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Contest! Finish "All the King's Men" 
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Post Re: Contest? Finish "All the King's Men"
Alex wrote:
valerio wrote:
OK, fellas, I sent to Lightwolf21 the draft for the grammar check, then it's posting time. Yay!

You already... finished that story? You've started working on it earlier!

man, I started *thinking* on it since Rick left it interrupted.
Also, it was I who proposed to Rick to complete it. It comes to reason that I was ready to write it already... It took only 4.5 hours to finish it & translate it, starting this morning at 06:25

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Sat Nov 06, 2010 10:04 am
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Post Re: Contest? Finish "All the King's Men"
2.

Well, let’s sum it up: you are at a party, it’s a few days before Christmas, there is sooo much happiness in the air, they are all trying to treat you like an actual guest and not like the target of every known cruel joke… Oh, and there’s a lot to eat too. Yum!

How could you ruin all of this?

By saying the wrong thing.

“I have never…sniffed anyone’s rear end.”

Saying this at a party where all of the participants were dogs, the small corgi realized, was like saying to their human counterparts, ‘Hi, I hate shaking hands with people’. A very appropriate comparison, since under all that short white, ginger and black fur there beat the heart and worked the mind of a very...human...being. And what was supposed to be a funny way to contribute to a silly game called ‘I Have Never…’, in which each player was supposed to disclose a thing they had never done in their life, had just become a bright target!

The dogs that were still there, sitting in circle around a small pile of toothpicks after the other players had left (note: never, never mention their biological parents, especially their moms), were looking at King with a strange expression… as if they had just realized they were standing in the presence of an alien.

And, in a way, he was an alien. Not only was he a human magically trapped inside the body of a tricolor Pembroke Welsh Corgi, but he also was the same human who, months before, had tried to kidnap the husky named Fox (one of the dogs that now was staring at him in that funny way). And the other three dogs – the German shepherd named Ralph, the Doberman Kevin and the hound called Fido (the one with the round sunglasses, yup!), were the very same ones that had arrested him for said kidnapping.

And he, King, had just told them he never applied the most elementary form of canine courtesy. And so, only one question remained, before he surrendered once and for all to the panic that had just dominated his heart throughout the party: did dogs have at least one extra life, like cats? King felt like he desperately needed one. His heart was going into extrasyst—

Kevin burst out in laughter! Fox imitated him soon after, slapping his thighs with his hands. Fido was sporting a clown’s grin. Even Ralph, who didn’t seem capable of showing any emotion, was discretely snorting a laugh.

King was sure he was blushing like the first time Fox offered him his own behind for a first-meeting courtesy sniff. He really wanted a shovel to bury himself on the spot. Maybe burying himself deep within the Earth’s core would suffice…

“Oh, King!” said Fox, clearing the tears from his eyes. Then he crawled to the neighborhood’s new dog, took his paw and raised it like a referee did with a winning boxer. “Our champion, folks! I challenge anyone here to do better!”

The three police dogs applauded. King was confused, but at the same time he felt incredibly relieved. He also was feeling this funny tingling on his bottom, like…

King turned his head enough to see his own rear end. And, yes, that stubby appendage of a tail he owned was moving back and forth. He was wagging. Cool.

“Relax, champ,” said Fox, rubbing his head with his elbow. “Nobody’s gonna sniff it.” A new laugh threatened to push its way into his voice. “Heh, c’mon, you need to at least eat something in peace. You haven’t eaten much since we got here, right?”

“Sort of.” To be honest, King hadn’t eaten at all. When Fox had invited him to the party, he didn’t know the shock King would have suffered at the mere sight of the police dogs that had sent him to jail. King had barely started eating, when he had met them and panicked the first of many times that day…

King gladly allowed Fox to help him stand up. At the mere mention of food, his stomach growled. In fact, since his transformation, King still hadn’t enjoyed a decent meal. Even if the kibble his master gave him wasn’t as bad as he’d expected, it had become boring for his taste buds. His master seriously needed to learn more about the magical concept of ‘brands’.

This party feast, on the other hand, was like a big cornucopia, but without the horn. King just needed to jump up on a chair and help himself to delights he thought he had long forgotten…

…Like the powerful belch coming from his jaws confirmed, about ten minutes later. “Somewhere in the world that’s a compliment to the chef. In Italy, I think.” King petted his oh-so-full stomach. He felt like he was drunk. And he had no negative thoughts in his mind, at least for as long as his hunger was satiated, nosssiirrree!

Sitting on the couch beside him, Fox scratched him on his head. “See? Was I right when I told you you’d get some fun out of this?”

King’s eyes looked toward the ceiling, as he replied, “To tell you the truth, I still need some real fun, though eating my fill like this was totally worth it.” *burp!*

Fox sighed. “And what does it take to hear you laugh?” Actually, the only laughter he’d heard from the new dog was composed of hysterical outbursts of a dog too scared at the thought of opening himself up to anyone.

In fact, up to that moment, King had kept hidden in plain sight. The only disclosure he’d given was about that butt-sniffing thing. Other than that, he remained a mystery, like his owner.

