here?” said Vanilla.

“Your highness, let me explain,” said the mouse timidly. “We thought the White Rabbit was a spy, working for your enemy the Queen of Hearts, but the intelligence we received came from none other than the Queen of Hearts herself! She is a nasty sort, your ladyship!”

“…and you say she really DOES execute people…?” said Vanilla, trying to hide her fear.

The White Rabbit, the mouse, and the birds all nodded so vigorously Vanilla was surprised she didn’t hear a cartoony sound effect.

“And it’s up to ME to prevent the Knave of Hearts from being executed, correct?”

They nodded again.

Vanilla sighed. “Well, we’d better get this overwith. Where are the gardeners?”

Looking confused, the White Rabbit pointed. “Right over there, your highness.”

Vanilla marched right over to where the playing cards were painting the white roses red. The dripping red paint fairly resembled blood, which made Vanilla squeamish. She never liked roses.

“Gardeners, I am your princess. You need no longer live in fear of the Queen.”

The playing cards looked surprised at first, then overjoyed—then frightened.

“Your highness, you must get away quickly—it isn’t safe!”

“Twaddle! I’m here to save the Knave of Hearts from the Queen’s brutality.” Vanilla lifted her head in a “snooty” expression, playing the “princess” role for all it was worth. “Besides, I have my men-at-arms,” she said, pointing back—

—where WERE they?

Vanilla groaned. “I should have guessed.”

Suddenly a trumpet fanfare blew, and the cards scrambled to the ground, hiding their numbers so they would be anonymous.

Vanilla stood her ground, though she was sweating profusely. If this Queen of Hearts really DID execute anyone, and if the Queen of Hearts was her ENEMY….

“It’s just a dream…. It’s just a dream….”

At length the procession made way for the King and Queen of Hearts.

Vanilla continued to stand her ground as the King and Queen arrived. But it was becoming harder and harder. The closer the Queen came, the more terrified Vanilla was of her.

And by the time the Queen was standing before her, Vanilla thought she had gone completely mad. MAD!

“HONEY?!?!?!?”

“Who is this insolent child?!” barked Honey in a surprisingly convincing voice.

Vanilla didn’t know anymore whether to be afraid or to laugh, or what. She stepped forward regally, curtsied as best she could, and said, “I am Princess Alice of Wonderland, and I demand that you release the Knave of Hearts without delay.”

Honey gave the evil eye in a way that Vanilla didn’t think it was possible for Honey or anyone else to do.

“OFF with her head!”

Vanilla gulped in spite of herself.

“CHARGE!!!”

Vanilla whipped her head around—and her hat fell over her eyes again. To her surprise she saw the White Rabbit, the mouse, the duck, the dodo, the lorry, and the eaglet, all dressed like knights (well, sort of—their “armor” was bottle caps attached to each other with paper clips) and wielding needle swords. They surrounded the King and Queen.

“OFF with their heads!” barked Honey.

“Anyone touches the princess and the queen gets it!” said the White Rabbit, trembling in terror.

Honey looked around. It looked like she was trapped.

“The traitor shall bargain for her life in a croquet game!”

The others lowered their swords.

Vanilla became nervous again—she had never played croquet in her life and didn’t know how. She didn’t want to let on, though, as while this Queen LOOKED like Honey, it wasn’t her. It couldn’t be. She decided to watch as they played. How hard could it be?

Sure enough, they got out the live flamingos for mallets, the live hedgehogs for balls, and the playing cards themselves were the wickets.

“Of course you will grant me the courtesy of going first,” said Honey, not waiting for an answer.

“…Of course….” said Vanilla.

Honey went over to the ball with her mallet.

“How does she MOVE in that dress? It’s bigger than MINE is….” thought Vanilla. Sure enough, the skirt of Honey’s dress was rather bulky, and yet she managed to move without stepping on it.

Honey hit her ball with her mallet, and the cards deliberately moved so that the ball would go through them.

