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ATKM (Complete) 
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Mr. Sunshine
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Post ATKM (Complete)
All the King’s Men, Part 2:

Fido crossed his arms indignantly. He wasn’t sure of what to say. Had King just admitted to not doing something that any normal dog did on a daily basis? Lost in thought, Fido didn’t have a chance to say “No” to Kevin. The Doberman missile shot across the living room of Bill and Fox’s house, King in tow, until they landed on the other side of the room, with King pinned underneath.

“AAH AH AH AH AH! GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF!” shrieked King as he wildly flailed his arms and legs in a futile attempt to push the 100 pound Doberman off of himself. Instead, it only served to make Kevin put more of his weight onto King, thinking it was a game.

Fox immediately jumped up off of the floor. He was already sitting next to where King was before the Corgi had become part of a canine missile. The Husky waited to go any further until enough time had elapsed that he could tell that Kevin had no intentions of leaving King alone. Fox pushed on the heavyweight’s sides, trying to force him off of King. He wouldn’t budge. At least, not until Sergeant Ralph stepped in. “Kevin, get off of that poor dog,” ordered Ralph, calmly scolding the Doberman. Kevin obeyed, but not without a fuss. “Aww…but I was just-“

“I don’t want to hear it,” replied Ralph, holding up one paw as he lent out the other to help King up. King looked at Sergeant Ralph in disbelief before he accepted Ralph’s paw. Back on his feet, King was a little less paranoid. It was back to just a lingering paranoia. He was still a bit shaken up, and Sgt. Ralph picked up on this. The German Shepherd chuckled.

“Relax, kid,” Sergeant Ralph said, a smirk covering the right side of his face. He stared at Kevin coldly. “I’m sure that won’t happen again, right, Kevin?” The Doberman froze. “Uh…sure, chief.”

Ralph shot a glare in Fido’s direction. “You’re next. Follow me.” He walked into another bedroom that wasn’t being used by any other dogs. Fido set Spo down on a pillow. He stuck his finger in the mouse’s face. “Behave,” Fido warned before he followed Ralph into the bedroom. Fido shut the door behind him.

King wanted to change the subject away from the game in general…he had almost exposed himself right there! “So, um…Spo…why do you ride on Fido’s head everywhere?” King asked the mouse, hoping to break the ice and change the subject to something that wouldn’t eventually lead to him being found out.

“Cuz it beats bein’ stuck at home all day.” The mouse answered, in a very snotty tone. “It’s either go with Fido or be stuck listenin’ to an exciting game of Dungeons and Dragons.”

Yeah, real boring…I used to play that, you know, thought King. “Oh, I-I see. That does sound boring.” King looked down. Okay, that didn’t work…I’ll have to try something else… he thought. Just as King opened his mouth to ask another question, Fido and Ralph returned. It was a quiet meeting…did anything at all happen in there?

“So…what do we do now?” asked Fox. “Do we just finish the game, or does somebody have another game in mind?”

King didn’t really want to finish the game. He felt that it would give him yet another chance to humiliate himself…and he didn’t want that. But King would do whatever the police dogs wanted…if for no other reason than to avoid suspicion. These were the same dogs that caught him as a human not long ago; there was the possibility that they could still recognize his scent. That would end in disaster… and maybe with him behind a few hundred iron bars. King shuddered to think about being in jail for the second time in only a few months. He hated the jail that he had been stuck in. It was rotten, moldy, cold, smelled like urine, the food tasted like there was something other than food in it, and his cellmate was one of those types that enjoyed screaming “LET ME OUT OF HERE I DIDN’T DO IT IT WAS THE OTHER GUY!” 24/7. He couldn’t wait to get to his hearing, just to get away from that nutcase.

“How about we play another game? Let’s play tackle Frisbee!” Kevin suggested. The two other police dogs shook their heads; Fox facepalmed; King, however, expressed his disinterest in a different way. “NO!” the Corgi yelled, as loud as his little lungs would allow. “I’D RATHER GLUE MY HEAD TO A WALL!”

He realized that what he had just said wasn’t what he intended; it was intended to be just a thought, but King had let it escape. He put his paws to his mouth, wishing that he could take it back… “King. A word. Outside,” ordered Fox, who had been strangely quiet until King had decided to open his mouth and say something he had regretted. King hung his head in shame. Great job, you moron, now even your best friend is disappointed in you, thought the Corgi.

