An English Major Wrote This
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Discussion (164) ¬

  1. Dissension

    I dunno what your problem is Peanut, that suggestion seems perfectly reasonable to me. x3

    • SomeRandomGeekNamedBrent

      I second this statement.

  2. Daggy

    *smirk* But I love adverbs!

    • rallyjr

      small sacrifice

    • Tensa Zangetsu

      I agree, its a lot easier to learn than spanish |:(

      • Frank

        ¡Ay, cómo vas a decir eso?

        • Gabi

          Seguramente lo dice porque le cuesta aprender más de un idioma. ¡Aunque el español también tiene adverbios!

        • Z24

          Y es uno de los idiomas mas dificiles de aprender…
          How lucky it’s my first

          • Frank

            ¡Ah, no, Spanglish no se vale!

          • Tensa Zangetsu

            Le gasp! you animals!

          • Akai

            ¿De verdad? Tomi una clase en japones y eso fue otra cosa, dejame decirte.

        • C.S.

          STOP SPEAKING YOUR CRAZY, NONSENSE MAKING LANGUAGE!!!

          • Frank

            Are you saying we own the language?

      • AflacMan13

        In all actuality; English (in any form) is actually regarded as the hardest language to learn in the world… Especially American (English). I refuse to call the language I speak English anymore… I am not from England, so I don’t speak English… I am American, I speak American.

        • SomeRandomGeekNamedBrent

          but by calling it American English, we’re rubbing it in their face. “we reject your language, and substitute our own.”

        • Medli

          If English seriously is regarded as the hardest language to learn in the world, the people who said that never tried German, Japanese, Russian or Chinese. In fact, I’d say English is the easiest, or one of the easiest languages.

          I mean seriously, you guys don’t even give your objects genders >3>

          • Kohaku Nightfang

            I find English to be the hardest language to learn personally. I mean think of all the idiotic rules we have that we break. I before e except after c… it doesn’t even work half the time (weird, reindeer, sleigh). We just don’t really make sense :p

          • Lupus

            Nooo. English’s difficulty lies in its countless irregularities. Think about it, what pattern do any of our verbs follow? In Italian there are 3 endings to all verbs -ere -ire -are, In French there are -ir -er and -re verbs. In english? go, walk, run, eat. The past tense is horrific: went, walked, ran, ate. No patterns. English is HARD.

        • Lyooon

          There are over 80,000 Chinese characters. Although, only about 3000 are required for normal reading and writing. Still, 3000 vs 26

      • Matthew

        Well im hispanic so its easy for me.

  3. Yehoshua

    I prefer short with complicated words that send some people to a dictionary.

    • Draven

      Indubitably.

      • Rook

        I acquiesce

        • yehoshua

          Hmm, acquiesce is such a halfhearted way to say it but acceptable.

          • T-Squared

            I am suspecting that all of us are being quite loquacious in this forum of communication.

    • Expletive Deleted

      D’accord

    • Darsen

      同意了。

      • Aenbr

        Well, you’ve got the complicated part down.

  4. EHH

    He has the “How to Sound Pretentious” book.

  5. Mystic Wolf

    Hehe, Alt text is hilarious x3

    • anon_omis

      Which is…?

      • SomeRandomGeekNamedBrent

        “But what is an adverb? An adverb is any verb that describes an advertisement”

        • anon_omis

          Thank you good sir ^_Q

          • Cystern

            Myes I do say… •-q

        • Rook

          Well said SomeRandomGeekNamedBrent <—yess, i copied and pasted that.

          • Frank

            You copied and pasted “well said”?

          • yehoshua

            No, I think he copied the ASCII arrow.

  6. anon_omis

    This is what goes through my head in every English class

    • Aenbr

      Yeah, It goes strait out of my head too.

      • anon_omis

        Yeah. For me it exits my mouth

  7. rtlstien

    As an novice writer, I will take this advice into account and start writing on the day after this one

    • Luffy

      Agreed :)

  8. SilverZeo

    Hey, if Stephen King can write a story that ends with floating coffee-beans with lawnmower mouths and teeth that eat up the past….