“Cheating.”

“Did you say something?” said Honey.

“No, your majesty….” said Vanilla, waiting until it was her turn.

Presently the head of the Cheshire Cat appeared in the air, grinning at Vanilla.

“You’ll never get ahead that way,” said the cat.

“Great, cheap puns,” muttered Vanilla.

“One more word out of you and it’s off with your head!” snapped Honey.

“I—I—I—was just talking to the Cheshire Cat, your majesty,” said Vanilla. “He belongs to the Duchess.”

“Then bring her out here! I hate cats! Even if they’re only in pieces!”

This could NOT be Honey.

“Send for the Duchess!”

“Send for the Duchess!”

Presently Vanilla saw Strawberry in the custody of the royal guards. She seemed pleasanter, as the real Duchess was at this point.

“If she starts spouting off about morals…. I already KNOW the moral of this story….” thought Vanilla to herself, not daring to say it aloud.

“THERE you are! So good to see you again!” said Strawberry, smiling.

“I knew it! You’re in cahoots with HER!” said Honey. “You sent your cat here to hinder my imminent victory!”

“Not at all, dear,” said Strawberry, smiling.

“And now you insult me by lying about it!”

“L-Leave her alone!” said Vanilla.

Honey gave her the evil eye again.

“I—I—I just meant that…since her majesty is so likely to win, I’m sure I will have a long wait for my turn, and I don’t suppose her grace has met the Griffin or the Mock Turtle yet?”

Vanilla wasn’t looking forward to meeting either, not in this version of the story, but it was better than the possibility of being beheaded.

Honey looked from Vanilla to Strawberry.

“Bah! Either you or your heads must be off in half a minute less than no time!”

Vanilla didn’t need to be told again.

“C’mon, Strawberry!” said Vanilla, out of character, as she took Strawberry’s paw and ran off with her.

“What’s the rush? We have all day!” said Strawberry.

“I think I liked you better when you were under the pepper,” muttered Vanilla.

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Last edited by ChewyChewy on Mon Feb 06, 2012 12:30 am, edited 1 time in total.



Thu Jul 14, 2011 3:58 pm
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Post Re: Vanilla in Wonderland
<Looks around for psychic Pomeranian> This is getting INteresting! :? :)


Thu Jul 14, 2011 4:04 pm
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Post Re: Vanilla in Wonderland
Vanilla heard a laughing sound which, while it suggested mere jollity, sounded unpleasant to the ears. Sure enough, there was the Griffin, just waking up.

“How do you do, Sir Griffin?” said Vanilla. “I am Princess Alice, and this is—hey, where’d she go?”

For Strawberry was nowhere to be found. Vanilla didn’t THINK she’d let go of her paw. This was ridiculous.

The Griffin laughed. “Nice to meet you, ‘hey, where’d she go?’” He laughed all the more hysterically at this.

“It’s not THAT funny,” said Vanilla, folding her arms.

“Oh, you have no sense of humor!”

“I do so—it’s just more sophisticated than yours.”

“La dee dah! Turtle Soup!”

Vanilla cringed. She looked in the direction the Griffin was pointing, and feared what she might see.

Her jaw dropped in horror.

She did not see the Mock Turtle.

She saw HERSELF.

Or rather, a MEMORY of herself—it was herself at a younger age, wearing her familiar hooded jacket, which was now completely over her head, and she was screaming in a muffled voice as though she couldn’t BREATHE.

“MMMMMMFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!”

The Griffin laughed. “Turtle, Turtle, Turtle Soup! Turtle, Turtle, Turtle Soup!”

Vanilla couldn’t stand it anymore.

“LET ME OUT OF HERE!!!”

She didn’t even wait to dance the Lobster-Quadrille, even though that was in the book. She raced out of there so quickly she tripped over her skirt and fell down, getting herself muddy.

She didn’t care. She wanted to cry. She wanted this nightmare to END. All that was left was the trial, so that was good.