As Fox was putting on his bomber jacket, he tossed King’s black scarf to him. “Take this; you’re going to need it.” The Husky warned; this confused the Corgi. Is he mad or what? I don’t understand…he thought. King wrapped his scarf around his neck, pulling it a little tighter than usual as he followed Fox out through the front door.

As they exited, King could hear Kevin chuckling. “Hehe, glue his head to the wall.” He also heard what sounded like a slap, but was too far outside of the house to be able to tell for sure; the ambient sound of the videogames being played in the background helped to drown out the slap.

----------------------------

Part Three:

King shivered as he came into contact with the frigid air and snow. The snow crept up between his toes, tickling him a bit, and the winter air caused his nose to turn cold and start to run. He hugged his scarf a little tighter, cursing Pete in his mind for not making him a breed with thicker fur.

King couldn’t take his best and only friend being angry at him. He sheepishly kicked at a small mound of snow. “Fox, I-“

“King, what you did…I can’t even put into words how ridiculous that was! I know that you’ve had some problems with police dogs in the past, but these guys are different; they actually care…I’ve never seen them lay a finger on someone that didn’t deserve it.” Fox looked up toward the sky; King looked straight down….under the mound of snow that he had kicked was Fox’s bone. “What you said to those other dogs was highly disrespectful and I’m disappointed in you for that.” Fox’s breaths grew more rapid. “But that’s not what gets me the most. What gets me the most is that you, of all dogs, lied to me. The last time I was lied to like that, some guy from the PETA dognapped me and stuck me inside a van, promising to ‘free me from my enslavement’ and let me ‘live as nature intended’. I swore that the next time that happened, I would strangle my captor.” Fox angrily sighed, his fists clenched.

The mention of the PETA and those lines…they sounded so familiar. King realized that what Fox had repeated was exactly what his cohort had assured Fox. The corgi put his paws around his throat as his mind filled with images of Fox holding him up by the throat, both of Fox’s paws wrapped tightly around it, caught in a stranglehold until his airway could no longer supply his lungs any air.

“What did this PETA guy look like?” King asked, hoping to get as many details as possible, trying to find something that would remove the possibility of Fox’s dognapper being Joel. He remembered that when Fox was in the back of the van he had used, Fox had said “Not again!” Maybe, just maybe, he was talking about another time, maybe another time prior to Joel and Fox’s first meeting.

“He had brown hair, a green shirt, a tie, and brown pants. Why?” Fox asked. “You look a little nervous…is there something wrong?”

In fact, King was more nervous than he looked. On the inside, he wanted to just run. Just take off running, as fast as he could for as long as his stumpy Corgi legs could carry him. On the outside, he showed a weak smile. “Oh, uh, no reason…I just thought that maybe I might recognize the guy who had kidnapped you…I’ve had a few run-ins with those PETA jerks in the past, too. Ah ha ha hah…” King ran his paw through the fur on the backside of his head and neck nervously.

“You’re hiding something. There’s more to your story than you’re telling me. How am I supposed to help you if you won’t tell me the truth?”

“Fox, I…I can’t tell you. I couldn’t tell you all of it and what I could tell you, you wouldn’t believe anyway.” King looked down. He sincerely wished he could tell Fox everything, even if it meant being thrown to the police dogs by Fox himself…just to get it all off of his chest. The Corgi knew that Fox would never betray him like that, but it was a question of belief…and King’s story was stranger than most.

Fox crossed his arms. His bomber jacket was almost completely blanketed in a thin layer of snow that was taller in some areas (such as his shoulders) than others. “What do you mean ‘you can’t tell me’?” King had hoped he wouldn’t ask that…he had no choice but to further the lie. The Corgi shook his head. He tried to appear as solemn as possible, but he was awash in a flood of emotions that seemed to have complete control over his facial features.

“I really can’t tell you. I have some sort of…mind block that blocks out pieces of my memory. Small pieces, details…anything from my past before last year, I just can’t remember…and what I do remember isn’t always complete.” The Corgi knocked on the top of his own head, as if he believed that a good, solid whack to the head would allow his memory to return.

“If that were true, you wouldn’t be able to remember getting bullied by police dogs as a pup. So which is the lie…you getting bullied or your terrible memory?”