Fox frowned, reflectively. King gulped, seeing all too well the gears spinning at a dangerous speed. “Heh, penny for your thoughts..?”

“You know how…many of us treat our humans like they were our parents, right? I wonder what kind of human this Pete is, to have you so socially traumatized. I’m sorry, King, but I can’t say I like him.” He took the last biscuit from the plate and stuffed it into his mouth.

King managed to exhale slowly the breath he had held until that moment. He doesn’t know who you are, he doesn’t know who you are, he doesn’t know who you are! “Believe me, he’s a breed apart.” He’s a griffin as big as a locomotive and could turn you into a frog with a snap of his fingers.

Again Fox burst out in a laugh, this time spraying King with biscuit crumbs. Ew! “I knew somewhere under that grumpy bark you were hiding a sense of humor!”

King brushed the crumbs off his body. “I was keeping it in store for when I’m old and talking about politics, holding a nice glass of whi-lk!” At Fox’s quizzical expression, he hurried to correct himself. “Milk. A glass of good…ol’…American…milk..?”

“You’re going Scooby-Doo again.”

King’s big triangular ears flattened on his skull. “Sorry. You’re doing so much for me, and I keep spoiling your fun.”

Fox put the plate on the chair beside the couch. “Why do you say that?”

King stood on his knees and leaned on the couch’s back so that only his head came out, like a periscope. “Do you see them?” He said, pointing with his gaze at all the dogs in the big main room. They all were busy talking, eating, and watching TV (Balto, always better than that brainwashing Rudolph thing)… “You couldn’t find a gloom look among them, even if you paid for one. Okay, aside from Ralph, who acts as if he was Mr. Spock’s dog… and instead of spending time with them, you’re wasting your time with me.”

Fox hadn’t moved from his position. He crossed his arms behind his head. “It’s not a waste if I can help you feel like a part of the community. You know, I don’t like the idea of a dog feeling alone among his kind. And I know you’re only pretending to be the lone wolf, although your human seems partially to blame.”

He doesn’t know who you are, inhale, he doesn’t know who you are, exhale...Ohm…

“Ah, it’s not that Pete is really…uh, bad. Aside from his fixation with a single kibble brand, that is…”

Fox laughed. “You’re telling me! Dad’s head is harder than his motorcycle’s engine. “ He knocked on his head to underline the concept. “When he thinks he’s got the right pet food for me, it takes a hunger strike to get him to change his mind… But, sorry, what were you saying, about your human?”

King felt it would be hopeless to try to change the subject of conversation with the dog of a policeman… “I was saying, well, that…” Wait, what was the excuse? ”He likes to travel!” His sudden remembering came out together with a bark powerful enough to make the glasses tremble and, above all else, to cause a sudden silence among the party’s attendees.

Worse yet, all canine eyes were once again directed toward him. And, again, King wanted a shovel…badly.

Fox rubbed the ear that had suffered the brunt of the acoustic assault. “So? Many humans do, King. Why the emphasis?

“Ah, well, he… He’s a sales rep?” He likes to travel using a thing called ‘Astral Jump’, did you know? It’s like doing all of the world’s roller coasters in a single minute after eating rotten sushi! And he travels around to pick up the bad boys like me, who kidnap innocent dogs, to transform ‘em and teach ‘em how it feels living in their victims’ fur! Yes, he’s the avenging karma sales rep! The Truth, the Whole Truth, Your Honor!

“Selling what?” asked a high-pitched voice behind him. By now, King was in that singular condition in which he simply couldn’t faint. He had so much adrenaline coursing through his body that he could open a vein and drink its contents instead of coffee.

King turned his head. He found himself staring at…a mouse. A small mouse, standing on the couch’s back, staring at him with two wary small eyes, acting as it was simply natural – although surreal – that he was a guest of the party.

Then King remembered. “You’re Spo.” Yes, Spo was the name of that little guy who, for some reason, rarely left Fido’s head. In fact, he was really busy distracting the hound during the arrest. Fido didn’t look happy with that annoying presence… “What kind of name is, Spo?” He didn’t care to sound ill-mannered, but he really, really needed to change the subject from his master’s activities!

Spo fumed. “Cuz my older brother is named Spn and my younger one’s Spp, happy? And don’t play smart with me, bub: I’ve been keepin’ an eye on you since you came here!”

Figures! King’s head drooped.

“What fishy biz is your human running, hm? Are you the catnip’s delivery boy? Are you in league with Fester?” Despite his minuscule size, he compensated with a very powerful voice and talked as fast as a DJ. And everyone was listening..!

A brown-furred hand grabbed the mouse. “Not helping, Spo,” said Fido. He sounded upset and resigned at the same time. To King, he added, “I apologize for these…antics of his. If it is of any consolation, he does that with everybody he meets for the first time.” He put the mouse back in his head tuft.

“Accusing them of catnip smuggling?” King raised an eyebrow.

“Among other things. Don’t ask.”

“Hey!” Spo ranted in an exasperated voice. “Don’t tell me you believe in fairy tales! We all have at least one dark secret and a dancing skeleton in our closet!”