    • Cystern

      Somebody and the L’angleers? Or something.

  9. Setta

    “What’s a Tom Swifty?” Peanut asked doggedly.

    • 1boredcanadian

      me: Ouch! The pain of that comment! Why would you do such a thing?
      my friend: Is funny because he is a dog!
      in my head: Where did I put that frying pan?

      • Frank

        But a frying pan is only funny if you’re a purple cat!

    • gaboris

      I had to look this up on TvTropes and I STILL have no idea what it means… Also I was lost on that site for an hour AGAIN! O_o”

      So PLEASE someone tell me what does this mean? XP

      • Robin Bobcat

        A Tom Swifty is a pun that uses an adverb at the end to make the joke.

        It’s named after the Tom Swift ‘boy’s adventure’ books, which used a lot of very esoteric adverbs.

        “He’s ready for the coronary transplant, doctor.”, Tom said wholeheartedly.

        “There isn’t a lot of time left.”, Tom said belatedly.

        “I located your stupid cousin.”, Tom said dumfoundedly.

        etc.

        • gaboris

          Oh… I don’ get it… why are these puns again?
          I’m HORRIBE at composing(never used this word like THIS before and it feels SO wrong) texts that’s a fact, but are these things really THAT bad? To me it seems norlam to use them. :p

          • Nohbody

            At the risk of killing the joke with an explanation, the pun in question was “doggedly”.

          • gaboris

            Nono. No prob there I got the joke, but the whole “Tom Swifty” concept has me confused. :)

          • Dena

            coronary – wholeheartedly
            time – belatedly
            stupid – dumbfounded

          • Rook

            His last name was Swift, i.e: the whole Swiftly thing is simply a play on his last name.

          • gaboris

            Heh okay finally I got it. Thx ppl. :D

            And thx to Frank I also have an idea what’s wrong with the whole adverb system. XD
            http://www.housepetscomic.com/2011/09/23/an-english-major-wrote-this/#comment-84827

          • Robin Bobcat

            Yeah, sorry.. Bad puns are a little hard for the non-native speakers, as they usually rely on secondary meanings or similar sounds that aren’t intuitive to people who have to actually *think* about what’s being said…

      • Robin Bobcat

        Also, for succinct info, it’s often better to hit up Wikipedia than TV Tropes:

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Swifty

        • gaboris

          Yeah that’s why I hit the Wiki up first and got TOTALLY lost. I only look for tropes if other legit places aren’t useful. :D

  10. Russiarules1

    I guess I’ll stick with Spanish .____.
    It makes sense, though.

    • Frank

      ¡Sí! ¡Ahora podemos hacer lo mismo con los adverbios!

  11. Shuma Jindivi

    It actually sounds like a good advise…….I think I’ll try……

  12. rallyjr

    if we’re going to pick on all that wrong with the English Language we’re going to be here for a very long time. Then again considering where “here” is i wouldn’t mind

    • rallyjr

      stupid picture not working

    • Frank

      Haven’t people been picking on what’s wrong with the English Language since 1844, when the wave of language reforms started?

  13. white4rice

    YOUR AN ENGLISH MAJOR!? XD http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rX7wtNOkuHo

    • Frank

      Somehow, saying that with a spelling/grammar mistake doesn’t look right

  14. CQ

    Reason for a writer to include adverbs? NANOWRIMO.
    In fact, that last replacement would help NaNo too.

  15. BlueAnubis

    This is a glimpse of less than one second of Peanut’s life.

    Either that, or this is the slowest he has ever read a book.

    • Koran

      Perhaps he’s reading it SLOWLY in order to make sure it all sinks in.

  16. Argent Stonecutter

    And without adverbs you’re less tempted to boldly split an infinitive.

    • VOLK

      Could that cause linguistic fission?

      • Argent Stonecutter

        The little words left over are called “fission chips”.

        • Oren Otter

          Technically, you’re not splitting an infinitive. You’re just making an infinitive out of the entire phrase.