King knew the lies had to stop there if he wanted to keep Fox as a friend…his only friend. He sighed. “…Both.” His eyes began to fill with tears. “I just…I’ve done some terrible things in the past, and...I’ve seen those police dogs before…but the last time was under less-than-friendly circumstances. I-I’m glad that they don’t recognize me. I can see that they’re not so bad now…but I’m just so afraid that they’ll remember who I used to be and…” King stopped there. If he finished his sentence, Fox would definitely get even more suspicious of him. He couldn’t say that he had been in jail! Fox could definitely put two and two together and figure out that he was Joel, the very same Joel that had dognapped Fox and attempted to run from the law, the same Joel that, if it weren’t for Pete’s intervention, would be rotting in jail right now!

The Corgi so badly wanted to be able to tell Fox everything. The simple fact that he couldn’t do so dominated his thoughts. The tears in King’s eyes collected and filled their basins, streaming down his face and dripping one at a time. There seemed to be no end to the streaks of tears that drenched his face, and eventually he gave in to his tears, fell to his knees, and sobbed. This threw Fox for a loop; he had never seen King tear up, let alone cry before! The Husky was dumbstruck, and all he could think to do was ask, “King, are you alright?”

King sniffled. “Yeah…” he replied, noticeably upset, but he wasn’t lying; King really was beginning to feel better…sometimes things just take a good cry. The Corgi wiped his eyes and stood back up, brushing the snow off of his lower legs.

“Look, King…If it makes you feel any better, we can go somewhere else and do something by ourselves. I won’t make you play with the police dogs if you don’t want to,” Fox said, genuinely concerned for King.

King shook his head. “No…we need to finish that game, right? I have most of the points right now, and I’m not about to let you all win by default,” he joked, heading back inside the house. Fox, following behind King, tripped on the recently-unearthed bone. He picked it up; scratched on it was a short message: “ K + F, BEST FRIENDS”. It looked rough, as if someone had been doing it with the claws on their feet. “King…” Fox whispered softly. He smiled, picked up the bone, and entered the house.

Inside the house sat Sergeant Ralph, Fido, and Kevin, who were, from the looks of it, having a pretty civil conversation. Kevin was sitting calmly on the floor. Fido was in the middle of explaining…something, but immediately quit when he heard the door open and shut. “Welcome back,” he said, grinning. From out of Fido’s hair popped Spo. “What took ya so long?!” he irritably asked Fox and King.

“Spo, give it a rest,” countered Fido, annoyed by the mouse. “What?” The mouse asked, obviously not amused, “It’s not like I was asking why those two were outside for so long or why the gray one is holding something behind his back.” Spo rolled his eyes. Fox quickly slipped the bone into one of the pockets in his bomber jacket.

“Spo, stop being nosy. It’s none of our business,” said Fido. “Fine, whatever,” the mouse replied. “Not like I wanted to know anyway.” The awkwardness of the situation forced King to change the topic…and all he could think of was the game of “I Have Never” from before.

“So anyway, who’s still in the game?” asked King. He raised his paw. “I am.” Said Fido, raising his paw; he was followed by Sergeant Ralph, Kevin, and Fox, who also raised theirs. King clapped. “Okay, so let’s get back to it, then…wait, whose turn is it?” An awkward silence pervaded the room.

“Since nobody seems to remember whose turn it was, King, would you like to do the honors?” asked Fido, ready for the game of “I Have Never” to resume. “Sure,” the Corgi replied. He sat down on the floor, “…I have…” He closed his eyes. Maybe I can put my life as a human to use here… “…never had a girlfriend.” Fido and Fox tossed a toothpick his way. “Oh?” King asked, “I’d love to hear about these ‘girlfriends’,” he joked.

“…Maybe some other time,” answered Fox, blushing. “Ditto,” Fido replied, also blushing.

The game of “I Have never” continued on for hours. For the majority of the questions asked, only one or two dogs had ever done what was stated. The first one to get out was Kevin, followed by Sergeant Ralph an hour later, then Fox a half hour after that. Fox, Ralph, and Kevin all stayed behind to watch the game, instead of joining the other police dogs in the back room, curious to see who would come out on top. The game was nearing its close, and the only two left in it were King and Fido. Both dogs were determined not to lose. The score was tied…each dog had a share of twelve toothpicks. King glared at Fido, and Fido glared back, both dogs’ eyes burning with determination.