For some reason, this time Fido’s voice became as cold as Father Time’s would be at the end of the Universe. “And I must go fix a fruit basket for a dear friend of mine. Care to join me?”

Spo gulped. “Ah, some crumbs and cheese crusts eaten in the cold snow will do, my most generous friend.”

King watched them walk away, and then turned to Fox, who shrugged. “Fido has this curious tendency to help the small ferals as well. We stopped a long time ago asking him to calm down, he already has so much to do, what with him being involved with his police dog job and the Club’s activities…”

“…Club?” King’s ears perked up. Hooray, yet another topic to digress from ‘him’!

Fox nodded. “…The Good Ol’ Dogs Club. It’s kind of an association that manages the neighborhood dogs’ social businesses. It has a nice clubhouse, and every meeting is a party! You’d like it!”

“And what do I have to do…to join?”

“You must be a dog, a resident of the neighborhood, and you can’t be a cat-lover.”

This time, it was King who threw Fox a perplexed glance. If he had been as much of a dog on the inside as he was on the outside, that last requirement wouldn’t have sounded so strange to him. But the human inside of him asked why... Why, in that Pet-Friendly place, one of the Pet-Friendliest subdivisions he had ever visited, cats and dogs would still live under that ridiculous stereotype...

In fact, this time he decided to let his mouth run wild. “That’s stupid!” He shouted at the same volume as before, adding some of his familiar rage. At last, he had a solid reason to look at the dumbfounded Fox as if the husky was the extraterrestrial. “People, I mean humans, already work hard every day to complicate their lives, dividing themselves into factions, arguing over trivialities! And you are actually imitating this behavior?! The eternal struggle between cats and dogs?! What have I fallen into? A Friedberg and Seltzer movie??”

Fox blinked twice, as King was becoming, yet again, the center of attention… Only, this time, many were giving the corgi a dirty look…

Fox got off the couch, then grabbed King’s arm and pulled him off of it. “Come. Let’s talk about this, you and me. Outside. Now.” He threw a quick, pleading glance to Fido as if saying ‘I’ll take care of this’.
Fido’s eyes replied, ‘You’d better’.

3.
The front door opened and the two dogs walked out onto the porch, and from there onto the pathway. Fox had his familiar bomber jacket on and King was wearing his thick, long scarf. Coming back into the harsh cold, after the hours spent inside Officer Bill’s house, was like a whiplash for the Corgi’s feet and flesh. Every breath was like swallowing liquid nitrogen.

“Are you out of your mind?!” Fox suddenly shouted as soon as he closed the door.

King remembered how dangerous the normally kind husky could be when he became infuriated. He remembered how Fox had threatened to tear his human captors apart the moment they decided to release him.

And he didn’t want to taste Fox’s ire. Destiny’s funny sense of irony had marked Fox as his only friend, and King didn’t want to lose him. The idea of being all alone, except for Pete, was what scared him the most... “Fox, I...”

But the husky didn’t look like he was ready to tear him apart. Instead, he looked…sincerely disappointed.

“Shut up!” Fox interrupted him, glaring at him with those deep blue eyes. “How dare you say those things to a bunch of police dogs? To Fido, of all dogs! I’ve known him since we were pups, and if there is anyone who wouldn’t discriminate against anyone else, it’s him. Or have you already forgotten that feral mouse he confides in? That mouse he keeps carrying with him, even though we taunt him for it?”

Fox shook his head. He rubbed his temples with his hand. “King, I understand you’ve still got a lot to learn about the pets in this neighborhood, so I won’t waste my time shutting your loud mouth… But, help me out a little. Please.” Then he wrapped his arm around King’s shoulders. “I’ll say it again, I really want you to feel like you belong.”

“But why?” King snapped, already regretting it. “Wh-what’s in it for you?”

This time, Fox patted King so hard on the back that he almost sent the Corgi face first into the snow. “The scout’s medal for this month’s good deed. Seriously? Come with me. I want to show you something!” He ran away in the snow, stopping when he realized King wasn’t following him. He turned and waved his arm to him. “Come on. Standing in the snow is far worse than running!”

Not helping, Fox! King let out a resigned sigh, then followed Fox as fast as he could… And, for the very first time, he discovered something new and interesting about his brand-new body.

Corgis could run…fast. He caught up with Fox in a flash, though surely the Husky was holding back a bit.

But at that moment, the details didn’t matter. King was feeling…intoxicated with his own energy. As he ran, every step he took caused the world around him to become more vivid. He could hear the crunching of individual snowflakes under his feet. He could see the nuances in the omnipresent white layer, contrasting with the colors of the houses and Christmas lights. He could smell the snow, its definite, rich scent mingled with those of Fox and his own…

In that moment of pure bliss, King was in a powerfully primordial state of awareness. He was, at last, happy and carefree. Nothing was complicated anymore, and he wanted it to never end...

But, like all good things, it had to come to an end. They had reached their destination. He stopped, panting, leaning over with his hands on his knees. His breath was coming out of his mouth in thick clouds. His trembling tongue was dripping on the snow. His eyes were as wide as saucers.