Before long Vanilla returned to the croquet game, and as if following her unspoken desires, the game was over (the Queen had been declared the victor by default) and the court was set up.

“The Queen of Hearts,
She made some tarts,
All on a summer’s day.

The Knave of Hearts,
He stole the tarts,
And took them clean away.”

Vanilla rushed over to serve as a defense witness. She ate the big mushroom entirely.

“Now for the sentence, then the verdict, and finally the evidence,” said Honey.

“FOUL! FOUL!” cried Vanilla. “You can’t do it that way!”

“You will hold your tongue!”

“I will NOT!”

“Then you will hold your head in your hands!”

“I won’t do that either—you just TRY it!”

“GUARDS! OFF WITH HER HEAD!”

Vanilla waited for the mushroom to kick in. “Any second now would be just fine….”

It wasn’t happening.

“Any SECOND now….”

It still wasn’t happening. Of all the TIMES!

Vanilla couldn’t stand it anymore.

“WHY CAN’T ANYTHING EVER GO MY WAY?!?!?!?!?”

She collapsed on the ground and started to cry.

She didn’t even seem to notice that the guards had backed away from her. Even HONEY backed away from her.

“Why can’t everyone just leave me ALONE?!”

Vanilla sniffled and opened her eyes.

Everyone was bowing down before her—Honey included. In fact, Honey looked downright terrified.

“Oh, what are you doing NOW?”

Vanilla stood up—and realized that she had grown. The cards were a lot smaller to her now.

“All hail the Queen Vanilla! Long live the Queen!”

“Huh? Vanilla? Queen? What are you talking about?”

Vanilla continued to grow. She had gone past her right height and was still growing. What was more, her clothes were changing. Her dress was bigger, and decorated with red hearts. Her hat had been replaced by a royal crown. She was in fact dressed exactly like the Queen of Hearts.

Stunned and horrified, she looked down at Honey, who was trembling in terror. Honey in fact looked YOUNGER, like a PUPPY.

“P-Please don’t chop off my head, your majesty!” whined Honey.

“Wha—chop off your head? Why would I want to—”

“CHOP OFF HER HEAD!!” cried all the other animals as they grabbed Honey and held her still.

“What—NO!!! No, DON’T!”

Vanilla bounded over, squashing cards as she did. She didn’t care.

“Honey! Honey, I’m sorry! I’m sorry I yelled at you! I’m sorry I ruined the role-playing for you! I’m sorry I’m no fun!”

Tears came to her eyes, and these didn’t come from an onion.

“I’m SORRY….”







Vanilla woke up crying, barely able to see Honey through her tears.

“Vanilla, are you okay? I heard you crying. Did you have a nightmare?”

Vanilla rubbed her eyes. She saw Honey.

She looked around.

She looked at herself—she was wearing her regular green jacket with the hood.

She looked at Honey again.

Tears streaming, Vanilla threw her arms around Honey in a hug.

“I’m sorry….” she whispered.

“What—about last night? It’s okay, Vanilla, I know you like to do things a certain way.”

Vanilla shook her head.

“I don’t LIKE to—I HAVE to! I don’t WANT to have to….”

Honey hugged her sister.

“How about next time you let me know in advance what you want out of the game and we’ll try to make it happen—but in a way that won’t stifle my own creativity. Okay?”

Vanilla sniffled. “That sounds like a plan.”

“It is a plan. If you’re game.”

Vanilla wiped her tears with her sleeve. “Naturally.”







“Your highness, I bring word!” said Honey.

“Rise and report,” said Vanilla.

“The Duke of Wayne and the Earl of Sandwich are feuding again—there is a dispute over the terms of the treaty! You must return again and clear things up with them!”

Vanilla stood up. “I shall indeed. And if I haven’t said so already, I do appreciate the fine work you do.”

Honey smiled, and it wasn’t part of the act.

“Thank you, milady.”