King’s turn. “I have never licked anyone else.” Fido shook his head. “Neither have I,” he replied coolly. No toothpicks exchanged holders. The anticipation built up in King. He was so close to winning, and now he could fall…it all depended on Fido’s answer. The corgi chewed his claws, without even noticing it.

Fido chuckled. “I have never…watched a game of Dungeons and Dragons.” King felt relieved. He hadn’t either! From his first day in college until he graduated, he had always participated, never watched. The Corgi grinned. “Me neither.” Fido grumbled.

Back to King. “I have never…” He paused for dramatic effect. Time seemed to slow down, almost halt for Fido as the next words left King’s mouth, “I have never slept indoors since I moved here.”

Fido threw down the tie-breaking toothpick and began to clap, slowly at first, then as Fox, Ralph, and Kevin joined in, he began to clap faster. All of the dogs in the room stood up, including King. Fido smiled. “Congratulations, King, you won!” Fox high-fived King (or ‘low-fived’ for Fox because of height differences). King smiled as the realization hit him…he had won! He had really won! He laughed. “Ah hah ha hah, I did! I won! Yes!” The corgi shouted, loud enough for the police dogs that had gone into the other room to play video games emerged from the room.

One of the K-9s, a Cocker Spaniel with white fur and black patches, asked, “Hey, what’s with the commotion? Who won?”

Fox answered for King. “He did,” he said, pointing at the exuberant Corgi. “Well, congrats then,” replied the Cocker Spaniel.

King, caught up in the moment, yelled, “Hey, who wants to play another game?”

Fido piped up, “Sorry, King. Some of us have shifts tomorrow, or we’d gladly play another game. We should do this again sometime, maybe next year?”

King nodded. “Definitely!” he responded. Fox agreed, as well as Sergeant Ralph and the other K-9s.

“It’s settled, then,” announced Fido, “Looks like we’re having our Christmas party here again next year!” All of the animals cheered. “Alright! I get to grill more meat, then!” yelled Officer Bill, excitedly.

“Can we just order pizzas next time?” King whispered into Fox’s ear.

“Done and done,” Fox whispered back.

“It’s getting late; I need to head home,” said one of the K-9s. The two other dogs King didn’t know, as well as Kevin and Ralph, agreed. They all took a few pieces of food and started off for their respective homes. Fido, before leaving, stopped in front of King. “I hope you had a lot of fun, King. I told Kevin to tone it down for you…if he didn’t, I promised him we’d have to cut his salary a bit.”

“Thanks. I guess that explains why Kevin didn’t tackle me again as soon as Fox and I got in the room.” King laughed. “You police dogs aren’t too bad. I’m glad I met you all.” The Corgi held out his paw. Fido shook it. “Same here,” he replied, “Well, I’ve got to get home now…take care, you two!”

“Yeah, see ya!” shouted King. “Bye, Fido!” said Fox. With the last of the K-9s gone, King’s nervousness subsided.

“King, I’m glad that you’ve changed your perspective on the police dogs. It’s always great to have more friends.” Fox smiled.

“Yeah,” King said, smiling, “…More friends.” Are they really my friends? Or just not my enemies? he thought.

Fox walked to the buffet table and brought back a Pay-Day Bar. He gave it to King. “That’s to replace the one you dropped earlier,” he offered. “Now c’mon, let’s watch some TV…unless you want to go back home.”

“No way! Let’s watch some TV!” The Corgi replied, happy to do something he hadn’t done in a long time. The remainder of the night was spent in front of the TV, watching whatever the two came upon flipping channels. Eventually, Fox and King fell asleep, each wrapped in their own blanket. Once the two dogs fell asleep, Officer Bill quietly shut off the TV and turned in for the night himself.



MAJOR, MAJOR, MAJOR THANKS TO lightwolf21 for editing this...I really don't know what I'd do without him, seriously.
Also: I'll be submitting this at 1PM CST on December 21 to the official contest thread. After that, mods can go ahead and lock this thread.

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Last edited by Tha Housefox on Tue Dec 21, 2010 1:51 pm, edited 9 times in total.