He was still a human imprisoned in a dog’s body. It wasn’t a reward he was living; it was retribution.

But he loved it! He couldn’t deny it. Why couldn’t they just keep on going like this? Running and running and running, like that nutty guy in that movie... They could run until they reached the edge of the world! Just the two of them and this simplest of joys...

But, I can’t. I can’t because I’m a man and this is still a bad dream! I want to wake up and be back in my bachelor pad, eating TV Dinners while watching the Daily Show and laughing at political jokes…not sniffing butts and worrying about finding a tree to do my business!

“…King?”

King quickly bent down, grabbed a handful of snow and rubbed it against his face. The coldness brought him back into lucidity, helping to prevent the tears that threatened to flow. The stress was becoming unbearable…

"I’m fine.” King showed a weak smile. “I’m fine, honest...it’s just that... It’s been some time since I’ve had a good run like this, with someone else." Ain’t that the truth, folks! “So, what is it you wanted to show me?”

Fox nodded. “Look there.”

King’s gaze followed the husky’s finger, pointing at a red-walled house.

Through the window, King saw a male dog and female cat. Funny enough, her fur was a delicate lavender, unlike anyone had seen before. The vision of the two pets brought a thought into King’s mind. “Heh, peanut butter and grape jelly.”

“You know them already?!” Fox said, even more amazed at the unexpected facts that funny dog could reveal at the least expected moment…

“What? Oh, no! It’s just that those two, together, make me think about…that stuff. That’s all. Why did you bring me here? To make me want a sandwich?”

Fox giggled. “No. Do you see the dog, Peanut?”

King saw him of course. Still 20/20. The mutt had a brown paper bag on his head. A conical wizard hat was roughly drawn on the paper bag. He was holding a ruler as if it were a wand before the cat, whose bag sported a royal crown. “So?”

“He’s a member of the Club, but the others aren’t really happy to see him around. Especially our Founder, Chairman, and Fuehrer, Bino. Once, Bino had him expelled, and poor Peanut was really hurt by that. Last Christmas, Fido, Bino’s older brother, readmitted him. But the real problem wasn’t solved. The only reason Peanut is still in the club is because Fido vouches for him.”

King scratched his head. “So what’s the point of all this..?”

Fox lowered his voice a little. He looked really embarrassed in saying this. “They say Peanut is a…cat lover.”

The human inside the Corgi was about to say that he too loved cats. In fact, the white one he had when he was a child, when the world looked a bit less bleak than it was now, was his friend, or so it seemed. In short, what was the point with this Peanut dog..?

King’s pupils shrank as the realization struck him. “Oh.”

Fox nodded. “Yup. Gossip flourishes, so many think that he’s got a crush on Grape, despite the fact that she’s been dating another cat… But what really matters is that he’s got a friend in Grape. Because of these rumors, if it wasn’t for her, he’d be a lonely guy. And he’s one of the happiest and kindest dogs in this neighborhood. Neither he nor anyone else should deserve a ban because of some misunderstanding, King. And your attitude doesn’t help in building friendship. We all need a friend and I want to be yours. Now do you understand?”

King nodded, his ears flattened. “I guess so…” then, without changing his expression, he added. “Are you afraid that I would actually fall in love with a cat?”

Fox almost crushed his muzzle shut with his hands to prevent exploding into laughter. When he had calmed down, he shook his head and walked back towards his home. “Let’s go back, Grumpy-boy. You’re alright.”

After several minutes of walking in that blessed silence only the snow-covered land could bring, his ears still flattened, King said, “Fox? I wanted to tell you… Thanks.”

Fox, his hands tucked into the pockets of his bomber jacket, leaned his head to one side, toward the smaller dog. “Huh? Whatever for?”

King looked a bit like a scared rabbit, what with his ears flattened down. He felt his heart hammering like a rabbit’s as well, as he opened his true self to this dog. “Well, things have been…changing, so to speak, and for a while there I had given up hope. But you reminded me what it all used to be like, when I was younger and happier. And I guess there’s some hope after all.”

Again, Fox showed him that confident smile. “Ah you don’t have to make a blockbuster production out of it. You’re a good dog! In fact, you should come hang out at the Good Ol’ Dogs Club. Everyone’ll love you.”

King stopped for a moment, for just a moment, searching for a lie or a hesitation in those blue eyes. Finding only that special sincerity an animal could give. How long had it been, since he could look at a pet and trust him?

King didn’t cry with joy. Instead he sported a big smile. “I guess it couldn’t hurt!” He said, believing it.

Oh, was he wrong. So...wrong… But whatever happened, he knew, and on this he was right, that he could always count on this strange new friend.

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Last edited by valerio on Sat Dec 11, 2010 9:59 am, edited 32 times in total.



Sat Nov 06, 2010 12:10 pm
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Post Re: Contest? Finish "All the King's Men"
Ok, so the excitement got the best of me! :lol:
I checked it as best as I could and decided to post it now. With my due apologies to Lightwolf21. Sorry, I really wanted to share this ASAP with the others, knowing that you other folks will do your best as well. Enjoy!
This story fits into continuity as required between these ATKM and this comic:

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Sat Nov 06, 2010 12:18 pm
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Post Re: Contest? Finish "All the King's Men"
Great job, valerio! Here are some notes for you to revise with.