          • SomeRandomGeekNamedBrent

            but an infinitive has a definition which is “to (verb)”. you can’t make an infinitive out of a phrase without it being a split infinitive.

    • Hera Ledro

      But…but…splitting the infinitive is so fun D:

      • Indagare

        And the only reason it’s wrong to split infinitives in English is because you can’t split infinitives in Latin. And that’s because in Latin, an infinitive is all one word so it’d be like splitting the word “cat”. So it makes perfect sense to apply a Latin rule to English because we all know Latin is the worlds most perfect language. And it’s the world’s most perfect language because it never changes. And it never changes because it’s DEAD.

        • SamBlob

          …which is why all laywers in the UK had to learn Latin until the twentieth century, when the Oxford English Dictionary stabilized English enough for it to be definitive.

  17. Firewolf

    LOL! XD smart people can be so dumb X3

  18. Roadrunner

    Oh… What…

  19. TheCrimsonFox

    so THAT’s what an adverb is! =D

  20. Tara

    I’m 21 and had completely forgotten what an adverb is, should I feel bad? xD (Yes, really lol.)

    • Frank

      That just shows how good your Language Arts teachers were!

    • 1boredcanadian

      In all seriousness at my old high school (I graduated this year and now I feel old) we had a “literacy test” and out of almost two thousand students I was one of five that passed on the first try. You get two tries or you take another English to make up for it and I also forgot so don’t feel bad.

  21. 1boredcanadian

    knowing english is not important unless your writing a story or a successful webcom….. um, nevermind

    • Foxstar

      If you want to be understood and taken seriously on the internet, yes it is.

    • Hera Ledro

      English has social dimensions, even on the internet. While spam threads might be better suited to 1337 or something of the sort, you would be ill advised to enter a debate thread or serious discussion on a news article with informal English. Let’s not forget that there are also dialects with different social etiquettes that make their way onto the ‘net.

      • 1boredcanadian

        Apologies, I did not mean to be taken so seriously.

        • gagi

          I guess it’s really hard to write sarcasm these days.

  22. Valerio

    hmm, Peanut cuteness!

  23. gaboris

    Oh grammar, my arch enemy. XD
    I could never use grammar rules. Whenever I wright ANYTHING in english(or in hungarian for that matter) I do it by instinct so I never know what I’m doing.

    Sooo someone mind helpin me on what’s wrong with using advers? :D

    • Frank

      Some people don’t like redundancy

  24. Hera Ledro

    I seem to recall Mark Twain saying something similar. As a writer myself, I do my best to ignore his extreme-oriented advice. Everything has its place – adverbs are no exception. It’s the unchecked use of these grammatical devices that takes away from the writing, not the device itself.

    tl;dr – Using adverbs ain’t wrong, it’s using them too much.

    • Indagare

      Mark Twain was also a satirist and so if he was writing about the subject may not have been entirely serious.

  25. GameCobra

    Count Verbula
    “What is a Adverb? A miserable pile of secrets! But enough talk! Have at you!” *throws verbs at you*

    • Frank

      The first verb thrown was “have”!

      • SomeRandomGeekNamedBrent

        I thought it was ‘is”

        • zeroslash

          What? It’s not “be?” I thought for sure that it was.

          • Aenbr

            I see “Reply”…

  26. Draven

    I had a similar reaction to peanut upon reading “on the day after this one.”

  27. Keldor

    You know, this discussion reminds me of formal mathematics, where you would instead of saying, for instance, “7″ say “ssssss1″, meaning literally “the successor of the successor of the successor of the successor of the successor of the successor of one”. This allows you to write any expression using an absolute minimum vocabulary of terms, like instead of having to know what 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 are, you merely need to know what 1 is and what the successor of a number means.

    Mind you, in formal mathematics, you assume that you have no definition of fundamental things like 1, successor of n, a+b, etc. but rather just the rules with which you use them, like a+b=b+a. Replace = with apple and + with banana, and the statement makes just as much sense in this way.