“Think nothing of it,” said Vanilla, smiling back.

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Last edited by ChewyChewy on Sun Mar 24, 2013 12:42 pm, edited 2 times in total.



Thu Jul 14, 2011 4:25 pm
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Post Re: Vanilla in Wonderland
:( :) You really have a talent for this sort of thing! :D Loved it, GREAT lesson! :D


Thu Jul 14, 2011 4:30 pm
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Post Re: Vanilla in Wonderland
an awesome story, I really enjoyed it.

...although, I must be honest, I've never seen any version of Alice in Wonderland, nor have I read it. Still, parts still shocked me...although, I have no idea if there's some sort of hidden meaning here, hehe...

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Thu Jul 14, 2011 4:48 pm
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Post Re: Vanilla in Wonderland
@Phoenix: Thanks! :D I didn't really have an idea of where I wanted it to go at first, it kind of wrote itself.

@44R0NM10: Thanks to you too, glad you liked it! :D

Well, I would recommend reading the book before you watch ANY version, ESPECIALLY more recent versions. And don't bother with the Tim Burton movie at all.

Oh? Which parts shocked you? :? And what do you mean by hidden meaning?

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Thu Jul 14, 2011 9:14 pm
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Post Re: Vanilla in Wonderland
UN-believeable! :shock:
CC, you just managed to make an INTERESTING version of AIW! I always hated both the tale and the adaptations. Yours is a truckload of fun and insight on this awesome canine. *claps loudly*

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Thu Jul 14, 2011 11:42 pm
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Post Re: Vanilla in Wonderland
valerio wrote:
UN-believeable! :shock:
CC, you just managed to make an INTERESTING version of AIW! I always hated both the tale and the adaptations. Yours is a truckload of fun and insight on this awesome canine. *claps loudly*


:lol: I wondered if that "UN" was a reference to "un-birthdays".... :roll:

:lol: I'm glad to hear that! Although I don't hate the original tale--I am bothered by the adaptations, though. (How come you hate it?) :lol: Thank you for saying so! :D

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Thu Jul 14, 2011 11:45 pm
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Post Re: Vanilla in Wonderland
you got the reference, You win a vanilla ice cream :mrgreen:
Also, perhaps 'hate' is a strong word, but just like Wizard of Oz, I never liked that kind of stories. I prefer...smoother plots, not something out of a drunkard's drugged fantasy. meh, de gustibus etc etc...

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Thu Jul 14, 2011 11:58 pm
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Post Re: Vanilla in Wonderland
valerio wrote:
you got the reference, You win a vanilla ice cream :mrgreen:
Also, perhaps 'hate' is a strong word, but just like Wizard of Oz, I never liked that kind of stories. I prefer...smoother plots, not something out of a drunkard's drugged fantasy. meh, de gustibus etc etc...


Thanks! :D

Well, The Wizard of Oz DOES have a "smoother" plot than Alice in Wonderland.... :? Besides, there was a METHOD to the Wonderland madness--it was actually a satire of Victorian English society as Lewis Carroll saw it. He portrayed it through the eyes of a child, who doesn't understand it but adults can't always help because they take it for granted. ("De gustibus"? :? )

Anyway, glad you liked this version! :D I didn't even do Through the Looking-Glass, which has much of what most people remember....

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Fri Jul 15, 2011 12:43 am
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Post Re: Vanilla in Wonderland
It also is awesome.

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Wed Aug 17, 2011 1:49 pm
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Post Re: Vanilla in Wonderland
Luna werewolf wrote:
It also is awesome.


Thanks! Did you read the whole thing?

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Wed Aug 17, 2011 1:49 pm
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Post Re: Vanilla in Wonderland
ChewyChewy wrote:
Luna werewolf wrote:
It also is awesome.


Thanks! Did you read the whole thing?


It did take me ages, but yes. my fav bit was the start!

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Thu Aug 18, 2011 12:35 pm
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