A few of the expressions you use are not common in English.

I don't know if Cena Interrupta has an appropriate equivalent in English because it's not normally used (and I may have only heard it once or twice, I'm still not sure what it means?)

I don't know what you meant by 'food greasy pole'.

What is meant by polisickos? It looks like a pun but I'm not sure what it is.

And in fact several of your sentences are structured awkwardly, though I expect this is often the case when translating to a second language. I suggest you get someone who's a native speaker to help you fix the wording line-by line?

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Sat Nov 06, 2010 12:37 pm
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Post Re: Contest? Finish "All the King's Men"
rickgriffin wrote:
Great job, valerio! Here are some notes for you to revise with.

A few of the expressions you use are not common in English.

I don't know if Cena Interrupta has an appropriate equivalent in English because it's not normally used (and I may have only heard it once or twice, I'm still not sure what it means?)

I don't know what you meant by 'food greasy pole'.

What is meant by polisickos? It looks like a pun but I'm not sure what it is.

And in fact several of your sentences are structured awkwardly, though I expect this is often the case when translating to a second language. I suggest you get someone who's a native speaker to help you fix the wording line-by line?

I already sent this release to Lightwolf21 for a check.
'Cena interrupta' is a latin joke meaning 'interrupted meal'. I'll replace it with another sentence. EDIT: DONE
The 'food greasy pole' is an ancient european game, in which you had to climb a tall, greasy pole and reach the goods (food, sometimes money) hanging from a wheel at the head of the pole. In Italian, we call it 'albero della cuccagna', as a figure for abundance to be grabbed for free if you can. EDIT: REPLACED WITH OTHER METAPHOR
Politicos = polisickos. yes, it's a pun. Too political. will replace it, sorry. EDIT: DONE
EDIT: Part 2 corrected with the most precious help of Lightwolf21 and Tha Housedog, yayz!
EDIT: this time it should be the final release.Thanks to Lightwolf21, Tha Housedog and OBBL who made this possible.

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Last edited by valerio on Thu Nov 11, 2010 12:36 am, edited 6 times in total.



Sat Nov 06, 2010 12:47 pm
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Post Re: Contest? Finish "All the King's Men"
Veeery nice, Val.
I guess I should get started on mine, but this weekend is for studying.

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Sat Nov 06, 2010 2:06 pm
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Post Re: Contest? Finish "All the King's Men"
*read valerio's version*
*reads her own version*

Aw, dang it Val, you made mine look like bad.

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Sat Nov 06, 2010 4:02 pm
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Post Re: Contest? Finish "All the King's Men"
The Game wrote:
*read valerio's version*
*reads her own version*

Aw, dang it Val, you made mine look like bad.

Nah, you'll see: as soon as Sinder or Two-Twig post something, my work will look miserable.
Post away, Game! :D This is a rare opportunity, you can't miss it!

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Sat Nov 06, 2010 4:12 pm
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Post Re: Contest? Finish "All the King's Men"
valerio wrote:
The Game wrote:
*read valerio's version*
*reads her own version*

Aw, dang it Val, you made mine look like bad.

Nah, you'll see: as soon as Sinder or Two-Twig post something, my work will look miserable.
Post away, Game! :D This is a rare opportunity, you can't miss it!


I'm not quite finished with mine...and its kind of...horrible right now....

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Sat Nov 06, 2010 4:16 pm
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Post Re: Contest? Finish "All the King's Men"
It's a really good idea. I was wondering myself when we will see again "All the King's men". And also it's very nice from your side Rick that you let readers to make a continuation. You showed how much we mean to you.

Personaly I won't participate, but I will be cheering for others. Hope Zeus will send upon you great muses so you can unleash your imagination.

Valerio, I enjoyed your story. And I like where did you put it in official timeline. Mine interpretation was different and I like that you showed me a different point of view on that.

And The Game, don't give up on yourself. It's your great chance and you have to believe in yourself. And don't worry - there's no need to hurry. You have time till deadline. Just sit and write it calmly. And don't tell yourself that your story is ugly. Take the chance and try :)

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Sat Nov 06, 2010 6:29 pm
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Post Re: Contest? Finish "All the King's Men"
Karlos wrote:
It's a really good idea. I was wondering myself when we will see again "All the King's men". And also it's very nice from your side Rick that you let readers to make a continuation. You showed how much we mean to you.

Personaly I won't participate, but I will be cheering for others. Hope Zeus will send upon you great muses so you can unleash your imagination.

Valerio, I enjoyed your story. And I like where did you put it in official timeline. Mine interpretation was different and I like that you showed me a different point of view on that.

And The Game, don't give up on yourself. It's your great chance and you have to believe in yourself. And don't worry - there's no need to hurry. You have time till deadline. Just sit and write it calmly. And don't tell yourself that your story is ugly. Take the chance and try :)

This, all of this.
I can't wait to read your contribution, Game!