    In both formal mathematics and formal English, the goal is the same – express something in the most precise way possibly, without ambiguity. In both cases, you often end up with a statement which, while very much precise and correct, is nonetheless unintelligible to mere mortals.

    • Chip Uni

      Hrm?

      In formal English and formal mathematics, the goal isn’t to express without ambiguity. I don’t think being without ambiguity is possible!

      The goal is to know how much ambiguity you’re writing.

      For example, the following is fine mathematics:

      x != y

      You don’t know what x is. You don’t know what y is. You just know that they’re not equal. The same can be said about formal English:

      It happened.

      That’s a perfect English sentence… but it’s almost entirely ambiguous.

      • Frank

        Except that some mathematicians might bark at you for bringing the != notation from that dirty thing called Computer Science into their clean, pure field

        • Aerion

          I think it looks better than =/=
          Now, IRL, I’d definitively use the crossed-out equal, but we’re typing. I don’t even TRY to make the equations look good in my notes anymore, instead I just develop my own short.-hand that I later use to make supplementary notes by hand (I’m a fast typer, slow writer/drawer, so I have to type to keep up, but obviously that kinda sucks in math)

          So, I don’t see the problem.

  28. Dakota Lesmercy

    Funny funny funny! :3

    Dakota.

  29. IceKitsune

    lol his look on the last panel is great, and yay more things from your twitter! :P

  30. Griff the Wolf

    You should do pronouns.
    Pronoun- a noun that has lost it’s amateur status.

  31. WingedWolfGirl

    After a quick jaunt through the internet (because I thought tomorrow was a noun), I found that it is an adverb, and that is because it describes when something will happen. In this case, a walk will happen.

    Yay! I feel smart…ish.

  32. Malamite Ltd.

    Isn’t “ever” an adverb?

    • Tom Flapwell

      Yes. Thanks for pointing out how this “rule” is even more absurd.

      • Malamite Ltd.

        At the very least, it presents itself as a “sign of weak writing and a stupid author.”

        • Aerion

          I wonder how they’d try to ‘correct’ that sentence.
          “A sign of fan-fiction”? x3
          (I am a fan of fan-fiction. Published authors tend not to be. I think they’re just upset that no matter how good they are, someone will write fan-fiction set in their world, which will be read by more people than their books)

          • Aerion

            Oh, and screw “weak writing” and such, those actually make sense given the lack of a better term, and have little redundancy.
            Try “Horrid monstrosity” and “Terrible Blight”
            Did they mean to set them apart from the nice monstrosities and the fun blights? o.O
            Sure, there’s Frankenstein, but I dunno if he doesn’t still count as Horrid, nice personality or not…

  33. Rook

    The next page in his book talks about the unused 27th letter of our alphabet. All hail Ampersand!!!!!!!! &<———this is Ampersand, or "Am per se and" as it should be said. It's actually a combination of the letter 'e' & 't' or et, which is the latin for and.
    Now everyone knows something that most english majors do not!!!
    I just made everyone smarter!!!!!

    • Oren Otter

      According to Not Always Right, they don’t have the ampersand in Alabama. When asked to identify the model of his phone equipment, one Alabama citizen replied:
      “It says A…T…something in Chinese…and another T.”

  34. KnightPuppy

    I wanna know the title of the book peanut’s reading.

  35. Frank

    “Write like a writer”, by Clippit M.

    • Oren Otter

      How do you get a different avatar pic in each post, Frank?

      • Frank

        My e-mail is name @ gmail.com
        I registered name + expression @ gmail.com with Gravatar. Since Gmail ignores everything after a + sign, I can have all the confirmation e-mails arrive to my one e-mail address and still have several expressions!

    • 1boredcanadian

      But Frank, what if I want to write like a mathematician?

      • Aenbr

        Then work it out.

  36. FantasticMrWolf

    Peanut, Y U SO ADORABLE!? XDD

  37. Draven

    The irony, the word “The” is an adverb. It’s also the most commonly used word in the English language. Try to not use adverbs now.