Tue Dec 07, 2010 6:39 pm
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
Hah, I'm liking this so far. I've not read many HP fanfics, but this seems in-keeping with the character's personalities very well.
I look forward to seeing the rest :)

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Tue Dec 07, 2010 7:04 pm
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
OK, the personalities are well-depicted.
Wouldn't it be better to post the finished work in the proper thread, instead?

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Tue Dec 07, 2010 7:17 pm
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
valerio wrote:
OK, the personalities are well-depicted.
Wouldn't it be better to post the finished work in the proper thread, instead?

No...you said it yourself, that if it's not finished yet, then it's still considered a fanfic. It's a Work In Progress.

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Tue Dec 07, 2010 7:18 pm
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
I like it.....alot please finish :)

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Tue Dec 07, 2010 7:22 pm
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
I will...between school, Taekwondo, A 'Simple' Date, and this, my calendar's backed up until NEXT Christmas.

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Tue Dec 07, 2010 7:43 pm
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
well they say you cant rush perfection

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Tue Dec 07, 2010 7:48 pm
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
So far it's going good. :)

I like how character personalities are expressed here. Especially King's who said something too much again :)

And Kevin is just awesome :D

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Tue Dec 07, 2010 8:25 pm
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
Great start, you managed to keep all of the dogs in character.


Tue Dec 07, 2010 9:49 pm
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
good job, Housedog! I can't wait to read the rest of it.

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Tue Dec 07, 2010 10:47 pm
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
I don't want to be picky, but...I need you guys to pick it apart. Cut it to pieces and serve it back to me on a silver platter. I'm more than ready for it.

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Tue Dec 07, 2010 10:56 pm
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
Tha Housedog wrote:
I don't want to be picky, but...I need you guys to pick it apart. Cut it to pieces and serve it back to me on a silver platter. I'm more than ready for it.


I kind of have to see where it goes before picking it apart. I want to see the piece as a hole before I make any comments. The only criticism that I can really think of is that Fido was a little out of character when he tells Kevin to go for it. I don't think Fido would ever be so cruel. I mean, He has already seen how King reacts to being tackled.

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Tue Dec 07, 2010 11:37 pm
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
Okay: on a silver platter?
You need to stay in-character. During this story, King is rightfully nervous like a jackrabbit -not to say downright scared, at times! Here he looks way too comfortable and even Fido is ooc. The general atmosphere is the opposite, paragoned to the original tale.
*gives balm to Tha Housedog* sorry, didn't mean to sound cruel :oops:

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Wed Dec 08, 2010 4:03 am
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
HA HA HAaaaa! nothing like a nice game with your worst enemies~

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Wed Dec 08, 2010 6:52 am
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
Tha Housedog wrote:
I don't want to be picky, but...I need you guys to pick it apart. Cut it to pieces and serve it back to me on a silver platter. I'm more than ready for it.


In my opinion, you should expand this story. Because for now, it's too short.

You should work more on Spo. He has a very pesky way of conversation with others. He can also irriate.

Well, that's all what I think for now :)

And sorry that I haven't mentioned you that earlier. it's just I'm kinda new here and I wouldn't want to go too far with some things.

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Wed Dec 08, 2010 2:53 pm
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
Karlos wrote:
Tha Housedog wrote:
I don't want to be picky, but...I need you guys to pick it apart. Cut it to pieces and serve it back to me on a silver platter. I'm more than ready for it.


In my opinion, you should expand this story. Because for now, it's too short.

You should work more on Spo. He has a very pesky way of conversation with others. He can also irriate.

Well, that's all what I think for now :)

And sorry that I haven't mentioned you that earlier. it's just I'm kinda new here and I wouldn't want to go too far with some things.

I'm newer than you are! :lol:
Don't apologize, believe me when I say I want this. I want all of you to just rip the inconsistencies to shreds...that's what I posted it here for, other than to give you all a sneak peak at my story. :)

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Wed Dec 08, 2010 4:00 pm
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
Update posted...say hello to part three!

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Fri Dec 17, 2010 9:15 pm
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
Awesome update. The ending, Awwww......


Fri Dec 17, 2010 9:29 pm
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
It's good, but...

Do you still want critiques on this thing? I don't want to overstep any boundaries here.

Any way, I think it's pretty good, and I can't wait for the rest to come.