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Sat Nov 06, 2010 6:52 pm
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Post Re: Contest? Finish "All the King's Men"
Are we allowed to add our own illustrations to the story?

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Sat Nov 06, 2010 7:01 pm
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Post Re: Contest? Finish "All the King's Men"
that is an amusing question

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Sat Nov 06, 2010 7:10 pm
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Post Re: Contest? Finish "All the King's Men"
Two_Twig wrote:
Are we allowed to add our own illustrations to the story?

Rick said he'd illustrate the winning story, so I guess any illustrations you wanted to do, for now, would go into the fanart section.

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Sat Nov 06, 2010 7:17 pm
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Post Re: Contest? Finish "All the King's Men"
valerio wrote:
Two_Twig wrote:
Are we allowed to add our own illustrations to the story?

Rick said he'd illustrate the winning story, so I guess any illustrations you wanted to do, for now, would go into the fanart section.

I thought Rick meant he would do a cover illustration like the first part, unless he meant he was actually going to do a whole comic arc based on the winner's story.
Ahh, never mind, sorry for asking a silly question.

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Sat Nov 06, 2010 7:21 pm
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Post Re: Contest? Finish "All the King's Men"
I'm not going to read Valerio's story until I've finished mine. But I wish him/her and everyone else the best of luck anyway. Let's hope I don't write too much; I've been known to do that.

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Sat Nov 06, 2010 9:08 pm
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Post Re: Contest? Finish "All the King's Men"
Noooo, now any continuation to the story will officially be fan fiction.
I've made it a mission not to delve into that territory.
Erm, not that there is anything wrong with writing fan fics... hehe...
*Gets pummeled*

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Sat Nov 06, 2010 9:12 pm
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Post Re: Contest? Finish "All the King's Men"
Ack! Dang it! :cry: :shock:
I clicked the wrong thing and now everything is gone!

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Sat Nov 06, 2010 9:14 pm
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Post Re: Contest? Finish "All the King's Men"
The Game wrote:
Ack! Dang it! :cry: :shock:
I clicked the wrong thing and now everything is gone!

You have my sympathy.
I am now glad I haven't started yet. I tend to do things like that.

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Sat Nov 06, 2010 9:17 pm
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Post Re: Contest? Finish "All the King's Men"
What do you mean by correct internet style paragraph spacing?

Great story, by the way, Valerio. I hope it is at least a runner-up.

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Sat Nov 06, 2010 11:40 pm
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Post Re: Contest? Finish "All the King's Men"
copper wrote:
What do you mean by correct internet style paragraph spacing?


I mean whoever invented HTML completely dropped the ball by leaving out an easy way to indent. you need to have double spaces between paragraphs.

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Sat Nov 06, 2010 11:42 pm
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Post Re: Contest? Finish "All the King's Men"
rickgriffin wrote:
copper wrote:
What do you mean by correct internet style paragraph spacing?


I mean whoever invented HTML completely dropped the ball by leaving out an easy way to indent. you need to have double spaces between paragraphs.


Ah, thank you for clarifying. My lack of knowledge in these things can be quite extraordinary.

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Sat Nov 06, 2010 11:46 pm
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Post Re: Contest? Finish "All the King's Men"
The Game wrote:
Ack! Dang it! :cry: :shock:
I clicked the wrong thing and now everything is gone!

ack!
Here's a big cookie. I'm sorry for your loss...

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Sun Nov 07, 2010 1:47 pm
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Post Re: Contest! Finish "All the King's Men"
I thought I will give this a go too, here is my first part of the story.

*Please bear with me as I type this through, I will add "*Finished*" at the bottom when I have typed all of my first part onto this post*

King was speechless at this point, what on Earth was he thinking, a dog not sniffing another's rear end was just as ridiculous as a human not to have ever been touched by another. King was starting to get nervous as the three dogs stared at him with puzzled faces, the seconds ticked by painfully and King knew at any moment one of them was going to start off the questioning.

Fido said to King "How is that even possible, how came you have never sniffed another's rear end before?", King sat there completely blank, his stomach was doing summersaults and he gripped onto the fabric beneath him as if he was about to plummet down a rollercoaster. King thought to himself that he has really done it this time, he has got to think of something and think of something fast, King thought hard but he couldn't think of anything, how can a dog not have been taught to sniff rear ends and suddenly he blurted out "I was raised by humans".

King was starting to get hot, the embarrassment of the situation was his heart to race and his stress levels to rise making him heat up, the warmth of the house was not helping either and King imagined he could melt the snow outside and possibly even make it steam. Fido asked another question which King was no doubt expecting "But I thought you knew your mother?", King's stomach lurched again and he kept hold of the fabric beneath him but the others were too focused on their thoughts to notice. King reluctantly said "Yes...my mother was not around that often because she was always with my owners who were away alot on business". Fido queried again without a moments hesitation "So who brought you up then?".
King gritted his teeth and looked down to the floor thinking and then replied "My owners daughter", King suddenly realised what he said, why did he say "Daughter", saying "Son" would have been the end of it since they would assume Pete to have been the human he mentioned. Kevin blundered into the conversation "But how did your owners stopped you from sniffing rear ends?". Fido rolled his eyes and King replied "They trained me not to do that stuff since I was around humans most of my life, I just got used to human customs and I was not taught about dog habits". At least that had some truth in it, but King knew they were not going to stop until he came up with something good and if they kept questioning him then he would eventually contradict himself. He thought to himself that he should have known this was going to happen at some point and prepared for it beforehand, all he cared about before was despising Pete and what he did to him rather then attempt to come up with something to explain himself if he was ever asked to explain, after all Pete did say he would not turn King back into a human...or at least he implied he wouldn't.