    • Aerion

      If “The” is an adverb, then the english language needs to get its grammar rules sorted, as it doesn’t add detail to a verb <.<

    • SomeRandomGeekNamedBrent

      “The” is what’s known as an article, not an adverb.

      • Draven

        Curses, led on into a false feeling of intelligence by English teacher yet again.

  38. Foldo

    HAHAHAHAhahahaa… *cries*

    How can I translate *that* ?! ;_;

    • Frank

      “Les adverbes sont un charge terrible sur notre langue”?

  39. Lenn

    ADVERBS ARE GODLY
    Blasphemous book!!

  40. T-Squared

    I guess my Lolly, lolly, lolly joke wasn’t liked… :c (It was spam, eh?)

    • Frank

      Maybe if you had said “Lolly, Lolly, Lolly get your adverbs here”?

  41. The Diet Poison

    *lol*
    I love grammatical jokes! =D
    *lol*
    adverbs are fun. Without them it would be more difficult to offend other people drectly. =P

    Exactly how many adverbs did the author write to go around adverbs? =D

    • Tensa Zangetsu

      *(・_・; ((o_0)。uhh… )

      • The Diet Poison

        (-_-’……………=D)

  42. Matthew

    Wha?

  43. Lenn

    The pet peeve I have is when people confuse adjectives with adverbs in daily speech. Someone will come out with something like “You did that quick,” and I’ll have to finish it with ‘ly’ in my head. (Sometimes out loud, if it’s a family member.)

  44. R.T.James

    Příslovce jsou zásadní pro anglický jazyk.

  45. Authur

    I always kind of wondered what kind of dog peanut is. >_>

    • Dissension

      Generic. ;3

      • Aenbr

        Really? I always imagined him as a toy poodle…

  46. Matthew

    i dont get the joke here.

    • Frank

      The basic point of avoiding adverbs is that you can say the same thing with less words.

  47. Kohaku Nightfang

    Rofl I actually never thought Peanut would be intelligent enough to pick up on something like this. I mean half the people reading this had to look it up and some still don’t get the joke. I myself had to guess that the joke was that adverbs were used because I didn’t remember the definition. Still haven’t looked it up lol. Well high five for Peanut and his dogged (hahaha) determination to read as much as he can. If only it showed up in his Spot comics :P

    • Dissension

      Being and young and playful does not equate to stupidity. x3

    • Sansash

      Okay I get what adverbs are and all that but exactly why is Peanut saying “Wait a second”?

      • SomeRandomGeekNamedBrent

        because that suggestion for a better sentence seems as though it is not better.

        • Kohaku Nightfang

          Not only is the sentence not better, but they tried and failed miserably not to use adverbs. I think it is nigh impossible to not use adverbs in our language. Sentences just sound better with them most of the time, although there is nothing wrong with using a better vocabulary.

    • Frank

      We are talking about the same Peanut that finished Dune in one morning, right?

      • SamBlob

        I wonder how fast it would take Peanut to read It by Stephen King. It took me twenty-six hours, including four hours of sleep.

  48. Alechsa

    It can also be argued that tomorrow is a noun outright.

  49. BanditRingtail

    Oh ye gods… why must people do this? There’s a certain point where “making your writing stronger” is really just changing things because you want to stick out or be original.

    I prefer C.S. Lewis’ advice: Just tell the truth as best you can without any regard for the fact it’s been told before… and you will be original. I guess the same is true of the old stories.

  50. deathcloak

    the person who wrote this wasn’t a very smart person the reason adverbs exist is to make the english language understandable when writen, also he was a stuck up brit who couldn’t understand anything but his closed out world

  51. Sansash

    Peanut always looks so happy and content when he’s reading a book…
    …at least until a squirrel collides with the window.

  52. Matthew

    Somebody please explain the joke to me! please?!!?!?

  53. Draven

    That book author is only making the problem worse. By bringing the issue to light, he acknowledges that is a real issue. If were ignored, it would have been assimilated into the language and secretly been changed to be correct.

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