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Fri Dec 17, 2010 11:24 pm
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
copper wrote:
It's good, but...

Do you still want critiques on this thing? I don't want to overstep any boundaries here.

Any way, I think it's pretty good, and I can't wait for the rest to come.

Of course I do. That's all I ask for. Lay it on me!

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Fri Dec 17, 2010 11:35 pm
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
Wellll....

I really shouldn't talk since my own writing has it's own faults and I'm probably wrong here, but just some thoughts I had while reading it.

- King is just barely in character here. All of this is plausible but not very likely to me. I think his reaction would be a little different.

- Fox wouldn't yell at King. He has taken King as a friend. He knows King isn't going to open up soon. He has developed patience on that point. He would reprimand King on what he said, but he would discuss the lie a little more calmly. Don't get me wrong, Fox would confront King, but he would do so in a different manner.

- On a more technical note, which you can disregard since it is more than likely wrong, Your decriptions go on a little too long. You could get more out of your descriptions if you streamlined them. You kinda repeated a few things in your descriptive phrases. I know this isn't a very good explanation, and doesn't convey my point very well. Maybe I can sum it up. Description is good, but too much can take a reader away from your story.

-The expression is through a loop, not for a loop.

- The mind block probably extends to the condition itself. I doubt Pete would leave a loophole that big in his spell.

- The bone. I never pegged Fox as the sentimental type. He may be King's best friend, but is King really his? He has much deeper and more intricate relationships with other neighborhood dogs. He realizes that he is King's only friend, that is why he is trying to introduce him to other dogs. He will probably back off a little once King starts to make other friends. I doubt Fox would etch his and King's name into his dog bone. That seems more teenaged girl than the more reserved and mature Fox. He would most likely keep those feelings to himself, not as in bottling them up, but that he just doesn't think it is necessary for them to be said.

- I doubt Fox would have the other dogs leave their own party. He would more likely suggest that he and king go some other place and hang out, just the two of them. They would leave the party, but not until Fox let someone like his dad, Fido, or Sgt. Ralph know about it.

I've gone on too long. Everything else I would say doesn't matter, as most of this is garbage. You have a good story here, Tha Housedog, keep going. I want to see how it ends!

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Sat Dec 18, 2010 12:20 am
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Mr. Sunshine
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
copper wrote:
Wellll....

I really shouldn't talk since my own writing has it's own faults and I'm probably wrong here, but just some thoughts I had while reading it.

- King is just barely in character here. All of this is plausible but not very likely to me. I think his reaction would be a little different.

- Fox wouldn't yell at King. He has taken King as a friend. He knows King isn't going to open up soon. He has developed patience on that point. He would reprimand King on what he said, but he would discuss the lie a little more calmly. Don't get me wrong, Fox would confront King, but he would do so in a different manner.

- On a more technical note, which you can disregard since it is more than likely wrong, Your decriptions go on a little too long. You could get more out of your descriptions if you streamlined them. You kinda repeated a few things in your descriptive phrases. I know this isn't a very good explanation, and doesn't convey my point very well. Maybe I can sum it up. Description is good, but too much can take a reader away from your story.

-The expression is through a loop, not for a loop.
Are you sure about that?

- The mind block probably extends to the condition itself. I doubt Pete would leave a loophole that big in his spell.

Maybe so. I'll take a look here and see what exactly I can fix there.

- The bone. I never pegged Fox as the sentimental type. He may be King's best friend, but is King really his? He has much deeper and more intricate relationships with other neighborhood dogs. He realizes that he is King's only friend, that is why he is trying to introduce him to other dogs. He will probably back off a little once King starts to make other friends. I doubt Fox would etch his and King's name into his dog bone. That seems more teenaged girl than the more reserved and mature Fox. He would most likely keep those feelings to himself, not as in bottling them up, but that he just doesn't think it is necessary for them to be said.
It wasn't Fox that had written that on the bone...I'll elaborate more on that.

- I doubt Fox would have the other dogs leave their own party. He would more likely suggest that he and king go some other place and hang out, just the two of them. They would leave the party, but not until Fox let someone like his dad, Fido, or Sgt. Ralph know about it.

I've gone on too long. Everything else I would say doesn't matter, as most of this is garbage. You have a good story here, Tha Housedog, keep going. I want to see how it ends!