Fox then stepped into the conversation while King was starting to regret coming to see Fox today "What happened to her? You live with Pete but we have not see anyone else, especially not a woman, with you or Pete", King replied with the only could, he remembered what he found out about his mother in his former human life "She...died". The other dogs looked shocked and gasped at this new twist to King's fabricated life story, King was getting increasingly worried and nervous sitting there confined and uncomfortable, this made King look convincingly sad even though it was not intentional.
Kevin, as dim and clueless as usual, said what everyone else was thinking "How did she die?", as inappropriate as such a question would be at a moment like this Fido and Fox could not help but be intrigued too and they just stared at King awaiting a reply, King thought that surely Fox and...the other dog would not just leave that question hanging over me, would they? Seconds ticked by and King knew no one was going to make an objection so he figured he would just answer anyway, after all, how much worse could this get.
King replied to Kevin "She died in a plane accident", the other dogs looked puzzled again, if he was with this girl then wouldn't he have been with her at the time.
Kevin asked "But where were you at the time", King could not help but be reminded of the police interrogation he had to sit through after he was arrested, the police were rather unforgiving to him but that is understandable giving he lives in an animal-loving society and that he was part of a kidnapping which almost cost the life of the dog who's owner is a respected member of the local police force. King awoke from his thoughts and answered reluctantly "I was with Pete", King was getting more and more frustrated but what could he do about it, if he got up and left then that would surely cause more pets to ask about it in the future and since he is stuck here as a dog he knew there was no escaping it, and it is unlikely the dogs would allow him to leave without clarifying what happened. King grinded his teeth, swallowed hard, and said "Pete married Sasha" King could not just keep calling his made up former owner "her" or "she" or "my owners daughter" all the time she he decided to give her his real mother's name so that he would be able to remember it, King continued "She was on a trip to Virginia from Europe after visiting her parents, she met and married Pete five years ago and she moved to Virginia to live with him".

Fido pointed out "Wait, how come you do not have a European accent?", King replied "I have lived in Virginia for five years so I guess my accent changed somewhat", King was not sure whether that lie was particularly believable but he was more worried about ensuring consistency.

Fox asked "If you lived in Virginia then why did you move here", King thought to himself that this story was starting to get too complecated, he worried he might forget the details and stumble over and be caught out, and if he got caught out then what else could he say. King did contemplate about just telling the truth to get it over with, wouldn't they find out eventually anyway so why not just bring this whole charade to an end right here and now. But how likely are they to believe that a mythical creature with reality-bending powers came to King one day and turned him into a dog without a single person noticing, it is very unlikely that they would believe him and instead they are likely to believe he is an insane lunatic with a delusional story of being a human at one point.
King replied to Fox's question "Pete was too upset to stay in Virginia so we moved here and settled in Babylon Gardens". As he said he noticed that the others were starting to work all this information through their heads; since King was raised and surrounded by humans most of his life he was trained to behave around humans in ways they approve of and humans do not generally approve of dogs sniffing anyone's rear end, the death of Sasha would have explained why King and Pete are rather withdrawn and unapproachable for the majority of the time since loosing someone you have always been with would be traumatic especially for a dog, it would explain all of the changes to King's life that he mentioned and the personality traits King seems to be devoid of when being around other pets, and it would also explain what King meant when he talked about animals as if he was not one of them since it would be understandable he would have generally not seen himself as a dog while being surrounded by humans his whole life.
King thought he had answered all their queries since no one was asking him any more questions but rather thinking it through, the confused looks on their faces disappeared and it seemed as though they were satisfied except for Fox. Since this conversation had reached its conclusion Fido and Kevin decided to join the others since they were no longer in the mood for this game anymore, as they left the room King relaxed and started panting as his stress levels and heart rate dropped to normal level again, but King suddenly noticed Fox's shadow as Fox walked toward him and stood in front on him.
"I thought you told me that you were bullied by police dogs as a pup?", Fox looked at him with an almost hurt expression on his face which puzzled King but he had to answer him "Yes, about that, I...emm...", Fox butted in without waiting for King's excuse "You lied to me, didn't you?" and King could ses Fox was not happy which made King choke, Fox continued "Nice to know how much of a friend you think of me, King" and Fox walked out of the room leaving King all on his own. King was unexpectedly shaken up by what just happened. King sat there puzzled and confused all alone in the lounge.

*Finished*


Last edited by MilesKingford on Sun Nov 07, 2010 5:22 pm, edited 13 times in total.



Sun Nov 07, 2010 2:35 pm
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Post Re: Contest! Finish "All the King's Men"
welcome, second contestant! Hope we'll see your story ready soon :D

EDIT: It's like reading an episode of Seinfeld, with King playing George! :D

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Sun Nov 07, 2010 3:17 pm
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Post Re: Contest! Finish "All the King's Men"
valerio wrote:
welcome, second contestant! Hope we'll see your story ready soon :D

EDIT: It's like reading an episode of Seinfeld, with King playing George! :D


Seinfeld? What's Seinfeld?


Sun Nov 07, 2010 5:24 pm
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Post Re: Contest! Finish "All the King's Men"
MilesKingford wrote:
valerio wrote:
welcome, second contestant! Hope we'll see your story ready soon :D

EDIT: It's like reading an episode of Seinfeld, with King playing George! :D


Seinfeld? What's Seinfeld?

I really hope that's sarcasm.

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Sun Nov 07, 2010 5:48 pm
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Post Re: Contest! Finish "All the King's Men"
Tha Housedog wrote:
MilesKingford wrote:
valerio wrote:
welcome, second contestant! Hope we'll see your story ready soon :D

EDIT: It's like reading an episode of Seinfeld, with King playing George! :D


Seinfeld? What's Seinfeld?

I really hope that's sarcasm.

No, seriously, what's Seinfeld?


Sun Nov 07, 2010 6:01 pm
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Post Re: Contest? Finish "All the King's Men"
valerio wrote:
The Game wrote:
Ack! Dang it! :cry: :shock:
I clicked the wrong thing and now everything is gone!

ack!
Here's a big cookie. I'm sorry for your loss...


On the dark side, I had to start over...but on the bright side...
I GOT A COOKIE!!! =D

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Sun Nov 07, 2010 6:10 pm
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Post Re: Contest! Finish "All the King's Men"
MilesKingford wrote:
No, seriously, what's Seinfeld?
The most influential sitcom since I Love Lucy. See TV Tropes or Wikipedia.

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Sun Nov 07, 2010 8:20 pm
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Post Re: Contest! Finish "All the King's Men"
I started, but then realized it sucked compared to everyone else's. A broken shovel could probably write better.

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Sun Nov 07, 2010 10:13 pm
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Post Re: Contest! Finish "All the King's Men"
The grammar could use a little work, but the story itself is pretty good.

I liked it anyway.

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Sun Nov 07, 2010 11:16 pm
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Post Re: Contest! Finish "All the King's Men"
Next week i'm going on a trip away from computers to do some writing. i think i'll focus my thoughts on this contest =D

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Mon Nov 08, 2010 1:17 am
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Post Re: Contest! Finish "All the King's Men"
Good entry so far, Miles. Let's see where this goes. :mrgreen:
To the others (yes, Zander included): don't count yourselves out yet. At least, try it for the fun of it, to share your point of view over this story. And let Rick decide, before saying you're not worth ;)

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Mon Nov 08, 2010 1:40 am
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Post Re: Contest! Finish "All the King's Men"
valerio wrote:
To the others (yes, Zander included): don't count yourselves out yet. At least, try it for the fun of it, to share your point of view over this story. And let Rick decide, before saying you're not worth ;)



Yeah what he said, don't give up so easily. By the way, great addition to the story there Valerio and Miles. (King is good at making stuff up).


Mon Nov 08, 2010 8:07 am
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Post Re: Contest! Finish "All the King's Men"
Barkeron wrote:
valerio wrote:
To the others (yes, Zander included): don't count yourselves out yet. At least, try it for the fun of it, to share your point of view over this story. And let Rick decide, before saying you're not worth ;)



Yeah what he said, don't give up so easily. By the way, great addition to the story there Valerio and Miles. (King is good at making stuff up).

What they said.
After helping edit Valerio's story, I'm in the same boat as many of you are, but I'm still going to try anyway.

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Mon Nov 08, 2010 1:23 pm
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Post Re: Contest! Finish "All the King's Men"
Zander wrote:
I started, but then realized it sucked compared to everyone else's. A broken shovel could probably write better.


I'd give it a shot if I could crank out more then a paragraph or two of story at any one time. But my writing skill is as underdeveloped as my art and math skills, so..


Tue Nov 09, 2010 4:10 am
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Post Re: Contest! Finish "All the King's Men"
My story is rather unfunny, so I'm going back to give it some sense of humor. Besides, the rules do state the story has to be funny.

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Tue Nov 09, 2010 9:21 am
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Post Re: Contest! Finish "All the King's Men"
ACK!
I completely forgot about this! :shock:
I'll see what I can get written up today.

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Wed Nov 10, 2010 6:23 pm
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Post Re: Contest! Finish "All the King's Men"
Foxstar wrote:
Zander wrote:
I started, but then realized it sucked compared to everyone else's. A broken shovel could probably write better.


I'd give it a shot if I could crank out more then a paragraph or two of story at any one time. But my writing skill is as underdeveloped as my art and math skills, so..

I know right! D:

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Thu Nov 11, 2010 1:08 am
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