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Last edited by Tha Housefox on Sat Dec 18, 2010 1:42 am, edited 1 time in total.



Sat Dec 18, 2010 1:38 am
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
My bad on the loop thing. I always heard it as through a loop. Just goes to show you how good my feedback is. :lol:

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Sat Dec 18, 2010 1:41 am
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
copper wrote:
My bad on the loop thing. I always heard it as through a loop. Just goes to show you how good my feedback is. :lol:

Yeah, the expression is "to throw someone for a loop."
I don't blame ya Copper, you're just tryin' to help.

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Sat Dec 18, 2010 1:43 am
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
Yeah, I always seem to somehow put my foot in my mouth when I give any kind of feedback.

I hope I am saying that expression right! :lol:

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Sat Dec 18, 2010 1:47 am
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
copper wrote:
Yeah, I always seem to somehow put my foot in my mouth when I give any kind of feedback.

I hope I am saying that expression right! :lol:

Saying, yes...using, no. :lol: You still have a great grasp of concepts and characters, and I need that just as much as a refresher course in the English language. :lol:

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Sat Dec 18, 2010 1:50 am
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
The usage was right. I just googled it! How was I wrong?

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Sat Dec 18, 2010 1:52 am
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
You're wrong because you're an element. Elements don't have brains.
X3
I kid; I'm not insulting you. Besides, through a loop makes more sense, but maybe it's because I've never seen for a loop used before.

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Sat Dec 18, 2010 2:15 am
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
Elements do not require brains, for they contain the knowledge of the universe. Heck, they are the materials that make up the universe. They know all because they are all.

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Sat Dec 18, 2010 2:24 am
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
*Ninja update*

Check it out!

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Tue Dec 21, 2010 1:22 am
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Post Re: ATKM (WIP)
I liked it, how you added on to it and made it longer.

Over three thousand words right?

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Tue Dec 21, 2010 3:01 am
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Post Re: ATKM (Complete)
3,349 words according to Microsoft Word...I'm good to go!

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Tue Dec 21, 2010 3:06 am
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Post Re: ATKM (Complete)
Pretty good story, there. A real contender.

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Tue Dec 21, 2010 3:33 am
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Post Re: ATKM (Complete)
Oh, I guess i should say "reread the whole thing"...I've added a ton of stuff everywhere, thanks to lightwolf21's help.

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Tue Dec 21, 2010 3:35 am
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Post Re: ATKM (Complete)
Tha Housedog wrote:
Oh, I guess i should say "reread the whole thing"...I've added a ton of stuff everywhere, thanks to lightwolf21's help.


I did reread it. It is good. I hope you get an honorable mention or whatever comes after winning. I am still hoping that I win it, so it is runner-up hopes for you!

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Tue Dec 21, 2010 3:40 am
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Post Re: ATKM (Complete)
copper wrote:
Tha Housedog wrote:
Oh, I guess i should say "reread the whole thing"...I've added a ton of stuff everywhere, thanks to lightwolf21's help.


I did reread it. It is good. I hope you get an honorable mention or whatever comes after winning. I am still hoping that I win it, so it is runner-up hopes for you!

In your dreams! :)

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Tue Dec 21, 2010 3:41 am
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Post Re: ATKM (Complete)
Through a stunned expression of utter shock and awe brought forth by your amazing writing talent I applaud you Housedog. Excellent work you have done.


Tue Dec 21, 2010 9:49 am
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Post Re: ATKM (Complete)
copper wrote:
Pretty good story, there. A real contender.

This^^

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Tue Dec 21, 2010 9:59 am
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Post Re: ATKM (Complete)
valerio wrote:
copper wrote:
Pretty good story, there. A real contender.

This^^

Samson wrote:
Through a stunned expression of utter shock and awe brought forth by your amazing writing talent I applaud you Housedog. Excellent work you have done.

*Tears up* Thank you!! :D

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Tue Dec 21, 2010 12:09 pm
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Post Re: ATKM (Complete)
Tha Housedog wrote:
MAJOR, MAJOR, MAJOR THANKS TO lightwolf21 for editing this...I really don't know what I'd do without him, seriously.

Awwww...thanks dood! X3
...just do me a favor. Don't. Stop. Writing. :mrgreen:

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